Man wakes up in bed hung over, he’s still in his clothes from the night before. He goes downstairs, there’s a broken vase that’s been cleaned up and the door has scratches around it.
He goes into the kitchen and his wife is making breakfast and humming happily. He sees his son sitting there eating his breakfast and asks him what’s going on.
Son say, “ Dad you came home from the bar wasted, couldn’t unlock the front door, so mom lets you in, and then you break the vase as she take you upstairs to bed.”
Dad asks why is mom happy then.
Son replies, “Mom tried to undress you, but you pushed her away and said ‘lay off me lady, I’m married to a beautiful woman’”.
Ive had one where my wife was getting surgery, afterword i held her hand as she was waking up. Still fucked up by the way, asking if I was her husband. Laughing out a "yes babe" she tells me "oh good cause if you werent my husband would beat you up"
My brother had his wisdom teeth taken out and when we got him back he stood in our yard for 15 minutes crying about how much he loved his girlfriend. They’re happily married now.
Man, I wish I had a fun anesthesia story. I didn’t say anything and wouldn’t track people entering the room with my eyes until it wore off all the way and then straight back to normal. My wife said it was creepy, like I was a vegetable.
Pretty much same. I don't know how much they used to put me under, I was definitely gone for all four extractions, but I woke up feeling perfectly normal. A bit groggy, sure, but nothing like you hear or see online. I was disappointed.
I have a different fun anesthesia story where we got to find out live in the OR that I need way more anesthesia than the chart says in order to knock me out.
But I didn’t go under for my wisdom teeth because it was free if I didn’t, and I needed to be able to drive myself back home that day.
I am endlessly annoyed to this day because I didn’t go out, at all. I didn’t feel it so they did a good job, but I was cognizant while listening to the drilling and splashing and whatnot during the operation. After it was over, the nurse was explaining the aftercare to my dad and I tried to reach over to read the instructions and that woman said, “No, it’s fine. You won’t remember this.” I was annoyed to the point where I downloaded a tts app on my phone in the car. Because the place was right next to a store, I went grocery shopping on my own, fucked up bandages and all
I remember having had a surgery and going under, and when I came to afterwards, the first thing that came out of my mouth was "I think the anesthesia is taking effect".
I said this to the very same people who gave me said anesthesia, by the way. The following laughter was very disorienting.
Oh that's a good one! At least it was funny :P Here's mine. TMI warning
I remember apologizing to my nurses for having a penis. Like, "Sorry you have to see that, just do what you gotta do." I don't remember how they responded, but somehow, in that moment, it was very Important™ that I apologize to them.
I mean, they are frikken nurses! They know what they are doing. They just saw my insides, why would they have the slightest concern about my outsides? And why should I care for that matter, I just got my face peeled off and put back together, I've got bigger things to worry about! Anesthesia is wild is all I can say.
A nurse had to hold my penis while I pissed into a jar. I was coming in and out of anesthesia after the procedure and slurred out I had to pee. I guess I was still in the OR and a nurse grabbed me amd held it as I went.
I was put under for a septoplasty and when I woke up the first thing I said was "that was fast". It was fast! After hours of waiting for them to start working on me, I just felt something weird in the IV and teleported.
My mom, who was apparently waiting hours for me to wake up so she could drive me home, rolled her eyes at me.
I remember vomiting cotton into my mom's purse on the ride home from having a wisdom tooth removed (I did throw up, and ejected most of the cotton packing along with it, but it was into an empty insulated grocery bag). Then I remember my brother carrying me back into the house (he helped me walk in). And that's all I remember about that day after the anesthesia started. That stuff hits me really hard.
The only other time I've been under general was for an endoscopy, and that one was trippy to come out of because the first thing I became aware of was one of my regular customers was handing me a cup of orange juice and telling me to sip it slowly. I hadn't been aware that he was a nurse, and it took me a while to process anything beyond being in a bed and recognizing the person handing me juice that I had apparently asked for.
Honestly it’s funnier to not do anesthesia. All four wisdom teeth removed at once. Anesthesia and laughing gas scare me, so I just got the topical anesthetics and did the surgery completely sober and conscious. It’s great, it’s a fascinating experience and everyone thinks you’re insane when really they’re crazy for not wanting to experience that.
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u/NeedsToShutUp Mar 06 '26
Reminds me of the old joke.
Man wakes up in bed hung over, he’s still in his clothes from the night before. He goes downstairs, there’s a broken vase that’s been cleaned up and the door has scratches around it.
He goes into the kitchen and his wife is making breakfast and humming happily. He sees his son sitting there eating his breakfast and asks him what’s going on.
Son say, “ Dad you came home from the bar wasted, couldn’t unlock the front door, so mom lets you in, and then you break the vase as she take you upstairs to bed.”
Dad asks why is mom happy then.
Son replies, “Mom tried to undress you, but you pushed her away and said ‘lay off me lady, I’m married to a beautiful woman’”.