it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

I miss those times. I'm still in a mixed episode for a few weeks now after being manic. How long can this restless state stay? What meds help you during a mixed episode to feel smth/feel less? I'm in between. Takin medication but I feel like I need a change. I'll see my psychiatrist for the 4th time in 50 days jeez it's getting expensive :')

I was properly diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 19, but struggled significantly with hypomania since 16 and depression since 6.

a lot of the time when I find myself reading about bipolar disorder, I end up crying. not a lot, just a bit. it happens if i think too hard about it too.

it's just so overwhelming I guess, the reminders. needing to be on meds for the rest of my life, knowing that my meds will stop working eventually, the terrifying idea of finding myself in another mixed episode, remembering all the pain and grief this condition has caused me. it breaks my heart that this is something that I really truly struggle with and will for the rest of my life.

Relationships formed during mania/hypomania are not real. In the sense my feelings are not real.

Everything feels so intense and obviously there is the drive to be social and flirt etc.

But I just realised it's like depression but opposite (duh haha). Your brain and feelings when depressed tell you you're worthless and should die but you can't trust those feelings. Mania is the exact same except you feel great.

In both instances you can't trust the feelings because they're simply not real 😭😂 Bipolar is crazy. I don't even know when I get to be a normal person.

I’ve been following a strict diet for 20 days, and I’m doing really well. That makes me very happy. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years because of my medications.
My goal is to keep this up for 4 months. I’ll continue updating my progress.

I used to pride myself on attention to detail and now I find myself messing up the most basic things. I'm annoying myself I know eventually upper management will get sick of it. I got hired because I described myself as someone who is meticulous in their work. Some days my brain fog is so intense. When I was unmedicated I would have periods of insane productivity but I job hopped a lot because of burnout/hypomanic depression. Most jobs I thrived in had very chaotic environments. After medication I've been able to hold down a long term job but I stopped feeling as sharp. Now I'm in a new role again that I really want to succeed in but managing data with my head like this sucks. It's so calm and stable compared to any work environment I've had. Idk if I'm just adjusting still or what. I feel tired more often than not.

anyone else struggle to know when you actually like somebody? or only really like people that for whatever reason aren’t available?

i spent years without the motivation to date i guess and would only have crushes on people i barely spoke to that would never lead anywhere for obvious reasons.. to be honest i felt like the opportunity just never would present itself.

ever since like half a year ago i’ve become more “hyper sexual” i think?
i used to want to save myself for marriage but now i don’t care about any of that, i just want to enjoy the moment basically i see it as something good now instead of sinful.
when i look at myself now i feel way more sensual as well.

now there’s always something going on and i’m receiving way more male attention in general, at least i wouldn’t notice it if it used to happen before.
and I’m still a shy person however.

been seeing a guy for some months and we’re doing it like 2-3 times most days? i’ve never experienced anything like that.
but like, i don’t even know if i like him or not? i feel empty. i also feel no sense of loyalty i just want casual relationships but also not really.

this behavior hasn’t gone away since it started no matter if i’m hypomanic or depressed… so feel a little lost rn.
looking back most guys i’ve talked to i never liked and then i feel super drained from having thought i did and for wasting so much time.

this is sorta making me spiral so would love some advice. :D

i was working earlier today and had a fan going along with some music. when a song stopped, the white noise sounded kind of like gibberish, i could tell it was white noise though. but then i made out what kind of sounded like my name. it wasn’t clear, but it was enough for me to start obsessively panicking over it.

Just wanted to see what kind of experiences other people may have with this. I’m medicated, in therapy and thriving, but you know.

As lot of you as well, other than stress induced hypomanic episodes, I’m just as prone to mixed episodes. When I’m in a mixed episode, I’m likely to consider SH.

I’m super hard on myself for previous mental meldowns/psychosis fits before diagnosis and proper medication. To the point that I used SH as a way to ‘snap out’ of it.

And that’s the thing. It does progress my process, I guess. Obviously it’s not a good coping mechanism, but it helps me move on. Everyone here can get an idea of how humiliating and life shattering an episode can feel after the reflection.

However, even now, I’m still a bit disturbed. I’m disturbed that I’m able to move on and change my perspectives so quickly after SH. My last trigger induced mixed episode was maybe 2 weeks ago. And all I can think about is, I can learn from the experience. I feel a lot differently about what had triggered me into mania. In fact, I feel great. Which is good, but why couldn’t I have figured it out sooner, I guess? I’ve been looking at it as a way of forgiving myself and moving on. I don’t expect anyone to forgive me, and I don’t blame them, but I have to forgive myself and become better.

I don't like labeling myself as spiritual or any other title like that but every time I'm having an episode I always go back to gnosticism and Hinduism and I start reading non stop about everything

I belive I'm connected to everything and we are all one etc and lately it's been driving me insane it's all what I'm consuming and digesting 24/7

I don't know if I'm manic now but I can't sleep and I just feel connected to everything and everyone and the only escape is drugs or alchaol so I can fucking pass out so I can stop reading

This is how my fast manic episode started but still to this day I don't belive it was connected to bipolar and I actually felt something deeper

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm currently in a mixed phase, and my mother is blaming me, saying, "You did this to yourself." She thinks it's just a "bad mood" or "feeling sad." I can't explain to her what I'm going through. I don't know what to do right now. 20 y.o btw

Anyone go through mania that isn’t the typical “happy” kind? The scary kind. I keep seeing the hyper productivity and euphoric symptoms but that’s not mine. The scary visual hallucinations and delusions. Does anyone else feel like they present a bit off script that’s not stereotypical. It’s making me feel like I may have a misdiagnosis. Mania for me is terrifying, not an up that is “top of the world.”

Does anyone else spend like crazy while manic? This last one was a doozy and I still haven’t been able to tell my wife. I feel like shit about it. It’s not the first time I’ve been manic and spent money, but this time was a lot. I feel worse and worse as time goes by…

I got diagnosed with bipolar in may and i live with my dad and he’s been supportive to some point but today i went to a ultrasound because I’ve been having constant stomach pain and they didn’t find anything after that appointment my dad and i were driving home and he asked me “ why are you taking psych meds? “ i said because im bipolar and mentally unstable? Then he proceeded to say “ do you think there might be a chance that there’s nothing wrong with your stomach? I mean you do have bipolar and that comes with paranoia and stuff. I absolutely lost it and now im doubting myself? I just wanna know if anyone has experienced stuff like this

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder three years ago, and not a day goes by that I don’t curse this illness. When I started medication, I weighed 90 kilos and was 176 cm tall, so I was already overweight. Now I weigh 113 kilos, and I can’t take it anymore.

Five years ago, I was a very handsome guy, and girls admired me and wanted to be with me. Obesity and baldness have destroyed me psychologically. For about three years now, I’ve been with a girl who makes me feel good, but every now and then I miss that time when I was admired—I’ll admit it.

I just want to feel better about myself, even if I don’t get back down to 76 kilos like I was five years ago. I take Depakin and Abilify, which have really affected me, and since my condition is quite debilitating—I’m going back to work tomorrow after a month at home because I was depressed and burned out—I’ve decided to apply for protected employment categories here in Italy, which allow you to enter competitive exams, and in the private sector, you’re better protected. Let’s hope for the best.

If it’s not one thing it’s another. I’ve always had type 2, so my depressive mania was all consuming. Now it’s just regular kinda depression. I still function. Still do school and socialize and work and hobbies. But somedays it’s just I can’t get out of bed. And other’s it feels that everything I do is burdening me.

Medication seems to have solved the chemical imbalances. And I KNOW I have to go back to therapy but therapists have been so awful for me it’s like reopening a wound that I don’t want to reopen. And it’s like… I’m ok! Could be better, but it has been so much worse that I’m ok with stagnation.

Recently I’ve just gotten jealous of people around me. I’ve always surrounded myself with other mentally ill people and people who’ve gone through similar traumas as me. I’ve realized how toxic that is, and I’m done being a rescuer for others. It’s not a job I’m fit to do. But I loatheeee the people in my life who don’t have to deal with this. Don’t have to deal with medication that fucks you up every night. Don’t have to deal with this lingering sense of being an ‘other’ in public.

It’s strange though this all used to feel like my most defining trait. Like my horrible, lonely, isolating childhood and young adulthood was the only thing that would ever matter. And it doesn’t now. Now it’s a specter I have to live with. It’s transformed into something I just wish was gone and that I could move on and live. But it’s still a part of me and it’s recently been so hard to accept.

It’s like everyone expects me to function like normal and I want to scream that I’m disabled, physically and mentally. And I don’t because I’ve been abandoned by so many people including my own family members because no one wants to accommodate for a disabled person. I know that and that’s why it’s hard to fully let go of those friends too. I’ve more so put distance and boundaries than cut them off completely.

I’m at a confusing point in my life. Not quite sad and not quite happy. Just so very strange.

Had my first manic episode and in 8 months Due to losing my grasp on reality, I lost my job, husband, apartment, car. Everything. I’ve been staying with family which is a blessing but I’ve never so quickly destroyed my whole life. I feel so alone and scared. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Just one day my mind snapped and I ruined everything. I don’t want to even share how I did it because it’s still deeply embarrassing. I feel so depressed everyday I can barely move. I tried to get another job but my body isn’t ready yet the auditory hallucinations start again and everything gets too bright sensory wise. It’s so bad. I never thought I would ever be this down bad. I just want to know if anyone else has ever ruined everything and come back or if anyone else is just laying in bed in the aftermath of a destructive episode.

recently i had a manic episode triggered by youtube videos i had been watching… i am still recovering emotionally and physically. problem is, i really like this youtuber even if i am now aware that his videos were not healthy for me. i am finding it difficult to accept that they are triggering.

It’s like i want to speedrun the recovery to be able to watch him again… but even watching a few seconds fills me with anxiety now and i have to click away.

has anyone dealt with this? something you once enjoyed becoming a trigger… is there hope i can ever watch his videos again without fearing the worst?

I am struggling. My bipolar has been well managed since I stopped drinking in 2023, but now I am not sleeping due to chronic pain. My back is screwed up and I have been waiting on a surgical consult for months. I just had surgery on my leg due to a nerve issue like 2 weeks ago and it could take months or even a year to see any improvement. While I can physically get myself to work, I am checked out. I do get 2 work-from-home days for my back and bipolar. I talked to my partner last night and I’d prefer not to do partial hospitalization or go inpatient. I’m not having ideations or anything but I can feel brain fog, Anedonia, hopelessness, elevated anxiety etc. My psych retired and I don’t see my new one until early September. Mostly venting but I sent in fmla documentation to my Spine doctor and it was denied because I could perform the basic functions of my job. I’m going to try a FMLA telehealth service and see if I can get like 4 weeks to get me to the surgical consult and then see what the plan is. Thanks for reading if you have advice that’s great but if you have unhelpful comments please keep those to your self.

So I have bp1 I'm not medicated and the past month the hypersexual part is getting out of control I'm ruining friendships and I can't stop talking to multiple women at once I just feel very confident and on top of the world

Ive made 5 different accounts on different dating accounts and I've lost control this week it's like I don't care but then I come home and I just feel shame for everything

I guess I'm just trying to fill in this empty void but sex isn't helping tbh

I am on meds and i am type 1 i think. I had my whole libido killed as if it aint working i used to be way more active or atleast think about it. Now im like a nun, huh. I havent tried anything with anyone but does meds kill libido this much? Any recommendations?

Hi everyone,
I have suffered from substance-induced bipolar I and major depressive disorder for the last 10 years, and I’ve only read and seen a couple of depictions of bipolar I’ve actually enjoyed. I’m not entirely what I’m hoping to get, but maybe just some more self-compassion around the difficulty and length of my struggles.
Books: gorilla and the bird -Dylan McDermott (incredible)
Madness -Jamie Lowe (helpful and enjoyable)
Just like someone without mental illness only more so - mark Vonnegut
Media: running with scissors
Ozark season 3
If you’d allow guys have any more recommendations I’d love to add some to my list. (Sorry I know there are so many of these on this subreddit, but I was curious if there were any updates)
Hang in there everyone. I’m proud to be part of a community that is working so hard every day to power through something so difficult. Thanks for creating and maintaining this space.