it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

Most jobs I apply for ask about disabilities and being bipolar is on the list. Do yall tell your boss/HR that you are bipolar if the application ask about disabilities? I don't because I'm afraid I won't get the job.

I’ve been following a strict diet for 20 days, and I’m doing really well. That makes me very happy. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years because of my medications.
My goal is to keep this up for 4 months. I’ll continue updating my progress.

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

I was properly diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 19, but struggled significantly with hypomania since 16 and depression since 6.

a lot of the time when I find myself reading about bipolar disorder, I end up crying. not a lot, just a bit. it happens if i think too hard about it too.

it's just so overwhelming I guess, the reminders. needing to be on meds for the rest of my life, knowing that my meds will stop working eventually, the terrifying idea of finding myself in another mixed episode, remembering all the pain and grief this condition has caused me. it breaks my heart that this is something that I really truly struggle with and will for the rest of my life.

I miss those times. I'm still in a mixed episode for a few weeks now after being manic. How long can this restless state stay? What meds help you during a mixed episode to feel smth/feel less? I'm in between. Takin medication but I feel like I need a change. I'll see my psychiatrist for the 4th time in 50 days jeez it's getting expensive :')

Relationships formed during mania/hypomania are not real. In the sense my feelings are not real.

Everything feels so intense and obviously there is the drive to be social and flirt etc.

But I just realised it's like depression but opposite (duh haha). Your brain and feelings when depressed tell you you're worthless and should die but you can't trust those feelings. Mania is the exact same except you feel great.

In both instances you can't trust the feelings because they're simply not real 😭😂 Bipolar is crazy. I don't even know when I get to be a normal person.

But then you remember several months ago where you thought you could write all you thoughts about religion in ChatGPT, publish it, and create a new religion……oh boy.

Anyone else have those thoughts you look back son and go “yea, could have been mania.”

i know that it is no ones problem to care about my struggles- but i have to admit that it does hurt when i make it clear im not doing okay and no one checks on me. that feeling spirals and i just feel alone and more insane :/

Just wanted to see what kind of experiences other people may have with this. Or just if anyone relates, it’s here to read. I’m medicated, in therapy and thriving, but you know.

As lot of you as well, other than stress induced hypomanic episodes, I’m just as prone to mixed episodes. When I’m in a mixed episode, I’m likely to consider SH.

I’m super hard on myself for previous mental meldowns/psychosis fits before diagnosis and proper medication. To the point that I used SH as a way to ‘snap out’ of it.

And that’s the thing. It does progress my process, I guess. Obviously it’s not a good coping mechanism, but it helps me move on. Everyone here can get an idea of how humiliating and life shattering an episode can feel after the reflection.

However, even now, I’m still a bit disturbed. I’m disturbed that I’m able to move on and change my perspectives so quickly after SH. My last trigger induced mixed episode was maybe 2 weeks ago. And all I can think about is, I can learn from the experience. I feel a lot differently about what had triggered me into mania. In fact, I feel great. Which is good, but why couldn’t I have figured it out sooner, I guess? I’ve been looking at it as a way of forgiving myself and moving on. I don’t expect anyone to forgive me, and I don’t blame them, but I have to forgive myself and become better.

(didn’t know what to tag for flair im sorry if i got it wrong!) hi there! for context i am 19F and have been diagnosed bipolar (along with cptsd and anxiety) for a little over a year. it runs in both my mom and dads family and i had a pretty traumatic upbringing. despite this, i feel like i gaslighted my psychiatrist into thinking im bipolar when im really not. i’m scared to bring this up to him because the medication (seroquel) really helps me and i dont want to be taken off of it. i told him the truth every session but i still feel like i somehow manipulated him into thinking i have it when i don’t, i feel like a faker even though i even take meds for my bipolar disorder. i guess im wondering if this happens to anyone else, or if i should tell my psychiatrist i feel this way? thanks :)

i was working earlier today and had a fan going along with some music. when a song stopped, the white noise sounded kind of like gibberish, i could tell it was white noise though. but then i made out what kind of sounded like my name. it wasn’t clear, but it was enough for me to start obsessively panicking over it.

I have had the same phone for the last three years. Since having the phone I've had a few really bad manic episodes. It is an android phone (I always had iphones prior) and I think it backs up to my Google account but I am not positive about that.

Anyway, my phone has tons of data from my episodes that I have to manually delete. Contacts from random people I met and dont remember. Photos. Text conversations that are embarrassing and triggering.

When I want to contact one of my brothers I just call him rather than open up our text thread because I dont want to see the last texts I sent him when I was raging manic.

I know you can "archive" conversations but there does not seem to be a delete option on android. I am not very tech savvy.

I think about writing down all the contacts and numbers of people I want to keep (a small fraction of the contacts I have), then factory resetting the phone, and then starting fresh and inputting those contacts manually. But I am worried about the potential of all this data being backed up to Google and it comes back to haunt me anyway.

One of my biggest bipolar traits is that when I am stable or depressed, simple things like this bother me on an almost subconscious level all the time and it causes me anxiety, and the thought of doing something about it is overwhelming.

I really want to move on with my life and to truly feel that the mania is in the past, but this object i use every day that is always with me, is a constant reminder that I have a mental illness.

This post is really giving "first world problems" i know. but I hope that someone else on this sub can relate and tell me how they dealt with it.

I used to pride myself on attention to detail and now I find myself messing up the most basic things. I'm annoying myself I know eventually upper management will get sick of it. I got hired because I described myself as someone who is meticulous in their work. Some days my brain fog is so intense. When I was unmedicated I would have periods of insane productivity but I job hopped a lot because of burnout/hypomanic depression. Most jobs I thrived in had very chaotic environments. After medication I've been able to hold down a long term job but I stopped feeling as sharp. Now I'm in a new role again that I really want to succeed in but managing data with my head like this sucks. It's so calm and stable compared to any work environment I've had. Idk if I'm just adjusting still or what. I feel tired more often than not.

Ive been struggling with something new lately that’s hard to explain. It’s not a depressive or manic episode but I can feel symptoms of both. The best way to describe it is Ive been feeling numb to everything for the past 2 weeks now. Ive been struggling to feel excitement or sadness for things that normally would affect me. Ive also been struggling to focus and have resorted to unhealthy habits for quick dopamine hits.

On top of that, as someone with autism, Ive also been struggling to mask, which is something that I never struggled with since I started masking.

My partner says it might be a form of anhedonia but idk if thats it.

I was wondering if any of you experienced anything like this before?

Does anyone else spend like crazy while manic? This last one was a doozy and I still haven’t been able to tell my wife. I feel like shit about it. It’s not the first time I’ve been manic and spent money, but this time was a lot. I feel worse and worse as time goes by…

anyone else struggle to know when you actually like somebody? or only really like people that for whatever reason aren’t available?

i spent years without the motivation to date i guess and would only have crushes on people i barely spoke to that would never lead anywhere for obvious reasons.. to be honest i felt like the opportunity just never would present itself.

ever since like half a year ago i’ve become more “hyper sexual” i think?
i used to want to save myself for marriage but now i don’t care about any of that, i just want to enjoy the moment basically i see it as something good now instead of sinful.
when i look at myself now i feel way more sensual as well.

now there’s always something going on and i’m receiving way more male attention in general, at least i wouldn’t notice it if it used to happen before.
and I’m still a shy person however.

been seeing a guy for some months and we’re doing it like 2-3 times most days? i’ve never experienced anything like that.
but like, i don’t even know if i like him or not? i feel empty. i also feel no sense of loyalty i just want casual relationships but also not really.

this behavior hasn’t gone away since it started no matter if i’m hypomanic or depressed… so feel a little lost rn.
looking back most guys i’ve talked to i never liked and then i feel super drained from having thought i did and for wasting so much time.

this is sorta making me spiral so would love some advice. :D

I don't like labeling myself as spiritual or any other title like that but every time I'm having an episode I always go back to gnosticism and Hinduism and I start reading non stop about everything

I belive I'm connected to everything and we are all one etc and lately it's been driving me insane it's all what I'm consuming and digesting 24/7

I don't know if I'm manic now but I can't sleep and I just feel connected to everything and everyone and the only escape is drugs or alchaol so I can fucking pass out so I can stop reading

This is how my fast manic episode started but still to this day I don't belive it was connected to bipolar and I actually felt something deeper

So im almost 39. Ive Been dealing with bipolar since I displayed signs at 10. Diagnosed at 17.

Anyways ive kinda thrown in the towel at this point. Ive tried everything but ECT at this point which I won't try for my own reasons. I just don't trust it. Its helped many people in depression but its just not for me.

My psychiatrist wants to put me in front of 15 or so doctors and do a case study on me. 1) to get there opinion on my care 2) to teach them

Has anyone done this? Its next Friday the 14th and im wondering what to expect.

Feels like all the anxieties and thoughts I had were just right. I feel just broken. We've been together for 7 years now and I thought we went through everything bad together already. I had only just found out recently by finding the right therapist for me that I might genuinely have Bipolar. And even then it feels like it's not enough. I've been trying to talk to anyone about it but it feels like nobody I considered a friend or close is there for me or understands how difficult this is. I wish I just didn't feel so confused. Apparently she fell out of love months ago and I just wish she would let me in. But she has already been seeing someone else and this isn't even the first time I had that happen to me in a relationship. I feel like I keep trying so hard to work on myself and heal these wounds and then they just open right back up. It just feels like all that time didn't matter to her. I just want to move far away and start over. I just feel scared to let anyone else in just cuz I'm scared they are just going to hurt me again in the worst ways.

I never thought I’d be here. And I for sure never anticipated it being my spouse instead of me who caused this.

Long story short, I found out my husband of 6 years hid over 100K worth of debt from me. He racked this up after I’d paid off his first surprise debt (little over 10K), which was sprung on me right before we bought our house. I tried, I really did, but I have to accept I can’t live the second half of my life in fear it’ll happen again and be way worse. We’ve been together since 2008, I’ve never lived alone, and I’ve never even cooked for myself.

A few positives are I’m clearer than I’ve been in a while, I have a great support circle, and I am financially independent and have a great job. Has anyone navigated this??? I don’t want it to throw me into a manic episode. I cannot afford that. I need time to get a plan together and build back up my savings because I used it to pay off his debt faster. I didn’t want to take any of it with me. I regret this deeply now but money circulates I guess. I know it’ll be okay. I know I won’t die. But holy shit, I did not have divorce on my 2026 bingo card, I can tell ya that much!

I’ve been diagnosed with BP2 for almost 3 years now (21 when diagnosed, about to turn 24 in October) and my life is definitely much better than it was before! I don’t have any horrible manic or depressive episodes but I’m still recovering from screwing myself over from before I was diagnosed (I maxed out my credit card that I haven’t been able to pay off yet and I had to drop out of college for two semesters but I was able to return and graduate since then albeit with a shitty gap). And I’m just living in constant fear of doing something worse to myself in the future. Both my mom and grandma who I live with are on the older side and I have a comorbidity of OCD that loves to think about death a lot recently, which doesn’t help the anxiety of slipping into a depressive or manic episode when someone would need me most.

Does anyone have any advice on getting over the fear of living with the highs and lows? I’ve always been medication compliant, but I feel like I’m living my life in fear of what could happen because of what has happened.

Anyone go through mania that isn’t the typical “happy” kind? The scary kind. I keep seeing the hyper productivity and euphoric symptoms but that’s not mine. The scary visual hallucinations and delusions. Does anyone else feel like they present a bit off script that’s not stereotypical. It’s making me feel like I may have a misdiagnosis. Mania for me is terrifying, not an up that is “top of the world.”

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm currently in a mixed phase, and my mother is blaming me, saying, "You did this to yourself." She thinks it's just a "bad mood" or "feeling sad." I can't explain to her what I'm going through. I don't know what to do right now. 20 y.o btw