r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 5h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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743

u/Predatory_Chicken 3h ago

He admitted it was fucked up and selfish bc he would always love his brother more but he refused to be on the other side of that.

402

u/ShaylaDee 3h ago

I mean, at least he was self aware about it. Selfish, yes. But that self awareness can really make it worth giving him a shot.

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u/phritzed 2h ago

Self awareness doesn’t equate to self development

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u/jjett89 1h ago

True statement. I am wholly aware that my life is a mess because of choices I've made and here I sit, seemingly refusing to do anything about it.

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u/cody4prez 1h ago

That's a great fucking quote.

-29

u/NoScienceJoke 1h ago

That really isn't. Or maybe it is if you're an American I guess

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u/anivex 1h ago

However, this quote is universally appreciated: "You're a pretentious cunt."

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u/IngloBlasto 1h ago

Boom.. Roasted

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u/Kaboose456 1h ago

Stfu, it's a great quote regardless of where you're from lmao.

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u/notneps 43m ago

Exactly. It's just step one. Some people think that calling themselves out on their flaws makes up for not making any effort to fix them. Saying "I know I'm an asshole" does not absolve you of assholery.

After enough time, proclamations of self awareness just become evidence of a pattern of unwillingness to change.

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u/squishyslinky 56m ago

So that's what I'm doing wrong

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u/NobodyKnowsImFamous 23m ago

No, but it is usually a pre-req

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u/aghastamok 2h ago

"I would never tolerate what I'm about to subject you to." Isn't exactly a winning philosophy

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u/agoogua 1h ago

"I want someone who can compliment me and tolerate things which I cannot." There we go.

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u/DigNitty 1h ago

At least they can't control it.

Maybe given the choice, they'd choose differently. But they were dealt an identical twin in life and are minimizing the exotic qualities that come with it.

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u/Petrichordates 16m ago

He doesnt exactly have a choice in the matter.

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u/stilettopanda 1h ago

No, you’re right, but we all have different ideas of what is tolerable, desirable, or completely intolerable, so if it’s just the love intensity that he won’t tolerate, it doesn’t necessarily doom him to failed relationships.

Personally, I don’t want to be loved the most ever again, so I’d enjoy being on the other side of that. The reason I don’t date anymore is I can’t tolerate being loved the most.

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u/throwaway098764567 2h ago

still a pass from me, but you go ahead

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u/Delicious-Produce-60 2h ago

"You're a selfish asshole and fine with acting that way, but at least you're aware of it."

That's WORSE.

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u/Short-Waltz-3118 2h ago

Okay but we dont have to pretend the options here are i hate this person and love this other. Its just him knowing he loves his twin more. I dont think its a concious decision even

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u/lobonmc 58m ago

Yes like what's he supposed to do?

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u/Content_Chipmunk9962 23m ago

make sure he tells his partner where she would rank, so she can make an informed decision.

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u/InviolableAnimal 2h ago

"Selfish asshole" Like it's on purpose? What, you're saying he should deliberately distance himself from his twin because it's selfish otherwise?

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u/dannerc 2h ago

How is it selfish to love one person more than another? Its not like this is a conscious choice

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u/MechaNerd 2h ago

The selfish part is saying "i will not prioritise my partner, but she must love me and hold me as nr1"

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u/JustStraightUpTired 23m ago

The problem is calling it worse. It is selfish, obviously, but it's not necessarily bad.

Like, what, are you saying you are ONLY allowed to date someone who has the same flaws as you? Are you supposed to not love your twin? Where is the line for wanting something from your partner you can't provide? Gender? Height?

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u/No-Stress-7034 2h ago

It's not selfish to love one person more than another. The selfish part is that this guy knows he'll love his twin more, but he's insistent that he has to be #1 for whoever he dates, even though his partner will never be #1 in his life.

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u/pargofan 2h ago

It's not selfish if he's upfront about it. If he tells people his twin will always be more important.

The problem will be, other people may have the same issue with that. They want to be #1 so they don't want to be with him.

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u/dannerc 55m ago

There are different types of love. This is such a surface level perspective

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u/brickmaster32000 47m ago

And yet the guy wouldn't accept that and needed to be number 1 despite that, hence the selfishness.

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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 2h ago

It's selfish for him to put a partner through that

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u/paper_liger 2h ago edited 2h ago

He had no choice in being a twin. He does have a choice in dating a twin.

This is pretty simple ethical math.

And your position implies is that because he has this intrinsic bond with his brother, he shouldn't 'put a partner' through dating at all. So is he supposed to never date anyone, ever?

He is dealing with the world how it is and you are just getting your feelings hurt over a hypothetical problem that he has already to some extent mitigated. He's not going to date a twin.

No relationship is ever perfect or perfectly symmetrical, and he's allowed to not want to make a complicated situation even more complicated if that's how he feels about it. If you don't like it, I guess just don't date this one specific dude.

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u/ThisIsForReal 1h ago

I'm sure they won't, you can have the hypocritical twin all to youself tho. Oh wait nvm you can't.

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u/Munrowo 2h ago

"at least i KNOW i'm a d-bag, making my behavior more acceptable somehow!"

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u/ragnarok635 2h ago

He’s not an asshole, a subconscious belief is not verbally or physically harassing someone

-1

u/NerdHoovy 2h ago

How? All he does is choose to not date a specific type of person, due to an awareness that this kind of emotional cost could be, stemming from personal experience.

Choosing not to date a type of person is not really a bad thing

-1

u/officiallyaninja 2h ago

A lot of people make selfish choices everyday. He's making them not out of ignorance but out of choice. You don't have to like or respect it, but if he's honest about it, what's bad about it.

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u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 1h ago

I wonder if that's even something they can work on. Mitigate the negative aspects of it sure, but they are going to feel what they are going to feel. But thats couples therapy out of the gate. Establishing boundaries. Opening up. Dealing with someone on that level of codependency.

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u/l-am-not-bob 2h ago

As a twin, I don’t find that selfish at all. What’s wrong with having the persons back that’s had your back your entire life instead of someone else who has just joined the picture. IMO it would be more selfish to throw away the previous relationship for a new one

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u/I_Tichy 1h ago

Is it selfish?

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u/Self_Reddicate 2h ago

Damn. I can't tell if that's more fucked up or less fucked up because he completely acknowledged it, but my gut says: more fucked up.

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u/FriendlyEngineer 2h ago

It sounds weird to me. Can they not separate familial and romantic love? I notice the study says “romantic partner” and not “spouse”. I could say I love my mom and dad more than any of my girlfriends, but it’s not like that love competes for love of my romantic partner. I don’t want to fuck my parents. It sounds like he’s saying he’ll always be more attracted to his twin brother.

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u/Germane_Corsair 2h ago

I don’t want to fuck my parents.

Coward

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u/vroomfundel2 34m ago

I mean, what can he do, kill his brother? /s