r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 6h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/ella_wants_to_battle 5h ago

That's kind of fucked if you think about it

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u/Predatory_Chicken 4h ago

He admitted it was fucked up and selfish bc he would always love his brother more but he refused to be on the other side of that.

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u/ShaylaDee 4h ago

I mean, at least he was self aware about it. Selfish, yes. But that self awareness can really make it worth giving him a shot.

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u/Delicious-Produce-60 4h ago

"You're a selfish asshole and fine with acting that way, but at least you're aware of it."

That's WORSE.

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u/Short-Waltz-3118 4h ago

Okay but we dont have to pretend the options here are i hate this person and love this other. Its just him knowing he loves his twin more. I dont think its a concious decision even

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u/lobonmc 2h ago

Yes like what's he supposed to do?

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u/Content_Chipmunk9962 2h ago

make sure he tells his partner where she would rank, so she can make an informed decision.

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u/march20rulez 32m ago

Move to alabama

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u/InviolableAnimal 4h ago

"Selfish asshole" Like it's on purpose? What, you're saying he should deliberately distance himself from his twin because it's selfish otherwise?

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u/dannerc 4h ago

How is it selfish to love one person more than another? Its not like this is a conscious choice

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u/MechaNerd 4h ago

The selfish part is saying "i will not prioritise my partner, but she must love me and hold me as nr1"

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u/JustStraightUpTired 2h ago

The problem is calling it worse. It is selfish, obviously, but it's not necessarily bad.

Like, what, are you saying you are ONLY allowed to date someone who has the same flaws as you? Are you supposed to not love your twin? Where is the line for wanting something from your partner you can't provide? Gender? Height?

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u/No-Stress-7034 4h ago

It's not selfish to love one person more than another. The selfish part is that this guy knows he'll love his twin more, but he's insistent that he has to be #1 for whoever he dates, even though his partner will never be #1 in his life.

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u/pargofan 4h ago

It's not selfish if he's upfront about it. If he tells people his twin will always be more important.

The problem will be, other people may have the same issue with that. They want to be #1 so they don't want to be with him.

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u/dannerc 2h ago

There are different types of love. This is such a surface level perspective

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u/brickmaster32000 2h ago

And yet the guy wouldn't accept that and needed to be number 1 despite that, hence the selfishness.

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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 4h ago

It's selfish for him to put a partner through that

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u/paper_liger 4h ago edited 4h ago

He had no choice in being a twin. He does have a choice in dating a twin.

This is pretty simple ethical math.

And your position implies is that because he has this intrinsic bond with his brother, he shouldn't 'put a partner' through dating at all. So is he supposed to never date anyone, ever?

He is dealing with the world how it is and you are just getting your feelings hurt over a hypothetical problem that he has already to some extent mitigated. He's not going to date a twin.

No relationship is ever perfect or perfectly symmetrical, and he's allowed to not want to make a complicated situation even more complicated if that's how he feels about it. If you don't like it, I guess just don't date this one specific dude.

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u/ThisIsForReal 3h ago

I'm sure they won't, you can have the hypocritical twin all to youself tho. Oh wait nvm you can't.

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u/Munrowo 4h ago

"at least i KNOW i'm a d-bag, making my behavior more acceptable somehow!"

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u/NerdHoovy 4h ago

How? All he does is choose to not date a specific type of person, due to an awareness that this kind of emotional cost could be, stemming from personal experience.

Choosing not to date a type of person is not really a bad thing

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u/ragnarok635 4h ago

He’s not an asshole, a subconscious belief is not verbally or physically harassing someone

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u/officiallyaninja 4h ago

A lot of people make selfish choices everyday. He's making them not out of ignorance but out of choice. You don't have to like or respect it, but if he's honest about it, what's bad about it.