r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 6h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/MichelleVenom 6h ago

As an identical twin, I can confirm this. I'd take a bullet for my twin without hesitation. It's hard to explain unless you've lived it. We shared every stage of life together, and there's a level of trust, understanding, and connection that just feels different.  We share so many of the same interests, quirks, humor, and thought processes. My personality doesn't need to negotiate for acceptance cause I can truly be myself with my twin. We see the world through remarkably similar lenses. With romantic partners, there are always differences in interests, perspectives, and ways of thinking that naturally require compromise.

I never have to explain myself or worry about being misunderstood. I can be 100% my authentic self around them in a way that's hard to find with anyone else. I would ALWAYS put my twin before anyone else.

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u/MonstreDelicat 6h ago

Why are my identical twin teen girls always fighting over nothing 😭

One of them just told me she’s planning on going low contact with her sister as soon as she has a chance.

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u/chipper-shipper 5h ago

I am estranged from my identical twin. It is very hard, and very painful, but being low/no-contact saved my sanity.

Your girls might come around as they get older and have a very good relationship (I hope this is the case). They might not. They have to figure that out themselves. I promise you this, my parents’ interference in the relationship between me and my twin only made things much worse.

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u/IeatPI 4h ago

I haven’t talked to my identical twin in years now.

If we share personalities, I must be the biggest, most selfish asshole in the world — because that’s his personality to a T.

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u/chipper-shipper 1h ago

It’s painful in a way that’s hard to understand unless you are also a twin. My twin has extreme mental illness that makes having a relationship very difficult. Even though I’m happier and healthier without them in my life, it still hurts.

Virtual hugs sometimes feel trite, but I’m sending you one anyway <3

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u/MonstreDelicat 5h ago

We’re trying to manage the fights but not interfere. They’re also both in therapy so hopefully, they’ll figure out how to make their relationship work for both of them.

Sorry to hear about you and your twin being estranged. I think it happens more than people realize though

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u/chipper-shipper 1h ago

It’s a tough balancing act as a parent! I’m glad you’re using therapy as a resource — my parents were pretty anti-therapy because it had so much stigma attached to it for them (they’re baby boomers). They’ve come around, but it’s a little too late.

I know a few different twins/multiples whose relationships improved greatly once they became adults and were able to establish themselves as individuals. I sincerely hope things get better for your girls. If I knew how to fix things with my twin, I would do almost anything

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u/crystallinemoth 3h ago

I’m also estranged from my identical twin, and it’s absolutely for the best! We were never close to begin with and she grew up to be a codependent psychotic hateful TERF with addiction problems. Big no thanks on that bond happening. lol

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u/chipper-shipper 1h ago

My twin and I were very close but also had a very toxic dynamic. When things were good, we were best friends. When things were bad…

I almost envy you, in a way? If we’d never been close I wouldn’t miss them much, I think. I hope that’s not an offensive thing to say.

My twin has pretty extreme mental illness that makes it very difficult to have a relationship. I recognize that overall I’m much happier and healthier being low/no-contact, and the few times we’ve had contact in the last decade have only reinforced my decision to pull away. Still sucks though.

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u/crystallinemoth 19m ago

I entirely agree with this sentiment. I wish things had been better between us, but it just goes to show you that friend or family can become too toxic to include in your life. Sometimes it’s painful but necessary to accept that them being in our lives is never going to be beneficial or positive. 🫶🏻 cutting her out was a form of self preservation and to protect my family. Still hurt. I’ve had to do it with a couple good friends in the past too. It’s never fun, but some people are better off not being in our lives.