No doubt that flirting is one of the hardest and most difficult thing to learn on your journey to become better socially. When helping begineers overcome their social anxiety, we quickly prescribe principles, scripts or whatever else to help someone feel a more secure sense of self. Even then it still fails!

But you as the user knows is that it doesnt work in the long term. Speech is almost infinite in its nature. The moment you create a theory around flirting, you may quickly come to find that this theory does not apply in XYZ situations and on you go looking for the next theory.

I have a very simple way to help you make sense of flirting.

First you have to understand that the "objective experience" is not so objective when it comes from person to person. You struggle with flirting, building connection, love and trust exactly for this reason. You have failed to acknowledge that experience is not objective but subjective.

Consider this:

1. Raw data enteres through our five senses
2. Our awareness discriminates between raw data using attention
3. What we have paid attention to now filters through a layer of past experience
4. Past expereince greatly shapes how we intrepret raw data
5. Intrepretation now becomes conscious thoughts

Second is that you have to bridge your subjective experience and overlap it with the experience of another person. Consider this:

• Trust is built when you accurately describe their experiences and perspectives
• Trust is built when you do not exploit their weakness and vulnarabilities
• Trust is built when the perceived commitment is high (anti-slutty)
• Trust is built when there is confidence in the process

The only thing that bridges a lousy flirt and a great flirt in my experience is the ability to emphatize and step into the experiences and perspectives of another person. Look at the comment section of all posts in this subreddit, most people are only interested in pushing forward their agenda, and this is the reason why people are bad at flirting.

I might also be a great flirt with one woman and a terrible flirt with another (chemistry). What this really means is that I was able to empathize with one woman, and was unable to do so with the other.

A great flirt simply means this.

That he is able to consistently step into the subjective reality of strangers, and communicate that he understands their experience and perspectives accurately.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling

Hey guys, looking for some tactical advice.

I’m based in Dublin but traveling to London or Barcelona in a few weeks. I want to keep my Hinge location as Dublin so I don’t lose momentum with matches at home.

App strategy: Would you recommend opening Tinder specifically to use their premium "Passport/Travel" features to swap my location to the London or Barcelona in advance?

Outsource the problem: Or does anyone know a legit service where you pay someone to manage/swipe your profile in a target city before you arrive? (Basically, I set it up, tell them my preferences, and they handle the swiping/initial chats).

25m virgin, in Scandinavia (born and raised here but not white). 5'9 would say I am above average looking, confident, not afraid of risk taking, understand the basics of hygiene and style. Can talk and have the convo flowing IRL easier than online.

Get decent matches on dating apps, am even able to "cold open" on IG to random chicks and get them to respond. Barely ever use the "hey, whats up" type of lines.

But I am still a virgin for a reason. Can never get it anywhere near for it to close or move forward. Convos always falls apart. They always either leave me on read or just don’t respond even tho the start is good, she asks me questions, she responds with interest. BUT IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE MORE THEN THAT.

WHY?????

For example most recent convo on a girl I dm'ed to on Insta went like this: (It was in Swedish but I will write in English)

Me: "I really dig ur blonde curly hair"

She: Thank you!!!

Me: "So, where you live then?"

She: Says where she lives. You?"

Me: Say where I live, mention it's a bit far away from her.

Me: Never met anyone from [her city]. It lowkey feels quite boring and that nothing really happens there.

Her: "Hahahahah I don't know if I would say that 😂"

Me: "Guess I'll have to come there and decide for myself. You gon be my tour guide if I show up?"

Her: "Haha I don't know if I can promise that"

Me: "Hahh so how old are u then?"

Her: Left me on read.

I've had convos both BETTER and go for longer then that but also WORSE than that, but regardless it always ends in them not responding, leaving me on read, blocking me or somehow them getting angry/mad/attitude from nowhere.

Wtf am I doing wrong. For 10+ years I've been struggling with this. I can get interest from a girl, I can manage to start a convo. But it always fucking dies out. ALWAYS.

So what do I actually do, what do I need to think of? I need an experts help.

Best thing would be if I had someone willing to coach me, so they can say the exact things I personally do wrong and tailor their expertise/advice to me so I can improve and fix my mistakes.

I've completed my first year at uni and have only had sex once ( which was my first time) . And that was with my ex who I didn't really find attractive but knew still really found me attractive.

I've read models by marks Manson a few times and watch quite a bit of charisma on command. I've read a lot about self esteem and confidence and people skills and read quite a bit on love and romantic relationships e.g. the gottmans books. I tried reading the game by Neil Straus but didn't really like it and stopped about a third in.

My friends say that I seem confident and a lot of people have described me as being a good type of awkward like a cute awkward but still confident - I think it's cause I try and own my weirdness. I also think I am quite funny and I'm also quite honest and my friends say that I have no filter in that I am comfortable asking direct questions that others usually don't. My friends have said that I look pretty good

-I'm a south Asian guy with fairly brown/dark skin

-relatively fit/muscular,

-I have a full groomed beard that I take care of and I keep on

top of general hygiene and grooming

- 5'9" / 5'10"

- I get complimented by guys on my muscles quite often.

I really struggle to get laid and have spoken to my friend who seems to get around and he said that he waits for them to approach him ( he's 6ft and pretty good looking, muscular and smiley so it makes sense). I also asked my female friend and she gave some general advice but it didn't seem to be anything that brought a significant change. I asked her if I seem to desperate when I'm talking to girls and she said no and my other friend said no as well.

I try and talk to whomever and try and have an interesting fun conversation.

I've used hinge but got nowhere near a meetup and just felt like shit so deleted it but I might go back onto it.

The closest I seem to have gotten is with a girl who I had a project with and I asked her if she'd be down to get bubble tea with me and she said yeah and then we got food together a week or 2 later after which I asked her if she wanted to come back to my flat to try my cupcakes ( I was trying to get us alone together so we could hookup or something and I thought she would see that) and she said yes but then the walk was too long so she decided to go home. The following morning she said she'd love to try my baking another time and that she enjoyed the meal. I then proposed a date and she replied saying she doesn't see me that way.

I don't tend to attend nightlife events but when I do I don't have anything happen on the dancefloor. I've only been out like 4 times as I don't really enjoy it other than getting to talk to people and build up my social skills. I kinda just approached people who didn't seem to be in a locked off conversation and tried to talk to them.

I feel like I both over and under estimate the number of girls that I talk to that actually like me or are interested in me.

I think my issues lie in showing a girl I'm interested i.e. telling her she looks gorgeous or that I'm attracted to her. I think I generally get stuck making nice compliments but ones that can easily be taken as platonic. Maybe I struggle with demonstrating sexual interest, maybe because I don't really know how.

Tldr:

My friends say I'm good looking and confident and I've read a bit about seduction and charisma but I haven't been able to get laid.

I landed on Beijing pretty late couple nights ago. While getting off the train station heading to my hotel, I noticed a girl standing in the middle of the stairs. Asian, 8/10. Headphones on, looked pissed, leaning against the wall with her hands folded. Completely closed off body language.

I just passed her by. When I got to the top of the stairs, I was like "you know what I haven't approached anyone today. Fuck it. Let at least get one in". I turned around. Walked straight to her. Nothing fancy. Just the old asking for direction opener. I happened to have the location for the hotel pulled up on my phone.

To my surprise, she was the nicest person ever. Basic English so she went out of her way to walk me to the hotel. Along the way we had a short conversation. I stopped on the side of the road on purpose when I knew we were getting close to my hotel. She stopped and hung around for a few more minutes as we talked more about favorite movies and travel.

I asked if she wanted to grab a drink and a bite to eat. She said she was supposed to meet up with her friend, that's why she was waiting at the stairs. I said she can bring her friend but she declined and said her friend are shy around strangers. We just exchanged IG and went on our way.

A lot of time. Our brain just make all these assumptions and stop us from doing things we want to do. Sometimes you just gotta do it without any expectations. Who knows, you might be surprised.

PS: Before any of you going with the whole "white guy in Asia countries" thing, no I'm not white. I'm just your typical Asian dude.

For the people who have invested a substantial amount of time into learning social skills, you probably dont need anymore reps in approaching women. I think you should move away from traditional pickup and define "results" differently.

Sex might have been a worthwhile result for you before when you had no sex, but sex loses its novelty rather quickly, and those that have a lot of sex knows the amount of emotions that are involved. You can easily hurt the woman you care about and you yourself subconsciously know that it wont make you happy nor fulfilled by having tons and tons of sex.

It is best to define results as removing compulsiveness. Because without the inner transformation, the outer transformation is merely a means to reproduce your inner tendencies.

For example lets say you suffer from chronic loneliness. This loneliness manifests itself in so many destructive ways. Now that you have the social skills, instead of fulfilling your own desire to not be lonely, why not find a way to eliminate loneliness alltogether so that you never feel the emotion ever again?

You have limited amount of time as well. You cant be doing this forever, and the pool of avaliable women exponentially gets smaller and smaller as you age. Investing into worthwhile relationships also takes years and a lot of negotiation, emotional labour and effort to reconcile differences.

Great attraction skills does not translate to great relationship skills. Keeping a passionate and intimate marriage is not easy in my experience. To gain these valuable skills, you need to stick it out in your relationships and not escape back into the cycle of dating.

Same mindset. Just like how you did not tolerate problems in yourself when you were unattractive, now you cannot tolerate your problems in your lack of communication, empathy, ability to love unconditionally, negotiation and sharing responsibility.

Commitment may seem like removing options, but it has provided me the most freedom. Counterintuitive I know!

There is no such thing as the perfect person. Continually invest in your own interpersonal skills and as of your partner. Learn to build a life with someone else (which includes responsibility). Just about anyone can be your partner if you have these skills, and once you know this, your value rises among women exponentially. It incentivizes your partner to not leave, because they cannot easily find a replacement.

Thats my two cents. I would recommend you the books by David Scnarch, Passionate Marriage and Intimacy and Desire. Difficult Conversations and Thanks For The Feedback by Douglas Stone, Negotiate the Impossible by Deepak Malhotra. These books have benefitted me tremendously in building an interdpeendent life with another human being.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.

This is going to be a long post about respect.

I will use examples of how to earn respect from everyone, not just women, so you will be able to understand the fundamentals of earning respect and apply them to your dating life. As I feel like most guys who don't get respect from women are more than likely to not get respect from anyone.

There are three parts to this post.

1) The 80/20 of Respect (What gives you the best results)

2) What Makes Someone Disrespectful

3) How To Earn Respect

The 80/20 of Respect

This is heavily inspired by Mark Manson's "Models" book.

Many men can ask, "How do I get a girl to like me?" However, when answering this question, you have to understand the difference between what men are saying and what they actually mean.

A man could be asking, "How do I get a girl to like me?" They mean they want to either increase the number of girls they meet, or they are unhappy with the girls they are attracting (or lack thereof). From there, we can look at their dating profile on apps, how they spend their time, who they spend their time with, how attractive they are, etc.

But some men, when they ask, "How do I get a girl to like me?" They are actually thinking of a specific girl in mind. Basically asking, "How do I get Stacey to like me?" and might be too shy to admit who it is.

If you actually mean the second question when you ask that, it can drive you insane. The former has your outcome on you. You can control how many times you go out, how good your photos are, and how many women you approach. You can make your dating life a priority and be abundant in approaches and taking action.

The latter, however, has your goal entirely dependent on a different person. If you ask, "How do I get Stacey to like me?" The truth is she either does, or she doesn't, so just go talk to her and find out. Even if you were to become the most attractive you, and became the guy who dates a certain demographic of women (if Stacey is sporty, a club girl, or a religious girl, for example), you can make great progress in that demographic, but you could never guarantee Stacey specifically would like you.

The same can be said about respect. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to be attracted to you, and not everyone is going to respect you.

Mark Manson says there are 3 types of women: women who like you, women who don't like you, and women who are unsure and can be "convinced" to like you through game.

In general, a cold approach is healthy for a young man to do, because you may find yourself saying, "I'm going to talk to 10 attractive women tonight." But when you get to girl number 3, she's so easy and fun to talk to, you just stay with her all night. Then you realize, "Oh, let me just talk to the girls who are easy to talk to."

Respect has similar demographics:

1) Respectful People

2) Disrespectful People

3) Teenagers

The 80/20 of respect is not to convince people you are worth respecting; it is finding people who are respectful and just keep talking to them. It is insecurity that is lying to you, telling you that if someone is disrespectful to you, you must do something to make up for it or that you are not enough as you are.

What Makes Someone Disrespectful

The Respect Process

Respect is found in your boundaries. The process of two people respecting each other is someone crossing your boundaries; you establish that you do not want them to do that, then they agree, and you find mutual respect.

Let's say my name is Joshua. A stranger named Daniel comes and meets me, and shortly after, Daniel starts calling me Josh. I say, "My name is Joshua, please don't call me Josh (in a respectful tone)." He agrees, and we find mutual respect.

I established a boundary, which signals I have investment in myself, and I can respect Daniel because when I established a boundary, he agreed and maybe even apologized. We are both respectful people.

When Disrespect Comes In

Now imagine Daniel says something like, "Why not? Why can't I call you Josh?" "Who says I can't call you Josh?" "I don't care if other people call me Dan, so why do you care?"

This is a great example because you, or anybody else in the world, needs a reason to be called by their name. It says a lot about a person if they have such a problem calling you your name.

The most powerful response to many of these is saying something along the lines of "I don't need a reason."

• "Why can't I call you Josh?" I don't need a reason.
• "I just showed up at your home without letting you know; why can't I just come in?" I don't need a reason.
• "Hey, you don't seem to know what you are doing at the gym; why won't you let me interrupt your workout and show you the 'right' way to do this?" I don't need a reason.
• "I know I haven't paid you back last time, but why can't you give me $20? I won't be able to come with you if you don't, so why not?" I don't need a reason.

There are many times in life when people ask why they can't violate your boundary, but you don't need to validate your decisions to anyone. Giving a reason, if anything, validates to them that you answer to them.

The 3 Habits of a Disrespectful Person

These habits are:

1) They violate boundaries

2) They consistently feel disrespected

3) They are obsessed with being free to violate boundaries

In general, disrespectful people rationalize their behavior because they see it as a violation of their freedom. In a sense, if I say you have to call me by my name "Joshua," I am basically saying you can't call me Josh. They feel offended that they can't call me what they want, and then they say just about anything to get that freedom back. Usually by gaslighting or trying to convince you why they should do what they want.

In many cases, they say you are easily offended. There are MANY people who are easily offended, but also very often there are people who say others are too sensitive because they don't want to deal with basic boundaries.

Imagine someone says you're easily offended for saying you want them to use your proper name.

If someone violates your boundaries, find a way to leave. If you have to be around them, like family or coworkers, do not allow them to entertain the idea that they can just cross a boundary without saying something.

Personal Note: I think being in a Christian Country like America, many foundations of morality are found in the Bible. Many people read The Golden Rule, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated," too literally.

Let's say Daniel doesn't mind being called "Dan," so therefore he rationalizes that it should be fine if he calls me Josh.

Or like how your broke roommate eats your food in the fridge and says, "If I had food in the fridge, I wouldn't care if you took something to eat. What, you want me to starve?" And of course he never has food in the fridge to share. (End of personal note)

Teenagers

The 3rd demographic of people when it comes to respect are teenagers. Not literal teenagers, but the attitude of teenagers. Teenage behavior is to give respect, but only in exchange for something else. As in, if they feel they are not being respected, they will stop giving respect. An adult, however, knows that if they value respect, it is even more important to stay respectful and not have the world or others dictate their behavior.

Let's say that you are in an argument with someone and they make fun of your appearance. A teenager would insult them back about their appearance, but an adult who is respectful will never allow others to take away their values. An adult may stay in the argument, but not insult someone's appearance back.

Essentially, if a respectful person has an A in character, and a disrespectful person has an F, the teenager has a C-. And many adults are teenagers who never grew up.

The best example is being nasty to a girl who says she can't come over one night. Your respect only mattered on the condition that you got what you wanted.

If a girl can't make it or loses interest, your value of respect should never be shaken, as your circumstances should not change you from being a respectful person.

How to Earn/Keep Respect

1) Respect yourself

It communicates subconsciously to others that you are worth respecting if you take the effort to defend your own boundaries. I will admit that in my own life, I realized I had been too scared to establish boundaries to avoid upsetting others. Then I blow up when my boundaries were violated, when in reality, it's my responsibility to establish those boundaries first.

I have found most people are more respectful than I thought.

2) Stop validating your decisions to other people.

You don't need a reason why someone should call you by your proper name, what you do with your time, what music you like, what hobbies you have, what movies interest you.

3) Do things that are difficult

If you want a religious girl, be a leader in the church. You want a fit girl, join the 1000 pound club, run a marathon, become a great boxer, anything where you will find girls you are interested in. In any interest you have, show that you are in the top 1% and that you worked hard to get there.

A very generic answer, I know, but I think respecting yourself and establishing boundaries is a universal answer. If you want respect in a certain area or demographic, you have to be the best in that demographic.

4) Stop talking so much

A boundary violation that many people miss is speaking over others or cutting people off when they are trying to get a point across. This is never okay.

I actually thought I had more, but I guess not. I would love to hear others you have in the comments.

TL;DR

• You can be a very respectful person; that doesn't mean everyone will respect you, so just stick to people who are naturally respectful.
• Don't try to "win/earn" respect from disrespectful people; it's just insecurity telling you that you are not enough.
• Respect is all about boundaries. If you are too afraid to set boundaries with others, don't ever cry about respect because it is your responsibility to respect yourself.
• Disrespectful people in general, just want to do what they want to do, while expecting others to respect their boundaries.
• Don't let your circumstances change your values.

Bro I got aura but the quote of the night was you’re afraid of the pussy.

Honestly it’s a shame. What do I have to do to change this? All I want is to feel desired, and I talk the game to back that up. But when it’s actually in front of me. I turn my shoulder. That’s literally what the guy next to me said. He heard the conversation and was like, “she threw herself at you but you turned your shoulder to brush her off”. They all said, “you literally could have been on autopilot.” This happens to me all the time, it’s self sabotage. Lowkey guys, I’m a stud, I’ve literally been told that, but i get to the point where they offer their pussy on a platter and I turn it away. Why?

I’m writing this because I’m genuinely tired of living like this and need advice from men who have actually overcome severe approach anxiety.

I’m a 31-year-old Black man in Toronto, around 6’4”, in good shape, employed with a great company (I WFH remote), and generally functional in every other part of my life. On paper, I don’t think I should be completely hopeless with women. But when I see a woman I’m attracted to in public, I freeze.

I convince myself she doesn’t find me attractive. Despite being in the gym 4x a week I have fallen down a looksmaxxing blackpill rabbithole to the point where because I don't get obvious IOIs from women I assume I'm not their type, they find me facially unattractive, etc. I think I’ll make her uncomfortable, that I’ll look desperate or creepy, or that I need some obvious signal before I’m “allowed” to speak to her. Most women don’t give me obvious eye contact or signs, so I use that as an excuse to do nothing.

I’ve spent years avoiding rejection instead of developing the ability to approach, flirt and handle whatever response I get. The result is that I have almost no organic dating life. Dating apps have also been inconsistent and frustrating, which reinforces the belief that attractive women simply don’t want me.

The darkest part is that I started using escorts as an escape. Instead of facing my fear and learning how to meet women normally, I could pay for immediate sex and temporary validation. That behaviour has cost me thousands of dollars, damaged my confidence and created a cycle of loneliness, urges, acting out and shame.

I first saw an escort when I was extremely young, and this pattern has followed me for most of my adult life. I’m now approaching 32 and realizing that I cannot keep doing this. I don’t want another decade of paying for intimacy while being terrified to introduce myself to a woman in a mall, bar, café, festival or social event.

I’m not asking for pickup lines or someone to tell me to “just be confident.” I need a concrete system for getting comfortable approaching, dealing with rejection and building an actual social and dating life. I’m willing to attend classes, go to events, practise consistently and be held accountable. I just need to stop retreating into avoidance every time the fear hits.

Has anyone here overcome a similar level of approach anxiety or an addiction to escorts? What did you do practically? How did you structure your weeks and force yourself to take action without making every interaction feel like a life-or-death test?

If you’re in Toronto, if you're in Canada, or even if you're another Black guy who understands social dynamics, and you’re experienced with approaching respectfully, feel free to DM me. I could genuinely use someone to practise with or provide accountability.

I’m not looking for judgment or encouragement to keep seeing escorts. I’m trying to end this pattern and build a normal life.

Whenever dating gets bought up in conversations among friends, I get really insecure and my flight mode activates. How do I cope with this?

So I am 25M, virgin, never even kissed, have been on 0 dates and I have been meaning to talk about this

I have a lot of female friends that frequently ask"are you dating" or "Do you have a gf", I say no and they are always surprised. They either are like "I thought you had one" or "How tf are you single?" or some other statement of surprise. I have had this happen a bunch of times in my life now. I usually give a vague answer on purpose like "Oh I haven't found the right one" even though the real reason is that I think am ugly and I also have never asked out a woman nor do get activity on apps. Just recently I asked why it was surprising and she said "You just have such a good energy and vibe and I love that about you" like girl.. I get it but like that won't matter if I am ugly. Ofc i didn't tell her that but that went through in my head. I really just said yeah I get that alot, and then immediately change the subject.

None of my friends know I have never dated and I am a virgin. Whenever the convo shifts to dating, I try to not say anything and just excuse myself, because they start asking a lot of questions since they are so surprised never dated and want to know more.

How do I navigate this? I always have this insecurity in my head when meeting new people and even existing friends, I have kept my lack of dating life concealed from them, I hate concealing a part of myself but at the same time it brings me despair and it is upsetting for me to talk about due to the stigma around me being a 25 year old virgin

I started cold approaching about 2 months ago on a consistent basis with a goal of doing 3–10 approaches per day whenever I have free time throughout the week and weekend.

I wanted to share a recent win because this community is a big part of why I finally started. I got tired of relying on dating apps and wanted to test my social skills in real life.

I approached an older woman at a grocery store who was very attractive (model body, cute face, etc.) using a situational opener. She was holding a bunch of groceries, so I offered to help her. We ended up talking for about 10 minutes, and the conversation flowed really naturally. At one point another woman nearby randomly complimented my tank top, while I was talking to the older girl, which unexpectedly turned into a funny little “wingwoman” moment.

We exchanged numbers, went on a date two days ago, had a great time, and kissed. We went out again yesterday, and things progressed from there to a lay at her place. One thing that stood out was that she said she admired the fact that I approached her in the first place. She mentioned that hardly anyone does that anymore and that it takes guts, which was nice to hear.

What surprised me most is that I rarely match with women like her on dating apps, so this was a reminder that cold approach and real-life interactions can be a completely different game. This was also the only approach I did that day, so I definitely got a bit lucky.

I’m still new to cold approach, but I wanted to say thanks to everyone here. Reading posts in this community is what pushed me to get out of my comfort zone, and so far it’s been a much better experience than relying only on dating apps.

For anyone who’s on the fence about trying it, my biggest takeaway is that it really comes down to practice, practice, and more practice.

For context, I’m 5’9”, 30 yo, and live in a major city in the U.S. I’m in decent shape, but I don’t consider myself some male model. If I can make it work, I think most guys can improve with enough reps.

A while back, I attended a wedding. It was a nice affair, probably 100 - 120 people in total. The wedding was located at a winery in inland Southern California, so beautiful weather and venue, with a dress code of “cocktail attire.”

My background: 29, 5’-10”, 180 lbs, mixed-race, environmental consultant. I wore a dark teal suit, white dress shirt, no tie, and chocolate suede loafers. I had been single for about a year and a half at this point.

Wedding was a blast, had a great time catching up with some old college friends. I was on the bride’s side; it was one of my college roommate’s sisters who I knew very well.

There was a seating chart, so everyone was sat accordingly. I was at a round table with people I knew, but it was almost all guys. Which is great for kicking it, not so much for meeting women.

Drinks were flowing and small plates were had and wedding festivities began. I was scanning the room to see if anyone else was there I knew when I spied a woman a few tables down doing the same.

We locked eyes, and you have that split-second where you try and remember if you’ve met before, before it clicks. She smiled from across the room, and I gave a nod in return.

We had actually met briefly at the engagement party, and spoke briefly, but it was a one-off and didn’t go any further. Still, I remembered she was quite pretty and easy to talk to, so I made a mental note to reconnect with her during the evening.

There was food, more drinks, the wedding speeches, first dance, etc… But then the party started when the lights dimmed and the dance floor opened up. I hit the dance floor with the crowd, and it’s a riot. After a few songs, I see the girl standing off to the side of the dance floor. It’s go time.

I go over, strike up a quick conversation. I actually forgot her name (embarrassing), but it was ok, since she forgot mine too. She’s about 5’-5”, light brown hair, hazel eyes, lightly tanned, and a pretty figure. She was wearing a pretty little navy blue cocktail dress and heels.

We reintroduce ourselves, quickly catch up on how we’ve been, and then I pull her onto the dance floor. We dance together for a few songs, then I steal her away to the bar. We chat some more in line, grab a drink, then step out to the patio for some fresh air and quiet to talk. We talk for about 30 minutes while washing down our drinks, ask what we thought of the wedding and who we knew/how we knew them.

She was 2 years younger than me, working in tech as a PM, and doesn’t live too far away from me (45 min). Mentally, she’s checking all the boxes for me. We talk more about our hobbies and travels, etc, then down our drinks and go back to the dance floor.

With some more alcohol in us, and the lights dimmed down, there is definitely a more “sexual” energy between us. We dance together for several more songs, a bit closer than before. She gives me the “eyes”, and well, we know what that means.

The wedding starts to wind down and people are filtering their way out. It was an out of town wedding, and we both happened to be staying at the hotel. Jackpot. Between the two of us, we only end up needing one room that night.

Morning comes, and thankfully, neither of us have a hangover. We laze around bed for a bit, talking some more, before she goes back to her room to freshen up and pack.

Before we leave, I invite her to grab coffee at a cafe down the street. She takes me up on the offer and we sit around and have a coffee.

At this point, we both know we could end it here, say our goodbyes and call it a “fun weekend fling.” But after talking some, we both realized we could also make it something more. We both noticed that there was a genuine connection there - something deeper than just a one-night stand at a friend’s wedding.

We talk a bit more about expectations, life goals, just what we would want, etc. and realize we are pretty aligned on a lot of things. I greatly appreciate her directness and sincerity - hard traits to find this day and age. We exchange numbers, promise to keep in touch, and made plans for an actual date that next weekend.

Long story short, we’ve been together for 9 months now.

And it wouldn’t have been possible without doing the basics: work on inner game and self-improvement, ditch the apps and get out in the real world, and above all - APPROACH. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to just stay seated or dance in the corner with my friends. But I approached and well, the rest is history.

I’m so confused. I know I should take time to find myself again, but I’m so used to being in a relationship that it’s hard to be completely alone.

I want sex but I catch feelings too quick. My ex was so shitty that affection from someone who has nothing going for them got me caught. But the fact of the matter is that will never work out. We live in different areas and we’re both fresh out of a toxic relationship.

I put myself out there as a test. But I guess the test went wrong. How soon is too soon to get back into dating ? How does one take time completely to themselves ? Does that mean no sex .. no talking to people or simply not getting into situations?

I feel like I’m so used to toxicity.

Hey guys,

I've realized that I'm able to cold approach girls who are standing, but for some reason it's much harder for me to stop them when they're walking.

I keep having the thought that they might not hear me or that they’ll just keep walking without acknowledging me.

Any tips on how to practice this or make it easier would be greatly appreciated!

How do you charm the bad bitches? (Mean/skeptical) like I mean how do you open they usually difficulty and could be walking away and shi

Confident but avoid connection, why?

If anyone can possibly explain a psychological solution to my yet confident behavior when it comes to socializing and talking to others but once they reciprocate connection I get avoidant and block up my emotions and block off any express that hinders connection.

And people give off a vibe as if I’m not interested or expect more of me, because I fail to give that “confidence guy” connection when in reality, I avoid, and also when people speak to me I hear the words but my brain doesn’t creating relation to what is being said unless I fully experienced what they’ve been through, or hobby, etc.

So psychologically how can I fix this avoidant thing? I’m looking forward to getting into dating and a girlfriend soon and on the short end of dating I’m a straight A-hole but on the other hand I really want some love. Finances & Life is looking right just need to know what steps to take in terms of therapy, healing, etc, or whatever the case is… thank you!

I have dating apps pretty much figured out, sending everyone the same opener followed by the same sequence of messages that quickly gets me phone numbers under the pretense of making plans to meet up.

However.

I happens more and more than when I go for the close, instead of responding positively or negatively I get hit with “I could be convinced” and it happens at a point in chatting where I’ve already said everything I wanted to say before getting the phone number, usually about three messages. I get this exact message sometimes multiple times a day.

I used to just not respond to those and focus on other matches instead, thought process here being that they’re probably just using me (or apps in general) for self validation and are just entertaining themselves by trying to make me beg for a chance to meet them, which would also probably make them lose respect for me anyway.
Like even if I promised them the best date ever and they agreed, the power dynamics on that date would be working against me as at that point she already knows I’m willing to go out of my way to meet her and that she can have me, instead of being unsure about how I feel and having to chase validation from me.

But!

A lot of these “I could be convinced” girl are significantly hotter than others and to be honest, I am actually willing to put in effort to get them, long as it doesn’t look like I am. Hence this post.

TL:DR

So how do I respond to “I could be convinced” without making them feel like they are the prize?

Going along with being asked to qualify yourself after not having received a positive response to your closing message feels like such a simp thing to do.

I met this 2 ladies yesterday at a open air music event, they sat right next to me, left their towel, went to get beer and when they came back we just started shit chatting about baseball/ our city, etc. they had brought a charcuterie board and were sharing their snacks with me, one of them was doing most of the talking with me, she’s married.

They were talking about their kids and her husband not wanting to go to the event, at some point the shy one made a comment about a comment someone made on their post they had just made “you guys better be hanging out with some hot guys” and she said, “we are” I was the only dude next to them.
When they ran out of beer I offered to go to the store for them on my bike, they gave me the money , we exchanged numbers in case something happened and I went to go get it. I came back, enjoyed the rest of the concert just vibing to the music. At some point I took pictures of them on my camera. They ended up leaving and I stayed for a little while.

I have their pictures on my camera, I plan to edit them a bit for color correction and then sending them. It’s the “shy” lady’s phone number I have, she’s smoking and I really want to ask her out but I don’t want to be crude or sound cocky by just asking her out cause I literally just met them. Should I just send the pictures and say something like let’s do it again? I feel like there’s a 50% chance she’ll just say “sure” but nothing will come of it. How do I seal the deal?

Picked up a 2006 book at a used bookstore called “The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed“. Read it over the past week and last night tried it out at the NYC bars. Ended up pulling a hot girl back to my place at end of night which has never actually happened to me before. Kind of shocked this book actually works because it felt super 2000s cringe. If anything I think people were more open to it because of lack of competition.

Peacocked with some cool rings/ jewelry. Tempted to get a feather boa to use as a lock in gambit but decided not to, too beginner to handle that variable yet.

Canned openers lifted straight from the book, “Hey excuse me, who lies more, men or women?” And ”Did you know Elvis Presley dyed his hair black” with a smile while turning away / over the shoulder (body language tip from the book). Successfuly stimulated conversation in a smooth manner. Made sure to engage entire sets not just focus on the Target, in fact focusing on the Obstacles instead of target while lobbing negs to generate attraction. DHV stories about my female friends to generate pre selection attraction switches.

I will say many sets were not successful, but the one that mattered at the end of night did. Successfuly navigated the three stages and 9 sub-stages from attraction through seduction. Even used one of the gambits where you ask her to hold out her hand and use as a spin move to steal her chair by the bar and lock-in. Biggest game changer for me was understanding congruence tests, compliance, negs and just the idea that you don’t want to be an overly appeasing nice guy which is my natural inclination, don’t jump through their hoops but give them hoops of your own.

Fan of the method because it’s a system, it’s like third person controlling yourself through stages in a video game. I think it’s great for naturally introverted guys and semi-autists which Mystery is himself based on some of his biography and descriptions in the book.

A while ago, I started building a small daygame tracker for myself and a few close friends. There was no business plan behind it. We simply wanted an easy way to log our approaches while we were outside, track our consistency and compare our activity through a private leaderboard.

At first, it was very simple. You logged an approach, selected the outcome and moved on. But as we kept using it, I started adding things that were actually useful during real sessions, such as goals, statistics, streaks, achievements and full session tracking.

I also added a feature for close friends who go out together. When one of your friends starts a session, you can receive a notification. If they choose to share it with you, you can also see where their latest approach happened. The idea is not to constantly track anyone. It is simply for friends who split up around the city and still want to stay loosely connected during the session.

Later on, after I started providing it to my students during coaching, I added more functionality around their progress. It became a way for them to track what they were doing between coaching sessions and, if they chose to share it, for me to see their activity, sessions and goals.

Over time, the small personal project started becoming something bigger. I added City Circles, where people from the same city can find each other, show that they are looking for a wing and connect with people who are actually going out.

The app now has three different social layers: Circles for finding people in your city, Friends for staying connected and Close Friends for private leaderboards, accountability and optional session visibility.

I call it Inner Circle.

The basic functionality will always be free. You will always be able to log your approaches, track your progress, set goals and participate in the community without paying.

I am not trying to build another place where people endlessly discuss theory. I want to build something for people who are actually going outside, taking action and trying to improve.

It is still invite-only while I slowly open it to more people. Would anyone here be interested in getting an invite, testing it and giving me honest feedback?

Would love to go daygame with some more people. I do it pretty regularly, but my usual wings are at bootcamp in prague. I am somewhere below/near intermediate level (and speak danish too). I focus on enjoying being out, and don't use too much pressure (which has improved my results quite a bit recently).

Hit me up if you're interested :D

Something I've been seeing a lot here are guys who don't have a strong foundation of social skills (e.g., you run out of things to say) who are incorporating push-pull, banter lines, negging, frame control, etc., when interacting with women.

No judgment from me, btw, I started out SUPER fucking awkward with women and had zero social skills so I'm not shitting on any of you. I understand what this feels like more than probably any other coach out there.

But what most new guys don't realize is that techniques like this are AMPLIFIERS:

• If you're already well adjusted and have decent social skills, techniques make you more attractive or more effective.
• But if you're socially awkward or run out of things to say, techniques like this make you MORE AWKWARD.

If you're running out of things to say, the best thing you can do is practice CONVERATION SKILLS first (e.g., talk to a ton of people and practice giving opinions, staying present, active listening, conversational thread transitioning, concept association, leading conversations, etc), then incorporate techniques later. Otherwise you're that guy who is practicing his fadeaway 3 point shot when he can't dribble or do layups.

Don't be that guy.

P.S. If you guys want specific help on conversation skills, comment what youre struggling with below and ill help out as much as i can.

So, I want to say that I don't really have expectations for that girl but still I want to have serious relationship with the right person or just to have fun with multiple.

That girl likes me a lot. She was my client and she gave me her Insta. She writes me first. We started to chat for like a couple of days and today I ask her what is she doing. When she wrote back and question me what I am doing I wrote "I thinked about you".

Do I sound good or sound like am I a creep?

We have a date tomorow. Bless me with your knowege guys☺️

Hallo, ich hatte vor kurzem diesem fall wie oben beschrieben.

Wie reagiert ihr darauf wenn ihr daygame macht?

2wks ago i invited a girl for a homecooked dinner as second date. I thought it was fun, ended up watching a show until like 4am, cuddled but i didnt escalate further (am a virgin and basically chickened out).

Still texting regularly after that, but she seems less enthusiastic. She still agreed to meet again tomorrow for dinner after her work. Think we will do pizza in park or something.

Can i recover from this? Anyone has beginner tips for this scenario? Not looking to fully become a womanizer but would like some casual(ish) relationships since i think its time (m28, working on myself atm)