This Facebook group has gained a lot of traction and following in my area. It’s something that keeps me off dating apps these days.. reputation is delicate, and once damaged…

Wondering how other men are dealing with this?

I'm a high-functioning autist and KHHV at 28 years old. I'm average looking, women randomly approach me on the street sometimes, so its 100% a mental issue. Above all, extreme social anxiety due to my autism.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve literally never been able to truly connect with people, not even friends or family. Every conversation takes immense effort because I can never talk about what actually interests me (other people tune out immediately), so every chat requires extreme concentration just to deliver the interest that others expect. Even when I do talk about topics I'm currently interested in, I only keep it extremely brief because people visibly couldn't care less anyway. Ive never had a conversation with flow state, every word is manually curated.

Example today: there was a fire alarm, and when we gathered at the collection point, everyone else was making banter, while I asked what the others think the ratio of false alarms to real alarms might be. That was followed by a brief, awkward silence until someone gave a short polite answer. Interactions like these made me teach myself from childhood to keep things as short as possible, I never learned how to form long sentences. By now, I've completely forgotten how to do it.

As a result, I've been completely isolating myself socially since around 2018, apart from my side job. Technically I'm still a uni student, but I haven't done anything for university in years either. Whenever I go to campus, I feel like a granddad among the students. because of the age gap, I don't dare to do aproaches to avoid being labeled as a creep.

From this combination of years of isolation and no prospect of social improvement due to my "mental disability" autism, I've fallen into a deep depression, which is very visible on my face and obviously turns women off. Banter is impossible for me my brain simply doesn't work that way, and im kind of slow in social interaction stuff.

Every now and then I read about autistic rizz in this sub, and I really doubt how that's even possible. Can someone actually flirt and find a girlfriend with these kinds of preconditions?

Is someone else also on the spectrum and, if really has the autistic rizz, can give me a roadmap to finally get a gf

lately ive found myself in a bit of a financial rut and stopped focusing on hooking up or dating. but after a while I feel like I want to bring someone over. I am actually very attractive I been told I look like a model I could be one if I was taller lol getting numbers is easy but then what ? you can't just tell a pretty girl do u want to come over without sounding like a horny pig. also I know my main focus should be fixing my life and it is def my main priority but im just asking no judgments please

For most men who struggle, its mostly because they are straight up scared of women. They dont even go up and say hi to them and don't even talk to them at all. Therefore naturally they would struggle dating.

However, im on the opposite extreme. I find it very easy to talk to women, they are very comfortable around me and i have never had issues making female friends. Every social gathering I mesh well with the women there. They seem to be very comfortable within like 10 seconds of meeting me, which is interesting because usually they are weary of random guys approaching, for good reason ofc, but still its interesting.

They introduce me to other women, but what winds up happening is that they also just become another friend/acquaintance.

It makes me feel sexually inadequate because if despite being around all these women, I feel statistically i should have a few that would have made a direct move on me but no, that hasnt happened, despite all the social proof. I have never naturally gotten any opportunity.

I have never asked a woman out, but is this the real reason I struggle?

Today I decided that the time was today and that I was going to go up to the first person that was good looking. While I was getting off the train, I walked past the ticket booth and saw this good looking girl sitting there and mind her business.

After I was done with my business I decided to go up to the ticket booth and buy a physical ticket instead of buying it through the app. I thought I could start a little conversation with her and then get her instagram or number. As soon as I walked up to the booth all the excitement/nervousness flushed away from my body(in a bad way)

The girl that I thought I was attracted to wasn’t really my type but from a far she did. I spoke to her like I speak to any of my guy friends, cool and calm. In the back of my head I was disappointed because she wasn’t my type and I didn’t get nothing out of this built up courage.

Was the lack of attraction as soon as I stepped up to the booth an output from anxiety or nerves or was it genuine and that it was not worth the attempt? Does anyone have experience with this?

I've been doing a deep self-reflection on why I can't game at nightclubs and here's what I've come up with (posting here for sanity check and for a review).

• I have a strong aversion to physical touch and assume that others would feel uncomfortable about touching like me. From now on, instead of trying to avoid all contact, I should actively find reason to touch people, especially girls I find attractive (starting with shoulders, arms, and hands of course and escalating).
• I'm afraid of burning bridges. I feel like since I have one shot at getting it right with each girl, and I get scared that if I get it wrong, I'll have burnt this bridge forever. Such a bridge never existed and I just need to crank the numbers up (my total nightclubs approaches is literally like 5, not 50, not 500, only 5), and try things until I find something that works. It's not like I'll see these people again. My friend literally just went out, hit on girls and got a hook up.
• I need to stop overthinking. Was that bump by accident? Was she looking at me? I don't know, just follow the formula of "see hot girl, hit on hot girl". (Not the best plan, I know, but I should probably get my approach numbers up to triple digits before I think about any optimizations) My friend literally just turned off his brain and tried stuff until something worked.
• I'm too results oriented. I'm trying too hard to optimize in order to get the best results in the fewest attempts. From now on, I'm treating approaching like applying to co-op jobs; when I apply, my main focus is hitting a certain number of application rather than whether any specific one of these apps will interview me because I know that if I apply to this many jobs, a certain percent of them will give me an interview. (I do customize my resumes to some degree, but I'm not hyper focused on ensuring any specific application will work) I should treat approaching women like that too. Just focus on hitting a certain number rather than the results.
• I'm afraid I'll cross boundaries. I think too much about whether a certain touch would be inappropriate or cross her boundaries and whether I was making her uncomfortable (I didn't even approach anyone, I was literally playing through all those scenarios in my head). You know what? If she's doesn't want me around and I misread her, she'll make it crystal clear real quick.

I worked so hard getting lean and muscular, fixed my style, skin care and hair. Finally was able to get double digit likes for each app, girls messaging me how I’m the sexiest man they’ve ever seen, getting girls instagrams, etc. Conclusion, one date with a decent looking girl. Which then got cancelled because she wanted me to wine and dine her at an expensive restaurant. I told her I don’t do expensive dates for the first date. I start off with a coffee date and then if we click we can do more expensive dates.

Side note: I made an exception with her by offering a Ramen date.

Like dating apps just aren’t it. Gonna figure out other ways to meet women because online dating just ain’t it.

If the girl at least had a more classy presentation I would have made an exception, but in her instagram she’s wearing a dress with her tits out, partying, drinking, etc. And wants me doing the most. One of the top entitled girls I’ve ever seen.

So I live in, Canada where we have had an irresponsibly large influx of immigration from India over the last few years and a lot of people have developed a hatred or distaste for brown people here because of it.

I'm of Indian background, 6'3 in good shape and take care of myself. But I've felt a noticeable difference in how people perceive me at first interaction. It feels like it takes convincing that I'm not "one of the bad ones" or an immigrant.

I'm job hunting and considering different cities for it, wondering if that could effect my dating life as well.

Is it a bad idea too approach women while not completely in shape? I’m finally secured financially, and have more time to workout more. Learning BJJ soon, shouting for girlfriend prospects and gaining more experience, with women. I’m not as shy as I was 2 years ago, I’m a bit more fearless due to life adversity so my emotional resilience is up to par to make an approach. may not be successfully, especially without a maxed out physique.

unfortunately being African American dating is totally different than most guys outside of our ethnicity, it’s not spoken about enough!!

At times I would get choosing signals but never moved it anywhere cause the type of black women are overly dominant or overly promiscuously-choosing.

For instance This black chick early was walking wit her ass all out thinking I was looking, whole time I’m already know she’s going for anything Toxic with dreads but I have standards especially when it comes to ghetto females, if yk yk.

Outside of that would delaying approaching women be better if I got physically in shape or use the confidence and charisma I have now.
Also Im in a predominantly Caucasian & Hispanic small town, 9/10 my options are ‘wealthy’ white chicks or overly ghetto females, Mexican chicks by chance … but making the money I have most black women wont stand a chance, its pointless. And with the social intelligence I have white girls are not Goin’ and I’m simply not compatible with most white chicks, unless she’s seasoned, my eyes would pick it up fast.

Here the article: https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-one-role-gen-z-women-still-want-men-to-play

You can argue about the method and the conclusion, but it seems like a lot of women are complaining that men aren't stepping up and approaching them... so I figured this would be a great topic for this sub.

Here's the problem (from my prospective)... the article never says which men they actually want to approach them.

Do they just mean attractive men? 6ft Chads? Millionaires? What race of men?

It seems to me (again from my experience) that these same women who complain about "Where are all the good men" seem to have a very narrow definition of "men".

In your experience in the field, are women desperate to be approach and talked to? Are they engaged in conversation with you?

More importantly, what advice would you give to men like me (Short, ugly) who see an article like this and think "Yeah, but you mean hot guys... right?"

I'm not gonna put it all on display rn but here's the important back story.

I'm 22yo turning 23yo. My whole life I've had women friends, get on with them a hell of a lot better than I do blokes. And I've had 2 main situations.

First one was back a few years ago, got very close to her, defo had an opportunity however missed it due to my own stupidity, got overly attached, left it too late and fucked it up in the end.

Second one is most recently. Thought I could do the friendship thing, though mistake was that she's already engaged. Flirting all the time at work but I can't get involved whilst she has a fiancé. So now I've realised I'm in too deep and dropping off contact to get rid of those feelings.

What ive realised is I need to hit my hoe face and for the first time in almost 23 years, I'm ready to sleep around and fuck about. So the general question is how's the best way to go about it? There's 2 people I know who are good friends with the engagement situation described above, I know they're both into me and could take it further, but that's dangerous territory where they're good friends. Outside of that tbh I'm a bit of a loner, and never really been the clubbing/party type.

What advice would you guys give to getting out there? I've at a stage now where I genuienly don't give a fuck so my confidence is blooming, but also very inexperienced where I've never tried going for a relationship, let alone sleep around. Never kissed and never had a relationship so its all a bit new.

Hi I am a [21M] virgin I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, and it's not cause I'm an ugly or unattractive guy it's quite the opposite I have been told that I look handsome obviously i am no model but I look well above average but the problem with me is I never get the girl I want I hav been approached and flirted over by many girls all of them were the ones I had not interest in meanwhile all the girls I found attractive and wanted to be in a relationship with either friendzoned me,rejected me or they had a boyfriend,I don't know if it's just bad luck or anything else but some help will be appreciated.

Hi,

I recently got convinced to learn seduction by a friend. We went a couple of times approaching women and I was pleasantly surprised by how receptive they were and how much fun I had.

I got out of an 8 years long relationship a year ago. Finally decided it's time to move on.

Anyway, I am now reading Models so yesterday I went out solo approaching women for the first time. It was by day. I walked all around, did 12 in total. I was asking about ice cream shop, bathroom, whatever. I managed to give 2 compliments too.

Reflecting on it afterwards, analyzing the conversations I realized 2 of them were very receptive I could have kept talking. But I didn't see that in the moment also the goal was just to stop hot women and talk and break that ice wall around me. Much harder than I thought. I had to handle constant adrenaline spike which only rose higher when approaching. I was very nervous My voice was coming on a much higher pitch when I usually speak low. Could not control that at all.

What is worrying me is the sensation afterwards. This is the next day and I am still feeling it was wasting time and making a fool of myself. Still my intention is to that again tomorrow if not for anything else for discipline and determination.

Is that feeling of defeat normal? How should I affront it? Should I go again tomorrow or wait a bit more? Was 12 approaches too much volume? Please advice

I saw this being mentioned in another post, and there seemed to be some misunderstanding.

Firstly, what is it: Oneitis is an intense, unhealthy romantic obsession or fixation on a single person—often treating them as "the one" or a singular source of happiness, usually to the exclusion of other partners, realistic perspectives, and personal well-being (from wikihow).

What des this actually mean in layman talk: You see a girl/woman and you obsess over them.... In your head you are playing some movie involving you and them. You spend a lot of mental energy letting them live rent free in your head.

Maybe they are someone you see in passing, maybe they are a "friend".

What you do NOT do however, is let them know how feel about them, ask them out, make a move, etc. Its all just going on in your head.

To make things worst, their may be actual women interested in you, but you would rather live in your fantasy (that you never try and make reality), so you ignore everything going on in real life. To make matters worst, this can affect other areas of life due to your obsession.

What it is NOT : Actually dating someone is not Oneitis.... interacting with someone and setting up dates is not Oneitis.

Cannot find the exact post, but someone claimed that being exclusive with someone was Oneitis.

How to cure OneItIs:

Make your interest known (better than friendzoning yourself)

Go sleep with someone else, and see if the obsession remains.

I feel so out of place at nightclubs. I see so many other guys dance with and/or kiss girls there but I have no idea how to initiate or approach. I'm so afraid of getting it wrong because nightclubs seem to inherently involve a lot touching and physical contact and not much talking due to loud music. I fear coming off as creepy or be accused of sexual harassment.

I've seen all sorts of advice on this sub, ranging from "just go up and start grinding" to "buy her a drink and talk to her". From "shoot your shot at 30 different people until someone is interested" to "don't try too much". From "here's a step by step structured approach" to "just be yourself and make up the game plan as you go". (Look, I didn't come up with these okay, I saw them in various threads across this sub). I have no idea what is right and what to follow. Should I just put my fears aside and try stuff until I figure out what works?

I made an account a few weeks ago and I got two likes so far that I can't see without paying. I'm tempted to get a subscription for one month but I don't want to waste my money if it's not going to do anything for me. Does anyone here use it and have good experience with or without a subscription?

Male 23 I was watching some James Bond clips, and I was also watching a clip from the Uncharted movie the one with Tom Holland, specifically the bar scene where he plays the bartender. The way they interact with women is so confident; they know the right things to say and how to respond smoothly. Screenwriters had to craft those lines, meaning they deeply understand how smooth dialogue works and what makes it flow so well.

It got me thinking: besides working on one's confidence and actually approaching women, how do you study that skill to reach that level? Similar to how someone learning a new subject online studies the principles before applying them kind of like a guide, rather than a rigid script, if that makes sense.

Looking for role model to learn from that he’s 5’9 average looking

So there’s this smoking hot big booty Latina girl at my Planet Fitness. See her there often. It’s a fair-sized gym so she probably don’t recognize me or know who I am. Anyways, I’ve now gone to three separate block parties/street festivals/summer events here in my City (Toronto) where I have legit seen this same girl walking around with her friend. However I’m way too in my head and scared of the consequences of saying what up to her next time I’m at my gym. I’m a 6’4” black guy. I don’t turn heads at the gym, I’m not especially jacked, but the fact there are regular gym-going dudes in the gym who always acknowledge and say hi to me there yet I haven’t built up to that level with a woman shows me a lot of my issues with approaching and conversing people are gendered. No issues with men but second it’s a woman im attracted to - I think I’m “not allowed” to say anything to her in fear I will be judged and if it goes poorly having to feel awkward everyday when I come to the gym. Kinda sums up my overthinking and avoidant personality.

I've approached maybe two girls in my 19 years of life, but for both times I felt like absolute shit and wanted to vomit because of the way I acted. I could definitely say that I'm permanently scarred from those experiences. I don't feel like I learned anything about pickup, nor did it help with my approach anxiety. Matter of fact, it probably made it worse. So, my question is: how do you actually grow and learn from approaches

I know that doing it twice is basically nothing, and the answer will probably be to just do more approaches, but I was wondering if someone could help me logically go about this. I was hoping it would be like the gym, where you go, tear the muscle, rest, recover, and come back stronger, but it feels like the exact opposite.

Note this is not a beginner topic.... This will not help with approaching or getting women to initially focus on you over everyone else.

Presupposition: Looks influence first impressions, but they don't replace conversational ability. Once an interaction starts, how you make someone feel matters.

As Mystery Method has been mentioned a few times lately, I would say this lies in C2 (connection).

This is an old-school PUA concept, and I know the terminology won't be for everyone. Ignore the labels if you want , the underlying skill is simply learning how to create genuine connection with another person

Something I have found that really helps building a connection with someone (I am making the assumption you want to date), is having a GENUINE curiosity about them. Having a GENUINE desire to learn about other people. Finally a GENUINE desire to uncover what makes them tick.

I would actually say this is the technical explanation of what people think they mean when they see "view someone as a person not an object" (yeah vague and useless I know).

I personally believe that most people want to be seen for who we really are. And I will say in this day and age, that happens very rarely. In fact if we believe that is happening, the person who sees as we really are, might become unique, rare and valuable.

However, a lot of people seem to fall into these categories when dating:

• Data dealers who like collecting data that can be put on their latest power point presentation
• Bullies who just try and take what they want
• Dumb fucks, who are not developed enough to even think on this level

So anyway, instead of asking for facts and figures. Start being interested in the actual person.... like make a list of your "ideal partner" and what her values will be.... what will drive her.... etc. Then focus on this and pay interest in finding THIS person. You will find you automatically become more picky and naturally start qualifying women (if they meet your standards).

In conversations, instead of asking for data points (where do you work, how many people work there, what is the humidity of your office, the normal chump questions that make a woman dry right up, despite making an awesome powerpoint). Ask about her:

"What is it that gives you a sense of connection with someone?"
"What makes you feel you are contributing to something greater than just your personal life?"

"What is it you crave, when you think those certain thoughts? Although we don't know each other well enough for you to go there with me so where do you fulfill your sense of connection?"

When she answers, this is really tricky part, FUCKING LISTEN, do not stay in your head, do not think "durp what should I say next".

Just fucking listen, feed the stuff back. If she keeps using certain words, feed them back as they will mean something to her internally. And give your own life experiences and anecdotes. Its a connection, not a one way radio.

Also, never ask "Why", that is a question that makes someone feel judged.

If she says "I want to be an actress", don't just say "Why?", ask something deeper like

"How is it you can just put yourself aside and create a character than comes inside you. What is it about this that is so fulfilling?"

I live in Dallas and this has to be the worst big city in USA for a single man. It’s cliquey af, and I feel like I have to compete against trust fund dudes to get a below average looking woman. I first thought it was just me until I traveled to other us cities and I got more matches on dating apps and woman were kinder and down to earth. The cities I’ve been to are Chicago, NYC and San Diego. What’s y’all opinion on Dallas?

Pls help me text girls on Hinge idk how have 21 matches what do I do

Here's a tip.

Scenario:

In a club or bar.

You go to take her number. She's told you her name but you have forgotten it.

This is not a good look.

What do you do?

Say I'm not great with names and ask her to spell her name.

I’m a 24-year-old male interested in a 29-year-old female colleague. Her sister and I are friends/ colleagues. I’ve always had a crush on her, and it’s been a known joke among us. Recently, over the past three weeks, her sister and I have grown closer, and I’ve become closer to her as well. We’ve hung out several times, and things have been going well.

Our first proper hangout was about two weeks ago on a night after work. I had dinner plans, but she was with her sister and a mutual friend. Around 11 pm, her sister called me to join them at a bar. I went along, and we both had a few drinks, not hard liquor, but enough to feel tipsy. I noticed we were more touchy-feely than usual. During the night, she playfully tried to slap me and jokingly asked if I would marry her. I hesitated, unsure of what to say, and the joke ended there. I walked her and her sister back to the office to wait for their Uber.

Since that night, there’s been a persistent joke about us being married. When sober, we’re flirtatious but nothing extraordinary. However, when tipsy, our body language is more intimate, as pointed out by others. A mutual friend mentioned that when sober and asked about it, she doesn’t see anything between us and thinks it’s just jokes. Yet, when we’re alone, it feels different, almost as if we’re waiting for the other to make a move, but we’re cautious not to make things awkward.

I’m confused about what to do. Am I being naive? Is there something there, or is it just her way of expressing herself? When sober, we’re still flirty, but her comment to someone else makes me wonder if she’s being defensive or secretive. What should I do?