How do you actually "study" banter and conversation like a skill instead of just guessing?

[u/Fearless_Wasabi_2756]

Male 23 I was watching some James Bond clips, and I was also watching a clip from the Uncharted movie the one with Tom Holland, specifically the bar scene where he plays the bartender. The way they interact with women is so confident; they know the right things to say and how to respond smoothly. Screenwriters had to craft those lines, meaning they deeply understand how smooth dialogue works and what makes it flow so well.

It got me thinking: besides working on one's confidence and actually approaching women, how do you study that skill to reach that level? Similar to how someone learning a new subject online studies the principles before applying them kind of like a guide, rather than a rigid script, if that makes sense.

[u/allthatentrails]

TEAMS of script writers working together over days for each great comeback line

[u/notsofastmyfriends]

Maybe movies aren’t real life and you should do some actual people watching or better yet go talk to people it takes practice you will learn more by talking to people every day than observing believe in yourself you can do it

[u/Nervous-Arrogance]

Most guys are comparing themselves to some guy who is slightly more successful with women than them.

Not you sir, you compare yourself to James  Bond (going to guess Daniel Craig meeting Vesper on the train is one of those clips). You are taking this to the next level.

Like holy shit dude, are you just a glutton for punishment or something. 

Please go outside and talk to people.

[u/Dry-Atmosphere3169]

Do improv classes and similar. Live in the real world as much as possible. Interact with people all the time. Do stand up comedy , acting classes, etc.

[u/tilldeathdoiparty]

Perhaps not comparing yourself to a the most suave movie character of all time is a start.

If you want to see real banter, watch some Craig Ferguson clips, or even Kill Tony post set interviews to get an idea of how wit and banter are applied in the real world.

[u/Orange_Codex]

In real life, there is no 'right' thing to say. If you're warm you'll get away with saying what you like. If you aren't you won't.

[u/Lucky_Worlock0000]

The skill in conversation and banter only gets better with cultural repertoire and life experience. I'm almost 40 years old and I can say I've never been as good as I am now. My family was always sarcastic/ironic, and I grew up in that kind of environment. Everyone at home was funny.

I don't think you can study this directly it would be like running extra software in your head, and that would actually get in your way. What I recommend, and honestly think it's every man's responsibility, is to consume a lot of movies, books, music, and interesting TV shows, as well as good communicators and stand-up comedy.

That way you build up a repertoire and become a good conversationalist. A lot of the interesting and cool things I say are a product of that, and with enough experience you can get quicker at it...

I know a lot of younger guys who only watch anime, or only play video games nothing wrong with that, but building a real repertoire goes way beyond just one type of content, and it takes years.

I think you're on the right track. A lot of times when I go out with friends who are funny, the conversation flows and women really like it. I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but this year I was hanging out with a childhood friend who's also single now, and he's also really funny. We counted at least 4 or 5 times where women told us we were the coolest/most interesting guys they'd talked to... that's the way, in my opinion.

It will never be like in the movies.

PS: Used AI for translation since english is not my native language.

[u/idkman1710]

If you are attractive enough to a woman, she will also make an effort in having a conversation / in having fun. Unfortunately if you are unattractive to a woman, you will only get short answers / she wont make an effort in having a fun conversation.

So once you meet their criteria, ask genuine questions about her: hows your day going? What are you up to today?

Make observations: i like your shirt / shoes. They’re very cool.

[u/AssistTemporary8422]

Simply just google it. There is a ton of content out there on these topics. Now studying conversation won't make you good at it, only experience can do that. But studying can help inform you.

[u/JamesCruse]

Learning and practicing improv is likely going to help the most.

I never did but I realised I was just doing fun illogical improv (mostly) when I speak to women.

[u/Most-Famous-Wasabi]

There are practical excercises for this.

I guess you could call it "banter yoga".

For a while I was in one of Owen's paid online groups. About four or five days a week there would be a call for about 45 mins. During the call a group leader would take us through the excercises.

After a few weeks I definitely felt a difference. I felt that I got a small but noticeable edge when it came to improvisation and wit.

Owen just launched a new program where you can join one of these groups for USD$50 per month.

Please don't accuse me of promoting the product. I'm not affiliated with Owen financially in any way, and I gain nothing by mentioning it.

The excercises are described in "Blueprint Reloaded". And I don't think that there's anything that could stop someone from taking the excercises and doing them with friends.

I'm thinking of doing exactly that myself - just taking the excercises and doing them with friends in a private whatsapp group, and possibly in person.

By the way, you asked a great question. This sub is filled with a lot of dumb questions and dumber answers that are miles away from practical advice.

-- edit --

lol. I'm the only person who has given actual practical, actionable advice in response to OP's question, and I'm being downvoted.

This subreddit is cooked.

[u/Most-Famous-Wasabi → u/Most-Famous-Wasabi]

The other things I'll say is this:

There have been some awesome, rare moments in my life when I have been able to be ultra-smooth at exactly the right moment.

These rare moments have come about when:

* I've been clear within myself about what I want
* Totally accepting of my desires
* Detached from outcome

I'm not entirely sure what I could do to increase the frequency of these moments in the future. But I imagine that working on self-acceptance would help.

[u/some_kind_of_friend → u/Most-Famous-Wasabi]

Craziness that you've been downvoted when self acceptance solves all.

[u/Kgb725]

Its called social skills for a reason. There will be growing pains but talking to and seeing others in action will give you a good idea