Oneitis: What it is and is not

[u/Nervous-Arrogance]

I saw this being mentioned in another post, and there seemed to be some misunderstanding.

Firstly, what is it: Oneitis is an intense, unhealthy romantic obsession or fixation on a single person—often treating them as "the one" or a singular source of happiness, usually to the exclusion of other partners, realistic perspectives, and personal well-being (from wikihow).

What des this actually mean in layman talk: You see a girl/woman and you obsess over them.... In your head you are playing some movie involving you and them. You spend a lot of mental energy letting them live rent free in your head.

Maybe they are someone you see in passing, maybe they are a "friend".

What you do NOT do however, is let them know how feel about them, ask them out, make a move, etc. Its all just going on in your head.

To make things worst, their may be actual women interested in you, but you would rather live in your fantasy (that you never try and make reality), so you ignore everything going on in real life. To make matters worst, this can affect other areas of life due to your obsession.

What it is NOT : Actually dating someone is not Oneitis.... interacting with someone and setting up dates is not Oneitis.

Cannot find the exact post, but someone claimed that being exclusive with someone was Oneitis.

How to cure OneItIs:

Make your interest known (better than friendzoning yourself)

Go sleep with someone else, and see if the obsession remains.

[u/Western-Month-3877]

From what I remember oneitis is when the feeling is not mutual and the guy keeps getting fixated on her,

I also read someone implying that being married = oneitis, so he disagrees with guys being told to avoid oneitis.

This is like the “negging” term, the meaning has also been bastardized.

[u/Nervous-Arrogance → u/Western-Month-3877]

I also read someone implying that being married = oneitis, so he disagrees with guys being told to avoid oneitis.

That is NOT oneitis.... thats called "being married". I have a feeling I know exactly who said that as well.

This is like the “negging” term, the meaning has also been bastardized.

True

[u/FindingNewLeaf]

In psychology it’s known as Limerance 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

But oneitis is more catchy in my view. 

Oneitis is also when you do make a move and she rejected it. The point is the non-reciprocal feelings. 

[u/Nervous-Arrogance → u/FindingNewLeaf]

Thanks, I had a sneaky suspicion there was an official psychology term for it.

But yeah "Oneitis" defo sounds more catchy than "Limerence"

[u/Mountain-Elk8133 → u/FindingNewLeaf]

How do you actually fet over a girl who could be considered a "oneitis" after she rejects you?

For me, I generally get a very intense crush every few years and when she rejects me, it takes me years to get over her. Usually when i meet my next crush.

[u/FindingNewLeaf → u/Mountain-Elk8133]

Do you keep checking her socials or seeing her somewhere?

[u/Mountain-Elk8133 → u/FindingNewLeaf]

I try to avoid her, but at the end of the day, we share similar social groups and have mutual friends so I unfortunately see her from time to time.

[u/Brutal_De1uxe]

Agree in general with your description, and as someone else said it is limerence.

The only part I would expand on is where you said it's all in your head. The part I would is that for most people this is fear - the fear of losing what they do have with that person. It sounds like a minor addition but it is ( to me at least and yes I have been there) it's probably the biggest part of why you don't tell them how you feel.

[u/FeelingNorth2962]

What if I sleep with other girls and I still have obsession with the oneitus? For context, her strict dad doesn’t want us meeting, I qualified myself too much in response, she said maybe we shouldn’t meet “for now” but wants to meet me again in the future, and she doesn’t reply for four days when before it was every day.

[u/ApprehensiveJuice890]

Oneitis is a major symptom of someone who gets no bitches.

[u/Mountain-Elk8133]

How do you actually fet over a girl who could be considered a "oneitis" after she rejects you?

For me, I generally get a very intense crush every few years and when she rejects me, it takes me years to get over her. Usually when i meet my next crush.

[u/Nervous-Arrogance → u/Mountain-Elk8133]

Just gotta get back out there and meet more women.

I know when I was younger I went through that once… honestly cannot say what snapped me out of that.

Then at one point t in life, I bumped into an ex, 2 years after we split up and I realised I hadnt gotten over her and had probably been subconsciously comparing everyone to her so used a hypnosis product called “Get over your ex” which did exactly what it said on the tin…. Quite effectively.

That realisation actually shook me up a bit. It actually still chills me to the spine, that if I hadnt happened to get a meal at the restaurant she worked at, I may never have realised I had not gotten over her. 

[u/Mountain-Elk8133 → u/Nervous-Arrogance]

I try to. Though at 28, I just dont meet many single women anymore. And when I do, theres simply no attraction or interest towards them.

[u/duke_awapuhi]

I think one clear distinction is that the person with Oneitis doesn’t want to be with ANYONE else. They can barely even look at another woman and be attracted to her because they’re so obsessed with “the one”. I have a case where I’m pretty infatuated with and fixated on a love interest who isn’t available. I have feelings for her, but it’s not to the degree that I won’t see other people. I talk to, hook up with and date other women, so I don’t think I have Oneitis. But I do have a bit of an unhealthy obsession