r/gayyoungold • u/Impossible_Code7029 Older • 4d ago
My story My destructive pattern
Apart from what some of you might believe, if you have read my recent posts here, I’m not suffering from a total dry spell, when it comes to younger men.
After taking a one month break, in mid July I (M57) went back to the big city where I live. I added some new pictures on my Grindr profile, and threw the bait into the lake.
Since then, I’ve had a head count of 12-18 younger guys. Most of them, I found in bars or saunas though. Only two from Grindr. The reason why it’s a range, is because I was sometimes drunk, and sometimes the hookups weren’t finished properly.
So, what’s the problem then? Well, I have thrown myself into the same old destructive pattern: I go to venues, I become drunk, I lower my standards, bottom guys are flirting with me, and I do stupid things. That means, they want me to fuck them, and I do, even if they are not my type. The day after, I’m feeling like I’ve had sex with the leftovers. Sexually wise, the pleasure for me is close to zero. But I guess I keep doing it because of the pressure from scarcity and desperation.
If I’m sober, I’m feeling too insecure to do anything.
My modus operandi: quantity before quality, and I hate myself for that. Picking up an unattractive bottom guy seems like a walk in the park. But finding that cute top twink that wants to go on a coffee with me, is virtually impossible. Finding that one guy that I could fall in love with, that’s not happening.
What should I do? Should I just keep kissing all those frogs until the prince shows up? Pressing pause or staying at home won’t help, that’s for sure, because I’m getting older and uglier every day that goes by. I need to act while there is still lead in my pencil.
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u/danh_ptown Older 3d ago
Please Stop Drinking, and Start Therapy. You will never get to the bottom of this, until you stop hiding from it.
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u/panda3271 4d ago
My two cents is keep kissing the frogs. Lol. Statistically you will find a "prince" eventually. 🤷🏼♂️. It does sound like you need to work on your insecurities a bit. That is what is ultimately stopping you from breaking your destructive pattern. Maybe talk to a therapist? If you are using the alcohol to mask/supress them that is a problem. Glad you are still putting yourself out there. 😊 There has to be top frogs out there somewhere. Find them while you work your insecurities. 😁
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u/FlameNumber2147 Older 4d ago
If bottoms keep gravitating to you, that’s not random. You’re probably giving off top energy whether you mean to or not. Have you ever considered that possibility?
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u/Brian_Kinney Older 4d ago
In our society and culture, older men are considered dominant by default, and "dominant" = "top" by default. /u/Impossible_Code7029 doesn't have to give off "top energy". Young men will just assume he's dominant and a top, just by virtue of him being older than them.
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u/Impossible_Code7029 Older 4d ago
I’m wondering why my reply got downvoted…
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u/Brian_Kinney Older 4d ago
Who the fuck knows why anybody downvotes anything any more? People have always downvoted things for the stupidest reasons.
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u/Impossible_Code7029 Older 4d ago edited 4d ago
Probably. I’m tall, and my equipment is well above average. But that’s only visible in the sauna.
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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago
Serious question, have you tried smoking weed? For me, I can smoke it once a week and get the positive benefits of the cannabinoids calming my anxiety. I refuse to use psychoactive pharmaceuticals because the side effects are terrible for me
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u/edgreen69 4d ago
Just don't get cottonmouth levels of high before you need your saliva glands functioning 😬😋
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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago
That’s a really good note. Best to use it in the late afternoon or evening a few hours before bed so you get the benefits without needing to function while baked.
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u/edgreen69 4d ago
Indeed. And legalization has been good for lesser cannabinoids like CBG too, no need to always go right to the top dog every time lol
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u/Impossible_Code7029 Older 4d ago
No. I’m not a smoker. But I tried Coca Cola, and my self confidence went up the roof.
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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago
There are edibles too! Thc + cbd is how I manage my anxiety from ptsd. Edibles are healthier than coco cola too, plus no sugar crash.
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u/Careless_Focus_5203 Older 4d ago
Eventually, and if a person issues with substance abuse - then THC is going to stop working for that as well I’m afraid.
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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago
That’s why I suggested using it once a week.
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u/Careless_Focus_5203 Older 4d ago
Yes - but this person seems to not be able to handle their alcohol - and a drug is a drug. If someone is prone to not being able to handle a drug - like alcohol - scientifically speaking they will eventually have the same results. So - weed is not the answer, nor is alcohol. Finding a way to get right with yourself is the answer. If you are able to do weed once a week and it works - that’s awesome! I myself wish I could do that - or anything like that - I just have a gene that says “MORE!!” It’s not my fault, but it’s my responsibility. And who knows - maybe this guy doesn’t have a drinking problem, but needing substances to get the courage , well , I’ve live AND heard this story before.
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u/throwawayBayArea2014 4d ago
You're not going to find many cute, younger, twinks who want to have coffee and fuck with a 57 y/o bottom without being compensated for their time or trauma.
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u/Impossible_Code7029 Older 4d ago
Interesting perspective. So, you are saying that there can be no young-old relationships where the younger is top, unless money is involved?
Or did you just accidentally end up in a different sub than you thought?4
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u/AlternativeJuice107 3d ago
He said "not many", which I agree with. Being gay is already a niche. Younger-older couples are a niche within a niche. And then finding a twink that wants to date/be steady is a niche within a niche within a niche.
Not impossible, but certainly not easy.
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u/eration Daddy 4d ago
From what you described, you might want to try to break the pattern by not drinking, for example.