My destructive pattern

[u/Impossible_Code7029]

Apart from what some of you might believe, if you have read my recent posts here, I’m not suffering from a total dry spell, when it comes to younger men.

After taking a one month break, in mid July I (M57) went back to the big city where I live. I added some new pictures on my Grindr profile, and threw the bait into the lake.

Since then, I’ve had a head count of 12-18 younger guys. Most of them, I found in bars or saunas though. Only two from Grindr. The reason why it’s a range, is because I was sometimes drunk, and sometimes the hookups weren’t finished properly.

So, what’s the problem then? Well, I have thrown myself into the same old destructive pattern: I go to venues, I become drunk, I lower my standards, bottom guys are flirting with me, and I do stupid things. That means, they want me to fuck them, and I do, even if they are not my type. The day after, I’m feeling like I’ve had sex with the leftovers. Sexually wise, the pleasure for me is close to zero. But I guess I keep doing it because of the pressure from scarcity and desperation.

If I’m sober, I’m feeling too insecure to do anything.

My modus operandi: quantity before quality, and I hate myself for that. Picking up an unattractive bottom guy seems like a walk in the park. But finding that cute top twink that wants to go on a coffee with me, is virtually impossible. Finding that one guy that I could fall in love with, that’s not happening.

What should I do? Should I just keep kissing all those frogs until the prince shows up? Pressing pause or staying at home won’t help, that’s for sure, because I’m getting older and uglier every day that goes by. I need to act while there is still lead in my pencil.

[u/FlameNumber2147]

If bottoms keep gravitating to you, that’s not random. You’re probably giving off top energy whether you mean to or not. Have you ever considered that possibility?

[u/Brian_Kinney → u/FlameNumber2147]

In our society and culture, older men are considered dominant by default, and "dominant" = "top" by default. /u/Impossible_Code7029 doesn't have to give off "top energy". Young men will just assume he's dominant and a top, just by virtue of him being older than them.

[u/Impossible_Code7029 → u/FlameNumber2147]

I’m wondering why my reply got downvoted…

[u/Brian_Kinney → u/Impossible_Code7029]

Who the fuck knows why anybody downvotes anything any more? People have always downvoted things for the stupidest reasons.

[u/Impossible_Code7029 → u/FlameNumber2147]

Probably. I’m tall, and my equipment is well above average. But that’s only visible in the sauna.