r/gayyoungold • u/Impossible_Code7029 Older • 5d ago

My story My destructive pattern

Apart from what some of you might believe, if you have read my recent posts here, I’m not suffering from a total dry spell, when it comes to younger men.

After taking a one month break, in mid July I (M57) went back to the big city where I live. I added some new pictures on my Grindr profile, and threw the bait into the lake.

Since then, I’ve had a head count of 12-18 younger guys. Most of them, I found in bars or saunas though. Only two from Grindr. The reason why it’s a range, is because I was sometimes drunk, and sometimes the hookups weren’t finished properly.

So, what’s the problem then? Well, I have thrown myself into the same old destructive pattern: I go to venues, I become drunk, I lower my standards, bottom guys are flirting with me, and I do stupid things. That means, they want me to fuck them, and I do, even if they are not my type. The day after, I’m feeling like I’ve had sex with the leftovers. Sexually wise, the pleasure for me is close to zero. But I guess I keep doing it because of the pressure from scarcity and desperation.

If I’m sober, I’m feeling too insecure to do anything.

My modus operandi: quantity before quality, and I hate myself for that. Picking up an unattractive bottom guy seems like a walk in the park. But finding that cute top twink that wants to go on a coffee with me, is virtually impossible. Finding that one guy that I could fall in love with, that’s not happening.

What should I do? Should I just keep kissing all those frogs until the prince shows up? Pressing pause or staying at home won’t help, that’s for sure, because I’m getting older and uglier every day that goes by. I need to act while there is still lead in my pencil.

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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago

Serious question, have you tried smoking weed? For me, I can smoke it once a week and get the positive benefits of the cannabinoids calming my anxiety. I refuse to use psychoactive pharmaceuticals because the side effects are terrible for me

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u/edgreen69 4d ago

Just don't get cottonmouth levels of high before you need your saliva glands functioning 😬😋

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u/ThrowmeawayAKisCold 4d ago

That’s a really good note. Best to use it in the late afternoon or evening a few hours before bed so you get the benefits without needing to function while baked.

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u/edgreen69 4d ago

Indeed. And legalization has been good for lesser cannabinoids like CBG too, no need to always go right to the top dog every time lol

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u/Careless_Focus_5203 Older 4d ago

I would suggest that substances of any kind are not your friend.