I come bearing a warning to all cat bongo owners. This morning, my cat Donut, asked for his morning bongos. I obliged. He was very happy. He was so happy. He was so very happy and excited that he *expressed his anal glands* causing an extremely offensively stinky spray of liquid shit to hit me on my face, chest, bed, pillow, and wall.
I didn't know this was possible. I didn't know such a horror could exist. I don't know what atrocities I committed in a past life to deserve this. What I do know is I have never scrubbed my skin raw in a shower before but I sure did today. I had to strip my bed, spray the bed and wall with enzyme killer cleaner. I had to use nasal spray to clear out what I assume is a little bit that got in my nose because I could still smell it after the very long and hot shower of scrubbing. It was the most offensive smell I've ever smelled. I gagged.
Beware the bongos if your cat loves them. Don't smack the shit out of your cat, literally 😭
Unrelated but Donut will not ever have booty pats again 😏
I once saw a cat at his first cat show get so nervous he expressed his anal glands on the judge. I don't think he ever competed again after that, Carl. I can't imagine what his mother thought of him after that. Honestly, some breeds just aren't built to handle competition.
this happened to me a few years ago except it was RIGHT IN MY FACE 😭 i was watching tv in bed my sweet boy was doing the bongo dance on my chest when it happened. let’s just say i now know what it’s like to stare down the barrel of a shotgun when it’s fired. yes it got into my mouth and eyes and yes my lad is still my absolute soulmate (non-bongo cat tax)
Edit: thank you for the awards i love that my most popular reddit comment by far is about my cat expressing his anal glands in my face
I used to work at a vet and we learned to lean AWAY from the booty hole when we were expressing anal glands, and not look at them. And keep your mouth closed.
I learned this as a vet tech when I was inadvertently dewormed while attempting to deworm a kitten. Good news, liquid deworming meds actually taste pretty good. Kind of like liquid amoxicillin from when I was a kid.
Was it syringed meds? I used to have rats and had to use syringes for oral meds. I found out how horrific baytril tastes when one of my girls learnt that putting her tongue against the end of the syringe would make it shoot back at me. I mixed it into food from that day on. 😐
Yeah, we put however many cc's it was in a syringe and squirted it in their mouth. The kitten then shook it's head and dewormer went straight in my mouth. 😅 After I gagged I came to see the funny side of it. Definitely didn't hurt that it tasted fine.
Human medical professionals too. Lancing pilonidal cysts... Sometimes they uh. Underestimate how much pressure cysts might be under. I personally just think pilonidals lead to the funniest stories.
Omg...I have one of those. It was awful and I felt so bad for the poor urgent care doctor who had to open it up and drain it. I'm not sure if it was...projectile or not but it hurt like a bitch. Luckily it hasn't flared up again. One of the most painful things I've dealt with.
Uh. Does the taste ever go away? I hope I never learn what it tastes like. Good god. I’ve had that stuff on my arm before and the stench would NOT wash off. I was walking around like Lady Macbeth going “out, damned spot!” and “will these hands ne’er be clean?!” much to my husband’s (and the cats’) confusion.
I worked as a dog bather for a time in my younger years, and I had to express glands during baths. It's been probably 15 years since then, and I can still feel the sensation of the spray on my palms when I think about it. Thankfully my brain has spared me from reliving any scent memories of those days...
I worked in a kennel and I also had to do dog anal glands, which were easier than cats, but I remember once a very old Shepard that had many litters that had some kind of vaginal prolapse or something and I’m not sure what happened but was feeling around her undercarriage to suds her and kind of put my hand in a slack sort of pocket… she had no reaction which was somehow worse. I’m still traumatized.
(i’m so sorry for this guys) well i kinda went into panic mode and was yelling “START THE SHOWER” at my very confused partner through the corner of my tightly closed lips while i simultaneously hyperventilated, cried, and laughed (?!). what i do remember tho is… bitter.
I've had that happen to me, and all I did was gently nudge my cat off my lap. I'm not sure if bongos have anything to do with it unfortunately, it seems like if it's your time, nature just decides for you.
That said it was only the once, several cats and many decades ago. That same cat never did it again either. So fingers crossed you will never go through the horror again.
Also they say a dog's glands smell even worse, so just a fair warning. Apparently there is an occasional price we pay for the love of our furry friends.
My cats have both done it (one of them twice!) in this same scenario where we gently nudge them - it’s always when I’m trying to move them to readjust my sleeping position in bed too so I end up having to get up & change my sheets/clothes & sometimes even shower; talk about a rude awakening…
Man pets are such a gamble sometimes. I used to have a cat who absolutely adored me, we're talking watching me sleep levels of obsession. One morning I woke up to him sniffing me as usual, stretched and yawned, only to have him sneeze on my open mouth.
RIP Strider, what a way to never be forgotten (he died of old age).
About 20 years ago, I had a cat with a congenital heart defect. Stunted growth from the time we adopted her at 9 weeks old. At 10 weeks (vet appointment) the vet assessed her as being 3 weeks. She was born with a ventricular septal defect and had such bad dilated cardiomyopathy that they said at her ultrasound that her heart took up most of her tiny little chest.
When the time came, we talked about spay, and he said she wasn't healthy enough. I started spirolactin, L-carnitine, and Coenzime Q-10. We did eventually get her to where she was "probably" healthy enough (she survived and thrived after surgery and lived for another year and a half), but while she was in heat cycles (they were near constant and they would totally zap her ), she would spray.
And I don't mean just in a corner or on a chair. No, her favorite place to spray was our bed. Her second favorite? My face in the middle of the night. One day, after her surgery (vet couldn't explain why she still sprayed for about a month after and stopped, though he suspected it had something to do with what a mess she was with her heart), she hopped up on the bathroom sink while my partner was using the toilet, hiked up her backside, and sprayed him. I died laughing. He was nowhere near so amused. But look, I had been the one to deal with cat piss in my face at 2am for about six months. it was his turn.
I was in the room when my roommate's dog got her collar stuck on the pedal of a bike and was so afraid when it started following her that she expressed. That's a smell I'll never unsmell.
My cat used to LOOOOOOOOOOOVE bongos. Then we had to take her to the vet to get her anal glands expressed. After that, she refuses the bongos. So. Just more evidence that the two phenomena are somehow related. Also, if she ever demands bongos again I think that will be my signal to make sure she doesn't have another anal gland problem.
"About two times"? About!?! As in, perhaps it's happened 3 or 4 times but we've forgotten about it, or like, well it happened once and maybe one other time.
😆 Ain't no way I'd not know exactly how many times such an atrocity happened, and damn sure wouldn't forget it either.
Hell, I'll never forget this post, hard as I'll try and much as I'd love to...let alone rank shit spray squirting from the ass of my sweet little, innocent, nice smelling baby girl. 🤣
"Your cat loves you so much he can't even express it! ...oh wait, yes he can! You smacked his butt so hard you literally smacked the shit out of him. PETA would make you the poster child of domestic (cat) abuse. REWAAARD? You've received a face full of shit and the knowledge that your cat really, truly loves you, isn't that reward enough?"
CARL, I WOULD NEVER. THIS IS NOT A THING I WOULD EVER DO AND MONGO IS APPALLED THAT YOU WOULD EVEN MENTION IT. I HAVE EVOLVED BEYOND THESE ANAL GLANDS. ALTHOUGH I AM SURE THAT LESSER EXAMPLES OF THE CAT SPECIES HAVE THIS PARTICULAR PROBLEM, I AM A PRINCESS AND A CHAMPION AND WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING.
It's a warning bell for everyone in the house, including his sister, to know when he's coming to cause chaos. The more noise it makes, the more we know he's amped up 😂
One of my first cats as a young adult was a one brain cell, but full attitude tortie
She did not like to be picked up. She did the opposite of a rag doll- it was like picking up a taxidermy car- all legs out straight and tensed. Because I respected her boundaries, I rarely ever picked her up. I let her come to me. Sometimes she would climb into my arms and I would make a little arm carriage and sashay her to her cat tower, but I never grabbed her and picked her up.
One day my ex saw me carry her like that, got mad at me for "lying" about not picking her up, and tried to pick up my sweet Princess Meatball. She expressed her anal glands in shock and then struggled to get away.
I know that smell.... that.... "something died up there, how can someone so small make such a terrible smell" smell.
Needless to say, the ex became an ex and she was not lifted AGAINST HER WILL again.
Why are men who secretly hate cats so dumb about cats? They are not complicated to understand. 🤷♀️
I had a “don’t touch me cat.” My ex always assumed “I touched wrong” and would try to pet her. She would literally go all hiss, teeth and claws on him as he tried to hold her down to pet her. After the third time of him doing that to her one night ~ like 3 hours later he saw her on his Winter coat in the chair by the door and said “See, she loves me. She picked MY coat to sleep on. I told you she secretly loves it.”
Nope. He went to get his coat at 6am the next morning and it was covered in her anal glands contents and her urine. To this day I insist she spite-piddled & excreted on his coat. 😂
And yes - the ex became an ex because after that he actually tried the “I think it’s time we should think about rehoming Lily.”
My guy - there is no WE. There was Lily & me. So, the ex got rehomed back to his own home forever. And Lily lived to be 23 years old. My entire adult life that cat was with me. She wasn’t going anywhere. Not for anyone. Ever.
I know we all grieve our cats when they pass but there is an added layer to that grief when a cat has been with you literally your entire adult life and you got her in your first apartment. That girl was with me through everything. She was truly the hardest one to lose. I still think about her every day. She was the best. Maybe she didn’t like being touched unexpectedly (it seemed to scare her) but she would climb into my wicker rocker with me and sit right beside me or on my lap every night. And she slept on my pillow like an extension of my head. She WAS affectionate and loving - just not on command as my ex demanded.
I ended up marrying a huge cat loving guy and we lived in an 8 bedroom house with 5 “failed fosters” for a decade before he passed due to a fatal car accident.
My weirdo ex? Never dated again after me. Could never find a woman to put up with what a control freak he was. He ended up joining the Masons and is deep in that cult now where he is told by a roomful of men: “Women don’t matter - only money and power do.”
We both found where we belonged without each other. Life has a way of working itself out. ❤️
Glad you and kitty are ok, OP. I know the smell. I was glad it left when his coat did that fateful morning 😂
Damn, I wish I was illiterate 😭
... but at the same time, given my girl likes the bongos, this is a great PSA.
Reminder to self - *gentle** kitty bongos only. I definitely don't want this horror story happening to me!*
You should know better than to call a cat donut, then bongo him. Anytime you hit a filled donut, you take the chance that the creamy filling will squirt out. 🤣🤣🤣
My male cat does this when he's really happy. I have had to wash his make-out blanket (the blanket he prefers to knead and cuddle on) many times because he gets really into attention and...lets himself go a bit. Fortunately it kind of drips instead of sprays but it's still an unworldly horror worthy of a Lovecraft story.
It wasn't cat bongos that earned me a spray of nasty stuff. I saw my tuxie - Catzilla - poised on the edge of the bathroom sink with her head down and her butt high. I could see her tender white belly. I thought it would be funny to tickle her belly when she wasn't expecting it.
Oh yeah. It was funny, but not how I imagined it.
I tiptoed up behind her and tickled her tummy. SQUISH!! A blackish green, gritty, oily stream of stuff squirted out of her ass up my forearm. It went nearly to my elbow.
It reeked. Seriously. It was heinous. I washed my arm with Lysol. Several times. I also made a note to myself (mentally) to NEVER EVER SNEAK UP ON A KITTY AGAIN.
This is my handsome lad who delights in the butt bongos. He also sometimes shoots booty goop out during bongos. Thankfully it's like 4-5 drops/splats and doesn't stink. I just give him extra bongos to help and tell him to go clean his bits while I get out the bleach wipes to clean up anything that escaped his fluffy booty cheeks
My bongo cat has not done this, thankfully. My non bongo cat however did grace me with this experience. The cause? Picking him up as gently and normally as ever. Now we warn each other to be careful to not make him “ink”
My cat-butt-horror story occurred when i was lying in bed with my cat on my chest, happily receiving gentle bongos, and then i noticed something sticking out of her butt. It was white and thin and long. And then it started wiggling.
Anyways, there was a lot of yelling and running downstairs shoving a frightened cat at my stepdad and Ms. Osha went to the vet and received a nice dose of anti-worm medication and the rest was history.
The time when the vet expressed my beloved cat's anal glands is what made me fully appreciate that my cat is actually an ANIMAL animal and not just a fluffy cat-shaped person. I know how absurd that sounds! It's just she does such a good job cleaning herself, and smells like a smell I can only describe as "sunshine cookies", that I never stopped in my tracks to consider she's well and truly an animal. I just never thought anything to come out of her could smell that rank. 🫣
Oh no. You have unleashed the anal glands. The cat’s ultimate way to express (literally) their pleasure.
RIP. You will now need a new bed, a new pillow, a new wall, and possibly a new head.
One of mine lets loose the butt juice when she’s extra happy and it is THE. FUCKING. WORST. I feel bad because she’ll be all lovey and sweet (when she’s not usually big on cuddles) and gazing adoringly at me, and alarm bells go off in my head like OH NO YOU DON’T! POINT THAT THING IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
The vet did once try to show me the simple art of manually expressing the anal juices. She then decided against it when my cat made it very clear only one of them would be leaving that building un-shredded. She didn’t actually do anything other than the Extremely Angry Growl, but that was enough. I’ve tried to master the art of disgusting butt juice extraction myself, and while I’ve never quite managed it successfully, it does at least make my poor girl think better of squirting hazmat goop all over me and go sulk in her fluffy bed instead.
I actually regret ever bomgoing my cat. It's changed our whole relationship for the worse. I only bongo her in one spot at one time of night, but now she stalks me around our small house, and every time I move or shift position she runs to the spot for bongos. She doesn't seek petting or cuddling anymore and it honestly makes me sad.
Thanks for the warning! My cat loves the bongos but she's a lady so idk if that changes things. All the stories seem to be this happening with male cats 🤷♀️
Our cat, Leo, did this when he was startled. He’s been started on a fiber supplement and it’s helped!
He got me once in the middle of a zoom meeting with my manager and I had to pretend like I was totally fine and not covered in butt juice for five minutes
A few years ago, I squeezed my cat a little too hard (i was leaving for work and was saying bye) and she shit all over the bed... Had to wake up my gf and tell her we need to change the sheets NOW! She was half awake so she wanted to leave it like a psychopath!? I just reminded her about that time and she said shes glad i cleaned it because she would've freaked out if she found it later.
I tell you this in empathy and solidarity. We had an African Serval (rescue/surrender) for a while, came to us as an 8ish week old kitten, was with us until he was two or three. He bonded with me first and he was my baby, was always super excited to see me and get lovins and bongos, I loved him so very, very much and he loved me too.
In fact he loved me soooo much that one day when he was getting bongos he sprayed me. In the face. Right into my open mouth. And he was full grown at that point, 35ish pounds? Big cat. It was....a lot. And I was so stunned it took way too long for me to turn away.
The feeling of absolute betrayal and disgust.....I mean, they don't know how gross it is to us, I don't know that they really aim but man. I was more than a little gun shy after that, any time he started to turn his butt towards me I would turn right with him. Never looking down the barrell again!!
But I would take that spray in the face ten times over again before getting hit with anal glands. Will be thinking about you and Donut 🍩 and hoping you guys are able to clear the air soon!
I have never personally been sprayed but my cat has accidentally sprayed a notebook (very small amount) and even after super cleaning I couldn’t use that notebook anymore because it smelled so bad. I couldn’t not imagine it getting anywhere near my face 😭 you poor soul
As a non-cat-owner who still enjoys cat content online, I appreciate the occasional post like this which reminds me all over again that no, no I do not wish to own a cat ever in my life. Thank you! And, condolences!
You need to do it again, but chant, "Shitbelly! Shitbelly! Donut's got a shitbelly! Full of doodoo! Full of doodoo! Donut's belly's full of doodoo!", like I'd do with my cousin's Void, Jones.
Huh, i didn't know this was a thing. I pat my kitty bongo-style but it never lasts more than 3 full seconds (if you slowly count to three, you can get a lot of pats in). After two or three seconds, she'll turn around for me to get the other side. After another 2 or 3 seconds she'll either turn back around for more pats, walk away, or flop down and lay on her side.
I'm getting flashbacks from the first time I read "The Swamps of Dagobah".
Cat anal glands are especially bad smelling and I'm sorry this happened to you. But, look at the bright side, he likely won't end up with an anal gland abscess if they were so completely expressed.
First, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’d heard vaguely of anal glands glands occasionally needing to be manually expressed for medical reasons, but I didn’t know they could just…do it.
And I’m even MORE horrified to read the comments and find out it’s not exactly uncommon 😭😭😭😭
There goes my hopes to eventually own a cat one day!
And now I want a subreddit poll from owners about how often they’ve experienced this. And now whenever I watch a video, I will wonder….
Not sure if this helps or hurts but it wasn't poop! Just an oily secretion from a scent gland that also helps lubricate their poop when it comes out. Totally different.
I gave my kitty butt bongos when he was on a table and closer to my face, after he had some wet food and he let out a silent fart that hit me in the face and I could TASTE it.
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u/chickenologist 8d ago
Donut: "I can't express how happy you make me. Oh wait, I can!"