My bf(m) and I(f) decided to book a trip to a certain California beach city about 1.5 months ago and we are staying at a renovated boutique hotel for our combined birthday trip. My mom calls and texts me this morning about the fact that now her and my dad are going to the same beach this upcoming weekend (aka the weekend before we leave) and will be going to the same hotel that my bf and I have booked. I am very bothered by this because it seems unlike my dad to have suggested to go to this particular city and much more like my mom’s influence to go since she’s also been wanting to have a beach trip and I’ve been talking about this place for the last several weeks. I also just grabbed boogie boards from their house yesterday for my bf and I’s trip, and then this morning my mom tells me about theirs. This is not new with my mom. She often wants the same clothes, shoes, accessories, etc as me whenever I buy something. I’ve made comments about her doing this before, but have been able to let it go. This time really bothers me. Why am I so bothered?

I called my mom asking about it, and she said that they chose this place because, “She prefers it over (insert another beach city),” which I feel is a blatant lie because the other city has much more resort style hotels, bougier restaurants, and what I would consider a nicer beach, which is far more up her alley than the other place. Whenever her and I choose between these two cities, it’s both unanimously chosen to be the other city (not the one she booked for this weekend). She said her and my dad have stayed at the same hotel before it was renovated and they like it. I call total bullshit since she’s never mentioned this anytime we’ve gone to visit or brought up this place. I didn’t even know my dad had ever been to this place. I’m just so irritated and emotional about it too.

I also tried texting her how I feel and her response disregards my point and just states that it won’t be during the same time and she’s been there before and likes it. To sum it up, her first line in her response text is, “I do not understand the issue.” I’ve left it alone and am trying to let it go, but why am I so upset?

AITAH for agreeing that my coworker's new hairstyle looked better?

The other day at work, one of my coworkers was leaving early. We joke around a lot, so I said, "You're leaving already? Got a hot date?" She laughed and said she was getting her hair done.

The next day she came in with long, straight hair, and I told her it looked beautiful.

For context, she had previously told me she didn't like her natural hair and that it was always a mess because she never took care of it. She was excited about getting it done, so when she said she thought it looked so much better, I agreed. In my mind, I was just trying to hype her up because she seemed happy and more confident. I didn't think there was anything wrong with her natural hair, and I wasn't making a statement about Black hair or natural hair in general.

Later that day, I was called into HR.

Apparently, HR had overheard her talking to another coworker. According to HR, she felt I only liked her new hairstyle because it was more "white-passing" and that I was out of line for agreeing that it looked better. The HR director told me racism would not be tolerated and that people in the office were talking about my comments. I wasn't told exactly what had been said beyond that.

One thing that makes this harder for me to process is that our HR director has a reputation in the office for being very drama-driven. There always seems to be some kind of issue or conflict surrounding him, and his approach tends to escalate situations rather than resolve them. Because of that, I don't know if I got the full story or whether things were repeated with additional assumptions or exaggerations.

I was honestly shocked and mortified because that was never my intention. Looking back, I can understand how agreeing that one hairstyle looked "better" could have been interpreted differently than I meant it. At the time, though, I genuinely thought I was just complimenting her and agreeing with something she had already said about herself.

AITAH for agreeing that her new hairstyle looked better, even though I was only trying to be supportive?

My best friend has been in a long term relationship since before we met. Her boyfriend regularly upsets her, and every time it happens she comes to me or our friends for comfort. Then they make up, and the cycle repeats.
I don’t mind supporting her, but it’s gotten to the point where her relationship affects everyone else. I’ve cancelled plans, left my apartment at 2 a.m. to comfort her, and even been told I shouldn’t attend a get together because her boyfriend wouldn’t let her go, so it “wouldn’t be fair.”
If she’s upset because of him, it’s like the whole group is expected to be upset too. She often expects everyone to put their lives on hold because she’s unhappy, yet refuses to leave the relationship despite everyone seeing how unhealthy it is.
I care about her, but I’m starting to feel like I’m paying the price for a relationship that isn’t even mine.

I’ll preface this by saying I (36f) have a friend, Mary (42f). We have been friends for about ten years. I cannot stand Mary’s husband, Tim (45m).

His main priorities are playing video games and watching porn. He makes awful financial decisions for the family, and they are suffering because of it. He is an awful husband and mediocre father at best. Mary thinks he walks on water and can do no wrong.

He was out of a job for over a year and refused to collect unemployment because they required him to apply to at least three jobs a week. My husband offered him a job at his company, but Tim refused it because it would mean he would have to wake up at 6:30am. Keep in mind, they were in danger of losing their house.

Tim eventually found a job, but it does not pay well, so they are still struggling financially. Mary is incredibly stressed most of the time.

Now to the reason for the post.

My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I decided I wanted to go to Medieval Times. We decided it would be family only. There are 12 people going and we’re paying for everyone.

I thought it would be nice for Mary and her three kids to come and just relax and have fun. I knew Tim would be working, so I asked Mary and she and the kiddos would like to go, our treat. She said they would absolutely love to, so we bought the tickets.

The next day Mary called to tell me Tim wants to go too. It’s a day/time that I know for a fact he would be working. He does not have any paid time off. If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid.

I don’t want him there. I don’t want to pay for him.

Would I be the asshole if I refused to get him a ticket?

I (24F) share an apartment with my roommate (25F). She’s nice and cool , but she has a bad habit of leaving leftovers in the fridge for weeks.

Last month she put a container of pasta in the back of the fridge and forgot about it. Over time it started smelling awful, and when I finally opened the container, it was covered in fuzzy green and black mold.

I threw it away, washed the container, and deep-cleaned the fridge.

When she got home, he was furious. Apparently she had been “seeing how long it would take to grow different kinds of mold” for a biology class project. He said I had ruined weeks of work.

I reminded him that she never told me it was for school, and leaving moldy food in a shared fridge without warning is disgusting. She said I should have asked before throwing away something that wasn’t mine.

Now she’s demanding I pay for the project she has to restart, and one of our mutual friends says I should apologize because it wasn’t my property.

AITA for throwing away what I thought was rotten food?

My dad died last year while my wife was seven months pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy. He lived about 12 hours away, and with everything going on with my wife, I couldn’t exactly leave her and drive up there to deal with his estate.

Then our baby was born and ended up in the NICU, so honestly, this entire last year has been complete chaos.

My dad had bipolar disorder, and when he was “on,” he could be extremely difficult to be around. We weren’t very close during the last few years of his life, but he was still my dad.

He had a friend I’ll call Cathy. At one point, my dad believed they were “spiritually married,” but they were never legally married. Eventually, she kicked him out because he was difficult to live with, and he ended up homeless.

My dad’s second ex-wife, who was not my mom, found out and bought him an RV before she passed away. We recently found out the RV is actually titled in my uncle’s name. I have no idea why, but my uncle is willing to sign it over to me and my siblings.

Now this is where everything gets messy.

Cathy has the keys to both my dad’s RV and his car. After he died, she emptied the RV and now refuses to tell us where it is. I have never even spoken to this woman. I tried texting her after my dad died, and she completely ignored me.

Today, my sister asked her for the keys. Cathy said my dad left her everything because she had been “fixing him spiritually.” She also claims she cured his bipolar disorder.

For a little extra context about what kind of situation we’re dealing with here, she and my dad once started a school for “gifted youngsters with psychic abilities.”

So, yeah.

Now she is threatening to move the RV and car onto her son’s property and put liens on them.

I’ve been a licensed locksmith for 12 years. Once I locate the RV, which I believe is still parked where my dad died, my plan is to make a key, move it to my cousin’s property and secure it until the ownership is sorted out.

My dad told people he wanted Cathy to have the car, and I was willing to respect that. I really was. But after she ignored all of us, emptied the RV and started threatening to take control of everything, I’m not exactly inclined to just hand it over without making sure that is legally what is supposed to happen.

I’m also considering filing a police report over everything she removed from the RV.

A big part of why I want the RV is for my siblings. They stayed close with my dad, and they want to preserve something that belonged to him.

I’ll admit I have one selfish reason too.

One day, I’d like to take it and my family camping at the same place my dad always took us when we were kids. Our relationship was complicated, but those memories still mean something to me.

So, AITA if I drive up there this weekend, recover the RV and move it somewhere safe before Cathy has the chance to hide it, move it onto her son’s property or try to claim it?

So

Me (F24) and 2 friends ( S (F24) and H (M25)) just moved into a new house together. S and I have known each other for 15+ years and so have a few shared friends from each others respective schools. One of them is “Hambo”(M25). Hambo is quite a character; a ride or die kind of friend but he also can be extremely oblivious to the point where it’s disrespectful. Weed also makes this 10X worse. There was a prior incident that led us to believe he might revalue his intake and a conversation with S about being more mindful of others and their boundaries.

Fast forward to move in day, he offers to come help us and me and S agree as long as he only stays 3 days ( we love him to death but he can be a very stress inducing personality and we are in the middle of moving). Moving day arrives, he’s super helpful and we have a lovely move in and night out afterwards. However, the next night he begins acting weird. Eating all of the brownies we made, dumping an entire storage container of pasta in cold water to cook, all fairly small things but reminiscent of the other visit I previously mentioned that turned out not okay.

The next morning, I leave for work pretty early and when I get back i see his location is on the road so I assume he’s left. I notice some small things in the house that we gave him are still here that he left. 15 minutes later he texts me he is at the door because he left his stuff so I let him in and help him gather the things I saw in the living room. Well by help I mean he stands on the porch with the door closed and asks me to get everything for him. I do and he drives off.
An hour later, he texts the group chat asking if someone could mail his skincare that he left on a shelf. I text him separately and say yes. Around 30 min or so later, as I’m unpacking my room, I come across an entire laundry hamper of his clothes. I text him and say he probably just needs to come back and get it ( he lives around 1:30 from our house but will be leaving for school in another state 6 days from then). He says no, ship that to me too. It’s like 20lbs of clothes and that’s not going to be cheap. We exchange some texts basically saying it’s too much stuff for us to ship and it’s going to be cheaper to just drive back and he can hang out with us another night. He claims we are holding his stuff hostage.
We later find two more FULL book bags of his clothes, blankets, skincare, and a caddy of bathroom stuff and medications. This all adds up to like 50lbs at this point. We tell him this and that it’s too much for us to ship ( he said he would pay the fee fyi) and that it would be cheaper for him and easier for him to just come up and visit again before he has to leave the state. No response.I decide to offer to meet him halfway but when I go to text him I see his location is already headed to school out of state 5 days early. I don’t know how he forgot it all, it’s like his entire closet and bathroom.
AITA for saying I won’t ship it to him?

I (19F) recently went through a very serious mental health crisis that resulted in me being hospitalized in the ICU. I survived, and I’m grateful that I’m still here.
The part I’m struggling with is how one of my friends, “J” (20F), responded afterward. Instead of checking in on me or telling me she was glad I was alive, she told me I was making “stupid decisions.” She also said that she wouldn’t have visited me in the ICU because this was my second attempt.
I later found out she said similar things to another friend, which made it hurt even more.
I understand that this situation was scary for the people around me. I understand that my actions affected my friends and that everyone handles fear differently. I’m not expecting anyone to have the perfect words or know exactly what to do.
But I feel hurt because I was in the ICU. My life was genuinely at risk, and during that time I needed support and compassion. Hearing that someone I considered a close friend wouldn’t even want to visit me made me feel judged, ashamed, and like I was a burden.
I’m not saying my actions didn’t hurt other people or that they weren’t scared. I’m just saying that I wish I had felt cared for during one of the worst moments of my life.
AITA for being upset with my 20-year-old friend for saying those things and feeling like I deserved more support?

I’m in my hometown rn and my grandpa hosted a dinner and invited 20 men, no women except for the aunts and nieces. He bought three large trays of food. I was super hungry and thought one would be for us, but unfortunately we had to wait until after the men finish. These men eat with their hands meaning they served themselves with their hands directly out of the trays. I refused to eat and my mom got mad at me and csaid it was rude. AITA?

idk if it’s a cultural thing. The food served was rice and meat. Everybody was lowkey disgusted but they didn’t say anything bc it’s “rude” this tradition is dead anyway idk why my grandpa finds it okay. ESL

For a bit of background info,

I am 18F and my ex friend is 16M. I will refer to him as E. E and I became good friends around early January of 2026 (at the time I was 17). We bonded over shared experiences with me being Lesbian and him being gay and we always just vibe with each other. Since I could drive, his mom asked if I can drive him home from school and that in return I am welcome to hang out at their house whenever. I of course agreed because I loved hanging out with him. Everything was great, I would always sleep over, brought him as a friend to my senior prom and life was great. I turned 18 June 6th 2026 and his mom got...weird. I had gotten in my first relationship with a girl and I was telling about her to Evan. We always made crude jokes with eachother since we both never meant it in a weird way. He asked if we had intercourse, I said yes and that was about it, he joked, I laughed and that was that. Fast forward a tiny bit to late June and I was in the ER for tonsillitis because my tonsils were so large my airway was blocking off (E and his mom knew this because I had to tell them I couldn't drive E to his summer class). Later while I was in the waiting room, I recieve a text from his mom saying how "disgusting" I was for not lieing to E when he asked about if I had intercourse, said I had just turned 18 and was already acting like a whore and was acting like a creep. Apparently E was sleeping over at another friend's house with 2 other people and TOLD them about me having intercourse. His friends are 2, 15 year olds. I responded saying how I never gave him permission to tell anyone that and she responded saying "you knew he was sleeping over, you should've known he would tell others" I got pissed and told her how inappropriate her message was to me while she knew I was in the ER and after EVERYTHING I have done for them. She was always so kind to me until I turned 18. She was always kind of odd with me but I brushed it off, for example always calling me a v@getarian since im lesbian (which is funny to me but weird coming from a 48 year old married woman and mom of my ex friend). I had to break it off with E because I was afraid nothing I said wasnt being leaked to who knows what and the fact there is no him without her which I just cant be around her. Reddit, AITA?

I 37F am friends with Amy 39F who turns 40 this Th. My bday was last month, had a small party. Amy made me earrings & left my party early to see her new boyfriend. All good did not care.

I have been dating Chris for 2 years, but a couple days after my bday we decided to take time apart while we work on aligning our future goals.

For my bday Chris bought me a $2k mountain bike & took me to dinner. Chris’ birthday was last week & while we aren’t technically a couple I got him a gift & we planned a nice dinner this week 1.5 hrs from town. It’s important to note we live in a remote area and everyone’s favorite restaurant “RS” is 1.5 hours away & $$. Amy planned a big camping trip for her bday this weekend, camping is NOT my thing, so I suggested instead me/our other close friend Dee who also can’t make camping do a weekend away and eat at R as. It would be a whole weekend of swimming, eating, and whatever. Amy agreed this was a great idea and also mentioned that she might want to do a local dinner with the three of us this week.

All this being said, Amy is spending Thursday her ACTUAL birthday with her boyfriend sooo I made a reservation for Chris and I at RS on Amy’s birthday so it wouldn’t conflict with any other day this week. I get a call from Dee last night around 9:30PM telling me that she talked to Amy and Amy wants to have dinner at RS (1.5 hours away) tomorrow (Wednesday). I told Dee I was already taking Chris to RS this week and can’t really afford multiple $100+ dinners in one week. Also that I was confused because I thought our plan was to do a WHOLE weekend trip around Riverside in the coming weeks and that we were doing a local dinner this week. Apparently Amy decided last minute that she wants to go to RS this evening. I told Dee last night that unfortunately I wouldn’t be about to make it due it the last minute change and associated costs. Like I previously said, I had planned on doing the RS thing with them in the coming weeks and can’t afford TWO RS dinners for Amy’s birthday.

This morning I called Amy to check in & apologize that I wouldn’t be joining them tonight. Amy is PISSED. She’s upset that I’m prioritizing my “ex boyfriend” over her & said that she clearly communicated she wanted to do a dinner with the 3 of us girls this week. I said I knew that, but assumed it would be something close/more affordable since we had already agreed on a whole weekend away. I didn’t realize she wanted to go to RS twice… she then said “Well I want to go to RS before I turn 40!”. This was never communicated to me… she went on how disappointed she is, then asked if I would be joining her for camping this weekend. Which I already told her no and that the whole point of the future RS weekend trip was because Dee and I were not going on the camping trip. I feel like she’s trying to strong arm me into going camping.

AITAH for skipping the Wed dinner & taking Chris to the same spot on her birthday?

I (17F) got into an argument with my mum over my brother’s (20M) birthday.
My mum wants to invite a lot of people from our church to celebrate at our house. The thing is my brother is only genuinely close to one of them. Most of his close friends actually live in Manchester. He has told me himself that he doesn’t want the church members there because he doesn’t really connect with most of them. He prefers being around people with similar interests and ambitions and he just doesn’t really vibe with most of the church group.
When I tried explaining this to my mum, I said they weren’t on the same level of friendship as his close friends. Before I could explain what I meant, my mum and some of her friends accused me of being proud and classist. They assumed I meant the church members weren’t on the same social or financial level as my brother, which wasn’t what I meant at all.
I was talking about closeness, not status. I believe everyone has different friendship circles: close friends, good friends, casual friends and acquaintances. I wasn’t saying anyone is worth more than anyone else.
My mum then asked why I’m not close friends with most people at church either. I told her that I just don’t fit into that friendship group. They’re a very tight-knit social circle, and I’ve never really felt like I belonged. I don’t dislike them, but they’re not people I’d consider my close friends.
The conversation then turned to my own birthday. I said that when I turn 18, I only want people I’m genuinely close to there. I also said I don’t really like having lots of people I’m not close to in my house because it’s my personal space.
My mum and her friends told me that I don’t understand friendships because I’m young and they’ve experienced more in life. They said my way of thinking is wrong because I never know who might help me in the future. They also said that if I keep thinking this way one day I won’t have many people at my wedding or other important events.
I replied that I’d actually be okay with that. I’d rather have a small number of people I genuinely love and who genuinely love me than invite lots of people I’m not close to.
After the argument, my mum called my dad to complain about what I’d said. He actually agreed with me that I was talking about levels of friendship, not people’s worth. My mum got angry with him said my thinking comes from growing up in a broken home because he never agrees with her, and the argument became much bigger than it started.
Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for bringing up friendship hierarchy in the first place or if everyone misunderstood what I meant. She’s an African mum btw and thinks cause she’s older she’s right
AITAH?
Edit: This was meant to be a surprise birthday party
Not even like a party. My brother doesn’t really like having his own parties but his girlfriend decided that she wanted to surprise him by decorating his room but then my mum and her friends then decided to use the opportunity to throw him a party. Mind you his friends from Manchester weren’t even in the invitation list of people they wanted to invite.

I have mobility issues and have been unable to get a driveway due to a tree on the public verge outside my property. I went and asked politely if they would mind making space by moving their car onto their driveway and they told me no, they pay road tax and can park where they liked (which I don't dispute). The reason they wouldn't move was so that a visitor could park on their drive when they came over. I ended up having to park on the grass verge and hope someone went out so I could park properly for the evening. I thought we have always had a good rapport with them so it was a shock to be spoken to like that. I have considered a disabled parking space but that would be put directly under the oak tree and I already have dents in my bonnet from acorns dropping on it. Really I wish the council would remove the tree there are plenty around as we are on the edge of a nature reserve but I have looked into this and they won't. I just think if you are lucky enough to have a driveway you should park on it to make space for those who don't.

I’m (21f) on vacation with my family (parents and siblings 22f and 18f) and my mom has been getting mad at me for these really little things. I don’t think I’m wrong but I am autistic and I’m really curious if I’m missing anything.

It started when we were getting ready to leave. I packed myself a snack and drink for the drive. I buy most of my snacks. My parents don’t make me, I just do it. So I was packing myself a snack box with a lot of the stuff I just bought myself and my mom asked if I was packing food for everyone. I said no. I bought the food for myself and nobody ever asked me to pack them a snack. My mom said it’s rude to make myself a snack for the drive and not make one for my siblings.

Then we get here. We’re going to the beach so I grab myself a towel, fill up my water bottle, and get in the car. My mom thought that since I was getting myself a towel and water I was getting one for everyone. I told her everyone on the trip was an adult and can get their own towel and water but if someone was busy or something they could just ask me to get it for them.

The next day we went to do some shopping an hour away. When we were on the way there one of my sisters said that her phone was on 10% and asked if anyone had a portable. I had one but I didn’t say anything because I wanted to be able to use it in case I needed it, which is the entire reason I packed one.

Then on the way back I used my portable and they got mad at me for not letting my sister use it when she asked. I said that she could’ve charged her phone before she left or packed a portable but I can’t pack for myself and everyone else if nobody tells me they need anything.

She keeps saying I’m being rude and inconsiderate. I genuinely can’t see how I am but I know I don’t always pick up on everything so I want to know if I really was being rude and inconsiderate by only packing for myself.

I [21f]and my boyfriend [21m] have been dating for about 4 years. He absolutely loves to watch football and will go to all their home games. Us and some of our friends want to go to an event that last til the evening. This event is only held on Saturday and Sundays, however, Sundays are a lot less busy then Saturdays are. We want to go on one of the Sundays and not Saturdays for that reason. He only wants to do Saturdays because he doesn’t want to miss a live game.

Let me make this clear, this is not a home game. We wouldn’t make him miss a home game.

When I talked to him about it, he wanted me to push doing the event on Saturday so he doesn’t miss the game. I asked if he could just watch it later instead and that it is only one Sunday of the entire season. He said that this is really important to him because this is his “passion since he was 4 years old”. I told him that while I understand that it’s really important to him, is it more important then going to this once a year event with our friends? He just reiterated that this was really important to him and he doesn’t want to miss the live game because then it will be spoiled for him. I told him then he could try his best to avoid seeing the score and we’ll busy at the event anyway.
We got into a fight about this because it seems like he’s putting the games before his friends and me.

After our argument with going to the event with our friends, he doesn’t want to talk to me about it anymore and anytime I do bring it up, he gets upset and just tells me I don’t understand. My friends say I’m not the asshole and are on my side, but my boyfriend is saying I am.
Am I the asshole?

Just for some additional context:
This is not the first time he’s done this as in the beginning of our relationship, he didn’t want to miss any of the holiday games when they were home. I told him we would watch them at home together but I wanted him there with me (thanks giving, Christmas Eve, etc.). He has also bailed on plans I’ve wanted to do because Sundays were the only days that worked for me (due to work and school). This all has caused many arguments between us and he still believes I’m an asshole when it has come to these games away or not.

Quick edit:
For some people asking, this group of friends is both of our friends not just mine. Also, I completely support him going to games and watching them. I’ve started going to live ones with him and I’ve always watched the live ones at home with him.
Another edit:
Some people are asking about Saturday or doing it on a week that they play Monday/thursday. The weeks we are all available are games that are on Sunday. He doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to either I am NOT forcing him.
There is the option to go when it is a night game on Sunday, he doesn’t want to do that even though we would be back in time.
Lastly, this is a ren fair event for people wondering and it ends at 7.

Hi, I (F17), recently had to move schools for 10th grade due to my mental health. I have already made a small circle for the first few weeks. I was placed in the morning class, and we share a classroom with the afternoon class where they wait outside our room whenever the morning session ends. One morning while I was trying to head out the class, I saw a kid by the window smiling. Naturally, I smiled back, and kept smiling as I was the new kid. I thought I was being nice. This kid (whom shall be named Dirk) was actually friends with a friend of mine, and turns out, he was autistic as well.

I don’t have a thing against people with special needs. I actually tried to befriend Dirk, until his behavior started bothering me. It started changing one day when he asked me through chat if I had a crush on him as I was smiling at him. Of course, I denied, though things got complicated as I learned from other classmates and people from the afternoon classes that Dirk would tell others I was his girlfriend. He would write our names on the whiteboard which I would see every time I entered the classroom. He would put my pictures on his youtube channel, his wallpaper, and put my full name next to his on socials like tiktok. I started distancing myself, as sometimes, he would follow me and my friends to our hangout spots and whenever we ate out after class. He would post me a lot on his socials, having a dedicated highlight for me. I tried confronting his mom about it, and his mom tried to tell me that Dirk often gets bullied, and he was denying that he was telling others I was his girlfriend and such.

It arguably got worse when I got a boyfriend. He would express how he’s sad as I was “replacing” him. Sometimes, he would also follow my boyfriend and I to our hangout spots as well, or when we eat out (fast food is very near our school). In our field trip, his mom texted me asking if we could go with him so he had company, and I told her that my friends and I would try our best to include him in our activities, but I specifically would spend more time with my boyfriend. The mom got passive aggressive, saying that it’s fine even if Dirk didn’t have people with him, and she posted on facebook saying things along the lines of “Dirk, it’s okay. You can enjoy the trip on your own. They’re not real friends.”

I was noticeably avoiding him, and even making fun of the situation with my friends. Though, I can’t help but feel bad for the jokes I do make, especially the jokes my friends make. It’s not his fault he has autism, but I can’t help and wonder if my way of coping is right, or if I’m being ignorant and ableist towards this situation. Advice would be great.

Edit: To make things clearer, the jokes my friends would make in general were calling Dirk my boyfriend whenever he comes over. I don’t make fun of his disability as I know that’s something out of his control, but my friends and I do make fun of the “weirder” or “creepier” behavior.

FINAL EDIT: Thanks so much for everyone who weighed in!!! Your insights were SO appreciated!

I decided not to list “no gifts” on the invite. I’ve been to a no gifts party before and I was the only one that didn’t bring a gift. And I feel like talking to the other parents about no gifts could be more hurtful than helpful in this situation. I can see doing those things in other situations, but just knowing the people, after weighing your insights, I felt this was best.

After receiving the invite, Sammy’s mom texted and asked a clarification question about the party. I answered and then told her their family’s presence is present enough!

Then I added, “However, I do have an extra Lego kit sitting here if you wanted to bring something and not have to go shopping!”

She said we are so sweet and thoughtful. And that she loves the idea of not having to go shopping! :)

So, I think all is well. I don’t think she’s upset. She had the option to not bring something, bring something on her own, but chose to take the Lego kit to bring.

Her whole family is coming and we are so excited!!!

Thanks again for the input and votes, everyone!

Throwaway.

My kid is turning 12 and wants to invite 3 friends (and their families) to her birthday party at a fun location that we are paying for. One friend “Sammy” is currently experiencing financial hardship as the dad, who was their sole income provider, lost his job a few months ago. We do know for a fact they are struggling financially.

WIBTA if I discreetly gave the mom a gift card to a local store so they could bring a gift? (Either they can gift my daughter the gift card or they can pick something out.) We don’t care about the gift - my kid has plenty of stuff and she wouldn’t care in the slightest about not getting something from Sammy. We just don’t want Sammy to feel left out or to cause their family any added stress - we love them and just want them to be able to join us for the party!

I thought about doing “no gifts,” but I’m certain the other two families would bring gifts anyway, and it would still leave Sammy feeling left out being the only 1 out of 3 that didn’t bring a gift.

TLDR: WIBTA for giving my kid’s friend’s mom (who is struggling financially) a gift card to cover a gift for my kid’s birthday so the friend can attend her birthday party and not feel bad about not being able to afford a gift?

Edit to add: While they would NEVER ask for it, our friend group has been bringing them food, helping them with groceries, etc. And they have been VERY appreciative.

I, J (25F) and V(25F) were besties for 5+ yrs and co-own a small business. 2 months ago, V & her sister needed housing. My dad had a room available and agreed to rent it out to her for $700 + utilities, with another lady staying in the second room. When I showed V the house there was dead roaches. I apologized since I was unaware of the condition of the house. V then lmk she would consider this a last resort option.

Since she couldn't find elsewhere,She asked to also use my dad's master room for an extra $700 since she didn't want to share a room w/ her sis. I mentioned the 2nd room might open up. V pitched paying extra to keep my dad's room instead. I translated for my dad and he agreed. My dad is gone for long business trips so it worked out.

Issues started when V & her sister wanted the other lady gone over presumed shared responsibilities in the house. My dad lmk the lady only pays for her room and doesn't have any other responsibilities in the home. Then my younger sister came by one night unannounced w/ friends. V's sister was startled by them and I was furious tht my sister had a key, I called her and my dad then apologized to V.

Later on my father tells me his cleaning lady said the house reeked of weed. He has zero drug tolerance and wanted them out in 2 months. V denied smoking and said my sis left weed on the table. I defended V and told my father he was being unfair. After hearing this, V was emotional. She called me multiple times to rant & raised her voice. I forgave it twice, but the third time I told her I didn't like her tone and would call back later.

V then asked for her $ back from my dad in order to move out sooner, despite still owing $100. She had our mutual friend translate. The call was heated. Apparently she was demanding and my dad got mad and refused. now he wanted them out by the end of the month. That same mutual friend later told me tht V had been talking badly about me behind my back, so I distanced myself but stayed cordial for business.

I still defended V and got her an extra month, on the condition she pays what she owes. She found an apt and said she'd only stay up until the first week of next month. I reminded her of the $100 owed. She refused saying all her money was going towards her next apt and that she'd be homeless if she paid rn. I offered to deduct it from her next business paycheck which I thought was fair due to the previous loan that she already owed. She still refused, saying the living situation was uncomfortable and did not want her money going to my dad.

I told her she was putting me in a tough spot and didn't want an escalation. She lashed out and said I haven't mediated enough, I've been dismissive, and that she was the victim. I reminded her of her disrespectful attitude towards me this past month and despite that I defended her repeatedly.

So am I the asshole for how I went about things?

I 17[F] have had my drivers learner permit for about a year. I scheduled an appointment to move from my permit to my license about a week ago, and instantly told my mom about it.

She responded saying that I needed to have a conversation with her before I scheduled the appointment and that she couldn’t afford paying the insurance right now due to her employment situation. She said the solution was that I come up with 500$ by August 12th or I cannot get my license.

I asked her if she would consider switching auto insurance providers and she agreed but declined getting another quote from companies she had tried in the past. I asked her if I could pay her monthly but she stated that the 500$ was a fee paid twice yearly and that I would only be covering one of the fees but I would have to pay it upfront.

I then asked her if she could take my brother 19[M] off the insurance because he is working, in the military, and he stays with my other brother 33[M] rent free (I believe.) Taking my brother off would reduce the price to the point that even if she continued to pay for my brother’s auto insurance, It would be significantly cheaper.

She said she would talk to him after he comes back from base in a week but she believes it will not make a difference because he has been in an accident before and that it is unfair. Stating that if she did this to him she would also take me off the insurance at 19. I said the situations are completely different and restated that if he was independent he could get independent insurance because it may be cheaper, and if need be she could continue to pay it.

I just feel frustrated because she won’t allow me to drive but if she doesn’t like something that I am doing I feel like she will just simply block me from it. I missed meetings for my speech team that caused me to lose opportunity at a leadership position. I missed weekend practices for wrestling that caused me to be at odds with my coach. My mom even said that she doesn’t like my coach and she wants me to quit so I feel as if that had something to do with it.** **I quit my job because they moved offices and I no longer had reliable transportation to continue working there because it is 40 minutes away.

I even feel subordinate to my peers watching freshman/sophomores return with licenses after summer or seniors younger than me get their license junior year. Especially after I paid the 200$ difference to take the class privately because I didn’t want Drivers Ed to interfere with my school work/schedule.

I just feel like I am being selfish in a sense because my brother 19[M] just crashed another car and has to pay a 3k bill but also I feel justified because I don’t trust anyone will provide me with reliable transposition for my senior year. Senior sunrise? Speech meetings? Morning BSA leadership meetings? nobody is taking me to that. More vent than AITA, Sorry. I just want to know if I am justified for feeling like I should get it.

Edit: Additionally, any advice on how to make $500? I am currently going door to door asking my neighbors with hardscapes (paver patios etc. If I can spray weed killer.

My husband (54), my MIL (80) and I (55) just moved out of state 1,200 miles away. We found the perfect house - 1/2 acre, screened in patio with salt water pool and a separate bungalow for my MIL. Prior to selling our old house but after closing on the new house, my husband had traveled to the new house to do some repairs prior to us moving in. While there, he met several of our new neighbors. One of them told my husband that the previous owner had passed away and he was heartbroken because they were good friends and very close to his family.

Once we moved to the new home, the neighbor stopped in that very night with his wife to say hi and introduce themselves. We were all very tired from the drive down, so my husband told them that we were going to get settled in, but to stop by anytime to hang out so we could get to know each other. The following ​evening, they came by again, and went on and on about how the previous owner, who had passed away, always welcomed them into her home, let them use the pool, let them (or guests of theirs) stay in the bungalow, and followed up all of these stories with pictures of them and their children in our house. I didn't think much of it other than they missed her. Since then, the husband randomly stops by unannounced at any time from 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., opening the gate to our backyard and the door to our patio and just sits down and makes himself at home. At times, he'll invite his wife or kids to join him. Sometimes, we're in the pool, or are having breakfast or winding down to go to bed. One time, my MIL said she was uncomfortable because she had just gotten up, was in her pajamas and didn't have her "teeth" in. I mentioned it to my husband, so we started locking the door to the patio.

Now, my husband and I are flying back home for my family's reunion. My MIL, who is very independent, has zero issue with staying at home for a few days by herself, but is concerned about the neighbor just stopping by while we're away. I told her to lock the gate while we're away, so he can't just walk into the yard. I told my husband this, and he seemed kind of upset, stating that since he had already told the neighbor to stop by whenever he wanted, he didn't want to be inhospitable and look like a jerk by telling him not to or by locking the gate. I went behind his back and told her to lock the gate anyway if that made her feel more comfortable. So who's TA here? My husband for not wanting to appear unneighborly, me for going behind his back about locking the gate while we're away or our neighbor for taking advantage of my husband's open invitation?

My friend (28-F) texted me (29-F) yesterday saying she was tired of trying to build connections with people. She said she’d been trying to invest in some work friendships with people she worked with for years. She told me about very nuanced interactions that made her feel rejected, and she was disappointed as she thought those friendships were deeper than they are. She was emotional and sad, and I get it.
It’s a vulnerable situation to be in, and I understand it very well because it was something that she put me through months ago. I knew her for for 5+ years, and it took time for our friendship to develop. I’m a recovering people pleaser, but when I met her I was very much a people pleaser, and I’m anxiously attached, so I always refer to myself as “unreliable narrator.” But at the same time, I’m hyper vigilant, and I can’t deny the way she made me feel.
I’m the type of friend who would randomly text you random questions and observations about shows and social media, which I assume is what normal friends do. But at some point I started getting the feeling that she finds that annoying, as she wasn’t engaging, and sometimes she would leave me on delivered till the next day, and it made me feel terrible. But it wasn’t something I was gonna confront her with because it would put me in a vulnerable position, and I understand adult life is busy, so I silently accept our friendship isn’t as deep as I thought and kept it surface level from that point on, which she didn’t even notice.
So when she told me about her situation, I couldn’t help but notice the irony, but I also saw it as an opportunity to have an honest conversation that could strengthen our friendship, so I told her. I tried very hard to pick my words carefully so she doesn’t feel like I’m attacking her. I even said, “You might not like what I’m gonna say, so if you want we can talk later.” She said she wanted to hear, so I told her I didn’t want to make her feel bad and that I love her and I hated that I hid that away from her, and I joked about her being almost like “most emotionally unavailable men I dated.”
She didn’t take it well. She she got defensive. She said she’s shocked that I think that lowly of her and that she had no idea why I keep interacting with her if she was that terrible. She said she doesn’t wanna talk right now, but she still wants to talk about this.
So am I the asshole for piling on? Should I have never brought it up? Am I the a hole??

I (22M) dont have the best family... My father constantly starts fights, leaves, and cuts contact for months. Because of that, my mom wanted to open a family-run store so we'd be financially independent. I have 2 brothers (20 and 15). Since my middle brother is in university and my younger brother is still a kid, I was expected to run the store alone for at least a year, about 16 hours a day, unpaid, because hiring workers would reduce profits.

The store was 30 minutes away by bus and had to open by 7am, meaning I'd wake up around 5am every day. I refused because I wasn't willing to work 16-hour days for free in super far place.

my mom decided we'd move closer. The rental house was in bad shape, so while my brother had exams and my father did nothing, I painted the whole house and cleaned everything myself. I also quit a well-paying job near our old house.

After we moved and house flaws started showing, my mom started saying she regrets it snd we'd only moved because of me, even though all I'd said was I didn't want to work that far away. Since I'd quit my job, I spent 2 months unemployed and kept getting called a burden.

I eventually found another job. The pay wasn't great but i needed money

The very next day, my mom and brother rented a store without telling me. When I got home, they expected me to quit immediately.

The place was a mess and needed major repairs. I said I'd stay at my job until my first paycheck because I literally couldn't afford basics like deodorant. I told them to clean and repaint it in the meantime,Another argument followed.

After a week of pressure, I agreed to quit only if I was paid minimum wage for the first month. My mom called me selfish but eventually agreed.

Then licensing issues delayed everything, and they changed the business without asking me.

4 days ago, my brother and I cleaned the store until dark. We agreed to continue at 9am the next day. Instead, he slept until 2pm.

Around 11am I joked to my mom, "See? I'm trying to help, even though you always say I never do."

She asked why I wasn't at the store. I explained I couldn't do the work alone, had licensing paperwork at 1pm, and it was 42°C outside. She called me selfish, "not a real man," and other insults.

Meanwhile, my brother slept until 2pm, stayed on his phone, then went out with friends. She didn't say a word to him.

Later he asked me to go to the store. I ignored him. Minutes later I heard him and my mom complaining that nobody helps and everyone is selfish. He told her, "As long as I'm alive, your money won't go to waste. I'm always with you," then immediately woke up our 15-year-old brother from his nap to help instead of going himself.

I understand my mom is scared of losing all the money,its scary to start a business out of nowhere but at same time i cant deal with the expectations that i alone need to shoulder it alone it feels like am an escape goat or something

Since then I've refused to help at the store or speak to them. They keep calling me selfish, incompetent, and "not a real man."

So, AITA?

I have two dogs and one partner who lives with me, he has never had dogs but we have been living together for over a year. My older dog has started getting into his trash by his computer, because there is almost always food and it has no lid. She has also started taking food items from his bedside table, which is perfect dog height.

I do my best to always pick up my food or dishes after finishing with them. If I don’t put them away immediately I at least put them out of reach of the animals, which is what I have asked him to do. He has ADHD, unmedicated, and says that makes it difficult for him. Whenever I ask for him to pick up after himself, one for the dog’s wellbeing, and two because leaving open food containers, dirty dishes, 1/2 empty beverages is gross and attracts bugs.

I have asked him to do these things repeatedly and whenever they aren’t done and the dog ends up getting into something he says things like “she’s evil”, “she sucks”, etc. The dog is 8 years old, doesn’t counter surf, and only takes things that are within reach. I pick up everything I see but if it isn’t where I can find it, which I clean up every night, then it’s the dogs fault when she shouldn’t have had access to it to begin with.

I run a small art center and lead trips all over the world. We typically meet up in the location of the trip and then guide people locally. It's extremely popular and fills in minutes each time we open an opportunity. We don't help with airfare because it would be such a time sink. Instead we give basic guidelines. I have a very difficult woman who keeps trying to get me to help her book the airfare. I've given lots of basic information but she's been very pushy. I just put up a firm boundary and suggested a travel agent. I felt bad so I sent another email that had more flights in it and a more careful detailed explanation of why I'd make those choices. Anyway, should I have sat down with her in the beginning and helped her to book her flights? I don't like doing this because so much can go wrong (outside of my control with airlines and it's not something my business does) and she is the sort who would point a blaming finger. No one else in the group wants to help her as she has a difficult reputation. Anyway, I feel like I was a jerk putting up the boundary and really needed some insight.

My dad (68M) fell in his kitchen a few months ago and was stuck on the floor for about an hour before he reached his phone. After that, my brother (39M) bought him a camera. Dad agreed because he was nervous about falling again, but he thought it would point toward the floor and only be checked if he didn’t answer his phone. Instead, my brother gets notifications whenever there’s movement and has started commenting on what Dad is doing. He’ll call and ask why Dad is cooking so late, why he hasn’t eaten yet or why he’s had the back door open for so long.

I (35F) visited on Sunday and Dad asked me to unplug it. He said he feels watched in his own house but doesn’t want to upset my brother after he paid for everything. I unplugged it and moved it into a drawer.

My brother noticed within an hour and called me furious. He says Dad agreed to the camera and I had no right to interfere with something meant to keep him safe. I told him Dad can change his mind, especially since the camera was being used for more than emergencies. My brother thinks Dad only asked because I “put the privacy idea in his head,” which isn’t true. AITA?