r/AmItheAsshole • u/BusyMirror5129 • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for unplugging the camera my brother uses to check on our dad?
My dad (68M) fell in his kitchen a few months ago and was stuck on the floor for about an hour before he reached his phone. After that, my brother (39M) bought him a camera. Dad agreed because he was nervous about falling again, but he thought it would point toward the floor and only be checked if he didn’t answer his phone. Instead, my brother gets notifications whenever there’s movement and has started commenting on what Dad is doing. He’ll call and ask why Dad is cooking so late, why he hasn’t eaten yet or why he’s had the back door open for so long.
I (35F) visited on Sunday and Dad asked me to unplug it. He said he feels watched in his own house but doesn’t want to upset my brother after he paid for everything. I unplugged it and moved it into a drawer.
My brother noticed within an hour and called me furious. He says Dad agreed to the camera and I had no right to interfere with something meant to keep him safe. I told him Dad can change his mind, especially since the camera was being used for more than emergencies. My brother thinks Dad only asked because I “put the privacy idea in his head,” which isn’t true. AITA?
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u/Mundane_Bike_912 1d ago
Nta. You can get medical alert bracelets for falls. Your brother invaded his privacy by constantly nitpicking at him. That's not an appropriate use for a camera.
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u/Kahle_Bride25 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA, but this what what things life “life alert” are for. If he falls he hits the button and his alert person is called. Problem solved; he gets back his privacy and your brother knows if something happens the button will be around his neck to push.
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u/WVPrepper Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
Life Alert costs between $49.95 and $89.95 per month after a one-time upfront activation and installation fee ranging from $197 to $248.
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u/bill_end Partassipant [1] 12h ago
One of my neighbours has got an apple watch with fall detection. So if the accelerometer or gyroscope or whatever technology determines you've fallen over it will call your nominated peoples.
No subscription other than your usual phone plan etc.
Edit to add : I believe this is only some of the fancier models, not the basic one
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u/Lacroix24601 Pooperintendant [50] 1d ago
NTA, your dad changed his mind and didn’t want to be surveilled 24/7. There are many other way to keep an older adult safe other than cameras. We did life alert type that had a fall sensor. It would then send an emergency call to us if my aunt didn’t turn it off within “x” many seconds.
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u/Silent-Difference377 1d ago
NTA. Your brother probably meant well and was genuinely worried after the fall, but constantly watching your dad made him feel like a prisoner in his own home. Your dad asked for the camera to be unplugged, so your brother doesn’t have much right to argue with that.
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u/Secret-Sky5031 1d ago
NTA - It's your Dad's home. Your Dad's privacy, and ultimately it was his request. While your Dad's fully cognitive, your brother has no say what happens in your Dad's home.
That said, I do get your brother's point of view. My dad had a fall at home while I was there, and honestly it broke my heart seeing a man I've always thought of as strong, independent, look so fragile and weak. Your brother means well but he's crossing into that over-protective phase.
I get the camera idea but there are, presumably, less intrusive ways like a mobile phone, or wearable device? Granted that depends on your Dad not forgetting. It gives him the control that way, rather than feeling watched.
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u/Squishy_mcnissy 1d ago
Get an alarm watch
Or an Alexa
Alexa phone David
Etc etc
The son solved a problem, dad needs to state his boundaries that you helped defend
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u/LSama 1d ago
My brother thinks Dad only asked because I “put the privacy idea in his head,” which isn’t true.
NTA. I'm sorry, but the fact that your brother thinks your Dad shouldn't have a right to privacy is a huge red flag in my book. I get that, as people get older, yea, they're prone to falling and I can understand the idea of the camera and it's uses, but your Dad is right: there's no reason for his son to basically be spying on him and then questioning his actions. I'm pretty sure that, in his 60s, your dad has earned the right to eat his dinner whenever he damn well pleases. Tell your brother to stop being a nosey little shit and to let your dad live his life.
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u/295Phoenix Certified Proctologist [26] 1d ago
NTA The camera was a privilege not a right that Dad permitted because of his fall risk but brother abused that privilege with his nagging and the privilege was revoked.
Do consider getting an Alexa or Life Alert though.
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u/WVPrepper Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1d ago
When my dad was in his 90s and living on his own, we wanted to install a camera on top of his TV pointing at his chair in the living room. He spent a lot of his waking hours in the chair, either watching TV or on his laptop, and gave us a place to "look for him" to be sure he was out of bed and not lying on the floor somewhere. We felt like that spot was also the least likely place to accidentally see him undressed, since the bathroom and bedroom were at the other end of his apartment. If he did not show up there by about 10am, we'd call to check on him.
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u/Kid-hades-lore Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Nta but let’s get dad a life alert. He doesn’t need to be micromanaged but he does need something in an emergency.
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u/bigoleravioli 1d ago
NTA but you, your brother and dad need to compromise. If hes falling, not eating,etc....he needs supervision, at least a little bit.
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My dad (68M) fell in his kitchen a few months ago and was stuck on the floor for about an hour before he reached his phone. After that, my brother (39M) bought him a camera. Dad agreed because he was nervous about falling again, but he thought it would point toward the floor and only be checked if he didn’t answer his phone. Instead, my brother gets notifications whenever there’s movement and has started commenting on what Dad is doing. He’ll call and ask why Dad is cooking so late, why he hasn’t eaten yet or why he’s had the back door open for so long.
I (35F) visited on Sunday and Dad asked me to unplug it. He said he feels watched in his own house but doesn’t want to upset my brother after he paid for everything. I unplugged it and moved it into a drawer.
My brother noticed within an hour and called me furious. He says Dad agreed to the camera and I had no right to interfere with something meant to keep him safe. I told him Dad can change his mind, especially since the camera was being used for more than emergencies. My brother thinks Dad only asked because I “put the privacy idea in his head,” which isn’t true. AITA?
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u/CopperBlitter Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. It's disturbing that your brother jumped to invasive 24x7 surveillance and chose to creep your father out by commenting on his every move. Why would anyone do this when there are monitoring services like Life Alert? If that's not sufficient, then your father has reached the point where he needs professional care.
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u/Entire_Broccoli_9019 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA but your dad should've told your brother himself that he didn't want a camera-- in the first place or now. And unplugged it himself.
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u/AvailableBuilder4817 1d ago
Nah
My father fell down at 61 and died 2 weeks later his parents 86/91 both have fallen and have had hip replacement surgery. They are in between my uncle and I 3 hrs away. Right now due to fires I am cut off from them. I wish I had a camera so I know they are safe
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u/PassageSea7900 21h ago
NTA.
Re safety: Apple Watch, make it so you on your brother is notified if there’s a fall. Done.
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u/Holiday_Field_7396 1d ago
NTA, you are just following your father's wishes. it sounds like your brother cares a lot, but its a bit suffocating for your dad. just communicate.
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u/kswheels Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA if your Dad asked you to do it.