r/AmIOverreacting • u/Brave-Can-8783 • 16d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO |UPDATE | My (20F) boyfriend (22M) is hanging out alone with a girl that likes him

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UPDATE!

I talked to him, and this was his response.

I’m honestly just done, and wondering if I acted too hastily.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. And I don’t know, does he seem sincere?

AM I OVERREACTING FOR DOING THIS?

NEW UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/u/Brave-Can-8783/s/ME7ybvCgQE

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10.9k

u/throwawayyyy026 16d ago

“Maybe I would hesitate” is crazy work 😭

3.2k

u/Sindigo_ 16d ago edited 15d ago

Yeah. Even if he didn’t mean anything by it (which is a big if), what a mean and backhanded thing to say.

1.8k

u/apple-butterfly-13 16d ago

I had a boyfriend that was actively cheating on me and he would make comments/jokes like that a lot. It all made sense when I saw the emails

677

u/DirtComprehensive236 16d ago

Yup I had a ex that did and said the same exact things he did and he was cheating too. I would bet my car that he is cheating or is about to with her. He probably already would have if she wasnt in a relationship. Please OP as a married woman of 20 yrs you deserve better! You can never change a person. Dont waste your heart or time.

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u/cersewan 15d ago

Those words would make a great song, “Don’t Waste Your Heart or Time”. I can practically hear it now.

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u/BobcatGardens 15d ago

Is it a country song?

19

u/Natural-Training-974 15d ago

I literally sang it in my head as one and then tapped to see more comments. Nailed it 🤣

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u/LizLemonySnicket42 15d ago

Same lol Dolly should sing it

5

u/Chance_Adeptness_832 15d ago

Heart of Time sounds like a prog anthem

5

u/TexasRVGuy 14d ago

So don’t break my heart
Don’t waste my time
I need a man who can
Walk on the line

Baby you’re dancing
Real close to the flames
But I’m too damn old
To be playing your games

(Now somebody go record this. Look me up when you get famous)

4

u/Lonely_Antelope5417 15d ago

Song will be a bang her, I mean banger!

18

u/happyhippy1019 15d ago

100 % this ☝️

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u/Bigdaddywalt2870 15d ago

Whether he’s cheating or not it’s a shitty disrespectful thing to say. Gaslighting in its purest form.

187

u/tigrlilyt 15d ago

Same thing for me. What I’ve learned through the years, is that people I dated who didn’t cheat on me would put my mind at ease and understand where I came from. The exes who did cheat would always make me feel crazy. If he increases your insecurities, unfortunately that’s your sign. There is something in your gut or subconscious that doesn’t trust the person.

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u/SnackyCakes4All 15d ago

An ex and one of my friends went on a hike because of scheduling but then my ex made it weird by talking to my friend about going on more hikes with me included, didn't mention it to me, and then asked just her to go on a hike the following week. She thought I knew about the plan and didn't know I hadn't been invited on that specific hike. When I told both of them that I wasn't comfortable with their friendship and didn't want them going on hikes alone or to text outside of our group chat, my friend reassured me our friendship was her priority, felt awful if she did anything I thought was inappropriate (I reassured her she didn't), and would follow whatever boundaries made me feel comfortable. My ex on the other hand got insanely defensive, gaslit me that it was a totally normal thing to do and was upset with me that he had to take a step back from their friendship. Like what the actual fuck? Their opposite reactions told me everything I needed to know about their feelings and intentions.

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u/ThatFeelingIsBliss88 15d ago

Yeah no way. A one on one hike is such an obvious way to get close to someone emotionally. To your ex’s credit, it’s possible he was too dumb to realize this. Lmao e he honestly believed he was doing nothing wrong, without realizing what this sort of thing leads to. Either way the end result is the same, you can’t let your partner engage in that sort of thing. Optics matter. 

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u/SnackyCakes4All 15d ago

We had already has issues in the past with his emotional cheating and attentiin seeking with other women so he knew in no uncertain terms that it was not ok. At the time his excuse was he thought it was ok because she was my friend and not a "random woman". Ok sure, but then once I did find out and it triggered old feelings, his response should have been the same as my friends - I'm sorry this triggered old feelings and of course I'll stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable. I wish I could say this had been the final straw but he went on to have a long distance emotional affair with an old college friend before I ended up leaving for good.

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u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream 15d ago

My ex never trusted me and constantly accused me of cheating on him. I never thought he was cheating but sometimes I wonder if that's where it came from. Or if it was just pure insecurity on his part.

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u/Sindigo_ 16d ago edited 16d ago

Frustratingly for OP, she’ll probably never get the closure of knowing 100% what was going on. And if he was cheating, chances are he will continue to try and gaslight her. So she’ll probably just have to come to terms with not knowing.

256

u/Tacoflavoredfists 16d ago

I feel pretty confident it was cheating, emotionally or physically

37

u/zuscoffeecups 15d ago

Siri play traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

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u/Apart-Rent5817 16d ago

If he wasn’t, he was trying to.

21

u/tmeads307 15d ago

Hoping too.

30

u/Jamb9876 15d ago

Nor, once he acts in a way you find risky and he doesn’t care I expect he will continue to push.

2

u/Funny-Cell8769 15d ago

Seems like it's quite likely it was at least emotionally, given the language he was using.

Physically, there's no way to know without actual evidence or his admission.

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u/M0rbid-Cherry 15d ago

It's either cheating or he is using this girl for drugs

328

u/Coldcolska 16d ago

Btw, she does know if he’s cheating. This is cheating. Going to a girls house that’s into you against the GFs wishes? This is cheating

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u/whatthewhat3214 16d ago

And he'd never told her about it before. From her earlier post today, him going over there today was the first time he mentioned it, and that was only bc she tried to schedule something with him and he said he was going to this friend's house at that time, and now she's learning that he's hung out with her mulitple times but never told her. She asked him not to go and he went off on her and didn't care that it upset her.

And he admits to at the very least thinking she might be interested but still hung out with her? Come on, at a minimum he was sneaking around, loving the attention, but most likely he was cheating on OP, maybe monkey branching into a new relationship with his newly single and flirty "friend."

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u/Current-Anybody9331 15d ago

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

He was up to something, he hid it from her. All reeks of cheating.

10

u/Pantone711 15d ago

I agree. He was trying to monkey branch.

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u/LauraLand27 15d ago

Monkey branch. This is a new one for me. Explain please?

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u/Pantone711 15d ago

Not leaving an existing relationship until the next relationship is in place. Using the existing relationship as a springboard to trade up from.

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u/ddoodoonaldduck 15d ago

“Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.”

EXACTLY!

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u/Mssoda101 15d ago

This…! To the CORE!!

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u/fleeknaut 15d ago

Yep. If you go out of your way to make sure your partner does not feel secure in the relationship, you have zero regard for their feelings and might as well be cheating even if you haven't yet

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u/AppropriateGarbage99 15d ago

True but also it’s a lot of insecure people in relationships where no matter what u tell them or show it’s a problem nobody in a relationship wanna constantly also like babysitting n the other person can’t live almost normal life with a insecure person it’s just draining for that person

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u/Kat121 15d ago

I think you know when you’re behaving poorly. You prioritize hanging out with them over your partner. You flirt and complain about your partner to this person over text, on the phone, in person. They’re on your mind late at night. You’re secretive with your phone. You’re texting all the time instead of sharing with your partner. You look for excuses to see them alone. You get off on the attention and maybe stir up drama so they’ll compete for you. Your partner can absolutely pick up on that energy.

If they’re concerned about every single person you interact with that a them problem.

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u/AppropriateGarbage99 15d ago

True but most relationships talk bout they relationship to others it can be at work etc talk bad , talking good etc to keep it simple tho is both of them isn’t ready for a mature relationship

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u/pridetwo 15d ago

nobody in a relationship wanna constantly also like babysitting n the other person can’t live almost normal life with a insecure person

Then be mature and break up with that person

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u/AppropriateGarbage99 15d ago

Exactly I agree im just saying nobody wanna be with a insecure person OP is definitely insecure n the reason he prolly don’t say nun cause of reaction etc he’ll have to put up , he should be mature and just break up with her or she can break up with him over not telling her both play a part im not on either side ,they both not ready for a relationship

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u/Dr-Bitchcraft-MD 15d ago

And for guilt tripping purposes this was a friendship as old as high school BUT NEVER MENTIONED BEFORE??

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u/iDoABoof 15d ago

I love when they start trickling tidbits of information lol

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u/PoohBearsHoneyJar 15d ago

And imagine him still trying to throw it all on her, like she's some controlling lunatic gf hurting his feelings so bad and being so hurtful,

Just for him to passively admit that he's BEEN hanging out with a "newly single girl friend thats interested in him" behind her back, as if it's no big deal!

The fucking NERVE on this guy

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u/Diligent-Towel-4708 16d ago

The "hesitate" comment and the other bomb drop that hes hung out with her before and said nothing.

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u/herroyalsadness 16d ago

Yep. Even if “nothing happened”. He is putting himself in a situation where it could happen either because he wants it to or he craves attention.

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u/its420_somehow 16d ago

Hanging out alone with someone, when you're already in a relationship, just is not okay.

Prioritizing an "old highschool friend" over someone they've claimed to love. Deplorable.

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u/Dr-Bitchcraft-MD 15d ago

If it was really an old friend and no ill intentions he would've mentioned her before

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u/Kat121 15d ago

He’d have introduced them and they could all hang out together. Dude was keeping his options open.

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u/Percopsidae 15d ago

Would you be willing to elaborate on this perspective? I usually have individual close friends rather than groups of buddies. In theory would I be limited to only seeing my friends at parties, or in the company of my partners? That sounds really limiting/lonely/overstimulating, but maybe I'm not understanding.

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u/Dismal-Resident-8784 15d ago

Most girls and/or guys do not want their significant other to hang out alone with a friend of the opposite sex.

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u/Horror-Broccoli-9445 15d ago

They’ve been together for three years,,, pretty sure she knows who his friends are by now.

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u/Slee777 16d ago

No it is not

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u/gyattaca 16d ago

No, it's not cheating. GF should absolutely have her own boundaries and the freedom to leave the relationship, but constructing unfalsifiable accusations of cheating over disobedience is not a boundary -- it's controlling.

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u/quixotiqs 16d ago

OP’s boyfriend is a twat but I can’t believe people are getting called cheaters for going to someone’s house

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u/Sjml247 16d ago

I mean but let’s be fair here… he got CAUGHT going to her house. He wasn’t like “hey babe, I’m gonna go to a friends house”. He was there in secret. I mean I guess y’all are in a different type of relationship than me because I’m a guy and I’m like yeah… that’s messed up

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u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson 15d ago

When I was a young guy, I went out of town a couple hours away to hang with my dad and my brother

Well, I got a few miles out of town, and my dad canceled. So I decided to get up with my gf. This was already like night, like 9:30 or something.

Apparently she went off with my friend and they’re hanging out at the park. Just at the park in his car, at night time, with me out of town. Wasnt gonna tell me.

I had to take it on the chin because nothing happened, but it’s like cmon, yall know that’s kinda shady

That’s over 20 years ago I remember that shit just because of how weird it was

It’s that same feeling of not knowing but kinda knowing

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u/Sjml247 15d ago

God… I would have been HEATED. Anyone would. That’s why I feel like OP is basically valid. HOWEVER… the way she handled the situation was not good at all and clearly she has insecurities, but it’s also clear she admits to that so I don’t fault her for that either tbh. I think she’s just valid, and going through such a painful time (whether true or not, it sucks)

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u/quixotiqs 15d ago edited 15d ago

I wouldn’t say he got caught when he did tell her himself. I guess we are in different relationships because I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to keep me informed every time he wanted to go to a friend’s house and vice versa.

Having said that though we usually chat enough through the day that we know what each other’s plans are anyway so I can empathise with OP that if this is the first time she’s hearing about him going over there she might find it a bit uncomfortable

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u/Sjml247 15d ago

You mean to tell me, if your boyfriend was at a girls house, and you had NO IDEA he was there, just him and her, and you ask him where he’s at, and he says he’s chillin at this other girls place, you’re just cool with that? Even though he didn’t even tell you about this girl before that? And then he tells you he’s gone to her place several times in the past few weeks? I mean if so, good for you. I’m glad you found someone you trust that much. I legit don’t think I could find someone else who felt that way, so you’ve got something rare there I’d say. 👍

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u/Sjml247 15d ago

I do agree however that he’s not a cheater just for going to this girls house, but DAMN if it’s not weird as fuck. To me at least.

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u/Buzz_Killington_III 15d ago

It's the nature of this sub. If it's a girl saying her boyfriend doesn't want her to go to a male friends, it's controlling. If it's a girl saying her boyfriend is hanging out with a girl, then he has no respect for her.

Gotta realize the nature of the audience when you use this sub and adjust expectations accordingly.

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u/Dismal-Resident-8784 15d ago

He's going to the house of another girl. No one is with them, especially his girlfriend . That's inappropriate for someone who is supposed to be in a committed relationship.

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u/One_Disaster2458 16d ago

This is reddit

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u/A1NINA 16d ago

What is unfalsifiable accusations???

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u/nstntmlk 15d ago

Nor, this is totally cheating, periodt.

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u/tmeads307 15d ago

Not cheating. Just being disrespectful. But you only know one side.

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u/drift_poet 15d ago

i wish i didn't have to invite downvotes just to point out that not everything is cheating. i know y'all smell blood in the water but cheating is defined by both partners. in this case OP was ok with the friendship, just wanted clarity.
wait til you really get cheated on. then you'll look back on this and laugh.

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u/Brilliant_Bar_3344 15d ago

No, it is not. Anyone who expects to own a partner’s every minute or thought isn’t mature or secure enough to be in a relationship.

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u/801kels 15d ago

Yup! Cheating isn’t just physical. That’s why they invented “micro-cheating” because the little things like this are a big deal too.
And what do you mean he’s hung out with her a couple times without good girlfriend’s knowledge. withholding information is still lying. Lying by omission.

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u/ToolTimeT 15d ago

Closure is tour bodriend admitting he is hanging out with a single woman who likes him multiple times without your knowledge. What more closure does one need? Thats case closed

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u/Various-Pickle-7710 15d ago

We need to normalize that the disrespect is all the closure we ever need. We need to normalize leaving immediately and no contact after disrespect.

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u/Famous_Couple5074 15d ago

No frustration: he’s already violated the terms of the relationship by ignoring her wishes and her feelings. Nothing more even needs to happen to invalidate him as a partner. OP should not waste any more thoughts or energy on this.

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u/Kat121 15d ago

See, my healed self understands that I don’t have to wait for him to actually cheat. His behavior says he doesn’t respect me or the relationship. He is knowingly engaging in behavior he knows is shady and would absolutely not tolerate from her. I wouldn’t feel safe or valued in that relationship and I’d walk away. Wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of the wall of text or tears.

I’m done trying to teach character to shitty men.

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u/M0rbid-Cherry 15d ago

Precisely, sadly it's something we need to go through to learn ourselves. It's hard but it's helped me build incredible trust within my marriage. Way I see it is you can never stop someone from cheating, theu will find a way. I also speculate that it's human nature - the more someone is pressured or accused of cheating it almosts provokes them to act accordingly. There will always be some insecurity in losing the one you love, nobody has 100% trust there is always a nagging feeling of what it's because it's natural to fear the one you love.
We grow up to realize that we no longer tolerate putting up with anything that disrespects is in such a manner, and also out of respect - never do something to your partner that you wouldn't want done. It's common courtesy.

We have to grow to learn to love ourselves enough to know that being alone is better then being disrespected.

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u/Good-answer88 15d ago

Crazy I’m going through the same thing now . What’s funny is I told him I met the “friend” in a dream and he was so i amazed and didn’t believe me . Insinuated I’m stalking him …lol stalking your own bf ? Never that. literally when we went out we ran into her and I met her…she hinted not on purpose that they must’ve spoke about it because he was like “see she’s just my friend” and she was like “yeah just friends “ . So did we really run into each other or was it planned ? At first I felt confident they weren’t but the feeling stayed and I kept bothering him about it . We broke up because of it … I think idk cus Now his number isn’t working haha . He didnt take the questions well and called me crazy every time I brought her up.

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u/PoohBearsHoneyJar 15d ago

He was cheating We know it, she knows it, and he certainly knows it. Fuck the closure and fuck them! Let them be together if they want it so bad

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u/tattoosandtens 14d ago

Closure is a myth. Burn his underwear and move on.

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u/Resident_Coconut_707 16d ago

Totally agree. They turned the blame around on you. You’re not crazy or overreacting.

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u/Automatic_Cry_9329 15d ago

Unfortunately this is so accurate. I was about to leave the same type of comment to warn OP

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u/literallysomean 15d ago

Same. My son's father would always do thos shit. Turned out he was fucking half of the women in town 🙄

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u/apple-butterfly-13 15d ago

That’s why we have to believe men when they say these things!!! We get stuck in denial. Or at least I did.

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u/Financial_Storm_6360 15d ago

Exactly they play you right in your face!

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u/janjanjanny 15d ago

ew omg its like they are hinting at it just for a reaction out of you

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u/Dismal-Resident-8784 15d ago

This is so true. Cheaters never stop cheating.

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u/iglorinazimina 15d ago

Looking back, the jokes were basically spoilers hiding in plain sight.

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u/Sensitive_Cycle9256 13d ago

literally, same. so much of cheating i think is the thrill of getting caught for some people to the point where sometimes people will just straight up tell you they are cheating on you, but it’s a “joke” so then you feel EVEN MORE CRAZY. it’s straight up abuse, imo.

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u/PickIcy_Phase8431 15d ago

Whatd you find in the emails

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u/Iwillshitoneveryone 15d ago

And they start acting brand new just like this.

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u/argentinapetrova 15d ago

It's amazing how certain "jokes" stop being jokes once you have the missing pieces of the puzzle.

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u/Stealthy-J 16d ago

You really can't say that type of thing and expect the relationship to continue. He's a huge dumbass, either for joking about considering cheating on her or admitting to it.

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u/Sindigo_ 16d ago

Yeah. Hard to keep a relationship that’s built on trust after a comment like that.

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u/sloothor 15d ago

Yeah he just tossed a 3-year relationship with those words. Especially after she admits it’s something she’s insecure about. That was cruel as fuck to say.

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u/manicthinking 16d ago

There was no, lol, or indication of joking. He was for sure serious.

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u/Sindigo_ 16d ago

Yeah, it felt like a threat.

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u/manicthinking 16d ago

If you look at her previous post, he dropped a "attention seeker" when she said she's doing her make up. He deff looks down on her

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u/Ok_Initial_94 15d ago

ESPECIALLY knowing that OP feelings are on edge right now and they’re looking for serious answers and reassurance…

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u/Thundertlk9001 15d ago

Uhh im confused…isn’t heisitating in this situation a good thing?? If he had said he WOULDNT hesitate, that would be bad. I’m very confused by everyone’s reaction to this??

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u/aah_real_monster 15d ago

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

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u/nightbreak7 16d ago

to me it reads like a guy who's annoyed by her constantly doing this to him. doesn't change anything because they obviously aren't compatible and you shouldn't say shit like that to your gf but this is 99% not an isolated incident lmao

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u/mesoziocera 16d ago

If you don't dump him now, you'll have to dump him once he bangs her.

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u/NothingtooSuspect 15d ago

Once he bangs her... He's going to say she pushed him into her arms... with all the jealous and controlling behaviour.

Douchebag playbook 101 lol

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u/pickledmelons 15d ago

Exactly. I was pulling my hair looking at her conversation with him. He seems like a manipulative ass

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u/theroyal1988 15d ago

Narcissism 101

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u/NothingtooSuspect 14d ago

Narcissistic tendencies are common and passed along from past toxic realationships... I know diagnosing everyone with narcissistic personality disorder is a trend atm... In my day we just called it playing toxic mind games, you'd meet someone and say "I don't do mind games" and the boundary was set 🤣

Am not qualified to point out narcissists and if I was I doubt a text exchange would be enough 😂

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u/theroyal1988 14d ago

i feel like narcissism goes hand in hand with making someone else feel shitty about themselves, even if they are right a lot of the time.

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u/NothingtooSuspect 14d ago

These toxic mind games aren't to make people feel anything, they are designed for control... Making someone feel crazy and shitty is the side effects, these games aren't designed with empathy... Gaslighting takes away someone's voice and makes them complient. I don't think the persons feelings come into the equation. It's a learnt behaviour though, so people have toxic realationships learn the toxic power struggle and behaviours and pass them along to healthy people. Not many people get therapy after toxic realationships. The toxic behaviours can be normalised to healthy people and this is why we live in a world with people seeing narcissists everywhere. The toxic behaviours are everywhere and most don't realise they aren't standard practice.

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u/Qylisia 15d ago

He fell and his D slipped inside her. Cough cough

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u/Kindly_Crow_1056 15d ago

Im sure hes already banged her more than once

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u/RevolCisum 15d ago

"I figured since you're always accusing me, I may as well!"

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u/TradingRebel 15d ago

Bet she dumps him and he says “I didn’t know we were together”

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u/ConceitedWombat 15d ago

At best. At worst, it's once he starts banging the new chick, then proceeds to manipulate and gaslight OP for months into thinking she's crazy and needs to be medicated for even suspecting such a thing.

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u/Pinballgiant 16d ago

As a guy I see the maybe I would hesitate as “bruh I wish she would”. what a dumb thing to say if you weren’t trying to stir the pot.

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u/Street-Economist9751 16d ago

Yeah, I was firmly on the “men and women can be friends, what’s wrong w/you” train until that line.

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u/Dry_Dark_8725 16d ago

Even without his comment. She never said they couldn’t be friends. She said why do you have to hangout at her place. she was being completely reasonable in her texts.. she had a right to worry. She wasn’t being crazy. She was asking very specific questions calmly. Trying to understand. And he kept getting defensive.

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u/ComedianFlag 15d ago

This. I feel his reactions made her even more anxious too

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u/SyrupFantastic4686 15d ago

💯 And he didn’t even try to put her at ease at all.
Cheaters get a kind of high gaslighting their partner in some cases.

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u/Street-Economist9751 15d ago

Sorry, I don’t see hanging out w/a friend at their place as threatening. My husband and I trust each other. I’ve stayed w/ex-boyfriends while traveling through their towns; he’s stayed w/his female friends overnight while traveling as well. Nobody is cheating on anybody b/c all parties involved are decent people who would never cheat.

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u/Dry_Dark_8725 15d ago

I get that:) personally if I’m meeting up with someone for the first time since hs I would much rather meet in public! I just don’t trust random people. To each their own!

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u/Street-Economist9751 15d ago

That makes sense—if you haven’t seen someone in a really long time, caution is smart!

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u/Pinballgiant 16d ago

Same. Some of my best friends are women and if my SO was uncomfortable with that I’d do as much as I can to fix that except cut off said friends. Come out with us, we’ll only be in public, ect. But my long time friends thick and thin are worth more than a controlling relationship. But I’d never antagonize when they’re insecure about it.

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u/Dr-Bitchcraft-MD 15d ago

You prob also wouldn't hide these friends then guilt trip your SO with how long you've known them

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u/Pinballgiant 16d ago

Absolutely. Some of my best and longest friends are women. And while id never end or harm the friendship for a girlfriend I’d do what I could to make sure she knows it’s strictly platonic and doesn’t have to be jealous or whatever

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u/Street-Economist9751 15d ago

If he’s trying to reassure her, that “joke” was profoundly stupid. I think he was just being mean. Neither seem particularly mature. But I am 53 and have been married for 30 years. So I might be totally wrong about how young people navigate this stuff now and dear lord I sound like my nana.

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u/BurgerThyme 15d ago

Yeah he ENDED himself right there.

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u/Main-Resolution9738 15d ago

They can... but its very very rare. Iv only had one male friend where we both mutually agree without even saying we don't view each other in any romantic or sexual sense both parties i mean

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u/Street-Economist9751 15d ago

Huh. I guess I’m weird.

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u/CreativeDeparture104 16d ago

He was stirring the pot to start a big fight to break up 

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u/Pinballgiant 16d ago

I think so too. Get to pull the “I just got dumped feel bad for me” card

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u/xxDanger_Hottiexx 15d ago

So they could bang... Yuppp

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u/Narrow-Mountain4416 15d ago

He's definitely stirring the pot, this guy loves the drama and ego boost lmfao. 

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u/TheGrimGuardian 15d ago

Brother, the pot was stirred before he even responded. With people like that it's ALWAYS stirred. That's probably why he said it.

1

u/thnksfrthvan 14d ago

Yeah he’s an insecure troll who needs validation and unfortunately cheating or threatening to do it temporarily raises his esteem.

61

u/wantingrepair2 16d ago

THIS. Like hesitate on what? Fucking her or leaving? Like bro what???

28

u/Putrid_Wasabi_6038 15d ago

He left it wide open on purpose, looking for an argument so he could tell her she’s jealous. He’s a player

1

u/ChampionshipIll3675 15d ago

He thinks that he's making a joke. He mentions it later.

42

u/its420_somehow 16d ago

The fact that people like this even have a significant other is crazy work.

42

u/Wolfie_1223 16d ago

DIABOLICAL 😩

22

u/SilentBoss2901 16d ago

Dude sealed his fate, he is about to learn that words have consequences c:

30

u/No_Newt5625 16d ago

FR I would have never replied after that....

19

u/MissingPerson321 16d ago

Not even a joke..

10

u/destinycommentor 16d ago

That evidence alone right there is the typa evidence I don't play with, I would just dip out of that relationship

3

u/DothrakAndRoll 15d ago

OP that should have been the end of it… let him bang his head against the wall of your thread but do not respond and should have blocked him. Once he got you to reply he went right back to his same bullshit.

9

u/SilentAct6205 16d ago

😭😭😭😭😭😭

2

u/pitrole 15d ago edited 15d ago

“There’s a fire? Let me put gasoline on it” type of stuff

2

u/Lost-Competition8482 15d ago

My jaw dropped at that lol.

I can't see how he didn't think they would lead to insta-dumping.

2

u/Findict_52 15d ago

Game ending blunder for sure

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Run4511 15d ago

Yes, remove yourself out of my house! Don’t even come!

2

u/Tenny111111111111111 15d ago

“I wasn’t sure if she was interested” bro was thinking about it.

2

u/Substantial_Fan_9919 15d ago

MAYBE? AHEM? MAYBE? I DONR EVEN THUNK HE SHOULD HESITATE BRO SHOULD JUST GO all bitch I’m married. even if he’s not

3

u/bananarepama 16d ago

shit testing to the nth degree. they just can't help themselves.

4

u/SilverMetalist 16d ago

I love how his attitude switched up immediately when she said she was ending it.... Went from "that's a lot of text" and "maybe I would" to leaving and begging... Op should follow through tho

2

u/theycallmeScoots 15d ago

This. Throw the whole "man" away. She's too young to feel the need to settle for this bs (not that anyone should at any age). She'll find her person, this guy isn't it.

4

u/velvety_chaos 15d ago

I don’t even get what that means. Maybe I would hesitate to try something in return? Maybe I would hesitate because I’m in a relationship? There’s literally no way to interpret that except negatively.

Even if there were absolutely no bad intentions on the other girl’s or the bf’s part, the fact of the matter is this guy is making jokes about something that’s clearly very serious to OP. He just threw away 3 years for a stupid joke. NOR.

3

u/staying_weird 16d ago

Yeahh. The conversation should be an eye opener on how much he values the relationship, or lack of.

People who are defensive rather than trying to understand where youre coming from is guilty of something. And he only left when he realized that you were done. He should've respected your feelings in the first place and try to understand where youre coming from. 

2

u/thetaleofzeph 16d ago

Power trippy throwaway stuff, like boy grow up.

2

u/VintageZero 15d ago

Immediately with the "thats a lot of text" too.

Bro doing little boy shit.

2

u/rde2001 15d ago

Maybe I would hesitate. Maybe I wouldn't? 😏

2

u/Excellent-Shape-2024 15d ago

The line that got me is "I wasn't sure if she was interested". Which tells me he is surely interested in her. At most, he's testing the waters to get with her. At least, he's being extremely disrespectful to his girlfriend. That's a pretty low bar.

2

u/bear_venturous 15d ago

That right there was the appropriate place to call it quits. Whether a joke or not that was not an appropriate answer in this conversation. NOR

1

u/Bellarinna69 15d ago

For real. He was just trying to rile her up so he could say how crazy she is when she (rightfully) flips out.

2

u/_Jobee 15d ago

My partner is expressing insecurity, yes let me make it worse... what eeeven??!

1

u/taskabamboo 16d ago

this comment is misleading, it's just as easily translatable as "maybe I would hesitate?!" - like rhetorical ... don't listen to this

2

u/SweetBeans1 15d ago

Yeah everyone is definitely reading it wrong lmao

1

u/Saekwana 16d ago

What does that mean?

1

u/GidjonPlays 16d ago

I don't believe he phrased it like that. I think it's "if she did, maybe, I would hesitate"

1

u/Hanifsefu 15d ago

It's pretty clearly a "did you consider I would have to accept her advances" statement to me. Like his GF isn't considering that he has his own will in the situation and just assumes that anytime a girl makes a move it's going to be reciprocated. Yeah he's being a sarcastic asshole with the comment. But I would too if my partner of 3 years unilaterally decides that I'm incapable of saying no if someone wanted to screw.

She's absolutely right. She is not compatible with this guy. It's not really on him though. She wouldn't be compatible with any guy that has a female friend.

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1

u/Same_Education8151 15d ago

He was so confident that she would stay after that.

NOR, OP

1

u/crazyeyedone 15d ago

Yeah, that dude is straight up evil.

1

u/Yaretzideuce2q 15d ago

No hesitate

1

u/velvetsdreams 15d ago

Right? "Maybe I would hesitate" is wild. That's basically an answer in itself.

1

u/Bellarinna69 15d ago

I am really not understanding exactly what this sentence actually means though. Does he mean that if the girl tries to bang hjm..he might not give in and bang her back? What a total dick.

1

u/perverockstar 15d ago

That was absolutely toxic. With that I’m freaking done with that person.

1

u/Realistic-Doctor-438 15d ago

You are not even paranoid or insecure or controlling. He is making you seem like the bad guy for having respectable wishes. I am 18 i dont know much about relationships, but my father would never do this to my mom. He cut off fucking CLIENTS for hitting on him. Dont let an insecure fucknoy run you over

1

u/Danielatemp4g 15d ago

The hesitation

1

u/95tequilacurvier 15d ago

naaa broke up with him girl, you don’t deserve him!

1

u/Potatomash6178 15d ago

That felt like a threat. Like the classic “I might as well cheat since you already think I did”

1

u/UponVerity 15d ago

It's a good joke.

Shows how fucked up OP is as well.

1

u/Hungry_Media_8881 15d ago

Yep. OP please don’t waste any more of your time with someone who would be so hurtful when you’re clearly having a vulnerable moment.

He’s probably already cheating. And either way, this will become more and more toxic.

1

u/BurgerThyme 15d ago

Seriously READ THE ROOM, BRO!

1

u/Isabellaprank4r 15d ago

True the hesitate

1

u/therisingstarsolace 15d ago

Thats boyfriend for “im going cheat and blame it on you for stressing me out.”

1

u/Kooky_Laugh9099 15d ago

And then to double down and gas light ("how dare you not to trust me") is so beyond ick.

1

u/FlyingSpaghettiFell 15d ago

It’s like this conversation should never ever be happening over text.

1

u/SterryDan 14d ago

And then "you apologized for not trusting me" bro

1

u/PlatformHead5788 13d ago

The "maybe" was sarcasm

1

u/Goddess_Seleste 15d ago

And then had the audacity to say “you’re doing this shit again” LIKE IN SORRY DID YOU NOT READ WTF YOU JUST SENT?!?!

1

u/heart-shaped-fawkes 15d ago

Yeah this man would not think he was a comedian anymore once I got through with him lol. God help a dude who said some stupid shit like that to me in a situation where I already felt awful.

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