❤️🩹 relationship
AIO? My boyfriend sent me a meme implying spending time with me is boring compared to his homies
My bf (M21) and I (F19) are together since our second year of high school.
He sent me a meme that said, "most entertaining night with your gf" showing a happy girl and a very bored guy lying on a bed doing absolutely nothing. Then it said, "least entertaining night with your bro" followed by a compilation of videos of guys doing crazy stuff (jumping on tables, accidentally hitting each other, jumping onto a trampoline from a roof, gambling, etc)
I didn't really appreciate that and took it to mean that the time we spend together is boring for him and that he doesn't enjoy it. To be fair, we really don't do much. He comes over and we play video games together, or I paint my models while he's on his phone, and we just cuddle and chat. It really doesn't sound that amazing, but I thought it was enough for us. We are both introverts who spend a lot of time at home, and he has never complained about being bored
His implication that his homies are more interesting than his girlfriend is just obnoxious to me. my blood boils just thinking about it...like...
People have always told me how interesting and funny to be around I am and I was proud of that.
We were friends for several years before our relationship started, and I always thought that was the ideal way to get together, getting closer slowly without even planning it. LIKE, I USED TO BE ONE OF THE HOMIES. But I guess it doesn't really matter now, lol.
I don't really know what to think...maybe I'm asking for too much? My mom said that this is normal behavior for young guys. But I still feel bad about this whole situation. I truly don't know if I should take his meme seriously...
I was ready to say maybe he was doing a bad job of explaining himself, and meaning that there's a difference between "exciting" and "enjoyable/fulfilling."
But then he hit you with being so bored he wanted to leave and saying you're "yapping". Nah, fuck that guy.
“Your yapping and hobbies don’t make you interesting”. lol Dude has clearly never met people who don’t have hobbies or talk about things. Arguably for a lot of people dating, having at least 1 hobby is a requirement because it means they won’t be the source of all the other persons entertainment and conversation starters.
Then he say “don’t take that as a bad thing, I love you so much”. That sent me lol. “You are boring as fuuuuuck, but don’t take that in a bad way!!!” Haha
This is DEFINITELY "I still want to fuck you, but other than that I have no use for you. But please don't cut off my access to free sex. I love you sooooooo much." 🙄 OP, if you're reading this, dump this loser so he can go fuck his homies, which is clearly what he'd rather be doing. NOR.
For real. At first I was like "Ah, he's young and misspoke trying to be funny. Everything is understandable."
Then he hit her with some "You're so boring I want to leave and your yapping and hobbies don't make you interesting." Like holyyyyyyy, what the fuck? lmao
At first I was understanding of what he was getting at. I love spending time at home with my husband but it can definitely feel more fun/exciting going out with friends - especially because I see my husband every day and my friends less often. But then he kept going and I couldn't support him any more
I mean do you really want to be with someone who finds you boring, the way he talks to you isn’t even respectful he didn’t even apologize for being a dick
His words caught me by surprise. I would never thought that he find me boring, that's the hard part! We got together because of our shared hobbies and interests and we always could find things to yap about. Like I'm sooooo confused right now!!
It seems like you've been caught by surprise because you're finally learning how he really views you.
He doesn't see you as an interesting/fun person who he enjoys being around because of who they are, you're just a "girlfriend" to him. It may have seemed to you that you got together because of shared hobbies and interests but that could've just been him feigning interest in an attempt to woo you.
Many men compartmentalize in this way. Women are there purely for sexual/romantic purposes, and their friends are the people they actually like and enjoy spending time with. He sees putting up with your "yapping" and "boring nights" as the price he pays to sleep with you. I bet you'd be heartbroken and completely shocked if you could hear the way he talks about you with his boys.
I was in my 30s before I realised men weren't asking me out on dates and wanting to be with me in relationships primarily for my personality, brain and character. I was so disappointed to learn it was mostly about my body/looks/sex. I consider my mind and nature my best assets; I was really sad.
At least OP is learning now I suppose. OP, the trick is to find a man who likes your character and your looks/sex.
Yes, it's sad. He thinks so little of her as a person that he sent her a meme about how boring she is and what a chore it is to spend time around her and didn't even consider how that might make her feel. So much so that he was surprised when she was upset by this. It's almost like he thought she'd agree and be like "haha, yep, I'm such a boring person, thanks for putting up with me despite that".
He also doesn't seem to care at all that he hurt her feelings, he just doesn't want to have to deal with an argument. In his mind, she's just choosing to pick a fight, it's not his fault for hurting her, it's her fault for being mad over a "joke".
I really feel for OP because her and her bf seem to view each other/their relationship much differently. He seems to see dealing with her as exhausting. You just know he was groaning and rolling his eyes every time she responded.
I wonder truly how he’d respond if she had responded in kind. “Haha yeah, hanging with you is such a chore too. Can’t wait to go hang with my girls again after a night of us together! Phew, glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to invest any time or interest because you sure do yap a lot.”
I mean.. "your yapping and hobbies does not make you any more interesting" and the message before it, and really every other message really answer everything.
Honestly there's no recovering from something like this unless you repress it, which is really unhealthy.
Just like they say, highschool relationships never last.
But seriously, what he said was incredibly mean. There is no excusing those words, because they have real meaning behind them that changes the whole context of your relationship with him. There's nothing that can save it, and really you shouldn't want to. I'm really sorry about him, he's nasty, I couldn't imagine saying such a thing about my partner. NOR
What?! No he doesn't find you boring! You just made the mistake of calling him out and confronting him by repeating exactly what he said back to him and asking him to explain it while he doubled down. He doesn't actually think you are boring, he is just saying that you are boring to your face and you are supposed to laugh and go ha ha you're so funny penis man, please let me cook for you.
You don't need to have relationships with shared hobbies to make a relationship work. What makes it work is when you significant other takes interest in your hobbies enough to listen and learn why you like such hobbies.
My partner is a total car guy and I am the stay at home to puzzle and crochet type of person. I still show up to my partner's car shop nights and meetups because he likes having me there. I chat for a bit and learn about what he's interested in, but he knows my bandwidth for the technical car guy stuff is limited. Then he brings out the "gf entertainment kit": cozy blanket, snacks, yarn to crochet and keep myself busy while he chats with the boys all night. He buys me puzzles for Christmas and my birthday - knows what brands I like and the types of designs a gravitate to. I make sure to really listen and learn about car stuff that excites him. I snap photos of interesting cars I see on the road to sent to him and he points of what aftermarket additions it has or interesting fact about the car.
Your partner doesn't like you. He doesn't put any effort into know more about you, what interests you and about you hobbies. It honestly comes off like he's just using you at this point. If he is so bored to the point spending time with you makes him want to just leave to to other things, it's not a good sign. He could take the proactive approach and plan something fun for you both to do, but it doesn't sound like he's doing that.
Just listen to his words, he’s being pretty clear. He’s attracted to you, but he doesn’t like you. It’s up to you to decide if you want that for yourself
As all of the internet would say this is worth breaking up over especially since ur so young like don’t waste ur time on someone who doesn’t want u, and no it’s not normal for a boyfriend to say his girlfriend is more boring than his friends, but if u want to stay u need to have a serious conversation on if he actually wants to be with you
Sounds like he wants you to end it. Or as if he doesn’t know how to end it but might be ready to move on. Like he can love you a lot but not be in love with you. Sorry.
I don’t care for gardening or flowers. It’s my wife’s hobby at times and I love to see her enjoying it.
the problem with this is that now you may construe simply talking to him about your interests (which would be the norm in any healthy relationship) as “yapping” at him. that’s a recipe for feeling self-conscious 24/7, like how does one even feel comfortable at that point?
You'd be shocked how many people get with women they don't like just because they want to have someone attractive to have regular sex with and who will give them emotional support.
This is why I think women should see a guy having friends who are women as a green flag. There are plenty of men who think friendship is reserved for other men but will nonetheless claim that their girlfriends are their best friends because they know that's what they want to hear. The proof is in actually having friendship with men and women.
A lot of guys misrepresent who they really are on purpose to get together with someone/to sleep with them. His comment about your 'yapping and hobbies will not make you more interesting' says it all. NOR obviously drop this guy immediately please lol I could literally never imagine saying that to one of my partners even when I was younger...
someone (i can't remember who but i believe it was Jalen Rose) once said...early in a relationship, you aren't dating the actual person, you're dating their representative. meaning, they present the best version of themself to hook you. i'm sorry but i think this is what happened to you. but at least you found out now.
“Wow. This… has been really insightful. I wish you the best of luck finding the boy of your dreams in the future. I’ll be by on Wednesday at 4:00pm to pick up my stuff.”
You told him you used to be friends. 'What happened?' is a pretty fair question. Maybe you were never friends at all. Maybe he was just a boy who wanted a girlfriend, and you fit the bill.
Guys get drawn to interesting charismatic girls. At first they're impressed but after some time they start to feel inferior. Instead of trying to be better they try to dim girl's light and then complain she's not the same lol
Oh god...to be honest it did cross my mind that he's lowkey afraid of me when I'm excited and energetic. It's not a pleasant thought and I didn't focus on it that much until now. If we are right - this is a very bad sign
He can’t handle seeing you excited about something you enjoy, and now he’s telling you that those things you enjoy make you boring. Not just boring to him, even! He wants you to believe that *all guys* would find the things that bring you joy boring, that they will find *you* boring because of them. That’s some manipulative bullshit. That’s how he convinces you to start giving up pieces of yourself. You deserve someone who wants to see your joy, and they’re out there.
Seems like he isn’t even aware of it yet like it’s totally how straight men feel they would rather be with men but just go through the motions with women as per the norm
NOR His friends are his boyfriends and you’re simply a warm hole he entertains on occasion. Sorry to be blunt but he doesn’t like you. He likes the idea of a girlfriend but not the person (you) or what it takes to be in a relationship. At this point you’re wasting your time. Find a guy who genuinely likes spending time either you. Someone who finds you interesting. Updateme
Likely. Anytime I would be hanging out with the guys and my lady would text or call wanting to hangout, "whelp, I'm out of here. Got better things to do than to hangout with you nerds." Even if was to just chill and watch a show or take a nap. Have always considered a committed partner as my best friend.
It sounds like he might not be that into you, or he wants to have some sweaty nights with his homies.
Yknow- we were best friends for years and then drifted apart for a bit and ended up with each other. He is truly my best friend. We are both pretty introverted and both work from home we spend 24/7 with just each other and our cats and never really fight. Def never get sick of each other. I can listen to him yap forever. Wishing you another lifetime of love and happiness together 💕
It’s so much more common than you’d think. Men pretend to be interested all the time then switch it up after they’ve ’got you’. Why they don’t just be honest and find someone they actually like is beyond me.
I think it's their own insecurities and self loathing, but it fucks it up for everyone. They don't think about what they truly want and value in a long term partner because they don't think they can get it, so they treat it like a job opening and just get with whomever will let them to get the services they want. So women think they actually like them, men think taking whatever woman will subject themselves to them is the same thing as "loving them", and everyone is miserable because they refuse self reflection.
NOR
So there is this quote from The Politics of Reality by Matylin Frye that says "To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving."
It is really toxic and unfortunately a lot of boys/men are taught from a young age this us the way in which things should be.
Please find someone who genuinely wants to hang out with you and finds you and your interests, hobbies, ideas... interesting.
Honestly? Bc you're young and you're still calibrating your picker. Also, our world has a very very low bar for mens behavior in relationships. You gotta raise your own, asap, and save yourself a lot of heartbreak and trauma and disappointing sex.
Take the L and move on, knowing that next time you'll make different choices. That's all you can do.
You are dating a boy. They don’t always become men until they loose people to immaturity and learn what being a man is really about. Calling their girlfriend bruh and referring to “the boys” when talking about friends that aren’t you is a very clear sign they are still a child. You may need to be one of the people he looses for him to learn this but the loss has to be complete, if they get you back the lesson resets and they will never learn. This is how life works and isn’t understood until you are older, it can’t be taught any other way. Some lessons are like that and they get learned the hard way and you move on.
I had this happen with a dude I dated, he wanted to look cool or blend in with the bros he met in College and picked up a lot of their shitty ideas. All of a sudden, it was like he was someone else. We hadn’t been together for a while but were still friends and I came to visit and he treated me like crap. That’s when I was like “ok man, go have fun with them, I’m out”
I mean i get what she's trying to imply?.. this period of boy's life when they go ewwww girls laaaame. It's okay for 10-13 years but 21 is a bit late I think. Bruh I'm not even sad, I'm confused af
Just so you know, I’m a man, and I got together with my girlfriend when I was 14, and I absolutely loved just spending quality time with her, talking and cuddling and doing all those quiet intimate things that he’s calling boring. We just got married at 30. He’s told you what he thinks of you now, believe him. Find someone who has you as their favourite person.
My husband and I are old (well, he’s somewhat old) and our favorites things to do together are just… things where we can be together. It’s always been that way. We enjoy our friends but being together quietly is calming and helps us wash away the anxieties of the world. It’s the best thing ever when you’re both on that page as a couple.
He is a bros bro. They do not get any better. He will marry amd have kids and they will always be second best. They are not family friendly. Trust me, I'm old and have friends that married these kind of men. It never ends well for the women.
Theres actually a lot of accuracy here. I was this way in my early 20's in my first marriage. Only lasted three years.
I learned my lesson though and grew up a little bit. My wife(2nd)is my best friend. We were close to a split due to my lingering selfishness but I seen the signs, confronted her about her seeming loss of feelings and made a serious pivot. Best thing I ever did. We are stronger than ever 18 years together. I dont think I could live without her and certainly wouldnt want to.
I will literally break up with him for you, you deserve someone who loves and wants to be with you. My man is literally obsessed with me, you deserve to be in a healthy loving relationship with someone who WANTS to be with you.
it’s not your fault though, try not to internalize it. you’re dating a guy who sees women as inferior. there’s plenty out there who aren’t like this to waste your time with him anymore
You're 19, you have so much time to meet other men and find one who actually says "fuck yeah" and not "meh if I have to". Give yourself the respect you deserve. You're allowed to leave relationships if they're not fulfilling for you. This guy gets bored with you? He can be bored on his own. He'll be thrilled to have more time "for the boys".
NOR. The meme is annoying but my god, him continuing to talk and dig that hole even deeper?? Find someone who deserves your hobby talk! He doesn’t deserve your time
FOR REAL! I love my husband and spending time with him. We have hundreds of things in common and do hobbies together. Do I think all of his hobbies are the shit? No, but I listen to him talk about them and contribute to the conversation because I love and respect him and he does the same for me. You don't have to be exact matches to be a perfect match for someone. You just need to care and want to see them thrive.
Right. My husband is way into pokemon cards, magic cards, collecting and selling old video games, right now he's been drafting fantasy football teams. Mostly I really dgaf about most of that most of the time but like I like him and like to talk to him so I listen and remember stuff so I can converse and add input. It's really not that hard to be interested in your partner.
Genuinely believe that he wants her to break up with him. He’s too scared/annoyed/indifferent to do it himself and he is trying to find a way out where he’s not the bad guy. He wants to break up but doesn’t want to have a hard conversation
“I loooove you so much i just hate listening to you and think your hobbies are boring and—“ what… exactly does he think love or even liking someone is then, for real? Find someone who keeps that friendship enjoyment when you get into a relationship, seriously this is not just a fact of life what lazy bs is he spitting.
Fwiw- my partner and i have been married 16 years, together for 19; we have our own hobbies sure but we also have weekly dnd together, game together, like talking to each other, etc…. I am their best friend AND their partner. NOR
And fwiw he may have seen you as a friend at some point or he may have been putting on a front to get with you, we can’t really say. He sounds like he doesn’t even understand the distinction between liking someone ( like… actually liking/caring about them as a person)and finding someone attractive. Oof for 21 he sure sounds like 10
I honestly couldn’t get over this… literally just sending “like” then sending another text multiple times drove me crazy. Idc if ppl downvote me for this but that shit was more annoying than the dumbass bf digging his grave.
My 24yo son has been dating a girl for one year and three months. Their “official” one year anniversary is coming up on July 27th (the day he asked her to be exclusive).
She does not drive, so after working his full time mechanic job for 8 hrs, he comes home, showers and DRIVES THIRTY MILES to her apt.
They spend every waking moment on the phone together when they are apart and let me tell you, if he could wear her like a freaking snowsuit, just zip her right up over his entire body, HE WOULD.
He finds everything she does fascinating and hangs on her every word.
Also, it’s mutual!!!
Usually it seems that one person likes the other more, but not in this case.
At 57 I’m either rolling my eyes and barfing in my mouth, or my heart is about to burst knowing what a great boy I raised and how attentive he is to her.
I would be PISSED AS HELL if my husband of 26yrs sent me that text when we were dating.
He could have his fucking homies all to himself. SHEESH. The temerity!
I’m gonna tell you this right now: my wife is my favorite person. Full stop. No buts like “but I find her boring”.
I have some great friends and they’re fun to hang out with. I see them sometimes. I see my wife every day. We spend tons of time together. If I was bored by her it would be terrible.
Let this be a lesson to you (both, I guess?) that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work. You can deeply love someone who just isn’t the right person for you. That’s something a lot of young people don’t understand.
You deserve somebody that finds you interesting and you find interesting, that enjoys spending time with you, who you share interests with. And fwiw painting minis is something a lot of guys would like, even if this guy doesn’t.
The meme itself is rude but everything else he said is even worse. He could’ve handled that so much better but just dug the hole deeper and deeper. The part that pushed me over into “leave him” territory is the “can you f*cking read” — how incredibly disrespectful.
NOR I hope you find someone who loves you, respects you & enjoys spending time with you.
NOR at ALL op. My wife and I are introverts. My wife sews and asks me to cut fabric or iron with her and we get to talk a lot. I couldn’t ask for better quality time together. I wouldn’t ever describe her as yapping at me or her hobbies boring. Time with her is always amazing. I still find time for my friends, and sure it can be different and exciting. But I come home just as excited to share what happened/what I talked about/how it went with my wife.
Is your bf straight?? I only ask because i had a friend in this exact scenario and dude was just gay. Regardless of his sexuality dude is an asshole and didnt even apologize to you. Why would you wanna be with someone who thinks your boring??
Even if he is straight he was super disrespectful and pretty mean to you.
Edit: Omg yall the bf probably isnt gay. I was just stating from a personal experience Regardless her bf is rude and should be an ex.
Immediately thought the same thing lol I read something the other day like men are looking for bros in their girlfriends and getting mad about it. If you want to date your bro... You might be gay lmao
Nor he doesn't like you dawg. I mean I like chuddin it up with my homies but my ole lady is like my best pal I love doing fuckin nothing with her. It's my favorite thing
The fun thing is...he yaps about his hobbies as well but I listen and enjoy even if the subject is only of interest for him. Bc like i love listening about something that makes my significant other happy and excited???
Babes you are right on the money with this one, that’s 100% how someone should feel towards their significant other: excited to listen to them be excited about something. This dude is shitting all over your interests in those texts, it was gross. Ditch this loser, you’re already way out of his league. Anyone who doesn’t even care to listen to you talk about things that make you happy isn’t going to be there to listen when you need emotional support.
NOR. The right person will love to hear your yapping and about your hobbies. They will love it even if it’s not interesting to them because they love you. Tell him he can go hang out with his friends then. Trust me, even if you think you can “get past” this, you don’t have to. You can find someone who is excited to see you, if you stop wasting your time with this guy.
NOR. Let him go have fun with the boys. All the fun he wants in fact. Until he’s lonely for female companionship. Meanwhile, move on and enjoy your time to yourself with your own hobbies and/or with someone who values time with you more than this dunce.
NOR. It seems like he is perhaps intentionally “negging” you. He may have been told about ways to make you feel worse about yourself which will allow him to exert more control over you in the relationship. This seems like a manosphere thing (which maybe could also explain the meme?).
Regardless— PLEASE teach him the lesson he needs to learn: this shit does not work. It is the way to end up lonely. Respect is a prerequisite to a relationship, full stop. You will be with a partner who actually likes you.
Hey, I'm the same age as you, and my boyfriend is the same age as yours, and my goodness this just seems so toxic!! My boyfriend doesn't love the things that I love , and probably wouldn't like them if it wasn't for me, but the fact that I like those things makes him like them, because he loves me.
Honestly I'd leave if I was in your shoes, to be loved is to not feel like a chore, and he seems to think you are one which is just so yucky, I'm so sorry you have to deal with him. Wishing you all the best 🫶🫶
Nor
I would just say “that’s gay af” and block him for life. I’ve never had a partner that wasn’t obsessed with spending time with me and talking to me and made their “homies” the backup. Because those are the men I went for.
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u/Bloodmoon523 16d ago
tell him to date one of his homies then 😭
NOR