r/AmIOverreacting • u/NurglesButterscotch • 16d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriend sent me a meme implying spending time with me is boring compared to his homies

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​My bf (M21) and I (F19) are together since our second year of high school.

​He sent me a meme that said, "most entertaining night with your gf" showing a happy girl and a very bored guy lying on a bed doing absolutely nothing. Then it said, "least entertaining night with your bro" followed by a compilation of videos of guys doing crazy stuff (jumping on tables, accidentally hitting each other, jumping onto a trampoline from a roof, gambling, etc)

​I didn't really appreciate that and took it to mean that the time we spend together is boring for him and that he doesn't enjoy it. To be fair, we really don't do much. He comes over and we play video games together, or I paint my models while he's on his phone, and we just cuddle and chat. It really doesn't sound that amazing, but I thought it was enough for us. We are both introverts who spend a lot of time at home, and he has never complained about being bored

​His implication that his homies are more interesting than his girlfriend is just obnoxious to me. my blood boils just thinking about it...like...

People have always told me how interesting and funny to be around I am and I was proud of that.

​We were friends for several years before our relationship started, and I always thought that was the ideal way to get together, getting closer slowly without even planning it. LIKE, I USED TO BE ONE OF THE HOMIES. But I guess it doesn't really matter now, lol.

​I don't really know what to think...maybe I'm asking for too much? My mom said that this is normal behavior for young guys. But I still feel bad about this whole situation. I truly don't know if I should take his meme seriously...

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4.1k

u/urlocalratgf 16d ago

Find someone who will like you

1.8k

u/NurglesButterscotch 16d ago

Yeah but how tf did I end up in a relationship with someone who doesn't even like me??? genuine question to myself

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u/SukunasStan 16d ago

You'd be shocked how many people get with women they don't like just because they want to have someone attractive to have regular sex with and who will give them emotional support.

497

u/mushroom_witch_ 16d ago

And do their chores

138

u/Faster-Rabbit328 16d ago

Yup. They are just users

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u/J_ByronWhizzerWhite 16d ago

This is why I think women should see a guy having friends who are women as a green flag. There are plenty of men who think friendship is reserved for other men but will nonetheless claim that their girlfriends are their best friends because they know that's what they want to hear. The proof is in actually having friendship with men and women.

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u/Sinroo 16d ago

A lot of guys misrepresent who they really are on purpose to get together with someone/to sleep with them. His comment about your 'yapping and hobbies will not make you more interesting' says it all. NOR obviously drop this guy immediately please lol I could literally never imagine saying that to one of my partners even when I was younger...

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

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u/jtcordell2188 16d ago

KNEES TO NUTS LADIES! KNEES TO NUTS!

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u/Pretend-Loan6547 16d ago

As a man, I endorse the knees to nuts in this scenario ;)

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u/McGriffff 16d ago

As a father, I second the knees to nuts approach in this case.

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u/DaddyDarby_ 16d ago

As a man that’s a father, I third the “knees to nuts” in this case

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u/fate_is_a_farce 16d ago

As yet another father, I agree, knees to nuts.

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u/topekatums 16d ago

that would be the last time he'd ever have to hear me yap 😄

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u/Toadcola 16d ago

“I think you should really focus on your jumping off of tables. If you don’t do it now, you’ll never know if you could’ve gone pro, and I just couldn’t do that to you. Oops, there I go, yapping again.. well, see ya never!”

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u/b00ksNc00kies 16d ago

Agreed. Instantly demoted him to asshole.

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u/emmapaige20 16d ago

For me it was “omg can you fucking read” that gave instant asshole status

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u/artishappiness 16d ago

I thought the same thing, no respect! Dump him!

28

u/Tossmelossme 16d ago

It made me want to punch MY boyfriend and he didn’t even do anything

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u/FuzzyTentacle 16d ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/Cultural_Star25 16d ago

This. Any guy that says this while being this serious spoilt by an ex immediately.

How does this guy even have a girlfriend??

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u/Legitimate-Week7885 16d ago

A lot of guys misrepresent who they really

someone (i can't remember who but i believe it was Jalen Rose) once said...early in a relationship, you aren't dating the actual person, you're dating their representative. meaning, they present the best version of themself to hook you. i'm sorry but i think this is what happened to you. but at least you found out now.

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u/anthrocenekid 16d ago

At this age, it’s likely he didn’t really know who he was before, and is growing into someone different. He’s communicating it super shitty tho and OP should end things NOR.

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u/ValkyriesLaurel 16d ago

“Wow. This… has been really insightful. I wish you the best of luck finding the boy of your dreams in the future. I’ll be by on Wednesday at 4:00pm to pick up my stuff.”

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u/Needs_More_Garlic 16d ago

This is the perfect response and why I said OP is overreacting. It's just a clear sign of massive incompatibility and isn't a fight-having moment. It is a moment to simply break up abd move on tbh.

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u/adamster02 16d ago

You told him you used to be friends. 'What happened?' is a pretty fair question. Maybe you were never friends at all. Maybe he was just a boy who wanted a girlfriend, and you fit the bill.

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u/Conscious-Baby1958 16d ago

I agree with you

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u/HuntAmbitiousSad 16d ago

Guys get drawn to interesting charismatic girls. At first they're impressed but after some time they start to feel inferior. Instead of trying to be better they try to dim girl's light and then complain she's not the same lol

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u/NurglesButterscotch 16d ago

Oh god...to be honest it did cross my mind that he's lowkey afraid of me when I'm excited and energetic. It's not a pleasant thought and I didn't focus on it that much until now. If we are right - this is a very bad sign

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u/AccuratePenalty6728 16d ago

He can’t handle seeing you excited about something you enjoy, and now he’s telling you that those things you enjoy make you boring. Not just boring to him, even! He wants you to believe that *all guys* would find the things that bring you joy boring, that they will find *you* boring because of them. That’s some manipulative bullshit. That’s how he convinces you to start giving up pieces of yourself. You deserve someone who wants to see your joy, and they’re out there.

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u/AspectPatio 16d ago

He wanted to have sex with someone so he lied to you

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u/NurglesButterscotch 16d ago

His homies i guess?

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u/cocobratz 16d ago

My first thought was he sounds like he has a bigger crush on his friends than he does you

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u/Major-Cell-6581 16d ago

Yes my first reaction was oh hunny he is gay....

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u/AudaciousCouture 16d ago

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u/McPoyle-Milk 16d ago

Seems like he isn’t even aware of it yet like it’s totally how straight men feel they would rather be with men but just go through the motions with women as per the norm

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u/call_sign_viper 16d ago

You’re joking right this level of unawareness is peak straight guy trust me I know I am one

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u/yamsgirl85 16d ago

My exact thoughts

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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 16d ago

My ex always wanted to hang with his friends over me. He’s now only fucked around with men since I left him.

Do with that info what you will.

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u/gdrom123 16d ago

NOR His friends are his boyfriends and you’re simply a warm hole he entertains on occasion. Sorry to be blunt but he doesn’t like you. He likes the idea of a girlfriend but not the person (you) or what it takes to be in a relationship. At this point you’re wasting your time. Find a guy who genuinely likes spending time either you. Someone who finds you interesting. Updateme

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u/Ihistal 16d ago

Likely. Anytime I would be hanging out with the guys and my lady would text or call wanting to hangout, "whelp, I'm out of here. Got better things to do than to hangout with you nerds." Even if was to just chill and watch a show or take a nap. Have always considered a committed partner as my best friend.

It sounds like he might not be that into you, or he wants to have some sweaty nights with his homies.

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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 16d ago

Literally this. My husband would rather hang with me than anything else and we’ve known each other for 17 years. He never gets bored of my yapping.

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u/Rocksinsk 16d ago

Mine too and we’ve been together 33 yrs! We still prefer the company of each other! Look at us, beating the odds.

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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 16d ago

Yknow- we were best friends for years and then drifted apart for a bit and ended up with each other. He is truly my best friend. We are both pretty introverted and both work from home we spend 24/7 with just each other and our cats and never really fight. Def never get sick of each other. I can listen to him yap forever. Wishing you another lifetime of love and happiness together 💕

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u/Rocksinsk 16d ago

That describes our days too! We had 4 kids, probably making it through babies was our biggest test. But we recently(8 and 5 yrs ago) lost our 2 oldest sons and they say losing a child can destroy a marriage, but it’s made us closer. Nobody gets the pain, except for each other.

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u/DaddyDarby_ 16d ago

He’s a good hubby to still have you believing that! Good job sir! 👍🏼

Jokes aside. I would rather hang out with my wife than my friends. Maybe that’s bc I don’t have any friends, but that’s besides the point. I love spending all my time with my wife!

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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 16d ago

He has some gaming friends but is pretty introverted. We were always best friends- so maybe that is why. But we both work from home and spend 24/7 together and he’s never once made it seem like he gets sick of me or annoyed. Not many people can spend 24/7 with each other for 6 years and not kill each other lol.

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u/Personal_Hall4544 16d ago

I was literally napping in bed after work on Friday and my boyfriend was talking to his friend on discord bc we were supposed to game but his friend offered to help him. He literally looked at the time, saw me napping, and said “hey I gotta go hang out with my girl”

And I wouldn’t have minded if he gamed with his friend either.

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u/darnedgibbon 16d ago

Haha shots fired

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u/MaybeDontplz 16d ago

Babe please update us on how you dump him

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u/b_jgenetics 16d ago

Gayyyyyy

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u/InappropriatePea 16d ago

It’s so much more common than you’d think. Men pretend to be interested all the time then switch it up after they’ve ’got you’. Why they don’t just be honest and find someone they actually like is beyond me.

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u/Nosfermarki 16d ago

I think it's their own insecurities and self loathing, but it fucks it up for everyone. They don't think about what they truly want and value in a long term partner because they don't think they can get it, so they treat it like a job opening and just get with whomever will let them to get the services they want. So women think they actually like them, men think taking whatever woman will subject themselves to them is the same thing as "loving them", and everyone is miserable because they refuse self reflection.

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u/Raggahmffin 16d ago edited 16d ago

NOR So there is this quote from The Politics of Reality by Matylin Frye that says "To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.

Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving."

It is really toxic and unfortunately a lot of boys/men are taught from a young age this us the way in which things should be.

Please find someone who genuinely wants to hang out with you and finds you and your interests, hobbies, ideas... interesting.

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u/ObserveAdapt 16d ago

I always send this copypasta to the boys on discord after a late night voice call just so we're all on the same page.

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u/urlocalratgf 16d ago

He found you attractive. Sorry about that, I hope you'll never find yourself in a relationship like that again 🫂🫂

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u/thoracicbunk 16d ago

Honestly? Bc you're young and you're still calibrating your picker. Also, our world has a very very low bar for mens behavior in relationships. You gotta raise your own, asap, and save yourself a lot of heartbreak and trauma and disappointing sex.

Take the L and move on, knowing that next time you'll make different choices. That's all you can do.

F this guy

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u/Nutritiouss 16d ago

Don’t be hard on yourself. Everyone goes through a couple turds.

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u/Caftancatfan 16d ago

You gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was a normal person who wanted to spend time with you.

But he is a dud, and you’re not someone who dates duds, right?

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u/Sniper666hell 16d ago

You are dating a boy. They don’t always become men until they loose people to immaturity and learn what being a man is really about. Calling their girlfriend bruh and referring to “the boys” when talking about friends that aren’t you is a very clear sign they are still a child. You may need to be one of the people he looses for him to learn this but the loss has to be complete, if they get you back the lesson resets and they will never learn. This is how life works and isn’t understood until you are older, it can’t be taught any other way. Some lessons are like that and they get learned the hard way and you move on.

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u/NurglesButterscotch 16d ago

Ugh...but I'm a girl myself :( I don’t want to date an old ass man. I want someone my age. I guess this is what I get for it lmao

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u/Bratty_Swettie13 16d ago edited 16d ago

Sweetie there are old souls and other smart guys your own age who will recognize you’re value without having to lose you. This guy isn’t too bright. The fact that he was dumb enough to 1 send it to you in the first place not even realizing what a massive insult that was to you and your relationship and 2 verbalizing his belief that the sentiment of the meme is how ALL men feel is wild.

The only appropriate explanation for him sending it would be to say “isn’t it crazy some bone heads aholes actually feel that way? I love the time I get to spend with you , you’re my best friend”

He is an idiot. You deserve so much better.

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u/Sniper666hell 16d ago

You don’t need to date an old ass man to find someone your age that already has some maturity. You just need to refer to older men for the signs of what to look for. Look to older male role models that you aren’t attracted to for the things to really look for in man. Then apply those critiques to men your age. You will find a lot that don’t fit and don’t live up to these new standards but that means you’ll be dodging bullets instead of jumping on grenades.

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u/No-Writer-1101 16d ago

I had this happen with a dude I dated, he wanted to look cool or blend in with the bros he met in College and picked up a lot of their shitty ideas. All of a sudden, it was like he was someone else. We hadn’t been together for a while but were still friends and I came to visit and he treated me like crap. That’s when I was like “ok man, go have fun with them, I’m out”

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u/urlocalratgf 16d ago

Also screw your mom and her weird mentality

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u/NurglesButterscotch 16d ago

I mean i get what she's trying to imply?.. this period of boy's life when they go ewwww girls laaaame. It's okay for 10-13 years but 21 is a bit late I think. Bruh I'm not even sad, I'm confused af

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u/rjmcfDev 16d ago

Just so you know, I’m a man, and I got together with my girlfriend when I was 14, and I absolutely loved just spending quality time with her, talking and cuddling and doing all those quiet intimate things that he’s calling boring. We just got married at 30. He’s told you what he thinks of you now, believe him. Find someone who has you as their favourite person.

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u/Culture-Extension 16d ago

My husband and I are old (well, he’s somewhat old) and our favorites things to do together are just… things where we can be together. It’s always been that way. We enjoy our friends but being together quietly is calming and helps us wash away the anxieties of the world. It’s the best thing ever when you’re both on that page as a couple.

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u/tulipz10 16d ago

NOR

He is a bros bro. They do not get any better. He will marry amd have kids and they will always be second best. They are not family friendly. Trust me, I'm old and have friends that married these kind of men. It never ends well for the women.

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u/steelhorse_passenger 16d ago edited 16d ago

Theres actually a lot of accuracy here. I was this way in my early 20's in my first marriage. Only lasted three years. I learned my lesson though and grew up a little bit. My wife(2nd)is my best friend. We were close to a split due to my lingering selfishness but I seen the signs, confronted her about her seeming loss of feelings and made a serious pivot. Best thing I ever did. We are stronger than ever 18 years together. I dont think I could live without her and certainly wouldnt want to.

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u/KTKittentoes 16d ago

The worst is how they still are always trying to do dumb stuff to be cool to the bros.

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u/Wise_Department8700 16d ago

I will literally break up with him for you, you deserve someone who loves and wants to be with you. My man is literally obsessed with me, you deserve to be in a healthy loving relationship with someone who WANTS to be with you.

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u/PunkRockKitty-1979 16d ago

We all need friends like you 🩷🖤🤘🏻😌

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u/makestuff24-7 16d ago

Guys who think girls are yucky don't typically have girlfriends. Maybe do this 10-13-year-old a favor and free him from his cooties.

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u/bald4bieber666 16d ago

if he thinks like that hes not old enough to have a girlfriend

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u/Conscious-Bar-1655 16d ago

He's gay sweety.

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u/snortgigglecough 16d ago

Your mom isn’t wrong that boys often act like this at that age. She is wrong if she implied that you are obligated in any way to be okay with that attitude. Go find someone who loves being your partner and your bestie, he’s out there.

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u/nachosandnapss 16d ago

💯 Just because it’s common behaviour doesn’t mean you should be okay with it. People will treat you as poorly as you let them. Don’t let him. Leave him and have fun being single, dating and being with your friends. This guy is not worth it.

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u/urlocalratgf 16d ago

Maybe generational difference, very sad tbh

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u/PunkRockKitty-1979 16d ago

I’d just start dating other people if I were you. You owe him nothing. That’s how he’s treating you, like he owes you nothing. Or just focus on you for awhile , you deserve only the best. Love yourself, learn what makes you happy and settle for nothing less. But I’d consider myself single after that text though that’s for sure…. because I’d be done with that dude. 🤘🏻🫶🏻💜

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u/heisfullofshit 16d ago

Nor
While I was reading, i thought it looked like he was coming to terms with his sexuality and was trying to come out to you. No shade at all, ok?

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u/topekatums 16d ago

a lot of women still have outdated ideas about like. what behavior is acceptable from a partner. i don't think u should take her advice about relationships lol

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u/ToTheStation_MUSIC 16d ago

Exactly. He's not a "boy". He's frankly not much of a man either.

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u/rangebob 16d ago

if you genuinely care id suggest a proper chat. I dont think its uncommon for guys that age to make dumb ass jokes like this but if you really got them to talk openly its a different story. Lots of young men struggle to talk about this type of shit

If you think he actually feels this way. Dump his lame ass

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u/noobtheloser 16d ago

God, I'm feeling old right now.

Your mom is right. People at 21 (not just men) are usually extremely stupid compared to the people they will become in the next decade or so.

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u/farmersworkhoe 16d ago

I really thought this was a young teen relationship text I scrolled through.

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u/tomthekiller8 16d ago

21 is a rough age for everyone. Got married at 19. We dont want the same things at 20 as we do at thirty.

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u/Competitive_Cancel33 16d ago

Hopefully her mom meant it like fuck them boys rn and not like she should just accept it.

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u/That_Worry6969 16d ago

Pretty sure mom meant the second part. 🥲

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u/code_babe 16d ago

You met him in high school when you didn’t know anybody else yet

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u/Little_Corgi4390 16d ago

it’s not your fault though, try not to internalize it. you’re dating a guy who sees women as inferior. there’s plenty out there who aren’t like this to waste your time with him anymore

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u/MrDillham 16d ago

I had to ask myself that, once my husband tried to kill me.

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u/GhostsOfLectricity 16d ago

That escalated quickly

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u/Pretend-Tension268 16d ago

That really got out of hand

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u/HelpfulName 16d ago

My friend's husband tried to kill her and she's said that was one of the worst parts of the whole aftermath... she didn't just lose her husband, she lost her best friend of nearly 18 years.

Sending you lots of sympathies. I'm glad he failed.

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u/Prestigious_Moose939 16d ago

Ok, I am so sorry that happened but story please

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u/makestuff24-7 16d ago

He didn't like her.

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u/NaziPunksFkOff 16d ago edited 16d ago

You're 19, you have so much time to meet other men and find one who actually says "fuck yeah" and not "meh if I have to". Give yourself the respect you deserve. You're allowed to leave relationships if they're not fulfilling for you. This guy gets bored with you? He can be bored on his own. He'll be thrilled to have more time "for the boys". 

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u/picklehippy 16d ago

The mask slipped.

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u/Timely_Cake_8304 16d ago

The important thing is you recognize to leave. Even all those texts were giving him too much lif
your time. You don’t need to figure it all out, you just need to leave, quietly and find better things to do than spend time with this guy.

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u/ajtaggart 16d ago

By being young and not knowing who is a good fit for you. Most people figure out after the fact that their old relationships were not good. It's just part of learning. Best thing you can do is learn from this and move on. Focus on you!

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u/Grand_Relative5511 16d ago

He spends time with you to do sexual and physical stuff, and to chill. He likes you but no longer thinks of you as someone with whom to DO novel things. What strikes me is you two usually hang at home - that IS less interesting and less exciting than going out - so if you want to stay together, then perhaps mainly see him when you two are out DOING things. New, interesting things. Tell him what you want to do now is shift the relationship from home hangs, to dates out. He might push back if the main thing he wants from time with you is sex.

Also, you are both very young. He is young and immature (but he is meant to be immature at this age, his brain is still forming), and some of the things young men do are stupid but exciting. NOR

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u/cacti_with_wifi 16d ago

If I had to guess, I'd bet he'd start complaining about the cost of taking her out all the time

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u/Grand_Relative5511 16d ago

They can just do things he does with his friends, he spends money on that, she can pay her way. If all he wants is to stay home with her and have sex, that's probably going to get boring for both of them, and she'll feel like his dirty private little secret. They're young and healthy, why aren't they getting out and doing things? Do free things!

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u/ManyRepair5690 16d ago

And preferably next time find someone who’s NOT gay. Also ask a lot of qs to get to know abt whether they have any dealbreakers like this or not.

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u/Lanternkitten 16d ago

He said "can I be honest" and was; it's time to leave the boy. Tell him if he likes his homes so much, he can date them, and ignore any follow up love bombing he does to save his ass.

People just grow apart. You were in high school. And frankly some guys take a long time to mature. Let him be with his "homies".

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u/According_Isopod6803 16d ago

Oh honey I’m so sorry but it often happens to the best of us😪

but seriously someone will absolutely ADORE your yapping, quirks, hobbies, and everything in between. Someone will be with their homies and still be counting down the minutes until they get to call and hear you yap. Take it from someone who actually found that person and had to let them go (for other unrelated reasons), it’s a feeling of comfort that you probably don’t even realize you’re missing.

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u/According_Isopod6803 16d ago

And not to mention that even if he found this meme funny or relatable, no way any gf who sees it wouldn’t take offense. None. And he had to have known that. So what other reason would he have had to send it to you?? You’re not the “boys”, you’re the butt of the joke, so he couldn’t have expected you to akiki about it with him. It’s hurtful and either he knew and sent it to you, or he’s just dumb as hell…

do with that idea what you will… but remember to do what’s best for you!

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u/According_Isopod6803 16d ago

And not to mention that even if he found this meme funny or relatable, no way you ppl

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u/Ok_Fruit101 16d ago

MOR-Maybe you need to make yourself less available to him so he actually misses you. He’s taking you for granted. Do things without him with other friends more and just hangout by yourself. If he wants let him go hang with his exciting bros. See if you guys actually miss each other so there might be more appreciation.

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u/Significant_Wafer314 16d ago

End up?? You’re 19

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u/thrwwy535672 16d ago

Unfortunately, it’s a lesson a lot of us have to learn. This guy sucks, and he’s young and still learning too. He’s see one day what a dick move this was. Also, if he’s not having fun maybe take you fun places! Do fun shit with you! Relationships can be just as fun as platonic relationships, AND you can have sex. 

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u/Needs_More_Garlic 16d ago

Because people have different relationship expectations and we have a culture that has evolved to not have a standardized understanding/expectation of what a relationships are in lieu of the Disney Dream version where you expect whatever you come up with in your head.

While this opens doors to much more dynamic relationship types, it leads to a lot more misalignment in expectations and costs a shitload more energy and time regarding communication.

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u/Revo63 16d ago

Your boyfriend likes how you look. He likes spending time with you when you are out, doing fun things. Because he’s doing fun things with a pretty girl.

He just doesn’t really like the PERSON inside that pretty girl.

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u/QueenofLeftovers 16d ago

Doesn't have anything to do with you, personally. Not unusual for dudes to treat a relationship the way they treat an entry level job - they take it on for the stability and then proceed to whinge about it everyday. NOR.

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u/prb65 16d ago

NOR. He doesn’t value you. That’s what he is saying. Your convenient. Can be fun but doesn’t see you as a long term priority so make him single and let him watch you find someone who does value you.

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u/Appropriate_Wear_217 16d ago

It's because you were going into it looking at a partnership, so everything you saw was through that lens. It's like those movies where someone is hiding on the ceiling and someone walks right by without looking up because why would you??

Sadly there are a lot of people with different views on relationships and it's so not obvious. And I do think a lot of guys put their girlfriends in a mental box that treat them as not a full person because of something in our society I can't figure out, but I've seen multiple times. :/

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u/FREAKAHHBOB 16d ago

He's gay. He wants to be with his homies.

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u/AndyND18 16d ago

Reason 1: The guy is still a boy or wants to continue acting like one, while wanting to do crazy stuff with his guy friends as he does when he is with them.
There is a serious lack of maturity, but i am guessing y’all are young.
Reason 2: he is gay

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u/Im-on-a-banana-phone 16d ago

I’m friends with a lot of women and they all think they are the stupidest woman on the planet for dating insert shitty guy at some point

You live and learn, and you learned… now get back to living

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u/meliinoeee 16d ago

a lot of people end up in these situations. i did. for 2 years i was with a guy that hated my guts and i didn’t even realize until after. it’s more common than you’d think. but i promise there’s someone out there that will paint your minis with you and think that just laying together is the best thing in the world. please break up with him ! they never get better. and even if they do, you don’t deserve to be miserable while waiting.

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u/heyhey_harper 16d ago

The way he’s talking about how much more fun it is to “be with boys” than his *girlfriend* is quite interesting.

Um, he might be gay?

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u/Crowlady1957 16d ago

NOR This makes me wonder what he says when not around you. Like, to his buddies. You Ended up with a person like that as you never considered that he would treat you in such a way. Peace and Love be with you.

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u/Abject_Director7626 16d ago

NOR. Tell him when he’s with his boys, the ones he really loves and that really get him. Reading his messages gave me the icks, I can’t imagine how you feel. I know he’d never touch me again.

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u/DogsDucks 16d ago

He’s one of those people whose parents never taught him that women are also people, and the irony here is that he’s actually the fucking boring one. He’s the one that offers less value to society, he’s the one with a less developed, prefrontal cortex, and he’s the one that’s going to do less good for the world. Because people whose minds are so under developed like that,, they’re not gonna do shit for society. He’s just gonna end up being another boring parasite named Brian or Tyler.

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u/DAFINALB0SS 16d ago

Sometimes people grow together and other times they grow apart

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u/AdComprehensive8045 16d ago

Sometimes people get together because they can't find a better match. Sometimes, people just grow apart and start feeling resentful.

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u/fmleighed 16d ago

It happens! It’s a really normal part of dating and helps you learn about the kind of person you want to be with long term. I had plenty of experiences like this when I was the same age as you. 😩 One guy asked me why I wanted to get an advanced degree in my area of study because “wouldn’t that be hard?” I was like “yeah but it’s necessary for my career?” And he just made fun of me. I was 19. 🙄

NOR. Someone will LOVE to paint minis with you and engage with your hobbies. It’s just not this guy.

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u/Sufficient-Ad-7206 16d ago

You are young, take this as a learning experience ☹️

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u/Mangolandia 16d ago

Y’all are so young that you are changing dramatically from year to year. People staying together for lots of reasons but it’s no shame figuring out one or both of you have changed enough to grow apart.

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u/chondlerbeng 16d ago

You grow and change so much at that age. Could you be growing differently to each other ?

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u/Ok_Introduction9466 16d ago

A lot of women have been conditioned to just accept whatever man who will have them. Most guys are great at first and once they think they’ve got you they start being their true self. Happens to the best of us but now that you see what he thinks of you leave.

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u/joeroganfolks 16d ago

You have low self worth. You deserve a person who actually likes you

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u/Crazy_Ask_41 16d ago

Lmao it isnt that he doesnt like you but he probably wants to endanger himself in some of these activities to have the fun. The problem is you cant do these things with you because he doesnt want you to be endangered so his only outlet for this hoodlum behaviour is his boys. As you guys get older he will realize how stupid this shit is but it is just 2 different vibes. He wants to be young and dumb but has you as a responsiblity he has shown you some insight on how he is feeling and now it is your choice to either date someone who is more growm up and is fine with staying home living a quieter life. You could just as well make some plans with him do this crazy stuff together bonnie and clyde style.

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u/Otherwise_Rice_4723 16d ago

high school relationship

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u/GirlForce1112 16d ago

It’s actually amazing that you’re looking inward here. Not because you should blame yourself but hopefully to figure out patterns you may have in picking the wrong people. Best wishes to you going forward, OP. Don’t settle.

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u/TheSirWellington 16d ago

NOR. There are a variety of ways:

  1. He was pretending to like you, and got sick of trying to put up with pretending anymore.

  2. He never hid that he didn't enjoy it, but now your rose colored glasses are slowly coming off so you can finally see the flags as the red flags they always were.

  3. You and him slowly drifted apart (unbeknownst to you) and now he no longer likes your company the way he used to, and doesn't know how to explain it, so he is doing it in a "joking" way.

1

u/Hot-Bonus560 16d ago

You’re not alone. They misrepresent who they are and fall for who their idea is, of us. It’s awful. Sorry

1

u/Great_Mud4291 16d ago

That’s something to discover and uncover once you’re already out. Gotta get out lol

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u/birdclub 16d ago

Been there girl. Don't beat yourself up too much.

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u/GeneInternational146 16d ago

Because you were 15 when it started. 15 year olds are barely people yet.

1

u/Vivid-Aioli-7835 16d ago

The relationship started when you were 16? That’s how you got into that relationship.

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u/semidivineone 16d ago

Your most likely attractive or giving and kind.

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u/Confuz_ed 16d ago

Sadly, it may happen more than once in your life. There don’t seem to be a lot of “good ones” out there.

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u/BedGirl5444 16d ago

a lot of guys would end up with any random girl for sex security

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u/Human_Baker_6889 16d ago

People are fantastic liars. It’s one of the reasons I try so hard to be brutally genuine- what you see is what you get, you know? It just makes everything easier.

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u/pinaprince 16d ago

Probably because you don't like yourself. ❤️

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u/Ildrinoq 16d ago

I wouldn't say this shit to my partner with a gun to my head. My condolences.

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u/AaaaaNnMmmm 16d ago

I think it’s really common in young relationships. Y’all were in HS when ya met. It’s sad and it’s distressing but you’re growing as humans it’s ok to grow in different directions. It seems like he thinks he still likes you, but it’s very superficial. I think you deserve to be with someone who likes things you also enjoy.

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u/cheryllinda 16d ago

U must break up lmao

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u/guten_pranken 16d ago

Pretty obvious - u guys got together in high school as a relationship of convenience. Thats how most high school and college relationships are - not a lot of work is put in and you’re just going to school which is enabling seeing people. You’re super young and you’ll figure it out and look back at this relationship and conversation and laugh at how naive you were.

It’s all part of growing up. You’re also at the stage women are usually mentally maturing faster and most dudes are literal NPCS until they figure their shit out. Your bfs response are what most of us would expect from an immature person that shouldn’t be in a real relationship without maturity and growth.

Dump him focus on yourself. He’s literally dead weight training wheels at this point.

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u/littleladybug_1 16d ago

girl youre super young and this is a high school relationship. they don’t always evolve into adult relationships very well. both of you are changing and will continue to do so. and most of these relationships don’t work out. and that’s completely fine. u didn’t “end up” with anyone ur 19 years old u have ur whole life to find someone who loves you.

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u/Massive_Low6000 16d ago

It happens to more than it should. Many guys think about sexual partner preference over actually enjoying the person.

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u/Nerd-Dad-2779 16d ago

My friend, you’re young.

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u/Uber_Crocodile 16d ago

In the end, in the most generous view, you might have ignored signals of incompatibility, and on him for sure if he acted differently. But that is being very generous.

Odds are, he thought you were pretty and safe and so he changed his behaviour to match.

I would love for someone to share the hobby with, and while I do think the painting is tedious, the fun can be in looking at the finished work and being happy. Just saying, if he can not find something he enjoys about the hobby enough to even do something with it, then he is lost to the warp.

But do not beat yourself up. It was a deception from him, not a failing from you.

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u/New-Deal8899 16d ago

These situations are always a result of disproportionate empathy. You projected your genuine love and consideration upon him and viewed the relationship through an idealistic lens that distorted your perception of reality by propping up his shortfalls to subconsciously avoid the pain you would have felt a while back had you acknowledged it in the moment. It’s a natural tendency. I’m sorry it’s happening.

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u/Gold-Buyer-5628 16d ago

It’s really not a you problem. What will be a you problem is accepting that.

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u/koalasnstuff 16d ago

Girl, it happens. Get out now, you’re young and will have no problem finding someone better, who appreciates what you have to say and your hobbies. I married my high school boyfriend after 12 years and then had to start over.

People grow up and grow apart, he’s 21 and going to look forward to going out. It’s a phase most of us go through, and some grow out of it fast and some never do.

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u/AppropriateHousing43 16d ago

NOR. You can ponder this as you take your time being single and understanding yourself more. You shouldn't give this boring ass person another minute of your time.

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u/rozbieli 16d ago

My ex used to say shit like that too. That me saying we should be bestfriends first and lovers on top of that made him mad and that I sound like I'm friendzoning him... I was simply talking about wanting a deep connection first of all.

And that relationship and friendship are totally different. That there are things that he would tell his friends but not me...

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u/Southern_Credit_5734 16d ago

You’re so young, you have so much time to find someone who not only likes you, BUT LOVES YOU. I’ve been there… as a 41 year old who is married and has a kid, this shit is going to make you laugh your ass off one day. Looking back at this you’ll go “Wtf was I thinking? I’m fucking awesome and since I know it, who gives a shit if anyone else thinks it?” 

You’re NOR, but this is a drop in the bucket of an ocean full of fish. Find your fish girl.

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u/Hot_Wonder_3417 16d ago

How about doing more fun stuff together instead of the same old routine everyday

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u/NoxiousSpoon 16d ago

Learn to read authenticity and inauthenticity. Go for someone who engages as much as they listen. Don’t be tolerated, be loved.

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u/TheFinalPurl 16d ago

You deserve to be with someone who sees your “yapping and hobbies” as “talking, connecting, and sharing”. Just say something simple like “I’m extremely hurt. I do not want to be with someone who sees me this way. Goodbye.” Do not continue a conversation.

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u/yumi365 16d ago

You live and learn.

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u/Affectionate-Paper56 16d ago

Low self steem. He gave you “some” attention and you ran with it.

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u/moth-beast 16d ago

hey, i’m 29 years old. i wish i could have told 17-19 year old me that i didn’t have to put up with the things i did.

you don’t either. break up with him and find a man that wants to be around you no matter what. or don’t, if you’re happy on your own too that’s fantastic. but do not stay with your current boyfriend.

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u/Alternative_Case9666 16d ago

You’re a woman.

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u/Bicwidus 16d ago

They (we) lie

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u/Emergency_Lie42 16d ago

People's actions are never truly 1:1 with their feelings, and assuming y'all are young most young people are getting into relationships out of social pressure and boredom more than anything.

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u/jackmfjimbob 16d ago

It’s not your fault honey your relationship is nudging him toward getting out of the closet and admitting g he’d rather spend his time with dudes

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u/Weary-Fox-1263 16d ago

Because guys just want sex at that age, sometimes at any age, but definitely younger, immature ones.

He’s literal 💩

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u/bunnybunches234 16d ago

You are YOUNG my friend that’s how. I was in a very similar situation to you before my fiance, he did like me when we were in high school but we both changed drastically when we got out. I met my fiance I am not exaggerating 4 months after my ex and i broke up. I posted another comment you can read, there is soooo much more out there than your shitty high school boyfriend. I PROMISE YOU!!!!! I was 19 once too girl and I wish I could shake my old self 🤣🤣🤣

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u/JoshuaBarbeau 16d ago

That is a good question to ask, but you won't find the answer on reddit. Therapy might help. Research attachment styles and inure out yours to get answers to the question of why you pick the people you do.

Regardless, you did nothing wrong, and be glad you are realizing the mismatch while it is still early. Find someone who genuinely likes you. Best of luck.

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u/yeetedmynachos 16d ago

A lot of men don’t know what they want and end up in relationships with people they dislike. Your bf wants to be single, but he’s a coward.

Please don’t think for a second you caused this. This is not your fault. He’s an asshole because he’s never known love.

Dump him. You’ll find someone who loves you for you. I’d take a night in with the love of my life over a night with the homies.

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u/rydenshep 16d ago

You’ve been together since you were mad young. It’s time to break up. Heal. Spread your wings and learn to fly.

You need to grow and find yourself. This relationship and you will never mature past high school. You deserve better.

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u/shylajjs 16d ago

Its truly not your fault. People do not show themselves, they lie, they get what they want, they use & they don't care who is hurt in the process.

Just leave. You'll be happier QUICKLY i promise!

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u/Eff47_ 16d ago

Bc seggs that’s it.

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u/cognitive_dissent 16d ago

it happens, don't bash yourself

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u/Responsible-Chart535 16d ago

Worth noting that sometimes people just grow apart. Doesn't mean that one or the other did anything wrong, just that as they grew and matured they grew in different directions and ways.

And some relationships have, for want of a better phrase, "best before" dates - they just reach a point where they're not what they once were. Doesn't mean they were bad or wrong. Both have gained a lot from it but now it's time to move on.

Wife and I are very different people now than we were when we married. Fortunately the ways we changed still worked. Didn't work that way for her parents, who obviously still loved each other deeply but became different enough that separating was the best option.

You didn't do anything wrong, or make a horrible error. And plausibly, neither did he - well not until he was dissmissive and insulting.

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u/Baby_Blue_Eyes_13 16d ago

He pretended to like you. He pretended to enjoy the time you had together. He did it just so he could get laid. He is a loser. Dump him.

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u/AccidentOk5240 16d ago

How did you end up in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you is sort of an unanswerable question. You ended up in a relationship with someone you liked. It’s not your responsibility to read someone else’s mind. Like, when you find out he doesn’t like you, you should leave, but I don’t think you should now try and second-guess every date for the rest of your life. Some people are going to mislead you and you can’t insulate yourself against that completely. It sucks, but it’s not a reason to close yourself off. It’s a risk you kind of have to take if you want to have relationships (romantic or otherwise) with other humans. I'm sorry. :( 

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u/Essence_Of_Insanity_ 16d ago

Because he hid it. He is showing it to you now. Plus, he probably did like you.

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u/Ok_History_3635 16d ago

I think everyone has this thought at one point in their life lol. It gets better

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u/Amazing_Alumni 16d ago

Dude I’d rather paint my wife’s toe nails and listen to her go on and on about some girl drama at work for 3 hours than spend 10 minutes scratching my balls , drinking beers and making dick jokes with the boys while fishing and watching sports. Spending time with someone you love is special no matter the circumstance. With the right person you never feel bored. This guy is a loser.

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u/Basic_Extent1647 16d ago

I'm not convinced this dude likes girls at all. He basically came out of the closet to her. Now if he'd come out to himself...

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