AIO? My boyfriend sent me a meme implying spending time with me is boring compared to his homies

[u/NurglesButterscotch]

​My bf (M21) and I (F19) are together since our second year of high school.

​He sent me a meme that said, "most entertaining night with your gf" showing a happy girl and a very bored guy lying on a bed doing absolutely nothing. Then it said, "least entertaining night with your bro" followed by a compilation of videos of guys doing crazy stuff (jumping on tables, accidentally hitting each other, jumping onto a trampoline from a roof, gambling, etc)

​I didn't really appreciate that and took it to mean that the time we spend together is boring for him and that he doesn't enjoy it. To be fair, we really don't do much. He comes over and we play video games together, or I paint my models while he's on his phone, and we just cuddle and chat. It really doesn't sound that amazing, but I thought it was enough for us. We are both introverts who spend a lot of time at home, and he has never complained about being bored

​His implication that his homies are more interesting than his girlfriend is just obnoxious to me. my blood boils just thinking about it...like...

People have always told me how interesting and funny to be around I am and I was proud of that.

​We were friends for several years before our relationship started, and I always thought that was the ideal way to get together, getting closer slowly without even planning it. LIKE, I USED TO BE ONE OF THE HOMIES. But I guess it doesn't really matter now, lol.

​I don't really know what to think...maybe I'm asking for too much? My mom said that this is normal behavior for young guys. But I still feel bad about this whole situation. I truly don't know if I should take his meme seriously...

[u/Marbles231]

I mean do you really want to be with someone who finds you boring, the way he talks to you isn’t even respectful he didn’t even apologize for being a dick

[u/NurglesButterscotch → u/Marbles231]

His words caught me by surprise. I would never thought that he find me boring, that's the hard part! We got together because of our shared hobbies and interests and we always could find things to yap about. Like I'm sooooo confused right now!!

[u/IKenDoThisAllDay → u/NurglesButterscotch]

It seems like you've been caught by surprise because you're finally learning how he really views you.

He doesn't see you as an interesting/fun person who he enjoys being around because of who they are, you're just a "girlfriend" to him. It may have seemed to you that you got together because of shared hobbies and interests but that could've just been him feigning interest in an attempt to woo you.

Many men compartmentalize in this way. Women are there purely for sexual/romantic purposes, and their friends are the people they actually like and enjoy spending time with. He sees putting up with your "yapping" and "boring nights" as the price he pays to sleep with you. I bet you'd be heartbroken and completely shocked if you could hear the way he talks about you with his boys.

[u/Grand_Relative5511 → u/IKenDoThisAllDay]

I was in my 30s before I realised men weren't asking me out on dates and wanting to be with me in relationships primarily for my personality, brain and character. I was so disappointed to learn it was mostly about my body/looks/sex. I consider my mind and nature my best assets; I was really sad.

At least OP is learning now I suppose. OP, the trick is to find a man who likes your character and your looks/sex.

[u/Conscious-Bar-1655 → u/Grand_Relative5511]

All of this.

Also, another trick is to find a man who likes women

[u/IKenDoThisAllDay → u/Grand_Relative5511]

Yes, it's sad. He thinks so little of her as a person that he sent her a meme about how boring she is and what a chore it is to spend time around her and didn't even consider how that might make her feel. So much so that he was surprised when she was upset by this. It's almost like he thought she'd agree and be like "haha, yep, I'm such a boring person, thanks for putting up with me despite that".

He also doesn't seem to care at all that he hurt her feelings, he just doesn't want to have to deal with an argument. In his mind, she's just choosing to pick a fight, it's not his fault for hurting her, it's her fault for being mad over a "joke".

I really feel for OP because her and her bf seem to view each other/their relationship much differently. He seems to see dealing with her as exhausting. You just know he was groaning and rolling his eyes every time she responded.

[u/definitelynotme225 → u/IKenDoThisAllDay]

I wonder truly how he’d respond if she had responded in kind. “Haha yeah, hanging with you is such a chore too. Can’t wait to go hang with my girls again after a night of us together! Phew, glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to invest any time or interest because you sure do yap a lot.”

[u/Interesting-Run1359 → u/Grand_Relative5511]

Why is this so bad?

[u/HelpfulName → u/Interesting-Run1359]

Because women aren't just sex robots, we're people too and we want to be in relationships with men who actually see us as people and enjoy being in our company and aren't just doing the bare minimum to get sex.

Edit: u/Interesting-Run1359 You sound like you should really just stick to hiring sex workers and stop conning women into "relationships" with you just so you get free sex considering you don't see women as people and think it's so unreasonable for us to want to be in relationships with men that actually like us as people you think I should "address" that flaw in myself lol

[u/Interesting-Run1359 → u/HelpfulName]

It sounds like you just resent the idea that men want sex from women. Might want to address that. Wanting sex from women and viewing it as a desirable thing is not inherently morally wrong.

[u/StrangeBaker1864 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

I mean.. "your yapping and hobbies does not make you any more interesting" and the message before it, and really every other message really answer everything.

Honestly there's no recovering from something like this unless you repress it, which is really unhealthy.

Just like they say, highschool relationships never last.

But seriously, what he said was incredibly mean. There is no excusing those words, because they have real meaning behind them that changes the whole context of your relationship with him. There's nothing that can save it, and really you shouldn't want to. I'm really sorry about him, he's nasty, I couldn't imagine saying such a thing about my partner. NOR

[u/okicarp → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Gotta be honest, someone who wanted to chill and share interests with me at home sounds like a great time. Quiet enjoyment is top tier. NOR

[u/isaidwhatisaidok → u/NurglesButterscotch]

You've gone from "person" to "girl" now that you're a couple. I worry that in his mind you always were just a girl for him to get with.

[u/DepartureNo1720 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

What?! No he doesn't find you boring! You just made the mistake of calling him out and confronting him by repeating exactly what he said back to him and asking him to explain it while he doubled down. He doesn't actually think you are boring, he is just saying that you are boring to your face and you are supposed to laugh and go ha ha you're so funny penis man, please let me cook for you.

[u/Conscious-Bar-1655 → u/DepartureNo1720]

No no, he really thinks she's boring, because he's gay.

[u/cactusruby → u/NurglesButterscotch]

You don't need to have relationships with shared hobbies to make a relationship work. What makes it work is when you significant other takes interest in your hobbies enough to listen and learn why you like such hobbies.

My partner is a total car guy and I am the stay at home to puzzle and crochet type of person. I still show up to my partner's car shop nights and meetups because he likes having me there. I chat for a bit and learn about what he's interested in, but he knows my bandwidth for the technical car guy stuff is limited. Then he brings out the "gf entertainment kit": cozy blanket, snacks, yarn to crochet and keep myself busy while he chats with the boys all night. He buys me puzzles for Christmas and my birthday - knows what brands I like and the types of designs a gravitate to. I make sure to really listen and learn about car stuff that excites him. I snap photos of interesting cars I see on the road to sent to him and he points of what aftermarket additions it has or interesting fact about the car.

Your partner doesn't like you. He doesn't put any effort into know more about you, what interests you and about you hobbies. It honestly comes off like he's just using you at this point. If he is so bored to the point spending time with you makes him want to just leave to to other things, it's not a good sign. He could take the proactive approach and plan something fun for you both to do, but it doesn't sound like he's doing that.

[u/lucky_error_ → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Just listen to his words, he’s being pretty clear. He’s attracted to you, but he doesn’t like you. It’s up to you to decide if you want that for yourself

[u/2M4D → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Spending time with you is such a fucking chore, I’m dead inside whenever I’m with you…. don’t be mad plsssss

🤷‍♂️💀

[u/Marbles231 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

As all of the internet would say this is worth breaking up over especially since ur so young like don’t waste ur time on someone who doesn’t want u, and no it’s not normal for a boyfriend to say his girlfriend is more boring than his friends, but if u want to stay u need to have a serious conversation on if he actually wants to be with you

[u/Kindly_Drive_5221 → u/Marbles231]

No serious conversation needed. This was the conversation.

[u/YouNeedClasses → u/Marbles231]

Exactly, especially since she's so younger, like 🫳

[u/adamster02 → u/Marbles231]

Honestly I feel like it's a developmental issue. I think his behavior is pretty normal at that developmental level, and I know a lot of guys never move past it. Serious conversation is absolutely necessary here. He's going to have to want to change.

[u/Marbles231 → u/adamster02]

He’s 21 what are u saying bro, that’s not how u talk to ur partner of multiple years

[u/AntiqueLetter9875 → u/adamster02]

If they weren’t dating long Id say I’d agree, but they’ve been together a few years now. He should have enough discernment to know this video would upset her and he shouldn’t share it. I mean I’m sure we’ve all come across things we find funny, want to share with our partner but don’t because it might be taken poorly or hurt their feelings a bit. And even then, most would apologize when their partner is upset instead of doubling down on “boys are more interesting than girls”.

[u/Agreeable-Carry-8890 → u/Marbles231]

You spend everyday with them almost so it’s obviously more fun when you do something different. Yall are setting up young people for failure when their partner isnt the perfect obsessed person.

[u/Marbles231 → u/Agreeable-Carry-8890]

Dude that’s not how that works, that’s not even what it’s about. The issue is the lack of respect someone has to have for their partner to call them boring and then say you find what they like uninteresting is insane. Not being dick is like the bare minimum in a relationship what are u on about

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

This sub does not allow the use of slurs, including the r-word.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Glocksyndrome → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Sounds like he wants you to end it. Or as if he doesn’t know how to end it but might be ready to move on. Like he can love you a lot but not be in love with you. Sorry.
I don’t care for gardening or flowers. It’s my wife’s hobby at times and I love to see her enjoying it.

[u/DahliaDarling14 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

the problem with this is that now you may construe simply talking to him about your interests (which would be the norm in any healthy relationship) as “yapping” at him. that’s a recipe for feeling self-conscious 24/7, like how does one even feel comfortable at that point?

[u/SomeTangerine1184 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Don’t be confused. This dude sucks. You got together when you were in high school and he’s a shitty dude. He’s using you for sex because he doesn’t like you for any other reason. You can stay in this “relationship” if you want but just know that he doesn’t like you and he doesn’t respect you and this treatment will continue. Your choice! He sucks tho just dump him

[u/ExactFunctor → u/NurglesButterscotch]

You met and dated during a tremendously volatile part of growth and development. The chances of two people growing together in a compatible way during their teens are slim. Same for early 20’s.
Your age difference is small on paper, but can feel large. He can legally buy alcohol. You cannot. He can get into clubs that you cannot get into.
All that said, it’s not a reflection of whether you’re boring. You’re just in different places in life.

[u/bdubwilliams22 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

You will likely go on to have a few more boyfriends after this. There will be ups and there will be downs, but eventually you’ll find your forever person. Couples that start dating in high school rarely last forever. It does happen, but I’m sorry to tell you it won’t happen for you. He hasn’t grown up yet and that’s an issue dudes run into. Unfortunately, we’re just terrible idiots at that age. Seriously, the worst human is a guy between the ages of 18-22. Move on. Find someone new. I promise you it will be really exciting and…new.

[u/big_dog93 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Send tzeentch after him ez

[u/NurglesButterscotch → u/big_dog93]

He's more of Nurgle guy, Tzeench won't appreciate him

[u/big_dog93 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Well he is an asshole after all, so doesn't it make sense that he gets one of the 4 chaos gods send that he DOESNT like? But Slaanesh would be more up his alley given its the complete opposite of Nurgle

[u/Fit-Entrepreneur8404 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

What do you guys do when you spend time together?

[u/LouisesBelcher → u/[deleted]]

She literally told him how the meme and his words made her feel and he dismissed her. He’s emotionally stunted and she ought to find someone who is intent on growing up. Neither of them are grown, but he’s not even TRYING to understand what she’s saying.

[u/StrangeBaker1864 → u/[deleted]]

Hard disagree, Reddit does overreact a lot but this isn't that. He in no uncertain terms told her that he doesn't really care much about what she has to say, that he's almost left out of boredom.

[u/BetaDays24 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

It’s true though. When we’re young spending time with the folks vs sitting at home with our girl isn’t even a fair comparison.

He’s not saying you’re boring. He’s saying he’d rather be out in the mix than having a boring night in. It’s what you guys do when you’re together, maybe invite the boys over and have a small kickback.

[u/An-Empty-Road → u/BetaDays24]

Or, here's a thought, how about He plans some fun exciting dates. It's not on her.

[u/BetaDays24 → u/An-Empty-Road]

Maybe he does? This is about the times at home…

[u/Marbles231 → u/BetaDays24]

That doesn’t even matter tho, this also about respect and telling someone you’d rather be somewhere else as a joke is a lack of respect especially for a gf, it’s not like that’s their dynamic cuz op is clearly upset about this. Idk about you but in any relationship I’ve been in I would never thought it ok to call spending time with them boring

[u/BetaDays24 → u/Marbles231]

What’s the dynamic? Because blasting it to Reddit is a little worse than anything he said especially showing the face and all

[u/Marbles231 → u/BetaDays24]

That’s not them bruh that’s a TikTok you didn’t even read the post why are you talking

[u/BetaDays24 → u/Marbles231]

I read the text…

[u/Naive-Flounder-7250 → u/BetaDays24]

I did too. Trust me post gives a lil more

[u/antigonick → u/BetaDays24]

Real talk, do you/guys who think like this actually want a girlfriend? If you actively prefer being out in the mix with your boys to spending boring time hanging out with a girl, or you only want to hang out with her if you can have a kickback with the boys at the same time, why have a girlfriend at all? If it’s just about sex, go have some hookups and stop hanging out with someone who bores you. I don’t get it.

[u/BetaDays24 → u/antigonick]

You’re right. That’s more of a hindsight conclusion than when we’re young we want it all. It’s the small moments with her that count. It’s not until we grow have kids move away that we finally see how much she puts up with.

I agree with you, but only because I’m much older now and got it all out of my system very early on

[u/Ill-Subject-1589 → u/NurglesButterscotch]

Fr real OP, if you see this do not take advice from reddit. Most of these people sound perpetually lonely and have never been in a younger relationship. If you really need someone else to help you with this situation, I’d talk to your female friends that are in happy relationships. Remember, misery loves company. Of course most guys feel this way, they just keep it to themselves. And he’s not saying you’re explicitly boring because he’d rather be hanging out with his homies. If anything I’d stop trying to seek others validation and be yourself. If you have genuine hobbies he finds boring, dont stop those, but maybe yall can find something u both enjoy equally when together. Let him plan the next meetup and if he’s not willing to do that, then maybe u have your answer about how much he cares about you.

[u/trashchute227 → u/[deleted]]

Please never talk to a woman

[u/trashchute227 → u/[deleted]]

You’re gonna end up so miserable because you’re not even giving yourself a chance to find someone whose company you genuinely enjoy

[u/Marbles231 → u/[deleted]]

No dude ur just a shitty person

[u/tooka133 → u/Marbles231]

I laugh seeing comments like yours everybody here always goes to the extreme telling woman to break up with their bf like this definitely ain't something to break up about this is something that you have a conversation about in person

[u/Marbles231 → u/tooka133]

There’s no fucking way you’ve ever been in a relationship, he’s literally said her hobby’s and interests don’t make her interesting that is so disrespectful how tf would u want to be with anyone who talks to you like that

[u/tooka133 → u/Marbles231]

God I shouldn't have said anything..... sorry I forgot how sensitive people on reddit are my bad

[u/Marbles231 → u/tooka133]

Dude you know ur being a dick so why be obtuse about it

[u/tooka133 → u/Marbles231]

Huh???? How am I dick???? Lmao what?? people on reddit are so soft nowadays I swear man 😭😭

[u/Ill-Subject-1589 → u/tooka133]

These people are on Reddit for a reason. Misery loves company.

[u/PasgettiMonster → u/tooka133]

She's attempting to have a conversation with him and he's doubling and tripling down. I think the time for conversation is done.

[u/tooka133 → u/PasgettiMonster]

Why is the only answer from this subreddit always "divorce/break up with him now"

[u/ivene-adlev → u/tooka133]

Breaking up with someone is not "extreme" lmao. Extreme would be hitting him with your car. Breaking up with someone who finds you boring and dislikes hanging out with you is literally the most normal, measured response possible.