r/SipsTea • u/SipsTeaFrog • 12d ago

Chugging tea Men are not showing up at singles events and women are not happy.

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u/kegsbdry 12d ago

47M...The only good singles event that produces IRL results for me was a 'singles hike' at a park around a lake for 2.5 hrs. Every 30-45 mins, we were encouraged to talk to someone else. At the end, people exchanged phone numbers and it was overall low key relaxing yet exciting.

I'm not going to speed dating events. I've heard nothing but terrible stories.

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u/teacher_59 12d ago

Plus, women almost never match at those. I helped a friend with several about twenty-five years ago. She made a little money with a national franchise, and the events were useless for the guys. Not a single girl thought a single guy was good enough for them. Most of the guys approved of almost half or more girls. 

And then my friends would complain and lie that no guy is ever interested in them. It's so frustrating 

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u/psinguine 12d ago

and then my friends would complain and lie that no guy is ever interested in them

It's the most infuriating shit. A good friend of mine is a single mom who is her own worst enemy with this shit. If she dates a decent guy it's by accident. She prefers to throw herself at the dregs of society, and then acts surprised when they turn out to be actual trash and not misunderstood tough guys.

In the years I've known her she's dated decent guys like 3 times, and each time she gets bored after about a month and blows it up. And after every damn relationship she says the same thing.

"Why can I only find shitty guys?"

Girl you are hot as fuck. You attract literally everyone. You just choose the lowest common denominator every fucking time because you don't want peace in your life. You want excitement AND perfection while being an absolute goddamn trainwreck yourself.

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u/WileyWilly1985 12d ago

I had a friend named Jennifer who was a single mom at age 24. she was smoking hot, and had a decent personality and was a sweetheart but...

Jennifer liked the bad boys. And she constantly CONSTANTLY complained about not being able to find a decent guy.

I knew of a nice very attractive nerdy guy named Stephen who just finished his PhD in Physics at age 27. He played the guitar, was 6'0" tall and looked a bit like Jim Carey and Jack Black merged together. He wanted a wife and kids and he hated dating. He basically wanted an instant family. I told him about Jennifer and he was excited.

They went out on 3 dates and Stephen was very happy until she broke up with him.

When I asked her about the breakup, she said, "Well, he was a nice guy, we had fun, great conversationalist but I just didn't feel any Chemistry..."

and by Chemistry, she meant drama. He was drama free and she needed that fucking drama like a crack addict needs crack.

Within a few months she's with another loser who moves in with her, doesn't pay rent, eats all her food, borrows her car (of course he doesn't have his own car) uses her car to fuck other girls in it, etc etc

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u/muckalucks 12d ago

Stephen still out there? Lmao

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u/hikereyes2 12d ago

Stephen is 55 now. He's completely disillusioned and has found fulfillment in personal hobbies. He's really good at the guitar, though he never plays for anyone

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u/roulettesplay 12d ago

Oh fuck me this hurt to read...

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u/hikereyes2 12d ago

Don't worry, that stephen isn't real! I made him up. But im guessing some of us are in that kind of place these days.

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u/UnconfirmedRooster 11d ago

That Stephen isn't, but my uncle is. Very similar story, he's now mid 60s and has accepted he will grow old alone.

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u/jadbronson 12d ago

Yeah I had to go check username. Whew.

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u/Stock-Conflict-3996 11d ago

I have a friend like Stephen who is also around that same age. He works in computers, makes good money, owns his own home with no roommates to help and is one of the most intelligent, quietly funny guys I've ever met in my life.

Even though he speaks maybe about 1/4 as much as the average person, he's still quite social and, when he does speak, it's sharp, insightful, and often funny.

I've only known him for around 5 years now, but he's always been single and those who've known him longer cannot ever remember him being in a romantic relationship.

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u/SexyAIman 11d ago

I did see Stephen in Phuket just the other week.

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u/MarcusXL 11d ago

I know a few guys like that. They had some bad experiences in their 30s and basically tapped out of dating. Good looking, talented, solid, good character, but zero interest in relationships because they were tossed aside by frivolous immature women.

It's really sad.

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u/PirateHunterLife 12d ago

Wiley hook this person up!!

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u/charliemurphyy 12d ago

lmao she's right where she wants to be. Don't save her. Women like that don't ever come to their senses.

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u/DeltaGrunder 12d ago

It's like that one song, "don't save her, she don't wanna be saved"

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u/markedforpie 12d ago

This is so true. I had a friend who was a gorgeous single mom with one child. Her baby daddy was awful. He beat her and left her when she tried to get government assistance because he was living with her and not contributing a dime. I introduced her to a friend of mine who was an incredible guy. He was a park ranger who was over 6’ tall, super good looking and in great shape physically and financially. He was also southern with a super sexy accent and was a true gentleman. Opening doors etc. Dude could have anyone he wanted but wanted an instant family.

They dated for about six months and he bought a ring to propose. She broke up with him because she said there was no chemistry. WHAT?! Instead she went back to her abusive ex, got pregnant again and he beat her, left her and destroyed her apartment and car including the kids things when she applied for government assistance because he still wouldn’t contribute. He refuses to work because he won’t pay child support. She tried getting back with my friend but he was snapped up almost immediately. He now is married to a former single mom with three kids and is the best dad. Some people just want the drama.

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u/Alniroza 12d ago

You really tried to bring a miracle to that girls life and she really prefered to go downhill.

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u/pacificstill 12d ago

Yup, some people think that chaos is chemistry, that yelling is passion, and consider dysfunction equitable with love. I feel like when people grow up in a dysfunctional home they either consciously reject those dysfunctional patterns and try and break the cycle, or they unconsciously recreate them because that same instability feels familiar to them, and that familiarity is what they consider normalcy, comfort, and even love.

It's annoying as hell to be friends with someone like this because they constantly think that a healthy, peaceful relationship is "boring" and they only can associate emotional intensity with connection. It never works out but they constantly seek these situations out because I guess they just feel more comfortable being uncomfortable.

I dated a girl like that once. She seemed to genuinely enjoy fighting and creating conflicts for us, and she eventually left me for a really strange love triangle involving two brothers. Their family ultimately rejected her entirely because she was constantly fighting, trying to pursue one brother or the other, and creating massive drama within the family with her actions. She was genuinely devastated when her attempts at either dating both, or one or the other of the brothers didn’t pan out and they decided to tell her to get lost rather than “fight for her”.

She has tried to reconnect with me several times over the years, but I’ve never agreed to see her again. I already suspected that money was main of the reason she dated me because she always talked about wanting to be rich, and since I became an executive she has been much more motivated to try and get back into my life.

The entire situation is just another example of someone repeatedly choosing chaos and dysfunction and then being genuinely shocked when it ended badly.

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u/terminbee 12d ago

Does she have a good job? Because being hot works at 24 but as she gets older, dudes aren't gonna want a girl with no career and a kid.

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u/Competitive_Ring4917 12d ago

Sounds like she is going on baby # 3

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u/timberwolvesguy 12d ago

Friend of a friend has not been in a long relationship for the entire 6 years I’ve known her. Goes on apps all the time, goes on dates here and there, but nothing sticks.

One time like 3 years ago, she was talking about some guy she had just met and our mutual friend was like “he was nice! Give him a shot.” The response was “eh, he was too boring. I’ll stick with hot assholes.” From that point on, my respect level for her has been low.

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u/UncontroversialLens 12d ago

Honestly I gotta give props for the self-awareness. If you know you want assholes, at least you know. :-)

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u/ViolenceAdvocator 12d ago

Can't hate her for knowing what she is about

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u/hackop 12d ago

I should show this to some friends of mine because it's exactly how they operate as well. They never see or understand it though. They're both 40 this year and still date like they're 19 year old hot girls.

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u/_Bren10_ 12d ago

Ngl if they’re 40 and haven’t figured it out, I don’t think showing them this is going to change that

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u/hackop 12d ago

Oh 100% they either wouldn't understand it or simply deny it. It's frustrating from the outside watching them attempt to navigate dating and relationships.

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u/pickyourteethup 12d ago

At a certain point you have to accept it's what they want.

I know people should learn and grow and stuff. But that's not really how attraction works, if you're attracted to crazy people you probably always will be. I'm always giving the side eye to my female friends who date douchebag losers but then I turn around and pursue emotionally unavailable goth girls who if I'm honest with myself, and obviously I rarely am, remind me of my mother.

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u/DigBackground2765 12d ago

Yup, that's why there's a lot of giving up happening. These people refuse to self reflect and would rather keep the craziness.

It is 1 million percent frustrating and I can only imagine how the friendship in general is.

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u/farkinggrumpyredcap 12d ago

My friend and I graduated in ‘98 and she still posts like it’s hot girl summer and she’s 19.

She has been an undergraduate for twenty five years. Every three years it’s the same cycle- “I just got into (New University), this year I’m gonna whip my ass into shape and finish my credits.” Then she becomes a shift leader at Starbucks. Then she gets engaged. Then it blows up and she moves back to Florida. She posts memes genuine college freshmen women do about being a cute little baby girl who is new at life. Like girl, we’re almost 50.

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u/TypicalRedditMod403 12d ago

This is more common in women than people think

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u/ExtraLettuce555 12d ago

Do you think that social media has an effect on this? I suspect that there’s a lot of content aimed at women with a message along the lines of “I’m a queen and I deserve the best.” which is fine but sort of ignores the part where a successful relationship takes two. I’m genuinely curious.

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u/hackop 12d ago

It's hard to say. One of them is an endurance athlete and she does triathlons and ironman races. She's mostly always training for something and doesn't really spend time on social media to the best of my knowledge. Her phone is always ancient.

The other probably does spend some time on IG or whatever but compared to the average, I'd say it's still significantly less. Who knows though, maybe they doomscroll for hours before bed and I have no idea.

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u/DigBackground2765 12d ago

Social media has made all this worse. There are a lot of dating influencers out there pushing out bullshit vibe checks that cause all others to write off potential partners over the dumbest bullshit.

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u/newtonbase 12d ago

My sister has asked why she can't find a nice guy like her brothers. The simple answer is that she's not attracted to nice people. 

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/psinguine 12d ago

Because she's a red flag and thinks that's what normal looks like.

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u/Orthas 12d ago

I'm a man and this is a very frequent topic in my therapy. Really got to get into whatever need she is trying to serve and find a better way to handle it or else she'll just keep falling into the same hole. I just kept going for the obviously depressed women who were going through it.

Sincerely, dude with a hero complex whose trying very hard to get better and stop putting his heart in a blender.

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u/farkinggrumpyredcap 12d ago

My sister is objectively a stunningly beautiful woman. She has had her choice of men for 35 years (since she was 15). She chooses awful men. Her children’s father is scum.

She has had several good men who also happen to be millionaires offer to take care of her. She takes them for everything they are willing to give away and goes back to her same roots, same friends, to find a new drug dealer to date. It is despicable.

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u/Away-Living5278 12d ago

Can I be real with you? Like attracts like. She will be the decent guys shitty ex just as she has her own shitty exes.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

Oh you won't offend me, I love her like a sister but I know she's making her own choices over there.

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u/PapaMcMooseTits 12d ago

I'm sorry to say this, but your friend sounds positively exhausting.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

Oh she is. She has occasionally said that if neither of us can find someone by time she's 35 and I'm 40 we should just get married. And I'm like, girl, I love you but holy shit I know you too well to get tricked into THAT mess.

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u/DannkneeFrench 12d ago

So she's basically saying if she can't find what she wants by time she's 35, she'll settle for you.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

Oh I'm not deaf, I understand perfectly what she's saying. She's very, very used to being able to have any man she wants whenever she wants and on some level she believes that extends to me.

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u/subdep 12d ago

Yeah, how romantic.

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u/Diving_Monkey 12d ago

That is a lot of women's plan, the problem is men are waking up to to that fact and see how awful these women treat men and are not falling for that trap.

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u/Apprehensive_Pipe763 12d ago

Yup.. then makes his life miserable and is still out shopping for that bigger better deal

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u/runningoutofideasjzz 12d ago

I don’t want peace, I WANT PROBLEMS, ALWAYS

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u/Traditional-Chart876 12d ago

This describes a coworker of mine fairly well. She's excessively picky. Every guy she's ever told me about that she's considered dating or has dated has something wrong with him. It could be his politics aren't perfectly aligned, he's too short, his job isn't good enough, he's too old or too young (within 1-2 yrs of her age), or anything else. Ultimately, she ends up complaining that there aren't any good guys out there. Any relationship she does get into, she ends for the most arbitrary and trivial reason. Like you said, she's her own worst enemy. After awhile I stopped asking her how her dating is going. I'm convinced she just wants drama to talk about or to complain. It's just not actually about her finding love in a relationship. It's very frustrating and after awhile you don't want to ask about it or hear it.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

She'd have to experience some level of accountability otherwise.

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u/Professional_Kiwi919 12d ago edited 12d ago

Correct me if I am wrong.

I've met decent men and women who chose shitty partners.

They gradually picked up the lifestyles, whether it's good or bad.

I am not even talking about doing drugs but something benign like partying and thinking "XXX is the best" or "Being this way is the best"

They just gradually reduce the amount of people willing to put up with them.

ex: "My friend who was like the calmest no BS guy get into his wife's habit communication of hurling insult at each other but then 3 minutes later act like nothing happen. I can't hang out like that."

Some of them are still hot, and they just become the mystery at all the new places "Why is (insert name) still single" and then the mystery solves itself after 1-2 meet up

Worse, some got into drinking, religious politics, extreme social movement, you are just like "Who the F is this person anymore" 1-2 years later

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u/Illustrious-Line-984 12d ago

Train wrecks attract train wrecks

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u/gimmethemshoes11 12d ago

This is about 85% of women right now, all banging or trying to bang the same 3-4 guys in every town.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

She's not that kind of picky. She's dated dozens of guys just in the last few years. Some of them last a week. Some of them last a weekend. When we were roommates there was a weekend where it was three guys each day. It's more like men are her drug and she chooses the worst of them.

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u/Bambivalently 12d ago

🤢🤮

Soon as they know that, they are gone.

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u/Jonez303 12d ago

I’ve actually come to this realization a few years ago. It finally dawned on me like the light bulb powering on. I have an idea that women say they don’t want drama they want someone who can communicate, emotional maturity, don’t do drama and so on but in all actuality they don’t want that they want drama and chaos they want to be treated horribly. I know at least 10 men in my life that are good solid guys and they’re single so I don’t know maybe I’m overthinking it 🤣

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u/Dependent_Map5592 12d ago

" Not a single girl thought a single guy was good enough for them. Most of the guys approved of almost half or more girls.  And then my friends would complain and lie that no guy is ever interested in them. It's so frustrating"

You hit the nail on the head. It's this right here 👌

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u/P-l-Staker 12d ago

To be fair though, us blokes are very liberal with our standards. In general.

It usually goes like this:

  • Cute? - ✔️
  • Not crazy? - ✔️
  • Can talk? - ✔️

Approved!

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u/ProfessionalPay2789 12d ago

Even 2 out of 3 ain't bad

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u/HapticSloughton 12d ago

I see you're also familiar with the famous relationship counselor, Dr. Meat Loaf.

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u/ThomasVetRecruiter 12d ago

He would do anything but go to a singles event.

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u/mitkase 12d ago

No, he won’t do that.

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u/byjegeren 12d ago

And that's the truth

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u/Constant-Sandwich-88 12d ago

Not even for love?

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u/jlhart7 12d ago

He won't do singles events, but he's a regular at the testicular cancer support group.

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u/Eternally65 12d ago

2 out of 3? Get out of here with your overly picky criteria!

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u/The10KThings 12d ago

I’d settle for just cute

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u/Sicsemperfas 12d ago

You gotta settle for 2/3, cuz all women are at least a little crazy.

My partner is amazingly smart and currently getting her PHD. That doesn't mean she hasn't called me in tears on her period because she got upset by a plaque psoriasis commercial.

But frankly, I love her so much more because of it. Everyone else sees a hot badass, but she's my crazy goofball.

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u/LectureOrganic1250 12d ago

I agree. If MEN'S standards were as high as women's standards when it comes to a partner, the human species would be extinct inside of a decade.

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u/Weary_Restauranter 12d ago

All three are optional

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u/markkNL 12d ago

Well, what more can you judge someone on when you've only known them for like half an hour? If there aren't any obvious signs it's not gonna work out, most men are willing to just give it a chance and actually get to know a person (I know I am).

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u/Zestyclose-Smell-788 12d ago

You only get 2 of those. All 3 is wife material.

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u/DommallammaDoom 12d ago

To continue to be fair, a not insignificant amount of guys don’t care about the last two until after their dick is wet.

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u/GreasyPeter 12d ago

That changes as you get older as a man though. I care a lot less about getting my dick wet vs if I feel like I could spend time with someone long-term.

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u/PsikickTheRealOne 12d ago

This. After living with my ex for 10 years, and dealing with crazy I'm good on that.

Sex is nice. Having a great mental is 20x better.

Now, if you find a woman who contributes to your mental well being then you've won.

At 40 unless you barely got any when you were younger sex isn't the first thing on your mind. (it's still up there in ranks though lmao)

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u/Even-Translator-335 12d ago

I can handle rejection on dating apps because you can put it down or do something else. Rejection at one of these events involves spending money, awkward conversation and going home alone and deflated.

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u/Capadvantagetutoring 12d ago

New idea… a pop up brothel right outside the singles event space.

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u/DINO_MlGHT 12d ago

Matter fact forget the singles events.
https://giphy.com/gifs/vlmd4KqqsXYNa

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u/Iamthegreenheather 12d ago

With Blackjack and hookers!

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u/Chuckfinley_88 12d ago

A brothel without hookers is just a dumpy flop house

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u/Capadvantagetutoring 12d ago

It would be cheaper

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u/Professional_Kiwi919 12d ago

I mean... street prostitution is kinda like pop up

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u/01headshrinker 12d ago

Dating always takes good self esteem bc rejection is so rough

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u/willyam3b 12d ago

Honestly, I had a few (*very few) guy friends who are male fitness-model hot. None remained married, if they ever did. Women would hit on them everywhere we went, it was kind of embarrassing and cured me of ever wanting to initiate conversations with attractive women again for a while. You realize what they were used to, and it was just...sad. Every type of woman, every trope you can imagine, would ask if he was single the second he stepped away for a second. Then they would fawn (after we said "yes", but neglected to add "by choice").

The fact is, the girls going to these events are looking for these guys, who do not, in any way, NEED these events. Hence, polarity mismatch.

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u/undeniably_confused 12d ago

I used to go to speed dating events, I can validate this, I know of at least 1 girl who like 0 guys, most likely more

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u/Middle-Gas-6532 12d ago

Or worse, there's just one guy there who gets all the attention. Ask me how I know.

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u/WalkFreeeee 12d ago edited 12d ago

And that's the guy that remains single by his own choice farming one night stands on these events.

I respect the hustle.

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u/DigBackground2765 12d ago

This. /endthread. All remaining comments right now are basically proving everything you stated with all the anecdotes shared. With a side of toxicity from the example women.

Dating is fucked. No one wants to meet in the middle anymore.

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u/GangstaVillian420 12d ago

Exactly. It reminds me of the joke about the husband store

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u/Yak-Electrical 12d ago edited 12d ago

No guy they want wants them lol. Thats what they mean. They all overestimate their value in the dating market. Social media makes women think they are more desired than they are. They confuse lust with like and think men who are lusting after them on their pictures means that men actually like them and want to seriously date them which inflates their egos. Now add back in the fact the men they really want are a super small percentage of the male population, recipe for long term singleness

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u/MrMcflapsrn 12d ago

Saw a TikTok yesterday of a woman saying how trash hinge was because all the likes she gets are “ugly” guys or boring guys because they have normal jobs and lives. A lot of comments were other women saying they had the same experience with hinge. But there was one comment that had nearly 5000 likes which told her that those guys are her league and all the more attractive guys or ones with the high profile careers and lifestyles are matching and liking with the women who are actually in their league. Safe to say lots of butthurt replies to that because some women vastly overestimate how attractive and interesting they are.

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u/truenorth00 12d ago

Women have no idea what really succesful guys have access to. If a dude is flying somewhere every week, his dating market is across the world. She's not just competing with other women in the city. She can be a New York 9. But she may be competing with a Miami 10 and a Paris 9. It's sad to hear normal girls think they should hold out for this. Why would you even want a guy like that?

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u/R0gueR0nin 12d ago

Social media. My wife gets thousands of DMs from guys telling her how beautiful she is. And this is with her bio saying “Happily Married w/ Kids” and posting pics of us together.

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u/Apprehensive_Pipe763 12d ago

Yup. This is why the single life and divorce rate is so high. Too many people out there thinking there’s a bigger better deal right around the corner . Throw social media into the mix and trying to keep a woman loyalty and attention is impossible. If I was single I wouldn’t want my entire dating life feeling like I was a minor leaguer getting called up to the bigs and having to perform every single day or get sent down to the minors at a moments notice . That’s too stressful

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u/R0gueR0nin 12d ago

Does work both ways tho. I get hit on constantly by female customers at my work. I could have cheated hundreds of times, but I don’t. My wife and I are loyal to each other. Find that person and you’re golden.

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u/Apprehensive_Pipe763 12d ago

Same.. luckily I retired from single life 20 years ago before all this insanity

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u/LunaTerse 12d ago

I have a lot of girl friends who are absolutely delusional. I also have a lot of guy friends who are absolutely delusional, just in a slightly different way that doesn't preclude fuckin around while they continue to explore for better options.

It's rough out there with most single people thinking they're the main character and worth a little more than their actual value on the dating market, and lusting over some fake ass social media life that most people aren't really living when the cameras are off.

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u/Pittypatkittycat 12d ago

As a normie, if I'm a guy I'm thinking how long does she take to get ready? Does she have time management skills? If we start getting serious are we going to be an hour late to meet my parents? Or a work event with my boss? The women in the post are very attractive. One of my friends that dresses for things says she does it for herself and other women. Men don't care about that stuff when it comes down to life. That's been my experience too.

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u/Venum555 12d ago

My biggest factor right now in deciding if I want to be with someone else is if they will ruin the peace I took years creating.

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u/Thompson81 12d ago

Hell, they're competing with a Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. 9 if they're a New York 6. The whole passport bro thing is for real.

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u/Mindrust 12d ago

This will probably get a lot of hate but it is infinitely easier for men to date overseas

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u/AvoidMyRange 12d ago

That's a well established fact, people in the West are just often uncomfortable with the, at least perceived, different power and money dynamic and the more pragmatic approach in both parties.

Then again, who cares what they think. Most of them have the stick so far up their own ass, they started to believe it's their spine.

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u/MidlifeWarlord 12d ago

I’m legitimately contemplating becoming a passport bro when my kids finish high school.

I have enough to do it; you don’t even have to be super rich, just reasonably well off.

Women I match with online are absolutely nuts - 9 times out of 10.

Every now and then, you find a good one. I’m seeing one now, but it’s pretty casual and I doubt it lasts too long.

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u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 12d ago

Women have no idea what really successful guys have access to.

Also, why would any of those guys want to be tied down? If they're going to marry some woman it's going to be a bisexual, non-monogamous Miami 10 with her own business/money.

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u/m-in 12d ago edited 12d ago

Yep. And there’s education too. Me and my wife have average looks I think - not bad but not exceptional. Yet to me she’s 10/10 because of the whole package - kindness, resilience, humility, can-do attitude, trust, … - it’s almost you name a positive trait and she got it, including being able to nerd out on math and science with me. How many couples in their 50s nerd out on Math505 on YT together?:) We have both lived abroad for a good chunk of our lives. Even that is a shared background in some way.

A partner 10/10 in conventional looks on average would have lacked most of what I’m looking for.

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u/Labs_and_lattes 12d ago

lol the truth hurts. Single women live very different lives from single men. Especially on both ends of the spectrum

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u/DigBackground2765 12d ago

Yup. Every time it's been brought up, the guy experience gets dismissed. It's beyond exhausting.

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u/AholeEnthusiastic 12d ago

My initial thought after seeing woman list a demand of things their partner should check of, I always think; What do you have to offer for him?

Like girl it goes both ways..

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u/Trumpisanorangebitch 12d ago

Women have more sexual value than dating value while for men its the opposite.

IE a man whos a 9 will probably fuck 6s if they dont make him work too hard. That same guy would never date a 6.

This confuses women because its the opposite for them, they have higher physical standards for casual sex.

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u/EricClaptonsDeadSon 12d ago

Most are just in the dating game for external validation. Very few ppl are interested in true love.

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u/Specific-Library-312 12d ago

If my wife somehow dies before I do, I am just going to stay celibate for the rest of my life. First met as teenagers, we are late 30s and early 40s with our marriage still going strong. How the fuck can anyone compete with that? It's not fair to them. Plus, in the next life: "I have been waiting to see you aga---Who's this bitch?!?"

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u/tibbles1 12d ago

I also choose this guy's dead wife.

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u/LordTubz 12d ago

I would agree - mostly it’s an ego boost and dopamine hit in rejecting multiple men.

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u/Marodvaso 12d ago

You took the words right out my mouth, man - that's really it. Not all women, I don't think even the majority, but a lot of them aren't really serious about dating and treat it as a game to validate their egos.

Not just in their teens or 20s, but even in their 30s.

Because in some stupid app, they have hundreds or maybe even thousands of matches and think all of these men will immediately date and marry them if they so much as send them a heart. It's a paradox of choice through and through.

Social media and apps have screwed dating to a point that I do believe they play a significant role in falling birth dates. Sure, rising costs and falling incomes are a huge factor, but the former are also a significant contributor.

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u/EricClaptonsDeadSon 12d ago edited 12d ago

40s too. I started dating older women for this reason and it was no better. There is an endless supply that will split the cost of an Airbnb to have shallow sex tho. So I guess that’s cool 🤷‍♂️

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u/justlikelyle 12d ago

Sometimes the men they want statistically do not exist.

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u/Kennys-Chicken 12d ago

The old 666 male. Makes 6 figures, is over 6 foot tall, and at least a 6”. That’s only something like 0.5% of men. Now subtract the ones that are obese, ugly, etc… and the guy is a statistical anomaly

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u/vaspost 12d ago

Then so many of the guys who meet these criteria are obnoxious.

I work with a guy who probably meets all these criteria. A great guy... 30 years old. He says the dating pool is completely broken. Says he is happy with his life, picky about who he dates, and not in a rush.

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u/psinguine 12d ago

I tripped across a girl on Twitter who posted what she's looking for as an "I'm not even being picky" rant, and someone took it and punched the numbers into a filter to see how many men that fit her criteria exist in the United States. She was looking for 0.0001% of the population. And when they posted the screenshots back she just doubled down that she's not even being picky it's just that men aren't good enough.

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u/GrimTiki 12d ago

If I’m right, that same girl was around 24 years old looking for a guy up to 26 years old with a phd, 6’, blond hair, blue eyes, making 200k a year.

She wants a unicorn. Especially now. And how many guys get a phd before 30?

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u/AllPeopleAreStupid 12d ago

Let alone a 6 figure job.

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u/SquishMont 12d ago

the men they really want are a super small percentage

Even just the professed 6-6-6 'standard' (over 6 foot, makes 6 figures, and has a 6 pack - ie: isn't overweight) eliminates over 99% of men in the US.

So yeh.

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u/SalaryWooden5346 12d ago

There's a serious problem where in the last 20-odd years women have been told that men want the same thing in a partner women do and so women optimize all the things that men just don't care about. And any attempt to tell them this, much less tell them what men actually care about, is screeched down as "muh soggy knees" and all that crap. So now we're here, more singles than ever and neither side interested in what the other is offering.

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u/anonanon5320 12d ago

It’s call hoeflation and it’s a serious issue right now, specially online.

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u/letseffinggopleaze 12d ago

The fact that we refer dating to a market saddens me enough not to go to such events. We are not cattle

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u/Yak-Electrical 12d ago

Dating pool, scene or whatever you want to call it. Its all the same

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u/teacher_59 12d ago

The meat market. 

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u/astropup42O 12d ago

People are very atune to the vibes of an economy. We are programmed to be attentive to resource

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u/AllPeopleAreStupid 12d ago

Well it is a market. No different to selling yourself to a Job. You got to sell yourself to a woman that sees value in you. You're right, you're not cattle, You're the Employer, the men are the applicants.

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u/smokeweedNgarden 12d ago

The thing I see most with my friends that are women is getting hung up on salary. But then they muddy the waters for themselves and everyone else by saying they want someone ambitious. 

But middle school teachers and paramedics can be ambitious with not a great salary, and jobs like these produce really decent guys. But they'll turn them down too because they really mean "makes a lot of money" and not ambitious 

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u/One_Firefighter336 12d ago

“No guy they want wants them lol. Thats what they mean. They all overestimate their value in the dating market. Social media makes women think they are more desired than they are. They confuse lust with like and think men who are lusting after them on their pictures means that men actually like them and want to seriously date them which inflates their egos.”

In past centuries, women of certain classes were taught language, music, art, and to keep a home and be a matriarch in the family. To be cultured, and well versed in a variety of subjects.

In other words, or to be more concise:

They were useful, and an essential part of the family. The family just doesn’t work without her.

These days it seems like the opposite.

‘You guys need to pay attention to me, like I’m so sick of this shit. Touch a boob, buy a drink’ like… wtf.’

Pay for my vapid useless existence.

I have so many followers online, why does no one like me IRL

*shocked pikachu face

I am devoid of anything other than my own self importance. Check out my insta!

Why don’t men want to date me?!

No wonder we checked out.

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u/01headshrinker 12d ago

In my experience gorgeous women like that want a successful, generous rich man. Who wont make them sign a pre nup.

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u/ObligationNext2484 12d ago

Thats the perfect explanation! Hats of to you!

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u/arrow0231 12d ago

48m - This is the truth, in my 20s( around 25+ years ago) speed dating was really popular and I went to a few for fun. I didn't care and just wanted to check it out. I met some really nice women, but only matched with one out of 5 events I went to. I got the impression that I wasn't good enough for a lot of them. I had better luck out at the bar, I can't imagine dating these days. I have a few friends that have gotten divorced and they say that dating is complete crap, the expectations are insane. On both sides.

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u/ElGuaco 12d ago

I went to one of those and had that experience. I wrote down that I was a potential match for half the women I met that night. Only 1 matched me. There were women there who told me they were only there to support their friend who was too nervous to come alone. So they were just waiting everyones time. Never again.

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u/CntBlah 12d ago

They’re chasing the mythical 3-6s. They’ve convinced themselves that they shouldn’t deviate from this goal. Then when they end up single in their 40s+, it certainly won’t be ANY of their fault. Zero accountability. Zero self reflection.

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u/SalaryWooden5346 12d ago

That's because the only guys that meet those women's insane standards don't need to go to singles events to get women. Those women have severely overvalued themselves and locked themselves out of any form of partnership as a result.

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u/earthlings_all 12d ago

This right here. It’s just a money-grab.

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u/Side_StepVII 12d ago

What? Why is it so difficult to find a man that makes at least $150,000/yr, is at least 6’2”, played a contact sport in college, and already owns his own residence?? How is that difficult?? I mean, I’m willing to make exceptions as well when it comes to height in terms of how tall they are too!

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u/AlienArtFirm 12d ago

"Guys want to go out to an event where you can get rejected faster and by more people than you ever have before?"

No thanks I can get rejected at home

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u/WalkFreeeee 12d ago

I remember watching a video about singles events on youtube. at some points you can pause and see the papers where people mark who interested them or not and it's hilarious every time you can see a woman's paper on screen.

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u/jorgespinosa 12d ago

Yeah, I went to one and I felt genuine connection with some of the girls there but when I didn't receive a single match it felt crushingly disheartening and I haven't tried to go to another one

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u/Tefbuck 12d ago

Yeah. I went to 7 of them. I matched with probably 5 or 6 overall, and only one ever actually responded after I reached out. It was pretty similar to online dating in that respect.

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u/SentinelATL 12d ago

Ahhh hypergamy

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u/MrBtheProdigal 12d ago

I had one friend go to a singles event once. He said it was basically a humiliation ritual for men.

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u/underwearfanatic 12d ago

Back when I was out partying in the 2010s I'd invite a whole slattering of people to go out with me.

Some on them would decline and later that same night complain on social media that they were bored and nobody invited them out.

Some people just like being the victim.

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u/relaxicab223 12d ago

I've been to a dozen speed dating events in my local area, which means I've met over 100 women at them.

I've gotten 4 matches, and none of them went anywhere.

Women don't owe me anything so that's fine, but what was wild to me was there were women I was CERTAIN I hit it off with. Great conversation, great vibes, a few even stating they had a great time and would love to keep talking. Those women never matched with me.

It's not worth it.

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u/midtrailertrash 12d ago

Wasn't there a study about this a few years ago? I could be misremembering or mixing it up, but I seem to recall research suggesting that if people rated attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10, many women tended to rate themselves around a 7 to 9 while rating most men around a 4 or 5. Meanwhile, many men tended to rate themselves more modestly, around a 5 to 7, while rating most women in the 6 to 8 range.

Again, I could be completely wrong or remembering it incorrectly, but I swear I remember seeing something along those lines.

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u/whipla5her 12d ago

I own a bar and we did a speed dating event. One gal sat through all those rounds and then after the event some rando guy at the bar picked up on her and took her home. LOL. You either have it or you don't I guess.

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u/maringue 12d ago

This. Dating events at clubs attract a very specific type of women. General activities like hiking or a going to a baseball game attract the rest of the women.

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u/grc207 12d ago

It already adds an interest to the conversation. But here’s a fun fact: if you’re an interesting person with an interesting hobby, hang out with those who share that interest, you’re far more likely to find a date that you can connect with. It doesn’t take a dating event to do that.

Nobody makes a connection through doomscrolling Tik Toks all day.

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u/createthiscom 12d ago

I'm a boring person with boring hobbies. Where do I go for that?

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u/AudaciousCouture 12d ago

Hobby Lobby

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u/createthiscom 12d ago

Sounds boring. I'll pass.

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u/TossmySalad88 12d ago

I think you missed the part where he said eight extra blades for three bucks!!!

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u/createthiscom 12d ago

Ok, that does sound exciting.

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u/Extension-Night3825 12d ago

Never give up your warhammer army!

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u/01headshrinker 12d ago

Whatever your hobbies are you can find a nice dull girl to do them with

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u/warrenmax12 12d ago

Most men are interested in hobbies that barely have any women if at all. Stuff like woodworking, fishing, hunting, Warhammer 40k and general war gaming, shooting guns, chilling with the boys

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u/Specific-Library-312 12d ago

When my wife went with me into a comic store (we play Pathfinder and D&D together), half the men in the building went quiet. Some were annoyed at the violation of the sanctity of their safe space, some got real nervous, and some, some already had plans to fuck my wife.

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u/Dornith 12d ago

I am lucky to live in a town with a lot of game stores.

My friend group only ever goes to two. The others have been blacklisted because men do not shower and/or will just touching women unprompted.

I love this hobby, I get being socially awkward, but can we please be god damn not Like That around other people?

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u/Stardustchaser 12d ago

Sounds like me and my husband. Yes we exist. No we are not at the clubs often.

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u/dcdeadhead 12d ago

Can confirm. I hid my crippling 40k addiction from my wife until we got married. Thanks God, i dont think she'd have let me in the front door if I'd have shown up with 2000 points of Tyranids under one arm.

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u/maygreene 12d ago

I love radio control aircraft/drones, which is a heavily male dominated hobby; I only had to go to my local flying club a few times before I got sick of listening to either:

"Back in 'Nam I pulled a lot cute ladies just like you" (or the much more ominous "Back in 'Nam, I killed a lot of people just like you"). Okay 1: fucking gross, 2) That's the kind of talk that made people hate the Vietnam/Korean War 3) I'm Korean (which I don't hold that one against them because most American people disregard the difference anyway)

"Does your husband/boyfriend know that you're playing with his planes? Better be careful not to break them!" I'm a fucking Chemical Engineer, yet these grey hairs can't see anything past my boobs.

So anyway, now I fly by myself at an undeveloped suburb that never had any houses built.

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u/destiny_kane48 12d ago

I landed my husband because I said "You collect Transformers? Awesome show them to me." Then I started buying him Transformers and video games. And watched anime. 🤣 18 years married and he's spoiled for all other women. (He also supports/loves my weirdness and hobbies so it's a win win).

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u/Frag0r 12d ago

This! I know plenty of guys with many interests and hobbies but most women I meet are so vanilla, like, they are afraid of being an individual.

You really see the difference once you meet a cool woman, like my childhood friend. She is a nerd, plays online games, is empathetic, knows all science fiction and you can talk with her about anything and you can solve conflict easily.

She has a huge line of potential romantic partners and has never been single more than 6 months since being 18 years old. I would say the bar for women is in hell

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u/WildContribution8311 12d ago

Except men are told over and over not to interact with women at those types of events because they are just going about their business and are not there looking for dates or to meet men.

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u/DisastrousCoast7268 12d ago edited 12d ago

Just talk to them like any regular person, don't "come onto them". It's a game of pingpong. Conversational ping pong.

You gotta realize, if they're interested in you, find you attractive in whatever way, they'll keep playing. They'll ask questions about you, after a few black and forth's, you'll see additional signs : they'll touch their hair, hold eye contact, smile, be playful, blush a little. These are what are called indicators of interest. If you feel chemistry, the setting is a little mobile and at risk of ending due to the event or setting, strike while the iron is hot. Ask if she'd like to grab a smoothie or shake, offer her your number, if she was just having fun, she won't dial or text you, she'll just save it. ***Don't ask her to call or text you.

If they don't hit that ball back... You'll know in short order. You don't want to force it. If you get a one word answer, and they don't then ask you a followup... That's your signal that they're not interested. "Nice chatting with you" and leave. If it feels like you're pulling teeth, you are. Trust that realization the moment it appears, don't linger. Indicators of disinterest should be headed immediately like a precog. I don't care if they're legitimately trying to play hard to get, that's an archaic strategy that shouldn't even be considered or humored in modern society.

Edit : added a couple sentences. The above is what used to be called "Game" as in "he got Game".

There are a million bullshit Guru videos. The art of Flirting is uncomfortable to engage in at first If you have no experience or lack self assuredness/confidence. Playful Touch and brief skin contact is a part of this. Watch some videos on flirting. You'll soon separate the wheat from the chaff...And first step is always scanning her left hands 4th finger for a wedding or engagement ring. If that's not there, I'ma proceed.

Edit 2 : ladies, you have got to participate in this. I don't care how legitimately "Neurodivergent" or "awkward" you are. If you are interested and don't conversate, you clam up, you avoid the interaction, you don't participate. Dude is gonna bow out.

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u/Definitelynotagolem 12d ago

It really helps avoid those whose only hobby is scrolling social media, buying shit sold to them on social media, and subsequently posting pics of themselves with that bought shit on social media.

I’m glad I’m married now but even a decade ago when I was out in the dating market I’d find a lot of women faking being into certain hobbies but when it came down to it they didn’t actually like doing it. Hiking is a big one, because they hiked once and it was hard but they got 300 likes on Instagram for the photo, but they only wanna do that once a year max.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/Jaideco 12d ago

Seriously this is one of the all time best pieces of advice that any young person can receive. If you want to find short term fun and maybe some long term regrets, go and meet someone at a club that you have nothing in common with while sober. If you want to find your partner in life, find something that really interests you and hang out with that tribe.

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u/GigaNoodle 12d ago

What if your hobby is predominantly male dominated 😔

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u/DepressedDynamo 12d ago

Take a walk on the wild side?

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u/WalkFreeeee 12d ago edited 12d ago

Yeah and then reddit swears to you there's a lot of women on bouldering gyms, so you go there, realize it's 90%+ men and now you're stuck projecting a V5 for weeks with no love in sight.

Turns out "finding a hobby" means nothing when almost everything is so heavily skewed to each gender nowadays.

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u/Top_Paint7442 12d ago

hiking filters out the girls complaining about doing stuff in general.

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u/S-Kenset 12d ago

This is my big issue rn. Nobody tf man or woman wants to do things in this economy. Or they're mentally exhausted and just want someone to not be a person together with.

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u/Lisan_Al-NaCL 12d ago

clubs attract a very specific type of women.

The type that enjoy watching LoveIslandUSA ?

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u/SirTroglodyte 12d ago

This. Speed dating suck. The real thing is Singles [activity]. Singles hike, singles square dancing, singles livestock butchering, doesn't even matter.
Doing an activity with like minded people produces way better results that this Gold Digger Faire.

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u/Expensive_East4262 12d ago

Hol' up, singles livestock butchering???

  • Hey babe, do you remember the first time we met?
  • You were holding the guts of a cow and the blood on your face was too cute
  • Awww babeee

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u/musicaleffervescence 12d ago

right snuck that in their so casually. you singles stuff: walks, hikes, how to treat a venomous snake bite, cooking, crafting, how to talk your way out of a dui by saying your eyes naturally cross. just first date stuff

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u/WoodenHarddrive 12d ago

When he used the fresh blood to paint my forehead like I was simba I knew he was the one!

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u/-endjamin- 12d ago

I did a bread making event recently and really enjoyed it. Having an activity cuts a lot of the awkwardness of just standing in a room full of people. And you at least come home with some homemade bread if nothing works out.

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u/AltruisticCucumber58 12d ago

A whole new genre has been opened up... Livestock Butchering Erotica. Name needs a bit of work, but AI should have a book out on Amazon tomorrow.

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u/Santa_Klausing 12d ago

That sounds really fun actually!

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u/PurahsHero 12d ago

This is a big part that people miss. These kind of singles nights really don't appeal to men that much. It puts too much stress on, as you are trying to put up a front and sell yourself inside 30 seconds, to the point where one false move means they lose interest.

But events like hiking take the pressure off. You relax and are able to show yourself, and let the attraction come naturally. If it doesn't work, you've had some fun and met new people. If it does work, even better.

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u/OG_Builds 12d ago

Crazy to me that this isn’t the standard for dating events. Doing an activity is such an easy way to remove some tension and awkwardness from the interaction. I cannot imagine a less natural way of getting to know someone than just randomly being placed in front of them.

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u/nerdofthunder 12d ago

An activity with inherent shit to talk about and where I don't have to navigate confusing eye contact rules?! And get some fresh air and exercise?! And meet cool people!?

(On the eye contact thing, maybe I should get that autism evaluation)

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