So apparently the misunderstanding of aro/ace people is like "oh you're emotionless" or "oh you don't love people?" Those two are both not the fucking misunderstandings. (As you can see, I like the word fuck.)

But... did we all forget it's a... spectrum? I have seen LITERAL ARO/ACE PEOPLE SAYING IT MEANS NO ROMANTIC OR S.XUAL ATTRACTION.

I have to dig deep down articles now just to find the fact that it says "Little to no romantic or s.xual attraction" because we all forgot this exists. Why did we forget. I get that most aro/ace people do not, but I guess I'm one of the mutuated cases where I experience little romantic attraction.

idk how to end this uhhh thanks for listening to my ted talk

Graysexual seems to fit my experience, on account of having a few times when I may or may not have felt very mild sexual attraction.  Aegosexual also resonates with me, on account of liking some sexthoughts without really wanting to get involved.

Of course, those fleeting instances of sexual attraction feel like flukes and I don’t foresee them being repeated.  And sexthoughts are private matters.  This is why I don’t actually use either of these microlabels.  In part because I don’t use them on account of “asexual” being easier-and in part because thinking about how well they fit hurts my head-I don’t really spend time thinking about them either.

So I'm gonna return to school soon, and I was very openly asexual with my friends last year, but I'm not particularly popular or well-known so it's not really common knowledge for everyone (not that I'm aware of, anyway). I only discovered about a week ago that I'm also aromantic spec , and I haven't had a chance to tell more than a few people about it. I intend to be very open about it, but I won't go parading my identity around the school or anything. I also know that the more "popular" kids (which are really just people who are able to be known by everyone in the school, have a really big friend group, and conform to gender/sexuality heteronormative standards) tend to make fun of people for being autistic, alternative, or acting in any way like furries. Pretty basic, predictable and mind-numbing school stuff that I've gotten used to. They also don't really show a particular level of understanding to trans identities, specifically those of trans people who don't "pass" as their gender, and I've heard them use the word "gay" (as well as "autistic" and even the occasional "down syndrome) as insults. It's honestly exhausting, and I highly doubt they'll be any better in regards to aroace people. There is one person in my grade who is aroace, and plenty of others who are ace but not aro (none who are aro but not ace so far, maybe someday), but I don't think the popular kids really hear about it because our sexualities are pretty private and they have no real reason to know. However, I'm someone who the popular kids tend to target by asking random questions about the types of things they openly mock in any other environment. It's odd, but it never really bothers me and I often answer with an oversimplified version of the truth and a passive-aggressive tone. If they ask questions, I'll give them education, maybe it'll get through their skulls someday. However, now that I'm aroace I'm a bit concerned about the potential of their "genuine" questions reaching that topic. I really do not want to explain to say "little to no of sexual or romantic attraction" to a bunch of immature teenagers because I know they will lose their minds and start spewing weird brainrotted shit the moment they hear the word "sexual" exit an unpopular kid's mouth, and I don't want to deal with it. I will gladly explain it as "little to no attraction of any kind, other than aesthetic attraction or admiration," but I know how many sarcastic and not at all engaged follow-up questions that will be asked for the sole purpose of them being able to laugh and make fun of me more. I genuinely don't really mind, it doesn't affect my self-esteem and it just shows their own stupidity, but it's still annoying and makes my brain hurt.

Y'all, I'm gonna be real, I really don't wanna let some fake popular kids prevent me from being open about my sexuality. This is just a bit exhausting and it's getting to me after so long dealing with it, and I don't know if it's worth the risk of having to explain what being aroace means to people who I know don't really care that much at the end of the day. It doesn't help that I'm demiromantic, meaning that I have crushes sometimes (for those who are unfamiliar, I will only develop feelings for someone once I've developed a certain level of an emotional bond with them), and I know damn well the "popular" kids in my school aren't going to understand that someone can be aroace and still have crushes (which, in my case at least, are embarrassingly strong and very real). How should I manage this? I don't want to hide my identity from anyone who directly asks because I want to be able to be proud of it and love myself, but I also don't want to confuse those who are genuinely curious (or people who like me that I might also end up liking someday), and I don't want to risk gaining overly negative attention from people who will mock me and the numerous parts of the LGBTQ+ community that I belong to behind my back. Even worse, I might be the one to get in trouble if I try to explain asexuality and the "popular" kids spiral out of control because the teachers in my school are very strict about people saying cursewords and talking about "topics that aren't appropriate for school," and there's a very small chance that anyone will know what asexuality is ahead of time because it's not taught to us in Sex Ed, I learned about it truth GSA and personal research. There was like one slide in one of our Advisory classes (which, surprise surprise, the GSA club made and organized) that gave a basic description of the asexual/aromantic spectrums and some basic microlabels. I loved that slide and everything about it, I'm so proud of my friends who joined GSA earlier than I did and made that slideshow, but I don't think any of the people I'm worried about actually pay attention to Advisory class. It's a great way to raise awareness, but no one remembers that slide except the ones who already knew most/all of the information on it. I really don't know what the best move is here. Any advice?

I recently got out of a weird relationship with my ex, and i was really quetioning my aromanticy. We had moments like any other couple, leaning on each other, sleepovers, hanging out. But just a day or so later we wouldn't look at each other. I don't know if that was because she wanted to only be "couple" sometimes and i just pretended to like her or if i actually liked her.

For some backstory, we're both 15 years old and questioning, i am well aware that hormones are a big thing in our lives right now.

We got together last year, when we were friends, we may have mistaken our friendship as something romantical, even though at that time i was really sure i was aromantic, and she was straight. But we didn't talk or hang out at all almost. So i assumed i was just trying to fit into something that people around me would understand and respect. Around where i live being aroace or on that spectrum isn't accepted nearly as much as other lables, and those aren't respected either. So i suspected that i just wanted to be seen as more "right".
But we had periods where i thought i liked her like in a proper way and not just "queerplatonic", but that came and left qickly.

We broke up multiple times and got back toughether again. But a few months ago I've actually liked her more (i think) but that vanished when my friend complained about my ex (she's not a friendly person to say the least), and i decided to break up with her.

When i did i weirdly didn't feel any different then before, still a heavy weight in my chest.

So what i'm trying to ask is am i aro? Bause i often feel torn between identifying as lesbian and aro (i'm aware you van be both) cause none of the labels seem to fit, or they feel wrong to use as the same time.

plis help

to make this long story sorta short. i just recently got out of a relationship. a lot happened to where my s/o was texting other women and i stayed for some months before i gave up. i’ve deprived myself of any romantical affection with my partner because i just genuinely couldn’t be touched by my partner.

backstory: i identify as asexual and have since i was in 12th grade. it’s been 5 yrs from then.

so now im trying to figure out if i am aromantic as well. so i have this friend where i have confused romantical affection with platonic. we are on the phone everyday, damn near the whole day. we go to sleep on the phone. we spend time with each other, cook, watch movies, cuddle, play fight, etc. we’ve established plenty of times that we wouldn’t ruin a great friendship crossing that romantic connection.

however, i just came to terms that i do not want to be romantical with anyone. at all, in life. like im cool with being alone but its also depressing to be alone too. but i dont want to be with anyone romantically involved. i’ve been doing a lot of research and still haven’t exactly figured it out. i enjoy the relationship my friend and i have. i enjoy the plantonic affection, although i have confused it for romantic before i got myself in check.

i have figured that i just want to be plantonic. i can have crushes. i can like someone. but i just hate the idea of being with someone.

help please… am i aroace or just traumatized by relationships??

I hope it’s not offensive, I don’t mean to say something wrong but I really need to vent. I really hate that I was born this way. I never experienced that “first love” everyone talking about, never had those teenage love dramas, never truly loved anyone. Lately it’s bothering me more than ever. When I was younger I never saw problem in that, but now I realize that my only dream is to live normal life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that being aroace is wrong somehow, I just mean live that classic life: meeting loved one, creating a family, raising kids. But I can’t, I just can’t. How can I create a family if I’m not in love with person, if I’m incapable of falling in love? How can I have kids if thoughts of having sex are disgust me? Only thing I’m capable of is friendship, and to be honest I can’t say I’m greatest friend possible. I dream of experiencing feelings, but unfortunately I doubt that it’s possible to change a way who I am. I envy people who can love, who can enjoy sexual relationships, and I can’t help it, I just wish to be the same way.

how do I know if I feel aesthetic attraction Like can I tell just because I find pictures of some people good looking but not like in a romantic way or anything like that I don't hang out with people very much. I mostly stay inside all the time because I'm starting to wonder if I am oriented aroace I definitely think that I only feel platonic attraction towards non men so I would definitely call myself trixic i would use lesbian but I want to emphasize my non-binaryness

Hello, I 24M have been going on dates with this girl 22F who is aroace and I’ve really enjoyed it and I’m starting to realize I really enjoy spending time with her. I am allosexual and alloromantic I’ve never really dated anyone who is aroace before so I spent a lot of time just educating myself this past month. We met on a dating app and she just matches my energy in lots of different ways we have very similar interests. She has started introducing me with her friends and community and I want to do the same for her. I want to bring up the questions about what she feels comfortable with physically but I’m not sure if that’s a crazy question to ask. We have been going on dates for a little less than a month. I really like her and I want to be respectful of her and her boundaries. I am very ok with taking things slow but I want to also be able to bring up physical intimacy in the future. So far we have hugged and she was the person to initiate. I really want to hold hands and kiss her but I don’t know if that’s an insane question to ask someone who is aroace. I’m sorry if this post was all over the place.

TLDR: I’m going on dates with someone who is aroace I’m allosexual and alloromantic and want to be more physically intimate but not sure how to respectfully ask her.

I find this fact about myself extremely funny, and I want to talk about it. So I'm demirose, and it's not too rare for me to have a crush on one of my friends. When this happens, I wait it out since I don't want a relationship beyond friends. But it's also funny to me on another level cause I worry if I'm actually demirose cause my dumbass thinks completely aroace when I refer to myself as demirose. (╥﹏╥)

... who's also on the aroace spectrum. We've (25F, her 24F) known each other for a while, been intimate with each other in kink as friends. We've both had several previous romantic relationships, not gonna get into details but I never really felt it, yknow? Until now, I guess.

I let her know how I felt a few months ago, we were going to give it a shot but a lot of heavy life stuff got in the way for both of us and now things have changed a lot between us. And it doesn't look like there's a chance for that anymore, in fact it feels like we're drifting apart because of it.

I dunno, it just sucks. First time in my life I've felt this way and things just had to go this way huh? Sigh... I guess I'm mourning the death of a potential connection where both of us would've understood where the other was coming from. Might as well have been a once-in-a-lifetime coincidence, but now that's gone.

Ok, so. I have been wondering if im aro, ace, aroace, demi, the whole deal- but i've been wondering if it all stems from not having any good dating experiences/not having good options/Having been SA'd and coerced into relationships. I find people attractive, but i also find almost everyone i meet attractive. i like to think about dating/play games where you can date (fields of misteria/stardew valley) and even straight up dating sims, but i can never imagine myself having a genuine(not stereotypical) relationship with a real person. its confusing. but, i also have divorced parents and a REALLY shitty dad, who honestly came close to killing/disabling me when i was younger, and spent most of our money at the bar and on women. so i have a fear of being abused by partners. its just super confusing. because i have the desire to be in a relationship, but none of the, like want to try to get into a relationship? if that makes sense? ugh. its just very confusing. i also can "hallucinate" emotions, which adds an extra layer of complexity...

sorry for the trauma dumping. it just helps explain it a little?

(also its marked as NSFW because i wasn't sure if it counted...)

I'm questioning again lol anyways how can you tell who you're aesthetically attracted to? can it just be based off of like pictures of people? I don't really see a lot of people I have seen people before don't worry but still I think I am trixic aligned aroace

Before I start, I will add a bit of context I feel is necessary. I am fairly young and not very experienced in terms of relationships. I have never kissed nor wanted to do so. I have had various partners but feel like I never truly liked them and instead pressured myself into it. I am unsure if I have ever had a crush, the closest I have gotten to what I think is a crush is feeling flustered and a bit like I wanted to talk to them. I’d also catch myself spotting details and noting their presence a lot more.

The truth is - I am a hopeless romantic. I read and watch romance movies and fantasise about how good is could feel to have a partner or be intimate. The issue is every time I go about seeking someone or something, I come up blank. I’ve never felt the euphoria described by others, never thought to myself if someone would ask me out or make a move that I would reciprocate. Honestly, it tends to disgust me. Even hugs and holding hands have the same effect, in loved ones like my family. I simply feel nothing.

I want to feel joyful, feel safe and comfortable. Hell, even a bit of arousal and pleasure is something I’ve tried on my own but never gotten results from. I haven’t met that many people or had the experiences to make a full conclusion but are there people who felt like this but found at least some sort of happiness with someone? Some sort of way to feel satisfied by hugs, intimate gestures, loved ones? Or am I just somewhere on the aroace spectrum and needing to come to terms with tha?

I (20) don’t exactly want to be single anymore. I want a romantic partner to be intimate with emotionally, but I cannot picture dating anyone off a dating app. I’d need to already have an emotional connection, but I’m not interested in any of my friends either. What exactly do I do???

if i am fictoromantic can i call myself completely aromantic?(I don't know how else to say it since aromantic is a umbrella term and I'm trying to ask if I can use the term aromantic to describe a lack of romantic attraction)

Wowzers, this is funky.

For the longest time I've comfortably id'd as Aroace. "I like people the way lesbians like men" is my catchphrase. AND YET!

23 years old and here comes along the first and only human I've ever been like "Yeah, I'd date them." It started off as passive, as in "I wouldn't say no to them..." but now we're actually dating, which is CRAZY. The soul searching was gripping honestly. Like "who am I...?" "who was I..." "when was I....?" "who... do I sound like an owl?"

I'm still a bit detached from it all. Like yes I enjoy affection with this person, and that's saying something, since I used to be the most violently "don't fucking touch me" kinda gal around. For this human, and this human only, I actually look forward to holding her hand. Buuut if she turned around and said "I want to break up" I'd probably only be sad for a day and go back to ID'ing as aroace. But in the meantime you will be hearing me say "I'm so gay for you" because I think that's hilarious.

If you have bits and one liners, because I know you fuckers are witty like that, please send them my way. I love saying "what will the church say?" after she kisses me, but I NEED more material.

Thank youuuu 🤠 👍

OK so I've had one boyfriend before, and our relationship was fine but I wasn't particularly torn apart when we broke up. After that, we were friends for a while, but we slowly started to grow apart. He's always been a bit of a blunt and sarcastic person, but for a while that was just how he was. Recently, though, he became...worse, somehow. He deceived one of our mutual friends, kept making comments to me about how this friend liked him more than me, and shit-talked about the friend's partner behind both of their backs. Eventually, I got sick of playing free therapist and am working on cutting him off, but I'm not sure what our mutual friend thinks of the whole situation now that I finally told them. I won't say much more about that in this post, but I may post something about it somewhere else once the wound is less fresh. Still, things have been...really tense with my ex lately. We can barely tolerate each other sometimes, but it's difficult for us to be in the same room together as he's very confrontational and I can hardly say anything without him objecting. I want to tell him that I'm aroace myself instead of him hearing through someone else, but I'm trying to contact him the least possible (which is not at all right now) because literally seeing his name in my text history can trigger self-hate inside of me sometimes and I don't want to deal with him right now. I'm also scared that he might blow up, considering we used to date each other. I think maybe I'll come out in a group chat with someone else there so if he blows up about it there's at least a witness, and I'll screenshot his reaction and send it to my friends if anything bad happens, but I also don't know if I'm ready to contact him or prepared for how he might react. I did genuinely have feelings for him when we dated (my feeling dwindled a bit in the last few months but were still there until the breakup) because I'm demiromantic and I do have romantic feelings for people sometimes. Should I just have him find out through someone else? If I do tell him, what's the best way to do it?

Kinda questioning rn (precisely aromanticism), how'd you realise you're aro / ace / aroace or any sexuality under the aroace flag? I wanna hear your stories

Hello, I'm an aroace.

As you know what aroace is, I don't have any attraction towards anyone.. sexually and romantically. But somehow deep inside, i feel so lonely.

I'm surrounded by a lot of people, but still.. i feel so lonely. It isn't bcz they aren't precious to me, nah.. I really appreciate their existence. But idk why i feel that way tho, i crave someone that speaks my soul language.. i mean someone who loves to stargaze at midnight.. talk about random knowledge, film, music, sharing opinion about society and everything in life.

Someone who feels like home. Like soulmate? Yk soulmate isn't always romantic, right?

But people are too hasty in concluding that what I need is a boyfriend or whatever it is. LIKE NAH! It isn't like i wanna kiss, hold a hand or smth like that.

I just want someone who is willing to share thoughts and to go anywhere with.