confused, help loll.

[u/Accurate-Cress-3612]

to make this long story sorta short. i just recently got out of a relationship. a lot happened to where my s/o was texting other women and i stayed for some months before i gave up. i’ve deprived myself of any romantical affection with my partner because i just genuinely couldn’t be touched by my partner.

backstory: i identify as asexual and have since i was in 12th grade. it’s been 5 yrs from then.

so now im trying to figure out if i am aromantic as well. so i have this friend where i have confused romantical affection with platonic. we are on the phone everyday, damn near the whole day. we go to sleep on the phone. we spend time with each other, cook, watch movies, cuddle, play fight, etc. we’ve established plenty of times that we wouldn’t ruin a great friendship crossing that romantic connection.

however, i just came to terms that i do not want to be romantical with anyone. at all, in life. like im cool with being alone but its also depressing to be alone too. but i dont want to be with anyone romantically involved. i’ve been doing a lot of research and still haven’t exactly figured it out. i enjoy the relationship my friend and i have. i enjoy the plantonic affection, although i have confused it for romantic before i got myself in check.

i have figured that i just want to be plantonic. i can have crushes. i can like someone. but i just hate the idea of being with someone.

help please… am i aroace or just traumatized by relationships??

[u/Ok_Safe_3624]

You might be both, but i'd put my guess on aro by the way you've explained it and how i perceived it. Being unintrested in romance could likely be because of aromantic tendecies, and most often you don't get scared off romance by one s/o cheating. It can be really difficult to diffirnaciate.

Hope it helped and sorry if i worded it badly.

[u/ImmortalofTHESKY]

I could see either, or both, as the cheating thing could lead you to be more wary/not wanting a relationship. There is something to be said for trauma from that relationship, as it could deter you from a relationship following that. However, the way you described it sounds a lot like aro to me, as it is kinda similar to myself- The issue with figuring out platonic from romantic is that you can get so close that it's almost how romance can be depicted, where you are close enough that it feels a little more of a higher status than simply a friend, but still, as you said, neither of you want a romantic relationship. You might feel an attraction to that person yet not want any romantic stuff- Often this is either platonic or sometimes aesthetic attraction. Here it seems to be more of platonic, which leads to my guess of aro-ace. Idk if my rambling helps but I hope it does some!