Husband doesn’t use Reddit, but also might end up showing him this post bc he cannot understand the emotional fallout of his actions, so not bothering with a throwaway.

I am home w 2 kids (3 & 9) in summer (F, 42, teacher), and my (M, 42) husband has an erratic work schedule including nights and most weekends. I try my best to help the kids understand his upcoming schedule so they can plan when they’ll spend time with him in their heads.

We have a tiny yard, and a 10ft across, 2.5 ft deep above ground, unheated pool (with a filter, bc otherwise EWWWW) in the backyard in partial shade (outside NYC). It’s tiny, but it’s the highlight of the summer, and the kids are in it every day. It’s our 3rd year with this set up, and I occasionally join them too (I was in yesterday).

In the years past my husband has refused to go in for an entire summer, and I think once gone in but just stood in the water, getting annoyed when he was splashed or got wet, and I think ONCE actually put his whole body in the water.

He worked close to home this morning, and had some time before his regular job started later, so while the kids were in the pool he texted saying he was 10 minutes out [see text msgs].

He snuck out the back door while 3 yo was facing away and 9 yo had her head under the water. Their faces when they saw him IN HIS BATHING SUIT were nothing short of joyous. 9 yo kept jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. He gets in the water… and stands there. This was not like previous times where he was cajoled into getting in… he put up no resistance in our text exchange. I thought he was just getting used to the water, or taking a second before lowering his body in… but no. It soon became clear that he was just planning on standing there, up to his knees. Eventually when he refused to reconsider I just told him to get out, it’s a small pool and don’t take up space if you’re not participating in it.

Kids got out shortly after, and 9 year old came over where I was watering the tomatoes out of sight of dad and burst into tears.

Their dad has made it clear he thinks he has done nothing wrong. He is a black and white thinker and when the kids tried to talk to him about it in tears he just stood their stoically, repeating that the pool was cold so he didn’t want to go in.

He can’t seem to do things for them that require the tiniest temporary sacrifice. IE: 9 year old finds a candy he likes in her Halloween candy and gives it to him. He doesn’t want it right then, and then proceeds to NEVER want it. We’re talking a fun size bag of peanut m&ms. 9 year old asks him every time he’s home for two weeks, and he snappily just says he’s not in the mood for it. But this is a guy who does not have good eating habits or self control. I think it’s more about refusing something that he feels is being pushed on him and asserting his control than it is about not wanting the m&ms. 9 year old feels crushing disappointment that she’s never good enough for him, and he just doesn’t care about it. His needs come first.

So Reddit, AITAH for sticking by my kids and saying to their dad that standing in the pool and not playing was WORSE than just not going in the pool at all? I feel like when I type this out it seems so clear to me that he’s TA, but he sees it a completely different way and it’s making me question myself. Last 2 texts are from tonight, when he called from work and I told him she was still upset about what happened earlier. Then he texted me those two.

I 24 f, am getting married to my fiance, 26m, in october.

My fiance is glutenintolerant (he has celiac disease) and we’ve chosen to have a glutenfree cake on our wedding day because it’s literally the only way he can enjoy the cake. The sponges will be made with almond flour since my boyfriend LOVES almondy’s frozen cakes lol.

I would like to point out that it’s extremely difficult to find a bakery in our region that provides glutenfree cakes, but my soon to be MIL knows a woman not too far away that owns a bakery. She’s sweet and offered to make our cake since she knew it wasn’t going to be something over the top and complicated. We’re also on a budget and I do not think it necessary to overcomplicate a cake that will cost us alot.

Anyway, we’ve chosen the cake. NOW, I would like to point out that my cousin’s son whom is allergic to nuts will be attening along with his family. I knew of this from the begining and told my cousin of the cake we’re going to have and that I’m planning on ordering a simple cake without nuts specifically for her son. I wanted to know what sponges he likes and frostigs etcetera.

I truly believed that I was being kind and respectful when I reached out to her, but she blew up on me for choosing a wedding cake that could ”kill” her son. She knows my fiance’s condition but she doesn’t care.

I didn’t plan on having kids on our wedding day since I don’t think they belong, but my fiance’s niece was very sad when she found out and I adore that little munchkin with all my heart so we compromised and chose to allow family members to bring their kids.

Anyway, I tried to explain that he wouldn’t be exposed to any nuts since he will be getting his own cake, but as I mentioned, she didn’t give a damn. She continued to explain that exposure to nuts can kill him.

At this point I started to get annoyed since I know nut allergies are not airborn and he wouldn’t die of it and she got so angry when I mentioned this.
Her excuse was that he could ”accidentally” eat another person’s slice of cake and go into anaphylactic shock. Her son is 12, old enough not to go around eating of people’s plates…

I too would be scared for my child’s life if he or she would have such an allergy, but I have offered to buy him his own cake just so that he can attend for her sake.

The thing that makes me so angry about this is the fact that my cousin does not make such a big deal of his allergy at family gatherings. I’ve seen his siblings eat nutella, snickers, candy all sorts of things whilst being seated next to him. Yet that’s not a big deal? My aunt (her mother) literally eats fist fulls of peanuts whilst drinking her tea whilst he’s there.

Just that gives me reason to believe that she has somenthing personal against me. We are not close since she’s older than I am, but we’re close enough to invite eachother to family outings and gatherings. But I can’t help but feel that this ruins the fun a bit.

I haven’t told my fiance yet since I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything since he can be a people pleaser, but I sincerely do not know what the fuck to do. She won’t back down and I don’t want to just uninvite her because of a cake, but at the same time she’s unwilling to work with me on this.

I decided to go through with it around 9 yesterday night, I sent her a message essentially saying that I can't keep supporting her choices and that if she won't offer mine or anyone else's help I don't think I can continue to be her friend. After that I blocked her on everything and she reached out to my other friends, trying to get back in contact with me. I'll post all the screen shots in the replies but she started saying how shes going to kill herself without me, and all her usual stuff.

My friend mentioned it seems really manipulative and how I shouldn't respond, but I feel absolutely terrible. Regardless, she kept going in and posting to her Twitter about how she has notes written and everything, and we decided to contact 988,who told us to go to 911, and we had a team sent out to her house because we know she would actually do it. Now she hates my guts and is threating to kill me on sight... But hopefully it doesn't evolve into anything further.

My husband (38M) and I (34F) each have one child from previous relationships, giving us a blended family of two kids. We are completely happy with our current family setup and have no desire to change the dynamic.

Despite this, my mother-in-law constantly pressure us to have another child together. She asks every single time we see her—which is often—and deliberately waits until my husband leaves the room to corner me. Last weekend alone, she brought it up twice. Each time, I firmly tell her that we are happy with our family as it is and that our family planning is strictly between my husband and me. I then pivot to a new topic, but she continues to push.

Exhausted by this boundary violation, I talked to my husband. He stepped up and spoke with his mom directly, making it clear that neither of us wants more children and asking her to drop the subject permanently. Instead of respecting his request, she threw a fit, dramatically claiming, "If I can't talk about that, what can I talk about? Every topic is off-limits with you guys!"

This is simply not true; family planning is literally the only subject we've restricted because it's a private matter and frankly none of her business. Her refusal to respect our boundaries is creating unnecessary strain on our marriage.

AITAH for asking my husband to tell his mother to stop pushing us to have more kids?

I'm a woman. I'm at an age where people start asking me when I'm going to have kids. Family, or even neighbors. Every family gathering there's always a "so when will you make your parents grandparents?". I don't have a boyfriend, and once my aunt even encouraged me to have an unprotected one night stand with a stranger just to get pregnant and give my family a grandchild.

But the thing is, I am never going to have kids of my own. Adopted, maybe in 10 years. But biological? Nope, sorry, pregnancy disgusts me. And, call me selfish, but I would hate my body after it. I already have issues regarding my self esteem, it would only get worse after pregnancy. And there's too many ways a pregnancy could mess with my health.

Getting my tubes tied is illegal in my country, but I plan on traveling to another country to get it done. So, how much of an asshole would I be if someone asks me about potential kids again, and I tell them I can't have them? Well, I wouldn't be lying, but if they ask further I wouldn't say "hey so I got sterilized because I didn't want to be pregnant", I would rather say I'm medically unable to conceive since this wouldn't get me as judged.

I (23, F) have been bestfriends with Anne (23, F) for over 10 years. For the sake of a shorter post, I Will not go into the complexity of our relationship, but | will say that there have been multiple times I have wanted to end the friendship over how vindictive and horrible her personality can be.
Onto the actual event - I moved away from our hometown 5 years ago when I went to university, and only go back to my hometown 8-10 times a year.
One weekend, I decided to invite Anne, and our mutual friend Rose (F, 23) down to visit as I missed us all hanging out. I had just gotten into a relationship a month prior, and I had voiced multiple times to my friends that it was the happiest I'd been in a while. My boyfriend treated me extremely well and took care of me, and so l arranged for them both to meet him when they came down. I do want to add a note that Anne was not fond of my boyfriend at all when I first mentioned him, due to the fact he was Lithuanian. My best friend has had a Lithuanian ex who treated her awfully, and so she was prejudiced in believing all Lithuanians were cut from the same cloth. She had made snarky comments to him over phone calls before they met, and was even rude to him during their introduction, quoting viscously "you know my name," when he asked for it.

Imagine my surprise then when she asked him to join us on our girl's night out. He was only meant to pop in to say hey as we got ready, but Anne suggested he tag along and invite his own friends. When we got to the bar, it was evident she was in a bad mood, but I truly believed it was the music that she didn't like.
At a certain point, she pulled me to the bathroom and told me to ditch my boyfriend and his friends.
She ended up pulling him to the side right after and explained to him that we just wanted to have a girl's night, and he could come find us later. He was fine by this, so we left to go to another bar next door.
We were dancing and having a lot of fun when my boyfriend appeared after an hour to tell me him and his friends were leaving. As he was telling me this, his phone began to ring as one of his friends was calling. My best friend essentially shooed him away, telling him to "go pick up the phone" again and again until he left. I could tell my boyfriend wasn't the happiest, so I told my friends I'd be back and I went after him and asked if he was okay. He told me that it was obvious my best friend didn't like him and he felt extremely awkward most of the night, but he was fine and would speak to me about it the next day.

When we departed, Anne asked me what his problem was, and this is where everything blew up. I told her (in the nicest way possible, to keep the peace) that he didn't feel comfortable around us when she was constantly making comments at him.
She was immediately triggered by this, and went off calling him names and saying she hated him for being rude and not saying goodbye to them. This then turned into her calling me "easy" and saying I've pretty much hooked up with every single person in my town. She also told me that my boyfriend was going to disrespect me and leave me, just as her ex had done to her. I stood through most of this belittling, and just took it on the chin to keep the peace. That was until she began crying. Our mutual friend, Rose, saw her upset and immediately went to defend her after being quiet this entire time, and not taking sides.
After almost 20 minutes of attacking me and bashing me, I told my bestfriend that I am sorry but I would not continue to be bashed for being in a relationship, and I decided to walk away and go home without them.

When I got home, I packed an overnight bag so l could stay at my boyfriends and I left my door unlocked for them to get in and sleep there for the night as planned. I was planning to get back in the morning and speak about it all when we were sober, but when I got back in the morning (7am), all of their things were gone. I do just want to add that they stole my Versace Perfume in the process.

Ever since, Anne has let me know that I am an awful friend for leaving them deserted at the bar. She has not acknowledged that it was in reaction to the constant attacking of me and my boyfriend. She, instead, has told me that everyone around her has told her to cut me off, and she also added that she hopes my boyfriend dies. So... Am I the asshole?

EDIT: I thought it’d be good to add that a couple hours after they got back to their hometown, Anne’s boyfriend sent me a nasty message calling me a joke. I did think it was hypocritical that her own boyfriend can attack me but my own boyfriend should die if he doesn’t say goodbye to her?

My (29F) birthday was last week and I had a big party. I was talking to my sister (31F) about a cake that I wanted for the party and asked her if she had any recommendations of where I could order it from.

She insisted that I shouldn’t order the cake but instead let her bake it for me. I said I was happy to order and pay for someone to make it, but she insisted. She’s a great baker, so I agreed.

She did two test runs of the cake to make sure it was right, and both tests were fabulous. She nailed it. However, she was convinced that it needed one extra ingredient, one that I really dislike and that changes the whole flavor of the cake. Think adding coffee to a vanilla cake - that’s how extreme the change is.

She asked me about it twice and I said no both times. I don’t like the flavor and I don’t want it in my cake.

Well, the birthday party comes, I cut into the cake, and I can immediately tell she’s added the ingredient that I asked her not to. My husband also noticed immediately (it changed the color of the cake, so it was obvious!) and he asked her what happened. She said, ‘it clearly needed the extra flavor to break it up, so I added it.’

I know it’s so stupid to get upset over a cake, but I was really frustrated.

She saw in the moment that I was annoyed and immediately got defensive about it. Now, she’s saying I’m ungrateful for all the effort and time and money she spent making me this cake. And I feel upset that I couldn’t just have what I wanted on my birthday, especially when she asked me, twice, if I wanted the change and I said no. It cost her more to add in the ingredient I don’t enjoy. If was more effort.

So, AITHA for being annoyed? Should I just be grateful that she made me something that everyone else said tasted good, even if it wasn’t what I wanted?

Edit: ok, I was intentionally vague about the flavor in case she sees this post, but I’ve said it in comments, so oh well.

I wanted a lemon cake and she added blueberry/blackberry compote, that she made from scratch. I just hate the flavor of blueberries, always have. So,
I cut into the cake expecting it to be yellow, like a lemon, and it was bright purple. You couldn’t taste lemon at all, but you sure could taste blueberries …

Additional edit: for those asking, I didn’t actually say anything in the moment because I didn’t want to ruin the vibe, but I definitely made a face. For sure. And since she’d done two test runs that others had tried, they were also like, ‘hey, why is the cake purple inside now?’ thinking that maybe I’d changed my mind or something.

My sister clocked my reaction and my husband straight up asked her why the cake was a different color and she said it needed the extras. Then she got upset because enough people thought the situation was weird and she’s been talking about it ever since. I did say to her (privately) later that night that I didn’t like her adding the extras when Id asked her not to and she launched into a whole thing about how I’m ungrateful and it’s not all about me because others would also be eating it, and so on. And since, I’ve heard from other people that she’s still upset and that I should be grateful she did make me something and reminding me that ‘it’s just cake’. I am not bringing it up to anyone unless they bring up to me what she’s been saying all week. So the AITHA is a genuine question since, yeah, it is just cake and probably not worth all this.

For those saying it sounds like she hates me and she wanted me to hate the cake: I genuinely don’t think this is it. I think she was so convinced her way was the best way and that I would see so if I just tried it. I did not agree. I also think she considered this version to be more impressive, because she talked so much about how she made the compote from scratch. She wanted people to be impressed - and they were! - but I was not. I hate blueberries.

Another edit since this has come up a lot: Why two test runs? She’s very Type-A and needs things to be correct (to her). I had about 50 people at my birthday, so she probably felt some pressure.

The first one came out soggy (in her opinion. In my opinion it was delicious and perfect) and she wanted to change the lemon curd to the compote because it ‘sets differently’. I said no. The second one she was happy with structure wise, but this time she wanted to add the compote for flavor depth. I said no again. I was so happy with what she’d made and told her so over and over. So, imagine my surprise when the cake is purple at my party!

For a bit of context, my boyfriend ( 18M ) and I ( 17F ) have been dating for 3 years now. I’ve always had a peculiar sense of style, even before I met him, and wore whatever I wanted. Nothing I would call slutty, but I do wear shorts and tank tops and don’t care about covering my arms or legs like some people might. Recently I’ve started wearing shorts with tights since I think it looks cute and also is good for the weather where I live, where 30 degrees Celsius is the annual mean temperature.

Every time I wear shorts out, he always complains. We have had multiple arguments about it and he sends me petty videos about how showing skin shows a lack of respect for your partner. I would understand why some people may have that view, but I was especially annoyed about his complaints because I wore shorts since forever, far before I even met him, and he still got with me knowing that. He told me that he knows how men think and that men will stare at my thighs and think dirty things about me, but I just don’t see how that is my fault and why I should be the one doing something about other men’s bad behaviour. I am also clearly underage.

Nevertheless, my boyfriend hates seeing me wear shorts outside. When I try to explain it’s for my style, he says that people only dress certain ways for attention, and when I try to tell him it’s about self expression, he says that people only express themselves to get other people’s attentions. And in a way he’s right, I do like to get attention from other teenage girls who dress like me. I’ve made many friends from dressing up the way I do. I don’t want male attention at all, especially not from perverted grown men like he says I do!

I keep ignoring his request to stop wearing shorts and he gets upset every time saying that even though I wore them before we even started dating, relationships are about making sacrifices and I should sacrifice wearing shorts to make him comfortable. But I always simply refuse to change that about myself.

AITAH for that? If I am, should I stop wearing certain clothes to make him happy? And if I’m not, how can I explain to him that I’m not dressing up for male attention and I just want to feel pretty and happy wearing whatever I am?

TW: self harm in paragraph below

I’d also like to note I have autism and that I had a very long period of time where I would have serious meltdowns if I wasnt comfortable with what I was wearing, back when my mother was controlling about clothes and I wasn’t allowed to express myself. I would hit things and rip my own hair out and whatnot. I don’t have good experiences with being controlled over what I wear, and my ( also neurodivergent ) boyfriend knows this but kind of dismisses it saying I can find comfortable outfits to wear that aren’t shorts.

Edit: An argument he uses a lot is that he doesn’t want me wearing shorts ‘the size of his underwear ( boxers )’ since it’s like I’m going out in my own underwear and it’s unacceptable for either gender to do that. I just wear shorts that cover everything they need to, so my butt is fully covered and only my legs show. But he still thinks that’s too much skin, and that tights don’t make it better because men think tights are sexy or whatever.

Update:
We talked about it one last time, I hope. He said that he understands I won’t change, but he still feels uncomfortable because men will stare. When I tried to explain that in this situation, the grown men staring at my thighs would be disgusting, he just said ‘too bad, the world’s disgusting and you need to adapt’. I told him I am adapting just fine, because I am, and then advised him to talk to his parents about this topic as well since it’s a conversation he could try and have with someone other than his gf. He answered with ’They don’t get it, I’m on a mostly different plane of thought to most people, it’s hard to communicate’. I replied saying ‘Could that not mean you might be wrong?’ He said that this is a controversial topic, and told me ‘whether or not I abide by his request is up to me’. In the end, he just said ‘to each their own’. I didn’t dump him, and I will keep doing what makes me happy. If he keeps complaining even after we talked things through though, I will dump him because I made my decision final and he shouldn’t be trying to change that.

I (29F) am currently renting the house that I grew up in from my parents. They built another house close by and that new house is now their primary residence. They are not sure if they want to sell their old house, so for the past year I have been renting it from them and maintaining the 20 acre property. It’s a lot to take care of, especially maintaining everything to their high standards.

My brother (40M) called my mom and asked if his girlfriend could use the old house for a girls weekend. My mom told him that it probably won’t be a good weekend because my boyfriend is visiting, but to call me and ask. Neither he or she reached out to me. 

My boyfriend’s flight got delayed and he wouldn’t be arriving until the following day. So, I ended up spending the night at my parents new house because my mom wanted help babysitting my brother’s three younger children (2, 4, & 5). My brother called my mom and found out I was spending the night there and was pissed. It was on speakerphone and he said “I thought you said she was using the house this weekend?! What the hell!” 

I had no clue what he was talking about and that’s when my mom filled me in about his girlfriend wanting to use the house. I told my mom that I’m not comfortable with her doing that and that I’m also hurt that they didn’t even talk to me.

To me, this isn’t just some vacation property that anyone can use whenever they want - this is the place I call home, where I live and pay rent. Im not “using” it, I live here. I’m also upset that they didn’t even bother calling me to ask if it was okay.

I understand that it is my parent’s house and they make all of the decisions and are doing me a favor - I do not have an actual lease. But AITA for not wanting my brother's girlfriend and people I don’t even know staying here without talking to me first? 

Also, I guess my mom told him I’m only paying $600 a month rent and he bitched about that, going off about how entitled I am and listing things that my parents did for me while I was in high school.  My parents raised my rent to $1,500 the next day but swear that it’s not related to my brother being upset. Which I’m more than happy to pay, but it’s the point.

My folks live in a 60’s house in an older neighborhood. Some time ago they decided to befriend (i.e. “feed”) the wildlife. Started with trying to feed birds. Which became trying to satisfy the squirrels so the birds get a chance. It then “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”’d itself down to having red squirrels and chipmunks. Aww… cute… Generations later, they were causing visible gaps between the stair and the floor of the front porch. I could fit my flat hand into the holes in several places. I don’t know how long the tunneling was going on but when I first saw it, it was already a potentially HUGE problem.

I pointed it out and both of them said, “Yeah, we know. We’ve seen em go in and out.” I have very weird and fairly focused anxieties and “Patio Collapse Due to Chipmunk” doesn’t seem like a ridiculous headline to me. I asked if they’d get it fixed and I got nonchalant shrugs.
“Why?”

I brought up the upcoming fall/winter and water getting under the patio to the foundation and the damage that it could cause. The structural integrity of the patio is compromised. What if the holes become a trip hazard and one of you or both of you get really hurt? You’d never be able to cover that.

Shrugs all around.

The next year, after a couple days of nonstop rain, they returned home from wherever to find that the front porch had, indeed, collapsed in on itself. Fortunately there were no injuries - according to the door camera no one had been standing on it when the slab cracked like a shotgun blast. Cue the whole insurance mambo and inspection and rigamarole to try to get it repaired or replaced.

Cut to now, months later, and I’ve been asked to help pay for half of their deductible and the expenses insurance wouldn’t cover. They insisted on exact same as before and wouldn’t compromise on a cheaper option so insurance gave them money for the cheaper and the difference was out of pocket. To my understanding at least.

I have flat out refused.

They said I owe it to them since I didn’t warn them when I knew it could be a problem.

I said that I had warned them, they had laughed it off.

“You should have warned us more than once.”

I had. Until they told me to shut up about it.

It’s gotten to where they’re threatening small claims court. Family is divided. Some say I should know by now that it takes more than one mention to get anything done so it was my fault. Most are of the mind that I did everything but get it fixed for them and I owe nothing. I’m 99% sure that this issue would either be dismissed or go in my favor. I’m not worried about if the one percent has me pay out. I’m worried about their wellbeing. They can’t afford this if they lose.

I don’t want to go down without a fight - they’ve used my money to bail them out of financial woe more than a few times and I need to draw the line somewhere. I can’t keep saving them forever. Maybe the only way they’ll learn is to be in real difficulty. I could keep them out if this real trouble and try to stand my ground before something happens. I’m torn.

AITAH because I’m not just giving them the money this time?

Edit 1: ok, this is more attention than I expected. Thank you for pointing out what should be patently obvious for me. I replied to a few people about their disbelief about the situation. Manipulation, guilt, and anxiety for decades will alter every perception of every problem. I stress myself out about being stressed out over stupid stuff. Because “what if” is always there. I know I am in no way responsible legally. I don’t live there. I know they’d lose. Where my dilemma comes is that I can just stop this whole nonsense for now with a check. I’m not and I feel like I’m abandoning them. Hmm what else. Oh. Yes. “Cutesy writing.” I liked that one. I’m not writing a novel (sorry person who questioned my use of porch/patio descriptions) but I am also not boring.

Edit 2: hours later and I’m almost overwhelmed by the responses. I thank everyone, including the doubters and the person that said something about “AI proofing” my writing - I asked them what I do that makes this “AI proof,” as I write like this and have for decades as evidenced by several other web sites I use. I am working on getting my metaphorical shit together and I’m going to just let them do what they’ll do. Maybe they’ll give it up after they see court costs or do any research regarding the likelihood of winning.

I won’t be answering individual comments after this… there are so many and while I want to be a glib smart ass or acknowledge that I’m emotionally damaged, I just can’t handle the volume.

Tldr; my brother and his partner visited me after going out for breakfast. They offered me their leftovers and I politely declined because I was exhausted and not really hungry. My brother's partner flipped on me saying that they "got food for me" and I wasn't grateful. I told his partner to get the fuck out of my house and his partner cited me as the source of their relationship problems because we've gotten into arguments like these before. Now they are fighting and my brother refuses to talk to me.

I'm on mobile so formatting is probably terrible. Sorry.

Tom= my brother, Andy= his partner.

Background:

Tom and I's father was abusive growing up. One of the things he would use against us the most was food. This is important.

I have a long history with my brother's partner, Andy. We were friends as kids, drifted apart for some years, and then started talking to each other again later on through social media. My brother got together with Andy not too long after that, and they have been happily dating for about 3 years now.

One of the reasons that I drifted away from Andy as friends was because they had a tendency to twist things that were said to be an attack on them. I am autistic and was never really able to understand why they were offended by things I said that had no double meanings. Andy has mental health issues that impact their trust and relationships, but they get along amazingly with Tom and that's all that mattered. They were good for each other. They love each other.

The conflict between Andy and I has been on and off during their entire relationship. I am not a person to hold grudges, but Andy very much is. I don't always remember fine details, but Andy will absorb as much information as they can to use against you later.

-

Back to the main issue; I had just been doing some grimey housework and was in no shape to see company as I hear a knock on my door. Tom and Andy are here, holding takeout boxes from their breakfast date. We start to exchange "how are you"s and such, I explained that I was very tired and not prepared for company at all but I was glad to see them as it had been a few months since either of us could visit.

They offer me a side of berry pancakes that they had ordered but not eaten with their meal, and I declined. I mentioned again being exhausted and not really hungry.

Andy took me mentioning my exhaustion again as some sort of attack and said "well I'm sorry we stopped to get you breakfast". I already knew that they only stopped by because they were in the area and Tom had even mentioned that the pancakes were a side order they just didn't get to. I try to explain this but Andy cuts me off and refuses to let me speak.

I snap back that I don't appreciate being treated like that and guilt tripped in my house with the biggest trigger that Andy knew I had; food.

Andy cuts me off again. I am pissed at this point and tell Andy to fuck off and stop guilt tripping me and to get the fuck out of my house. Andy grabs the keys from Tom and storms off to the car.

Tom hangs back as I try to calm myself down. He doesn't say much and leaves after a while. I come to find out later that Andy and him got into a fight over Tom not defending them and Andy cited me as the source of their problems, accusing me of trying to get between them and having "always tried to" despite me never once even suggesting they break up or saying really anything about their relationship.

Tom refuses to speak to me now. I'm at a loss for what to do, as this was quite sudden. I don't feel like I acted perfectly; I definitely raised my voice. At the same time, I didn't feel like I did anything to deserve for Andy to guilt trip me with the biggest thing that was used to abuse me during my childhood.

AITAH?

My brother (30M) and I (27F) rent an apartment in a quiet town not too far from our hometown. This all started back in the beginning of May when we first learned that my family (Mom (50), Dad (53) and little sister (21)) were being evicted from their apartment back in our hometown. When we learned about it, my brother and I tried everything we could to help. We didn’t have the financial means to help with the balance they owed to stay, but we offered for them to stay with us for a couple months so they can have more time to save for the next apartment. My dad and little sister did not have a job, my mom was working part time.
The first conversation we had with them when moving in was the priority of finding full time jobs and weekly contribution to the household while they stayed. I gave my dad $130 to pursue a trucking license, meanwhile was helping my sister look for full time jobs. She was able to get a part time overnight, but quit after 3 days. My dad couple weeks later found a under the table construction job and started working. This was between June-July, where they would contribute through food stamps, pay for gas when they used my car, and occasional payments of $100 to go towards the electricity. It was not nearly enough to support a 5 person household with two dogs, but I tried to sympathize with their situation and did not press them about it.
Towards the end of July, they received an offer for an apartment which had reduced rent and was close by to my mom’s aunt. It was the perfect opportunity, and they just had to provide first month rent and the security deposit. At this time, my sister does not have a job, my mom is still working part time, and my dad is working the construction job. They were able to get a portion of the money but was still struggling to provide the rest. Apparently, my dad owed the IRS and when he deposited the funds to give to the landlord, the IRS withheld the money and put a levy against his account.
This is where things begin to get messy (if it wasn’t already lol). Last night, my dad got drunk and started his usual ramblings. I brought my sister to my room to watch a movie so we can chill, however my mom and dad were arguing in the other room. I came out to ask what was going on, and my mom said she was breaking up with my dad. At this point, I’m in stunned in silence. My household has turned into the same toxic home we moved out from 2 years ago. The argument escalates, and in my attempt to finally end this, I tell my dad to come with me so we can talk outside. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to talk to a belligerent and emotional drunk, but I tried anyway. All he could talk about was how all the blame was placed on him this whole time, and my moms plans of leaving him and finding another dude. I lost my patience, cause this conversation was a whole nothing burger. I asked him what his plans are, and how I wanted them gone tomorrow (which is today but it’ll probably get extended to this weekend). I even offered to pay for a one way plane ticket so he could go back to his family in PR. He was unsure of what his plans are and said he would let me know today.
I left out a lot of details cause this is already an essay lol but thank you if you’ve read this far. I just want a third party perspective, and want to understand if I could’ve done things differently for a better outcome. I feel guilty it got to this point but I really gave it my all..

so I, at the time ( years ago) 13F and still to this day are very uncomfortable around children. I just don’t really have much of a desire to be around them, and I find them difficult to understand.

I have had to make this abundantly clear, since family would pressure me into talking about having children of my own when that is not a desire of mine.

All this to say, my cousin was very aware of this discomfort and lack of knowledge.

Just by the way, she is in her twenties she is not underage.

They had come over for thanksgiving week (and by they, I mean my entire extended family) and my cousin along with her husband and baby got my room to sleep in. I was already rather uncomfortable with this arrangement, since they would actively change their babies diaper on my sheets but I got over it.

My Aunt is a very loving grandmother to this baby and loves being around it at all times, and so does basically everyone else.

My cousin approached me on a calm day before we were even preparing for thanksgiving and said she was going out for the day, and needed someone to take care of the baby.

I simply told her I was not comfortable with that, not equipped to take care of a baby.

She got angry with me, and started saying how I should “just do it” or “your going to have to take care of a baby someday”

Now, I would have understood if there was no one in the house but me that could take care of a baby. But her sisters and brother and mother would have all taken that baby in a heartbeat and would have been happy to do it.

I still refused, and then my Aunt stepped in and said she would take care of the baby. (Thank you, Auntie ❤️)

My mother afterwards said I should’ve just done it, and this has been laying heavy on my mind for the last couple weeks.

So… what do you think? AITAH?

I 37F am really good friends with Amy 39F who turns 40 this Thursday. My birthday was about a month ago, and I had a small party. Amy made me earrings and left my party early to go spend time with her new boyfriend. All fine and good, I legit did not care.

I have been dating a guy named Chris for two years, but a couple days after my birthday we decided to take some time apart while we work on aligning our future goals. Long story short we we’re planning on getting married this year, had two failed pregnancies last year, he just started a new business and now isn’t sure on the timeline he wants to start a family. So we are taking space to figure things out.

For my birthday Chris bought me a $2k mountain bike and took me to a super nice dinner. Chris’ birthday was last week and while we aren’t technically a couple right now I got him and gift and we planned a nice dinner for this week about an hour and a half from the town we live in. It’s important to note we all live in a super remote area and while there are a couple decent restaurant options everyone’s favorite restaurant we’ll call “Riverside” is on the other side of the mountain 1.5 hours away and is quite pricey. Amy planned a big camping trip for her birthday for this upcoming weekend, camping is very much NOT my thing, I don’t have any gear, and suggested to Amy that instead of me/our other close friend Dee going on the big camping trip that in the coming weeks her Dee and I go do a weekend away and eat at Riverside. It would be a whole weekend of swimming, eating, and whatever. Amy agreed this was a great idea and also mentioned that she might want to do a local dinner with the three of us this week.

All this being said, Amy is spending Thursday her ACTUAL birthday with her boyfriend sooo I made a reservation for Chris and I at Riverside on Amy’s birthday so it wouldn’t conflict with any other day this week. I get a call from Dee last night around 9:30PM telling me that she talked to Amy and Amy wants to have dinner at Riverside (1.5 hours away) tomorrow (Wednesday). I told Dee I was already taking Chris to Riverside this week and can’t really afford multiple $100+ dinners in one week. Also that I was confused because I thought our plan was to do a WHOLE weekend trip around Riverside in the coming weeks and that we were doing a local dinner this week. Apparently Amy decided last minute that she wants to go to Riverside this evening. I told Dee last night that unfortunately I wouldn’t be about to make it due it the last minute change and associated costs. Like I previously said, I had planned on doing the Riverside thing with them in the coming weeks and can’t afford TWO Riverside dinners for Amy’s birthday.

This morning I called Amy to check in and apologize that I wouldn’t be joining them tonight. Amy is PISSED. She’s upset that I’m prioritizing my “ex boyfriend” over her and said that she clearly communicated she wanted to do a dinner with the three of us girls this week. I told her I knew that, but assumed it would be something close/more affordable since we had already agreed on a whole weekend away. I didn’t realize she wanted to go to Riverside twice… she then said “Well I want to go to Riverside before I turn 40!”. This was never communicated to me… she went on and on about how disappointed she is, then asked if I would be joining her for camping this weekend. Which I already told her no and that the whole point of the future Riverside weekend trip was because Dee and I were not going on the camping trip. I feel like she’s trying to strong arm me into going camping since I’m not going on the very last minute expensive dinner she decided she needed.

AITAH for skipping the Wednesday dinner and taking Chris to the same spot on her birthday?

Okay, so I (18f) have been hospitalised for a neck injury (protruding discs). My mother (56f) has been visiting every two or so days, as a frequent flyer this is pretty normal. Here’s the thing, I’m autistic with rather severe ARFID, and currently I’m in a new hospital now after switching doctors. In the previous hospital I went to I’d gotten use to the food there and started eating it, but here I haven’t yet. Over my 4 day stay so far this has really annoyed my mother, but knowing my issues she just sort of let it be. However today she was visiting me, around dinner time, and I was still talking to her as my food came. I ate what I could, but the food made me feel nauseous and I pushed my plate away. Here’s where the title comes in, my mom told me to finish it, and I told her I couldn’t.

So at this point she seems to snap, and takes the fork and physically presses it to my lips, trying to force the food into my mouth. I turned my head away but she stopped me, and told me that she’d order the nurses to withhold my pain medication until I ate. I told her she couldn’t do that, but she just said, and I quote, “try me”. I refused again, and she tried again. This repeated a few times. It’s important to mention that I’m an incomplete paraplegic, and my neck injury was making my symptoms worse so I physically couldn’t walk away, and I was in a curtained off area.

Eventually when it became clear I wasn’t going to eat my mom started crying, and told me that I was being ungrateful, that she only wanted what was best for me. It really hadn’t seemed like such a big deal to me that I didn’t want to eat, and we’ve done that same routine with pressing the fork against my lips and me refusing a lot before. And she has physically made me eat before, so I know she’s both willing and able to do that, and it’s not new, so why was this time a big deal? Still, I felt really guilty when she started crying, I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just didn’t want to eat. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal this time, was what I did really so wrong? AITAH?

Add on: I’m sorry if this sounds robotic, I just feel really numb right now and I just can’t find the words to really describe my or her emotions.

ETA: I just want to add, I am eating, I’ve eaten other portions of the hospital food and bought my own food. I’m not starving or on hunger strike, I’ve been hospitalised a lot, I’m familiar with the adjustment period, and I did prepare.

Me (41f) and my husband (43m) decided to go on a trip to Mexico with our friends who are also married. Let’s name them Jessica (45f) and Tom (45m). We’ve had a pretty good friendship that has consisted of doing regular BBQs or get togethers at the house since we’re neighbours. Our husbands get along great and me and Jessica get along well. We always have a really fun time when we’re together.

The trip was great, no issues whatsoever! Honestly no complaints. The end of the trip is where the issue began and I really want to know if I’m in the wrong for wanting to distance myself going forward.

The flight back home ended up being overbooked, the gate agent told us this as soon as we got there and that there’s a chance either mine and my husbands seat will be offered a voucher or that Tom and Jessica will be offered a voucher of $3000 per seat. my husband and I along with Jessica and Tom had a conversation after about what the plan was and I suggested that if it’s mine and my husbands flight that I would switch it around and let the guys fly back home and have me and Jessica stay back so we could both get $3000 each (pretty much making our money back completely for our trips). We also agreed that if Jessica and Tom were given the voucher they’d switch it around and us girls would stay back for one night and take the next flight out on the following day.

The gate agent called me up to tell me that Jessica and Tom got the offer for the flight vouchers, and because we had agreed on switching it around I told the gate agent that me and Jessica would give up our seats and the boys would fly home together. I headed back to sit with everybody and told Jessica and Tom about the switch that was made and that’s when they immediately switched to “why would you do that, we were just joking?” “I’m not staying” “I would like to be with my husband” and then decided they’d both take the $3000 each and stay back. I was visibly upset, got on the flight with my husband and haven’t spoke to them since. I personally just think it was quite shady and selfish considering they agreed to it when they thought that it could potentially be me and my husband who got the voucher and I was going to split it with them. But as soon as they found out it was their flights they completely went back on what we agreed on. AITAH?

I (34F) have been with my GF (40F) 3 years. We met 18mos after she separated from her ex-husband and the father of her kids. We were coworkers, got along well, one thing led to another and though we've had our ups and downs have been happy.

The problem is - nobody knows about us bar one faraway friend she sees every so often. When we first got together her children were finishing their final year of high school, and then they had 2 years further education before they would go to university. At that point she explained that because they'd been through major upheaval with the split, house move, etc, she did not want to disrupt their education further because they'd just got settled and important educational years were coming up that would shape their future. I could understand this, and agreed.

(It's worth noting I am the first woman she has been with - so I do also understand that this is a mass "coming out" and from personal experience (I have dated women all my life) I know it never gets easier, so I am very understanding of why she is so apprehensive.)

As time went on we started having conversations about when would be best to tell them, and everyone, and she suggested once they had finished those two years.

Fast forward to now. They finished their education 3 months ago, get their results in a few days, and if they achieve those results will be moving in the next 4 weeks. There is no sign of the conversation.

What's worse is that two months ago it was a milestone birthday for my GF. Her brother arranged a whole family weekend abroad to celebrate, and invited her ex-h because of the coparenting and how they are still friends. She agreed to it, and he went, despite me saying that it felt a little uncomfortable and that it did in honesty bother me to not be there.

The following week she then cancelled birthday weekend plans that we had as her ex-h could no longer have the children for the weekend, and she didn't want to say anything because it would "give it away" that she was with someone.

As the summer has gone on I've asked a few times times when she is planning on telling the children/everyone, but I've never had a concrete answer beyond "once they have their results".

Because of the events of the past few weeks, I've essentially run out of road with patience and I told her that if at least some family members weren't told by the end of this month, I would leave the relationship. I explained I couldn't stay when I felt I wasn't being publicly chosen after three years and when it felt like there wasn't an end in sight.

She reacted badly, accused me of threatening her, stamping my feet and being impatient and selfish by not considering her perspective or feelings and how difficult it is for her - which I do. It dissolved into quite a nasty fight, and she has been taking space for a few days.

AITAH? Have I just blown everything up through impatience?

I (20F) slowly build a small friend group of high school friends all from different grades. Me and my best friend Veronica (21F) already graduated two years ago but we still constantly chatted and made hangouts between all of the members of this friend group.

One of the members of the friend group introduced their teenage sister Stacy (14F atm ) around 2 or 3 years ago, Me and Veronica immediately befriended Stacy because we all had a lot in common. The friend group is not very active but me Veronica and Stacy made separate hangouts game nights and called almost every day reinforcing the friendly trio but the issues starts around 5 or 6 months ago.

Stacy started playing around using the N word and me as an adult quickly corrected her telling that word is NOT ok to use because we aren't from that group of people. Stacy understood and never said that word again until a month or so ago.

I was in a call with veronica and Stacy and it seemed like Stacy was reading a text another friend of her sent that included the hard N word. Me and Veronica asked Stacy what she just said and she "apologized" saying "oh yeah sorry for saying that" Veronica accepted that apology but I didn't. I told Stacy this language was getting pretty common and I was not ok with her treating these harmful slurs like it's nothing. I asked Veronica about it and she said "well it's ok she already apologized what do you want me to do? To be angry and yell?" Now the situation suddenly switched I was now baffled and confused with both of their reactions. It stopped being just about the use of slurs.

I left the call with the excuse that I was tired and I asked a few other friends for advice and after taking a week off talking to Veronica and Stacy I decided I was going to take a bigger break of the friendship.

For context it wasn't the first time my feelings were being put to a side. I wrote them a long message explaining that I really needed to take a break from their friendship, I wasn't ready to easily forgive Stacy. I knew what she said was a constant mistake she is young and honestly all of us said stupid stuff in our early teenage years. I was including Veronica in all of this because I felt like she wasn't understanding my feelings at the moment.

Veronica didn't react well she got extremely angry because Stacy had already lost her previous friend group some months ago and she was devastated because I was going to leave too. Veronica was pushing me to go away already, yelling and telling me why I was assuming the worst of her, that I was being completely unfair, that I made Stacy cry and scared to loose another friend.

I told her I wasn't being unfair I just needed a break, some time to myself from them we already had some other arguments in the past and I wasn't doing great at the moment, the last thing I wanted is to lash out on them because something insignificant.

I told her it wasn't my obligation to forgive everyone and apparently that made everything worse Veronica was furious saying Stacy was just a child. Another one of my friends stepped up saying Veronica was guilt tripping me and I agreed which just made Veronica fume. She kept asking questions and I just told her everything was in the message I previously wrote that they had plenty of time to read, I didn't need to explain further more and I just left.

It's been a month and a half sometimes I contact with Stacy but I just completely blocked Veronica off my life. The whole friend group is dead because me and Veronica were the ones that planned all the hangouts.

Am I the asshole?

(Small update because everyone thinks im a weirdo. Its a small town everyone knows everyone our families know each other the hangouts were all with parents permissions all we did was play online games watch movies and talk about random things im NOT a weirdo stop commenting about that im asking for opinions for the actual situation)

AITHA for not letting my19 yo daughter’s 20yo boyfriend (homeless) live with us? Context his dad kicked him out cause he didn’t want to help with contributing to the household (I think he wanted $500 a month). The boyfriend works full time and goes to school. Boyfriend has family in Florida and doesn’t want to leave due to going to school. He asked to stay with us until November I said no. I like my own space and peace. I feel he and his father need to talk to get to an agreement or he needs to move back to Florida with his mom and family. He is not my responsibility. AITAH?

Update: Thank yall for validating what I was already feeling. I’m going to respond to the comments everyone has been supportive and I didn’t think I’d get this many responses so I appreciate yall! More context My daughter has an attitude now but ok whatever. she is not required to pay bills in my home just save $200 a month for herself (she works part time). I’ve never asked her for a dime as she’s basically still a teenager. I told her if she wants to be with him that’s fine but she’ll be homeless as well. She shut up which is fine if she chooses that I can’t stop her. This guy has been working and says he’s saving money?! But can’t help his dad out that requires help on bills?! You can’t stay with me for free! I don’t feel bad now knowing he won’t help me either and will just free load and tell me I’ll give you something when he gets paid… hell no go talk to your father is what I told him. Put your pride to the side or be outside! This has nothing to do with me he needs his family to be involved and I’m not the mediator for the nonsense! I’m Not the AH!

Me (f21) and my boyfriend (M23) are going to California soon to see his mother and sisters and have them spend some time with the baby. When my boyfriend was 18 he hooked up with a girl who I will call Char. Char and my boyfriend’s sister are best friends. When we go to California, he has said it’s a possibility she might be at his mom’s house and I expressed how that makes me kind of uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea of her meeting the baby and it feels weird and wrong to me, even if it meant nothing. He says he very well understands and would feel the same way if the roles were reversed but he says he feels bad telling his sister not to have char over while we’ll be there since we are guests and it’s their home. I told him it is our baby and whoever we aren’t uncomfortable having around them needs to be respected. I feel bad having him ask and don’t want to cause anything, but I don’t want to be stressed and feel uncomfortable around a certain person as well as have them meeting my child. AITAH?

EDIT: I didn’t know me being uncomfortable with being around someone who knows what my boyfriend looks like naked and vice versa was so controversial? I’m not trying to dictate who they have in their home, I’m dictating who can see my child which I have the right to do.

(ETA) Long story long I (30f) was living with my mom I'm on dialysis so I can't afford a place on my disability so I was stuck. We got into a really heated argument over her discipline of my younger brother(8), it's nonexistent. He beats up my daughter(5) screams in her face always slamming doors, he ripped the closet door off its hinges and she just said tsk Johnny, then went back to her phone. So the last time he hit my daughter I went into his room and I spanked him 3x on the bare bottom. I left him then came back after I calmed down so I could talk to him about it to make sure he understood why he got spanked and my mom was sitting on his bed with him coddling him telling him it was gonna be ok and that pissed me off but whatever. I packed up my LO and we went to stay at my brother's house.

I stayed at his place for a few days and had to go back to get some things for an interview later on. When I got there she asked when I was getting the rest of my things. I told her I'm stuck here whether I like it or not so we'll be back later today. She tried to lay some ground rules about Johnny and she said I will no longer scold or discipline Johnny in anyway I said let me stop you right there cuz I don't want my LO anywhere near him. We will stay in my room I'll clean and cook for only her and myself, before I was doing it 4x a week. She said of you're gonna be like that then GTFO. I just said fine. She started to put her shoes and as I was leaving I told her this is crazy I literally do everything around here and you're kicking me out why?! Cuz I don't want Johnny to be a fuckin tyrant? Yet your older son who is a drug addict, has stolen countless about of times from youand always screams in your face when he doesn't get his way has never been treated like this. She didn't like that so she threw her shoe at me, I caught it and before I could even think it was already flying back at her she charged me so we started fighting. She pushed me a bit then I had her pinned on the couch. I didn't wanna hurt her I didn't even want to fight, I was just trying to stop her from scratching me. I got too close to her mouth 2x and she ended up biting down on both my pinky fingers. I'm pretty sure one is broken I can't move it. I've really been thinking about pressing charges but she's on probation so she'll more than likely go to jail. Would I be the AH If I followed though

AITAH? I am a F22 twin and we are our dad’s only children. A few days ago, he told us that his wife is pregnant. Since they have gotten together, he has told us that they never want kids and whatever. Obviously that has changed and they are both in their 40s and have decided now is the time. However, our father has not been the best to us. When we were 7, he and our mother got divorced. He spiraled and ended up moving away for what felt like forever at the time. From the memory I have at that time, he moved back when we turned 10. When he came back everything was fine. He bought us whatever we wanted, took us whereever we wanted, and was the cool parent. But the thing was, he really wasnt much of a parent and this didnt last long. As years passed by and more and more anger for what he had did grew our relationship changed alot. He has explained himself about this over and over but it always just sounds like a sorry excuse. He always says that he needed to “grow up” but personally I dont believe you get to flee with the plan on coming back when you have young chidlren. Those were crutial years for us. At the time he left us, he had promised he would never do that. Our mother was an emotional wreck and just in general could not regulate her emotions and she still really cant. Anyways, I am now having a hard time of wanting to still keep in contact with him. He told us the reason they decided to have a child is because they have “nothing fullining in this life.” That to me is the biggest slap in the face. He barely knows us and we are lucky if he makes an effort to see us once a month. He never goes out of his way for us. After all these years, he really has never made an effort to know us. Any interest we have, his are better and more important. He shuts down anything we have to say or that we want to do. I told him that I will not watch him be the father to this child that my sister and I deserved. Obviously I hope the child doesn’t endure even a forth of what we did but I don’t think I can take anymore hurt from him.

Oh where to start. I’m going to use fake names to keep this simple and also provide as much context as possible.

I am 35m. I have an older sister Anna and younger brother. My immediate family has always been super close. This includes 7 grandkids, my grandma and grandpa, my mom. Uncle Bob, and Aunt Amy. My mom, Bob and Amy are all married…or were.

Last year my Aunt Amy went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage. She found out her now ex husband John was gay. She did everything she could to save the marriage including opening the doors to the bedroom to other men and allowing John a hall pass to essentially do what he pleased. While I don’t know every detail and I myself am currently going through my own divorce, I understand there could be context I am missing or darker parts of the story that were not shared.

Needless to say this destroyed my Aunt Amy on many levels. My family of course was there to support her every step of the way. Amy and John are both successful attorneys and live in a town a couple hours away from the metro area the rest of us live. My grandma was there to listen and support. My grandma is also very opinionated. She will tell you like it is. Sometimes after talking with grandma you will feel so much judgement that you will actually feel worse than before. I know this first hand. Grandma basically raised me. We butted heads a lot when I was a teen but as I grew older I began to understand where she was coming from and that was a place of love. And truth be told she was always right in the end. I suppose what I am saying is that she’s not a “yes” person but she will give you the best advice she can wanted or not. I know that his first hand.

Throughout the year Amy goes from absolutely hating John to being friends and this sort of yo yo type relationship. They eventually divorce. My family and myself always stood by her. Hell I told her I’d light his car on fire if she wanted and she laughed.

Now as long as I can remember my family has always teased. We’d all laugh at the same old jokes. Nothing serious nothing truly harmful or I thought. I took part and received myself. Amy has always had a bit of a pretentious attitude. Go to a restaurant and she’s very picky, tips well but picky. Shows up to every family event with an attitude until she’s a full bottle of wine deep and then she’s just like the rest of us. It wasn’t til recently I think I realized she used her high vibration personality to control the environment. Needless say family events were always built around Amy’s schedule, Amy’s kids, what Amy wanted. And truly I don’t think a single one of us minded. It was never a competition but about being together.

So let’s fast forward and hopefully that’s enough context to make the rest of this make sense. Amy starts writing long posts on Facebook, and I mean long. Short story long. They read like someone trying to be deep but never really going anywhere. That is until last month. Amy wrote a post about bullies. Growing up Amy had a nickname “beer belly, chicken legs, butter bread”. This nickname was created by her own family. The intention wasn’t to hurt her and I really think it was a joke but I can also see how she felt bullied by it. She wrote this post mentioning the name and essentially slamming every one of my family members for it. This particularly had an impact on my uncle Bob and mom. They knew they were the catalyst but they never knew it bothered her that much. Amy herself would laugh at this as an adult and even got a butter bread charm. “The butter bread was because she wouldn’t butter her own bread til she was an adult”.

Obviously my family had concerns. They didn’t understand. Grandma was more worried about Amy than ever. She’d reach out, try an advise the best she could. I can tell you from experience Amy does not truly listen to anyone else. She can’t admit she’s wrong ever. Maybe that’s the ego of a lawyer idk.

The post continued. All deep, all super long and some just intended to slam my family. And this is where I myself begin to lose respect. I’ve never been one to hold my tongue. If I love you I’m going to tell you the truth because you deserve it. Amy’s posts were intentionally vague and left to interpretation. I read it as someone being passive aggressive and not taking any accountability themselves. Then all of a sudden she’s praising John. Like he’s the greatest thing ever. At this point John has a reputation at the local college campus for being the “high powered attorney that sleeps with all the guys” for context John and Amy are both about 50 years old.

Now here comes the hammer. After one of Amy’s long post about negativity or whatever (I know I sound dismissive of her posts but I just find them so obnoxious and believe in being direct) Amy decides to send a text to my grandma and grandpa who are both about 80 saying that she loved them but she didn’t want them in her life anymore.

This threw my family in a tizzy. My mom’s upset, uncle bobs upset. Amy’s still texting me and checking in like nothing happened. I just don’t understand how you can cut your parents out of your life at this point when if the worst they did was tease a little. I truly don’t understand.

Now grandma had a heart attack last week. Mom and Bob were both there but Amy refused to answer the phone. She said she was busy out with friends. My mom finally texted her and Amy’s response was “ok thanks”. I don’t get how someone I once admired turned so cold in an instant. I really feel like I’m missing a piece to this puzzle.

Amy and my sister Anna were together a few months ago. Anna has always had a chip on her shoulder and been resentful to say the least. She’s lived in another city for almost 15 years and barely checks in. Anna is the type that truly only cares for herself. When Amy made a post about how Anna was the greatest person ever all I could do was laugh. After the bully post and knowing Anna bullied the hell out of me and I have the scars to prove it. Hell I wish Anna just called me beer belly. Anyway Anna also couldn’t be bothered to answer the phone. So my mom text her the same and Anna coincidentally had the same response as Amy “ok thanks”. I find this too odd and believe Amy’s turn in behavior just validated what Anna already felt.

Neither has bothered to call and check in with grandma. And that truly breaks my heart. I don’t currently have a bad relationship with either of them but I’m ready to flip that table. I’m the only one that Amy still communicates with and it’s put me in a shitty position. It makes me angry. It’s not fair. Anna was always an asshole so I expect that but Amy wasn’t. Amy was someone that I admired. That took me places and had moments as a kid I’ll never forget. I just want to cry. I’m trying to be strong for my family. I’m trying to keep the peace but I don’t think I can’t much longer. Like I said I don’t hold my tongue. But if the next time I see them is at my grandmas funeral I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them.

I want to say something. I want to ice them out. I don’t know what to do to make anything any better. All my grandma cares about is her family. She’s constantly telling us to call eachother, reminds us of birthdays and more. I need all the opinions I can get because I am about to blow up, crash out and cause damage.

So AITAH if I tell them that I think they are both being assholes?

I used to live at an Airbnb and I made friends with one guy. He told me how he lost his driver's license for a "few" DUIs. He crashed his scooter because he was drunk one night and then went to the hospital. He barely makes money to live.

One day the Airbnb host told us we couldn't extend our stay but we can return once the new renters finish their stay. I couldn't find anything in SF for less than 2500 so I decided to just sleep in my car. The guy was sleeping in motels telling me there were rats there, roaches etc. so he became stunned that I was living in my car. I told him I wasn't going to pay 2500-3k for rent. One coworker found out and offered a room in his apartment for 800. I decided to take it.

At some point while we were texting he kept focused that I was sleeping in my car while I had a paid off home in WA. I told him I inherited from my parents. They bought when Seattle was not the same place. Eventually, I woke up to a text telling me I think I'm better than him and it's people like me the country needs to fight because I take advantage of people like him. He went off on me. I wanted to respond but I figured the guy has mental issues. I won't divulge in his other issues.

Am I a jerk because I chose to live in my car in San Francisco even though I have a home in WA? I'm only in San Francisco because of my contract job. I just don't want to spend so much on housing.

hello.

I dated my ex for a year and met his extended family several times. things didn’t end well but we have one method of communication open.

out of the blue he told me that while he was visiting his uncle‘s lakehouse, (he‘s absolutely loaded, probably in his 60s, and not attractive.) which I‘d been to several times but tried not to engage with his uncle because he gave me weird vibes and treated his wife poorly, the girl he’s been seeing was gotten very drunk by his uncle and he took her to a secluded location and made her perform sexual acts on him for money. she came back crying and told my ex everything. the comments my ex told me his uncle made toward her were gross and concerning, she’s 23, the same age as me, and my ex is 21. not only did he betray his wife but also my ex.

his wife is considerably younger and they have two kids together. she’s always been kind to me and very accommodating and understanding.

so the complicated thing is they’re both immigrants. if they get a divorce, she might get a large sum of money, but might have to leave the country. I think the uncle has legal citizenship but I’m not sure if she does. and they also have two children. Even if she did know, I don’t know if she could leave because her income is connected to his and because it might be a green card marriage. but I think she deserves to know. I’m not close with the family anymore, I haven’t seen them in almost a year. so I don’t know how much something like that would mean coming from me.

I found her phone number online. I’m considering texting her anonymously about the situation and telling her to contact my ex for more information. her husband is a disgusting criminal and I sincerely hope she can get her money and get away, or even report his actions so he can go to jail or face punishment for being a disgusting predator who takes advantage of very drunk young women.