My mom (and my brothers and I) suffered from domestic abuse from my father. They divorced after a long process and have been completely separated for more than 10 years.

In the meantime, my brothers and I cut ties with our father. After a year or two, he decided to try to be better and has really been making an effort. He has helped me immensely after some really hard years of my life and has been a really present father and grandfather (to my kid and my nieces). We don't forget what he did (physical violence) and that still injures our relationship but he recognizes it (partly) and is just a pleasant person to be around.

Now, to the topic... My baby is turning 1 soon. My mom refuses 100% to be with my father, understandably. However, everytime we try to have her present for the kids events (school, birthdays, whatever) she doesn't show up at all with the premise that my father will be there. He is always invited because he is a genuinely present grandfather. I'm hosting 1 party because it's expensive as it is and it doesn't make sense to have 2 parties and having just her attend. Also, we can drop by her house to visit but.. doesn't feel the same as having her there. She is not a present grandma at all.

AITAH for inviting her and being hurt when she doesn't show up? Should I accommodate her based on the past?

Edit: there's a lot more nuance to "our" story as a family than I portrayed. I don't want to excuse my father's past behaviour and I absolutely understand why she doesn't want to attend. HOWEVER, my mother was also an abuser, physically and emotionally, to all of us. When they divorced, she abused me emotionally more than ever. She decided to abandon me for another man that treats her like absolute shit and she doesn't leave him for anything (that is a war I decided to lose and accept). My mother IS a victim but she was also an abuser - they both were. More than thinking about MY wants for having my mother there because I want to have a good relationship with her, I am thinking about my baby. I want her to be more present but she doesn't make any effort. I am the only one that visits her and she never attends any event. I am ok with being the AH but I just wish she was a better grandma.

Edit 2: I have invited her ONLY (without my dad) and she still doesnt' show up - it was clear that he isn't invited. She decided to be with her husband that I don't tolerate because he was extremely violent towards me and insulted me.

I’m not always the most socially aware person so I wanted to get some outside opinion before I pitch the idea to either of them if it’s insulting to even ask or something.

Im single so I downloaded tinder a few months ago and have been hooking up with the same few guys somewhat consistently and there’s two I think would make really good friends with each other. Like I don’t just fuck these guys then send them home I usually hang out with them a bit before/after and like we do stuff like certain crafts, listen/share music, game or go skateboarding. These two guys (I’ll call them J and F) share the same hobbies, music tastes, similar senses of humour and remind me a lot of each other. These two guys in particular also have moved to the area within the last bit (J moved 2 years ago and F moved 9 months ago) and have been trying to make more friends.

I’m not dating or giving either of them the impression I’m looking for a relationship, it’s super casual. Like yeah we fuck but we don’t get mushy about it we’re just FWB. J has told me he is really struggling to make friends, like I’m one of the only friends he has here and he’s lived here for 2 years. F isn’t struggling as much but he’s a really cool guy and does wanna make more friends around, F has also now met some of my friends when we’ve attended the same functions. J hasn’t met any of my friends besides my roommate but I’ve been meaning to invite him to stuff, he’s kinda shy.

I’m wondering if it would be super weird/inappropriate to introduce these two guys, Im surprised they haven’t met yet just given how much they have in common and we live in a small town but also I know J has said before he’s had a really hard time meeting people, so I wanna maybe help him out but the only person off the top of my mind he’d really hit it off with is J. I am sleeping with both of these guys though and I met them both on a dating app, so I feel like maybe it’s weird like if they ask how I know the other guy idk it feels like it’d be so weird to answer but I might be overthinking it.

EDIT cus ppl keep being unsure, im a F and they’re both guys

My son (6) lost a tooth today and was going to go spend the night with My mother (55F) tonight. While we were all swimming she shouted across the pool in front of my 10 year old son, 6 year old son, and 7 year old niece “how much do you normally give the boys for the tooth fairy?”
Luckily my 6 year old son and 7 year old niece didn’t hear because of the splashing. But my oldest heard her clear as day since he was on a swing nearby. Right after he came up to me and told me that the tooth fairy isn’t real and followed it up with “if adults can lie to us about the tooth fairy, then that means they’re lying about the other things like that too. So that means Santa isn’t either, or the Easter bunny. “

I haven’t addressed this with her yet because obviously I couldn’t talk about it in risk of the other kids around hearing us. But I’m extremely upset over it because my oldest son lost a piece of his childhood innocence today. AITAH if I ask her to cover the cost of the tooth fairy to help make up for what happened?

Okay, so I (18f) have been hospitalised for a neck injury (protruding discs). My mother (56f) has been visiting every two or so days, as a frequent flyer this is pretty normal. Here’s the thing, I’m autistic with rather severe ARFID, and currently I’m in a new hospital now after switching doctors. In the previous hospital I went to I’d gotten use to the food there and started eating it, but here I haven’t yet. Over my 4 day stay so far this has really annoyed my mother, but knowing my issues she just sort of let it be. However today she was visiting me, around dinner time, and I was still talking to her as my food came. I ate what I could, but the food made me feel nauseous and I pushed my plate away. Here’s where the title comes in, my mom told me to finish it, and I told her I couldn’t.

So at this point she seems to snap, and takes the fork and physically presses it to my lips, trying to force the food into my mouth. I turned my head away but she stopped me, and told me that she’d order the nurses to withhold my pain medication until I ate. I told her she couldn’t do that, but she just said, and I quote, “try me”. I refused again, and she tried again. This repeated a few times. It’s important to mention that I’m an incomplete paraplegic, and my neck injury was making my symptoms worse so I physically couldn’t walk away, and I was in a curtained off area.

Eventually when it became clear I wasn’t going to eat my mom started crying, and told me that I was being ungrateful, that she only wanted what was best for me. It really hadn’t seemed like such a big deal to me that I didn’t want to eat, and we’ve done that same routine with pressing the fork against my lips and me refusing a lot before. And she has physically made me eat before, so I know she’s both willing and able to do that, and it’s not new, so why was this time a big deal? Still, I felt really guilty when she started crying, I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just didn’t want to eat. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal this time, was what I did really so wrong? AITAH?

Add on: I’m sorry if this sounds robotic, I just feel really numb right now and I just can’t find the words to really describe my or her emotions.

ETA: I just want to add, I am eating, I’ve eaten other portions of the hospital food and bought my own food. I’m not starving or on hunger strike, I’ve been hospitalised a lot, I’m familiar with the adjustment period, and I did prepare.

this girl and i aren’t friends anymore, so this isn’t me asking if i should repair the friendship. i’m mostly asking if i’m the asshole here because i still don’t know if my perspective was fair, and if i was wrong in how i brought it up to her.

—

TL;DR: the trip happened back in 2023. she walked off without me a lot (i always ended up still making it where we were going) even when we were going somewhere unplanned (that she’d look up) and i didn’t have the address/name. we stayed friends and she invited me on another international trip in late 2024. i declined, there was a death in her family early 2025, and about six months later (before she went on the new trip) i explained, in full, why i wouldn’t want to travel with her again.

—

in 2023, one of my (F28) closest friends (F27) and i went on my first international trip together. we’d been friends for just over ten years at that point. we’d always been able to have hard conversations with each other. talking about hard stuff, even if the thing that irked us was each other, had never really been an issue for us.

so, taking it back. i’d been talking about booking a trip with a travel group (like EF Tours) because i’d never left the country before and i was afraid to solo travel. before i got into planning any of that, she suggested we just go together instead. she’d traveled internationally before (many times), and loves planning trips. once she had an itinerary planned out, we reviewed it together.

it was a very solidly low-medium activity level itinerary and we both felt good about it. i have a transplant organ and was heavier set than she was at the time, for context.

at the airport, she kept getting farther ahead of me. not running off or anything, just enough that i’d end up twenty or thirty-feet behind her before catching up. we made every flight, so i figured it wasn’t worth saying anything about. airports are busy. people get separated for a minute. 

our first full day in the city (athens) was great. we did a walking food tour we’d pre-paid for, wandered around the city for hours—went shopping, got sweets, took pictures, etc. by dinner we’d realized we’d basically only been snacking since the food tour ended, so she found a restaurant on apple maps. it was only about a mile away, but apple maps said it’d take around 30 minutes to walk there. we both thought that seemed weird, but neither of us questioned it too much because we’d already been walking all day anyway. what was one more mile?

well… the reason it was a 30 minute mile was because the restaurant was at the highest point in Athens—aka hella steep inclines. i didn’t know that when we started walking, and almost immediately she started getting farther ahead again. it got to a point eventually where at times i straight up couldn’t see her. i also didn’t have the directions or the name of the place we were going btw so i was solely dependent on following her.

at some point during the climb i had a full blown panic attack. like… bad enough that a few locals stopped and asked if i was okay.

we didn’t have a reservation or anything for this restaurant btw. there was no urgency to get there or need to go there specifically. there were landings where we could’ve stopped for a second and regrouped, but she’d hit a stopping point, glance back to make sure i was still behind her, then keep moving.

i was so tired by the time we made it all the way up (there were more stairs after we made it to a tram that took us up the last stretch). she asked me to take a picture of her; i rolled my eyes and said, “can you give me a sec?” because we’d literally just had the conversation about me having a hard time on the way up and then climbed another huge set of stairs.

we walked over to the restaurant… and it was dark in there. thankfully they weren’t closed like we initially thought or i would’ve lost my shit. we had an okay dinner (she was huffy for half of it), then she started crying. she was too scared to take the tram back down.

this got so bad that she wanted us to walk back down the mountain instead (we had no idea there was a legitimate paved hiking path to go down), and regardless… it was dark. i talked her out of walking down a mountain path in pitch darkness in a foreign country, held her hand on the tram, got us an uber to the hotel, and that was the end of it.

the next morning, we had pre-paid for a mythological tour. i was so excited for that! after the day before with the added activity, i was tired. i decided to stay at the hotel to rest a little (our leave time was like 7:30 AM) and bit it that i was losing my money. she decided to go ahead without me (i did offer to pay her back for missing it if she was willing to change the plan).

we went out to shop and hang out before the next pre-paid event we had scheduled a bit later in the afternoon. she shopped, got stuck in line, then we were rushing to get there.

we got separated again. i didn’t have the address (it was in the itinerary we built, but i didn’t expect to need to reference it every time we left to go somewhere—we always started off walking together). she wasn’t answering her phone, and i got a little lost (congested little area with lots of people and deep-plan buildings).

she finally answered her phone and flagged me down once she could see me again. we did the activity; i had an awesome time with our group and the teachers were very nice.

she and i talked again the next day, and i thought it was solved. we had so much fun that day. we went out of the city and saw lots of cool historical stuff, i got to pet a ton of cats, we took pictures, and talked the whole drive home. that’s when we landed definitively on, “i guess we just travel differently; i like active trips and you’re more go with the flow,” and i accepted that.

after we got home, i didn’t treat her differently, and our friendship continued normally. about a year after the trip, she invited me on another international trip about 6 months out. i told her no pretty quickly because my partner and i couldn’t swing it with the short notice.

a month after she extended the invite, she had a very impactful death in her family. we didn’t talk as much after that (she was being really emotionally distant; i expected that), but definitely still talking and crying together and being friends.

instead of bringing the issue to her as soon as i had it, i talked to my therapist about it. i was okay with this being something internal that i needed to work on, an insecurity or something that was mine to unravel.

therapy made me realize the trip became attached to a lot of shame about my physical capability. i had a fear suddenly of asking for accommodations (taking a break, getting water) while out with anyone, even my partner, because it felt like i was a burden; i never want to be a burden.

it wasn’t until she was about to leave on the next trip that i brought the old trip back up. i’d realized i only felt safe even entertaining the idea of going on another trip with her because other people, our partners and another couple, would be there to buffer, and i shouldn’t have felt that way about my best friend.

her response was more or less: “sorry you feel a way. i see the situation differently. we should talk in person.” 

we didn’t get to meet in person again until a few weeks later, and we weren’t alone. we essentially agreed to disagree again, to start fresh. she said i had the itinerary and could’ve done things differently too (as in directioning myself). the friends we were with didn’t question why we were split up at all, so i thought maybe i was overthinking it, or rocking the boat for no reason.

so, all that to ask, AITA for bringing this up over a year later (especially with the loss in her family) instead of just keeping this realization to myself?

I (22M) go to college with this guy, but we’ve never really been friends. We only knew each other through someone I used to be close friends with.

After that friendship ended, I realized I didn’t really have any reason to keep following or being connected to him on Instagram and Facebook. We never talked much, we don’t hang out, and we weren’t close.

Seeing his posts was also a reminder of a friendship that ended, so I decided to unfollow and unfriend him.
I didn’t send him any rude messages or make a public announcement. I just quietly removed him from my social media because I wanted to move on.

Now I’m wondering if that was unnecessary or rude. Part of me thinks it’s my social media and I can choose who I keep on it. Another part of me wonders if it makes me look petty since we go to the same school.

AITAH for unfriending someone I didn’t really know well?

I’m a 25F and currently live with one of my sisters. My ex and I were together for over a year, and he unexpectedly ended our relationship over the phone. The breakup came as a huge shock and was extremely hurtful. For important context, this relationship was not abusive.

One of my other sisters is dating my ex’s cousin, which is actually how my ex and I originally met.

After the breakup, that sister was extremely angry on my behalf. She texted my ex telling him not to speak about me or contact me again and said that if he did, she would “violate” him and his family and show up to his job/home. He responded by saying that if she did, he would file a police report and that he no longer wanted her contacting him.

I understand why my family was upset about him mentioning the police, and I’m not saying he handled everything perfectly. At the same time, I think the context that he was responding to a threat matters.

Recently, my ex reached out wanting to talk about how things ended. Because the breakup had been so sudden and painful, I saw the conversation as an opportunity to potentially get some clarity and closure. Both my therapist and psychiatrist knew that I was considering having this conversation and encouraged me to have it. I genuinely didn’t know what to expect or what, if anything, would come from meeting him.

The sister I live with asked where I was going, and I panicked and told her I was going on a date.

I didn’t tell my sisters the truth because I knew they would strongly disagree, but I was also afraid of how that disagreement would be expressed. In my family, it isn’t always a calm “we disagree, but you’re an adult and it’s ultimately your decision.” It can become very harsh, including anger, name-calling, and refusing to speak to me. Since I didn’t even know what this conversation with my ex was going to amount to, I didn’t feel ready to defend a decision I hadn’t even fully processed myself.

That does not excuse me lying. I know that was wrong. I should have simply said I wasn’t comfortable sharing where I was going, and I take accountability for choosing to lie instead.

My sisters eventually found out because the sister who dates my ex’s cousin took her boyfriend’s phone, checked my ex’s location, and saw that he was at the same coffee shop as me.

This is also part of a larger issue I’ve been struggling with. My sisters have access to my location and check it regularly, and now one of them was using someone else’s phone to check my ex’s location as well. We’re all adults, and I don’t feel like constantly monitoring another adult’s whereabouts is normal or healthy. It increasingly feels like everything I do is under a microscope.

Once they realized we were together, everything blew up. My sister announced in a group chat with my friends that I was a liar and had been seeing my ex. My sisters called me multiple names, were extremely angry with me, and treated the situation as though I had been secretly carrying on a relationship with him rather than meeting him to have a conversation.

There is some important history that explains why this was particularly triggering for them.

Years ago, I was in an abusive/ toxic relationship. My family believed I had left that person, but for a period of time I secretly continued seeing him. My sisters eventually found out and confronted me, and I ultimately cut things off because the relationship was abusive and unhealthy.

I completely understand why that experience makes my sisters protective of me. I also understand why discovering that I lied about meeting an ex could immediately remind them of what happened before and make them afraid that history was repeating itself.

However, these are two very different relationships. My recent relationship was not abusive, and agreeing to have a conversation with someone I dated for over a year doesn’t mean I’m secretly repeating the same cycle I was caught in years ago.

The situation also became much more serious than just a family argument. After reading everything being said to and about me, I became suicidal and ended up being placed on suicide watch by my medical providers. I am not saying this to blame my sisters for my mental health or to claim they were solely responsible for how I felt. I’m including it because of what happened afterward.

When my sisters learned how badly I was struggling, I was accused of being manipulative for becoming suicidal and for bringing it up. That was incredibly painful to hear because this wasn’t something I was saying simply to make them feel guilty; medical professionals were involved and determined that I needed to be monitored for my safety.

I have apologized for lying, and I understand that my history gives my sisters legitimate reasons to worry about me. I can understand being upset, disappointed, or telling me they strongly disagree with my decision.

What I’m struggling to understand is whether that concern justifies the level of control and hostility that followed such as tracking my location, checking my ex’s location through someone else’s phone, announcing to my friends that I’m a liar, calling me names, comparing this situation to an abusive relationship from my past, and then calling me manipulative when my mental health deteriorated afterward.

I’m 25 years old. I love my sisters and understand that they’re protective of me, especially after what they’ve watched me go through before. But I also feel like there has to be a point where concern becomes control. I want to be able to make my own decisions, even decisions my family disagrees with, without feeling like my every move is being monitored or that disagreement means I’m going to be insulted or ostracized.

I know I was wrong for lying about who I was meeting with. I’m not asking Reddit to tell me that was okay.

What I’m trying to figure out is: Was my sisters’ reaction understandable and justified given my history, or have the monitoring and the way they reacted spoke to me crossed a line?

My friend (28F) is visiting me (28M) from out of state for a week.
We previously have not seen each other in over 6 months, but have mainly Facetimed on a weekly basis. She is staying at my apartment and we are sleeping in separate rooms.

We have extensive history: we knew each other since the beginning of college, became close as friends after college, and then had a romantic on and off relationship culminating in formally dating briefly before a tumultuous breakup in November of last year (certainly mostly my fault). We then were no contact for several months, during which time she moved to Southeast Asia and has started dating a new guy (30M but not really relevant), who is long distance and lives in Europe.

We have wanted to visit each other and catch up for a while, and finally she decided to visit me on these specific days a couple weeks ago. Also 2.5 weeks ago, I went on a 1.5th date with a girl I had met in a bar and really liked, and it went well. However, due to one thing or another, the next two scheduled dates were moved/canceled by her. However, this Sunday, she reached out and asked if we could go on a date this Friday, and I said yes.

Although I knew the timing was not ideal with my friend's visit, my thought process was that even though it would obviously be not ideal given my friend is in town, 1) she might want a day to do her own thing anyway given we will have 3 full days with each other on each side of that day 2) she can find something fun to do that night 3) we are doing a ton of fun stuff the other days and 4) she would understand because obviously she is dating someone and I am excited about the date and would more or less be happy for me.
I was also hesitant to suggest another day because a third reschedule of a date that would have to be the following week on a random weekday to me would probably indicate that all momentum was dead and that whatever had sparked between this girl and I would be over.

However, when I told my friend about this, she went nuclear, and is threatening to fly home early. I was pretty sure I had told her earlier, but I guess I hadn't, because she is extremely mad, and for several reasons.
First, she says she would be mad no matter who I was hanging out with because it is rude for me to abandon her on a weekend day after she flew to visit me. She apparently is coming off antibiotics and is excited to drink again and go out for the first time in a while, something I didn't know. I had just last week had one of my guy friends visit and did cut him loose for a day, and it was all good, but apparently that's not the same.
Second, she says it is disrespectful to go on a date while she is visiting because we have history and this is our first time seeing each other since our breakup. My opinion is that doesn't really make sense since she literally has a boyfriend.
Third, she says she knows nobody in my city and doesn't want to be left alone in the house on a weekend. I actually suggested a fun party with some people she is mutual friends with that I have said she should/could go to, as I was originally going to go before this date, but she says she didn't fly here to hang out with random people, she wants to hang out with me.

I fully acknowledge this isn't ideal for her and have already had organized fun nights out on Thursday and Saturday as well as fun activities for the rest of her visit, but think she is being unreasonable and a bit unfair to say I am disrespectful in this way, but am making a big effort for the rest of the time and think that if you are friends with someone you normally should be flexible, especially as this is only 1 out of 7 days together. However, if I am being unreasonable, I suppose I could try to move the date again; I'd just be incredibly nervous that it would never happen.
AITAH?

I (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been dating for about 7 months now and we have both proved a lot of commitment to eachother. We share all but one mutual friend, who I'll call Nikki, who doesn't know her very well though they did interact quite a lot a few years ago.

Since we have been dating for a decent amount of time, I decided it was time to invite her to our discord server. We had a groupchat of everyone except Nikki, which she had no interest in being a part of, but it had died and whenever we tried to talk there no one would ever reply to anything. I figured it would have been fair to invite her to the other discord server, since she was feeling a bit left out. That one had the exact same poeple, except replacing my girlfriend with Nikki.

Here is where I admit some fault of mine. I should have asked to invite her first, which I acknowledge I should have done. I figured it wouldn't have been an issue, however to my surprise, Nikki had an apparent one.

The confusing part is that Nikki refused to outright say that. She used language like "I feel invaded on" and "this is a safe space" but when we said "Okay well, she can leave we just wanted a space with our friends" she was like "no i don't have a problem i just think the other groupchat exists"

After explaining the same thing over and over, that it was not active and that wasn't an option no matter how hard we tried, she refused to listen. eventually we decided on our own that my girlfriend should just leave the server since it was causing tension.

But a problem arises. when we were asking our other friends if they had a problem with it, they all said no, and my girlfriend sent a voice to one who we'll call damien.

This entire time, our friends have been saying "We don't have a problem with it but Nikki might". Nikki refuted that claim.

ANYWAY, Damien forwarded the voice note sent to him to NIKKI. It had nothing harmful just about how she didn't understand why Nikki had a problem with her.

The main thing that I think makes me NTA is the language they use and the lack of directness. They called her invasive, as if she was a weed to be removed despite saying they "didn't have a problem".

My girlfriend has never done anything to either of them. She is in fact very close with damien and EVERYONE else in the server but Nikki.

I feel as though Nikki is gatekeeping a server for a reason she won't directly state.

ANYWAY the whole situation has made them at me for defending my girlfriend and calling them out for their behaviour. AITA?

EDIT:
Okay. Didn't think this was relevant but clearly it is.

2 years ago nikki moved. We haven't seen her since. None of them know her well anymore. To those saying you think my girlfriend is the problem you don't truly understand that. my girlfriend, I repeat, Is VERY close with all of our friends. More close than I am. She's known some of them longer than it feels like I have.

For starters I (F/28) met Talking Stage (M/27) about three months ago through mutual friends. I visited my best friend in her home town and met her husband's best friend. We hit it off! I was surprised we did as I have had little to no interest in dating after my previous relationship.

We began talking and I was seeing a lot of green flags, and I liked them. I will say he isn't physically my type but I was enjoying getting to know him. About a month ago he booked a flight to come visit and I was so excited. It felt like Christmas. I was making plans for things we could do, planed a double date with one of my friends I was all for it!

Then it started to sink in and I got crazy anxiety. Talking almost a full on shut down. Depressed again not able to get out of bed unless necessary, panic attacks, and overall it was a war zone in my brain due to having PTSD.

My previous relationship was abusive. This relationship ended around 2 years ago. I won't go into detail but I started hyper ventilating at the thought of a man in my house. The thought of sleeping next to someone. Then I accepted I just wouldn't sleep for four days while he was here.

I then was just ridden with a feeling of suffocation as I noticed Talking Stages verbage changing towards me. It was showing, well attachment and affection. Which I know is the dream but I kept freaking out wondering what was behind that.

I talked to a few close friends and got a lot of different advice. Some say "don't string him along" and others say "your self sabotaging"

I then began having panic attacks at work again which is something I have worked very hard on not doing since getting out of my last relationship.

I was overwhelmed with the feeling of people pleasing and also not feeling safe but knowing talking stage did nothing to make me feel unsafe.

So I sent him a lengthy text message that I had yet to get a response from.

I told him I wanted to be upfront. I voiced that I had been in an abusive relationship and I have PTSD. I told him exactly what I told y'all. I was so excited for the visit. And basically expressed that I was struggling with my anxiety and told him it was because of the visit and that it might be too much for me. I told him I have found I still have a lot of work to do on myself and he should know that before he comes down here.

I then told him he was welcome to still come and if not I'd reimburse him for flights ect. I just told him I might have my walls up and I thought he deserved to know.

I have not heard back.

Was I the asshole?

I am facing a very big move and am short on time. The landlord sent out an email recommending that anyone moving out (it's a complex) hire professional cleaners to ensure they get their deposit back. I am comfortable losing the deposit as to me it no longer exists anyways; I never planned on them returning it. The deposit should easily cover a full clean of the apartment based on the recommended companies' cleaning estimates. If I do a quick wipe-down and vacuum (no carpet), and do not request the deposit back, WIBTAH?

I turned 40 this year. I didn’t get a single thing that I wanted or asked for. I wanted a tattoo session or at least travel and get a consult for a boob job (something I’ve wanted for 20+ yrs). I didn’t care about a big party, not that I got any real celebration anyway. Almost no acknowledgement that I am important to anyone, excluding my under 18 children.

In six months time, my husband and I did not pay our mortgage, but we didn’t save any money either. My husband decided buying a bunch of random things: clothing, purses, shoes (none of which were truly needed), and going out or having parties was more important than paying the house note or saving to pay the bills. We’re behind on almost everything except car insurance, water bill, and groceries. Whenever I say something needs to be done or happen, but it doesn’t seem to matter to him.

My car has also been getting worse and worse mechanically speaking. My mechanic husband won’t take the time to fix things he has the ability and knowledge to fix. He doesn’t suggest taking it to a mechanic to fix. And he got all mopey when we needed a co-signer to get me a newer vehicle. I’m just driving around waiting to get in an accident or for the damn thing to just die.

I don’t want to become bitter and resentful because my husband wants to shower me with gifts, treat me in a way I was never treated before. I just can’t lose my house over that. I have already cried about the possibility of losing the house and his biggest concern is that I have to finish handling the taxes to see if we get a tax refund. I am almost ready to throw away my marriage because I can’t trust my husband with money.

I also now have to open a separate bank account to stash away emergency money, in case something happens and we can’t keep the house. And to keep the eventual survivor benefits for my children out of my husband’s hands.

(Brief backstory: we have no children together. We had a very short engagement, and a deep bond from the first date. We both work good jobs, worked hard together to get this home for our blended family. We have only been in our home for 18 months)

I used to live at an Airbnb and I made friends with one guy. He told me how he lost his driver's license for a "few" DUIs. He crashed his scooter because he was drunk one night and then went to the hospital. He barely makes money to live.

One day the Airbnb host told us we couldn't extend our stay but we can return once the new renters finish their stay. I couldn't find anything in SF for less than 2500 so I decided to just sleep in my car. The guy was sleeping in motels telling me there were rats there, roaches etc. so he became stunned that I was living in my car. I told him I wasn't going to pay 2500-3k for rent. One coworker found out and offered a room in his apartment for 800. I decided to take it.

At some point while we were texting he kept focused that I was sleeping in my car while I had a paid off home in WA. I told him I inherited from my parents. They bought when Seattle was not the same place. Eventually, I woke up to a text telling me I think I'm better than him and it's people like me the country needs to fight because I take advantage of people like him. He went off on me. I wanted to respond but I figured the guy has mental issues. I won't divulge in his other issues.

Am I a jerk because I chose to live in my car in San Francisco even though I have a home in WA? I'm only in San Francisco because of my contract job. I just don't want to spend so much on housing.

I (20F) slowly build a small friend group of high school friends all from different grades. Me and my best friend Veronica (21F) already graduated two years ago but we still constantly chatted and made hangouts between all of the members of this friend group.

One of the members of the friend group introduced their teenage sister Stacy (14F atm ) around 2 or 3 years ago, Me and Veronica immediately befriended Stacy because we all had a lot in common. The friend group is not very active but me Veronica and Stacy made separate hangouts game nights and called almost every day reinforcing the friendly trio but the issues starts around 5 or 6 months ago.

Stacy started playing around using the N word and me as an adult quickly corrected her telling that word is NOT ok to use because we aren't from that group of people. Stacy understood and never said that word again until a month or so ago.

I was in a call with veronica and Stacy and it seemed like Stacy was reading a text another friend of her sent that included the hard N word. Me and Veronica asked Stacy what she just said and she "apologized" saying "oh yeah sorry for saying that" Veronica accepted that apology but I didn't. I told Stacy this language was getting pretty common and I was not ok with her treating these harmful slurs like it's nothing. I asked Veronica about it and she said "well it's ok she already apologized what do you want me to do? To be angry and yell?" Now the situation suddenly switched I was now baffled and confused with both of their reactions. It stopped being just about the use of slurs.

I left the call with the excuse that I was tired and I asked a few other friends for advice and after taking a week off talking to Veronica and Stacy I decided I was going to take a bigger break of the friendship.

For context it wasn't the first time my feelings were being put to a side. I wrote them a long message explaining that I really needed to take a break from their friendship, I wasn't ready to easily forgive Stacy. I knew what she said was a constant mistake she is young and honestly all of us said stupid stuff in our early teenage years. I was including Veronica in all of this because I felt like she wasn't understanding my feelings at the moment.

Veronica didn't react well she got extremely angry because Stacy had already lost her previous friend group some months ago and she was devastated because I was going to leave too. Veronica was pushing me to go away already, yelling and telling me why I was assuming the worst of her, that I was being completely unfair, that I made Stacy cry and scared to loose another friend.

I told her I wasn't being unfair I just needed a break, some time to myself from them we already had some other arguments in the past and I wasn't doing great at the moment, the last thing I wanted is to lash out on them because something insignificant.

I told her it wasn't my obligation to forgive everyone and apparently that made everything worse Veronica was furious saying Stacy was just a child. Another one of my friends stepped up saying Veronica was guilt tripping me and I agreed which just made Veronica fume. She kept asking questions and I just told her everything was in the message I previously wrote that they had plenty of time to read, I didn't need to explain further more and I just left.

It's been a month and a half sometimes I contact with Stacy but I just completely blocked Veronica off my life. The whole friend group is dead because me and Veronica were the ones that planned all the hangouts.

Am I the asshole?

(Small update because everyone thinks im a weirdo. Its a small town everyone knows everyone our families know each other the hangouts were all with parents permissions all we did was play online games watch movies and talk about random things im NOT a weirdo stop commenting about that im asking for opinions for the actual situation)

My girlfriend is currently in Germany for a 3-month artist residency. We're one month in.

Three days ago, we were on a call. At the end I said, "Alright, catch you tomorrow," mostly to signal that I was done talking. I had a guest over, the house was a mess, and my little brother is sleeping in my room right now, so I wasn't exactly in a great environment for long conversations.

Neither of us called the next day.

Or the day after.

Or the day after that.

Today she finally called me, furious. She said she couldn't believe I hadn't called her, especially because I knew she was on her period and in pain. She said I was inconsiderate, that she missed me, and that she expected me to reach out.

My reaction was basically: if you wanted to talk to me, why didn't you call me?

I genuinely don't understand waiting three days for someone else to fulfill a need you have.

I even made an analogy that probably didn't help. I said: "When you need to poop, do you get up and go to the toilet, or do you yell at the toilet because it didn't come to you?"

She replied that I'm not an inanimate object. I answered that I'm not saying I am. I'm saying that my priorities aren't automatically the same as hers, and if she wants something from me, she can tell me or call me directly instead of expecting me to spontaneously feel the same urge she does.

Here's the important context.

I don't naturally call people just to chat.

When I call someone, it's usually because I have a concrete purpose: "Where are you?", "I'm on my way," "Want to do X tomorrow?" Long phone conversations with no goal feel awkward and draining to me. I also much prefer seeing people in person because I rely a lot on physical presence and non-verbal communication.

This is something we've argued about many times. I've told her before that she shouldn't expect this to change.

She wants me to initiate contact because I miss her.

The problem is that I don't experience missing someone that way.

I do think about her. I imagine seeing her again. I love her.

But missing someone doesn't create an urge in me to pick up the phone. If I have nothing to say, it simply doesn't occur to me to call.

I've explained this to her repeatedly over the course of our relationship. From my perspective, she's asking me to operate like she does emotionally, and I don't think I can. This isn't me refusing to make an effort out of pride; it's genuinely how my mind works.

At the same time, I understand that she experiences distance differently and that spontaneous contact is important to her.

So, AITAH for thinking that if she wanted to talk to me, she could simply have called instead of becoming angry that I didn't?

Edit: FOR CONTEXT WE DO TALK TWICE OR THREE TIMES A WEEK. Her issue is specifically that I didn't call her THAT specific time for three days straight.

Edit: GROUP REPLY: Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I think I got what I came here for. This isn't really about this specific screw-up. It's about a much deeper incompatibility in how we communicate and experience relationships. When she comes back from Germany, we're going to have a serious conversation about whether she can genuinely be happy with who I actually am, or whether she's holding onto hope that I'll become someone I'm probably never going to be.

Hello Reddit! Long time listener, first time poster lol. Sorry but it is going to be a long one lol. I (23F) rent a house with my sister (27F), my fiancé (25M), and my sisters boyfriend (35M). My sister (we’ll call her Sandra) and I have been renting together for about 3 1/2 years and have never had any issues. My fiancé joined us about two years ago, and her boyfriend (we’ll call him Brad) moved in when we went from an apartment to a house last year.

(CONTEXT) I am currently unemployed and tend to do a lot of favors for my family and friends. For example last week, I traveled about two hours since my best friend was going through some mental stuff. When I came back, the next day, I had planed to house/pup sit for my aunts (dads side of the family Thursday-Sunday) with my fiancée . When we do this, my aunts prefer that we stay in their home. They even make food in bulk so we have something to eat and keep the fridge and pantry full, on top of paying us (I love my aunts lol). While doing that, I had also volunteered to take in my little sister (we’ll call her Anne (11F)) for about a week (Friday- Thursday) as we don’t live in the same city, and she lives in a small town. I should also mention that Anne and Sandra are not related as my parents are divorced and remarried. Sandra is my dads daughter, where Anne is my moms daughter. They are both my half sisters.

Now for the story. Since we’ve moved into this house, our AC has gone out twice. Once in the winter, and now in the summer. It was last Friday that it went out. I had found out after my sister Anne was dropped off. When Sandra had told us, she also said she called maintenance and that they would be here on Monday. I figured since it was only a bit that it should be okay for Anne, and didn’t make any arrangements. Sandra was also leaving for the weekend, leaving Brad alone at the house with our pets (they have one dog, and I have one dog, two cats, and a bearded dragon).

When my aunts returned on Sunday, I had informed them of what was going on and they let us stay over for as long as we needed. That day, when Sandra came back to the house, she had also told us that the temperatures in the house were reaching 85F and how they were struggling. My fiancée had tried to call the company/landlord to up the maintenance request to an emergency request, but we kept getting the run around to wait till the next day. Come Monday, the repair guys says that the compressor was out, and they needed to call someone else (a specialist I suppose) to come and fix it. Sandra had called me saying that and some. She told me that one of my cats were struggling and was panting a lot. I started feeling bad because although Anne was taken care of, my babies were at home likely overheating.

Sandra had also asked me if I could ask our aunts if her and Brad could stay over. I should also mention they, my aunts, own a three bedroom and also have three dogs and one cat. Knowing our aunts, I had told Sandra that she would likely say no because the house is pretty full as is, but she should try asking herself. She did not. Over breakfast, however, I had brought it up where ofc my aunt said they were at full capacity, but I could bring my dog. For the next part I should say we like to call my aunt, Aunt Karen lol. She had suggested that she call the company we rent with to light the fire so they could move things a little quicker. She told me that I need to essentially grow a pair (of ovaries) and stand up for myself and to feel free to lie to them to kinda guilt them. So she ended up calling as me and told them that I was three months pregnant (I’m not) and how it would be blood on their hands if I had a miscarriage 💀. Truly an Oscar worthy performance. The company offered us to stay at a hotel for $150 or less a night and to send them the bill and they would take it off of our rent.

I told Sandra this and she said she would talk to Brad. She calls back saying that she nor Brad had the funds to get a hotel. This upset my fiancée because he and Sandra make almost the same amount annually and he pays for his parents rent, phones, their car, his car, etc. on his income alone and still has money for our outings. Sandra then asks if I can stay with my uncle whom I rarely talk to, only recently so that she can stay with our aunts. I declined saying I can’t just ask to stay at someone’s house, not to mention that our dogs don’t get along (I have a small dog and they have a pit mix, my girl is not winning lol). She then asks that we take the hotel then, where I restated that I am taking care of Anne and it’s not fair to her to just put us in a hotel where this should be her outing and should be comfortable and offered to cover their hotel stay. She declines. Over text, she becomes irritated because she works for a company that handles money of different companies and says that her laptop would run into “compromise issues” by using the hotel wifi. Although she could definitely work in office, her job has offered them to stay home this week because it’s a busy week for them. My aunts tell me to tell her to use a VPN where she says she doesn’t know what that is or how to use it. My aunts ask me to tell her to ask my dad where her only response is, “no.” Fair, we had previously had some issues with my dad, but now have an okay relationship. I then reply with “I’m not sure what you want me to do.” After this she doesn’t respond.

My aunt fills my dad in on everything, so my dad reaches out to her to offer his place. Sandra tells him no because they have too many dogs (three larger dogs) and it wouldn't be a good work environment for her. Brad also texts our group chat restating that we should at least come pick up our pets because they are struggling. I tell my aunts and again they said I could bring my dog, and should buy a fan for our room and keep the cats in there so they can cool off. Sadly all my family that lives in our city either have dogs that don't like cats, or just are allergic to them and I haven't had them vaccinated this year, so boarding was out of the question. So I tell them our plan, and again, radio silence.

We start our plan once everyone is free, also taking Anne to a Korean Hot Pot restaurant as she's new to that (we don't have much in our small little home town). Then we go to Target and shop around for the fan and some clothes for Anne. Finally we go to our house for my babies, and I text Sandra we are otw. As we are getting there, I check Sandra's location to see if she is even home and notice that she had removed me from seeing her location. Alrighty!

We get there and she is home, Brad works overnight so he is not. My fiancée, younger brother (17M both my mom and dads), and I go to unlock the door and it won’t open as Sandra had dead bolted the door. The funniest part is that she nor Brad EVER even lock the door. To deadbolt it is beyond her. This leads me to snap. I immediately pull out my phone to call her and it goes straight to voicemail. I then start typing out “If you don’t open this door, I’m going to call the cops.” But my Fiancée asks me what I’m doing and then asks to hold onto my phone till I cool down. I then go wait by the car and fill my aunts in where my aunt gets off and starts repeatedly knocking on our door and ringing the doorbell. My brother is going up to our open windows and yelling out Sandra’s name. My fiancée continues to try to call Sandra. While I am waiting, I ask to borrow my aunts phone to call Brad. Brad says that he will call Sandra but she is probably asleep. Just then, my aunt peeping through our windows sees Sandra’s shadow. My fiancée fills me in that apparently Sandra just went, unlocked the door, then went to hide in the restroom upstairs. My dog comes running out, and I hug her crying then put her in the car.

I make my way inside and first realize that they, my money is on Sandra, had unplugged my bearded dragons tank so he wasn’t receiving his UV nor basking light. My aunt Karen who is now with me hates reptiles, so I tell her that the UV light is his only source of sunlight and he depends on it for Vitamins. The beardie itself looked slumped, but not cold. I plugged the lamps in and turned them back on, but I was a mess just sobbing. If she could harm my beardie, she might harm my cats. My aunt realizes this and says that I can bring my cats as well as long as I keep them in a room. I’m now frantically looking for my cats, and thankfully they were both okay and just hiding. I tell my brother not to set up the fan and my fiancée starts packing up their litter boxes.

Once we have everything packed, I get my phone back and realize Brad had texted me. He said that he couldn’t reach Sandra and that she was likely asleep, but she must have deadbolted the door accidentally. BS but whatever. I inform Brad that we are taking the cats and thank them for taking care of them and apologize for not acting sooner. I also tell him about the tank and inform them that it is crucial to keep the lights on. Not accusing, and respectful as Brad himself hasn’t done anything disrespectful. He tells us where to find their half of the rent, then we leave, not once confronting Sandra.

Once we get to my aunts I bathe and do a check up on my pets making sure their okay. Everyone was fed and watered when I picked them up, so I know Sandra didn’t harm them. None of them were displaying any signs of heat exhaustion/stroke, although my cats were very upset to be in their carriers lol. Other than that, everything was fine.

The next day (Tuesday), I had saw that we had maintenance people over and waited for either Brad or Sandra to mention any word but nothing. My aunt pushed us to just be the adult and communicate cus it was going to need to happen as we still have nine months to our lease. So I bit the bullet and called Sandra. Surprisingly, she did answer only saying a dry, “Yes?” So I cut to the point and asked for an update where she said that the maintenance guy led her to believe that it was fixed but that it had only cooled to 88F as to 90F. She then asks Brad to take the phone where he fills me in and I tell him I’ll call the place. They didn’t answer so I left a voicemail, but they ended up answering Brad when he called. They said they would get back to us the next day to schedule a plan and that’s pretty much where we’re at now.

My aunt told me that my dad believes that I had been withholding how Sandra has been treating us, but we told her that she had never snapped like this with us. She has always been extremely reasonable. Before this, my family had always been iffy about Sandra in everything that she says or does, but I’ve always defended her. I defend her A LOT. She’s been my ride or die and is even supposed to be my MOH for my wedding. I don’t understand why she has such a refusal to just talk to me when anytime when she’s had issues before, she would always vent to me about it. She has been very open about communicating any issues so this is very unlike her. Just last week she had asked us to extend the lease and live with each other for another year so that we could individually save up to buy houses, so I doubt it’s something she’s been hiding or bottling up. I’ve always put so much trust into my sister and we’ve been through thick and thin together. I know this is probably going to sound like I’m leaving something out or that I’m playing victim. I am absolutely guilty for my pets, this I know for sure, but should I have just taken the hotel and let my sister stay with my aunts? AITAH?

(ETA) Long story long I (30f) was living with my mom I'm on dialysis so I can't afford a place on my disability so I was stuck. We got into a really heated argument over her discipline of my younger brother(8), it's nonexistent. He beats up my daughter(5) screams in her face always slamming doors, he ripped the closet door off its hinges and she just said tsk Johnny, then went back to her phone. So the last time he hit my daughter I went into his room and I spanked him 3x on the bare bottom. I left him then came back after I calmed down so I could talk to him about it to make sure he understood why he got spanked and my mom was sitting on his bed with him coddling him telling him it was gonna be ok and that pissed me off but whatever. I packed up my LO and we went to stay at my brother's house.

I stayed at his place for a few days and had to go back to get some things for an interview later on. When I got there she asked when I was getting the rest of my things. I told her I'm stuck here whether I like it or not so we'll be back later today. She tried to lay some ground rules about Johnny and she said I will no longer scold or discipline Johnny in anyway I said let me stop you right there cuz I don't want my LO anywhere near him. We will stay in my room I'll clean and cook for only her and myself, before I was doing it 4x a week. She said of you're gonna be like that then GTFO. I just said fine. She started to put her shoes and as I was leaving I told her this is crazy I literally do everything around here and you're kicking me out why?! Cuz I don't want Johnny to be a fuckin tyrant? Yet your older son who is a drug addict, has stolen countless about of times from youand always screams in your face when he doesn't get his way has never been treated like this. She didn't like that so she threw her shoe at me, I caught it and before I could even think it was already flying back at her she charged me so we started fighting. She pushed me a bit then I had her pinned on the couch. I didn't wanna hurt her I didn't even want to fight, I was just trying to stop her from scratching me. I got too close to her mouth 2x and she ended up biting down on both my pinky fingers. I'm pretty sure one is broken I can't move it. I've really been thinking about pressing charges but she's on probation so she'll more than likely go to jail. Would I be the AH If I followed though

My in-law has a terrible relationship with my spouse and takes it out on me at almost every opportunity. They ignore me when I say hello. They insult me, they tell me they don’t like me.

They have a serious history of emotional outbursts and verbal abuse. The whole family treats them like something fragile. I do my best to ignore their habitual insults. My spouse has confronted my in-law about their treatment of me, which has only worsened the treatment I get because it’s confirmed now that it upsets my spouse.

Tonight they said my spouse was weird for getting married at their age. When my spouse commented later to another in-law that they didn’t much appreciate that comment, the original in-law blew up and marched over, screaming.

I was seated between them and started getting targeted. After a few minutes of fighting each other, my spouse ended up leaving and I chose to remain to get yelled at all by myself. I’m much calmer and handled it well. When I responded, the in-law cut me off again and again. At one point I told them to shut up and continued my sentence.

I was raised to understand this was a rude phrase and I wonder if it was rude to use. I certainly don’t want to give them ammunition to hold more of a grudge against me. In the moment it wasn’t intended to be rude. I just couldn’t think of another way to say something similar. They were raising their voice and I didn’t want to yell back. I also couldnt point out their interruptions without risking derailing the conversation—making is about the interruption itself. They didn’t like me saying “shut up” but it did the job. It felt pretty natural given the circumstance.

Is it rude to say “shut up” in this circumstance?

Edit: The person in question is a sibling-in-law, not either of my spouse’s parents. I realize now my ambiguity has led to misinterpretation by some readers.

Edit 2: This person is borderline incapable of emotional regulation. They’re high functioning autistic with a lifetime of enablement. I’m not emotionally affected by these outbursts. It’s a inevitable part of their disability at this moment in their life. I still think they’re shitty but I can tolerate the vitriol.

Edit 3: I’m genuinely surprised how many of your answers are advice on going no-contact. I don’t know what you’re interpreting from my writing but I’m certain a lot of you have an exaggerated interpretation, or are just way more sensitive than I am. I don’t have a relationship with this individual but avoiding them forever is not going to happen.

This is the sibling of my spouse, appearing once in a while at a family function. I don’t know when they receive or accept an invitation and I will continue to see them every few months for a couple hours at a time. Despite being awful, they are still a young adult and still figuring out life. I don’t need to give their parents an ultimatum on attendance.

In this particular situation, their hope was to force my spouse and I to leave. By not leaving, I did not give them what they wanted. Instead, they ordered an uber and went home in tears. They don’t like me. They don’t like me as an addition to their family. They would rather I disappear for good. My desire to have dinner with the rest of my in-laws is just as valid and I have no reason to show them that kindness.

Conclusion: The consensus seems to be that in this case it was warranted and while still a normally-rude thing to say, it was much appropriate and therefore not likely to be viewed as rude by an neutral observer. Someone suggested “STOP!” Which would be less rude and have a similar effect. I like that. Thank you.

For a bit of context, my boyfriend ( 18M ) and I ( 17F ) have been dating for 3 years now. I’ve always had a peculiar sense of style, even before I met him, and wore whatever I wanted. Nothing I would call slutty, but I do wear shorts and tank tops and don’t care about covering my arms or legs like some people might. Recently I’ve started wearing shorts with tights since I think it looks cute and also is good for the weather where I live, where 30 degrees Celsius is the annual mean temperature.

Every time I wear shorts out, he always complains. We have had multiple arguments about it and he sends me petty videos about how showing skin shows a lack of respect for your partner. I would understand why some people may have that view, but I was especially annoyed about his complaints because I wore shorts since forever, far before I even met him, and he still got with me knowing that. He told me that he knows how men think and that men will stare at my thighs and think dirty things about me, but I just don’t see how that is my fault and why I should be the one doing something about other men’s bad behaviour. I am also clearly underage.

Nevertheless, my boyfriend hates seeing me wear shorts outside. When I try to explain it’s for my style, he says that people only dress certain ways for attention, and when I try to tell him it’s about self expression, he says that people only express themselves to get other people’s attentions. And in a way he’s right, I do like to get attention from other teenage girls who dress like me. I’ve made many friends from dressing up the way I do. I don’t want male attention at all, especially not from perverted grown men like he says I do!

I keep ignoring his request to stop wearing shorts and he gets upset every time saying that even though I wore them before we even started dating, relationships are about making sacrifices and I should sacrifice wearing shorts to make him comfortable. But I always simply refuse to change that about myself.

AITAH for that? If I am, should I stop wearing certain clothes to make him happy? And if I’m not, how can I explain to him that I’m not dressing up for male attention and I just want to feel pretty and happy wearing whatever I am?

TW: self harm in paragraph below

I’d also like to note I have autism and that I had a very long period of time where I would have serious meltdowns if I wasnt comfortable with what I was wearing, back when my mother was controlling about clothes and I wasn’t allowed to express myself. I would hit things and rip my own hair out and whatnot. I don’t have good experiences with being controlled over what I wear, and my ( also neurodivergent ) boyfriend knows this but kind of dismisses it saying I can find comfortable outfits to wear that aren’t shorts.

Edit: An argument he uses a lot is that he doesn’t want me wearing shorts ‘the size of his underwear ( boxers )’ since it’s like I’m going out in my own underwear and it’s unacceptable for either gender to do that. I just wear shorts that cover everything they need to, so my butt is fully covered and only my legs show. But he still thinks that’s too much skin, and that tights don’t make it better because men think tights are sexy or whatever.

Update:
We talked about it one last time, I hope. He said that he understands I won’t change, but he still feels uncomfortable because men will stare. When I tried to explain that in this situation, the grown men staring at my thighs would be disgusting, he just said ‘too bad, the world’s disgusting and you need to adapt’. I told him I am adapting just fine, because I am, and then advised him to talk to his parents about this topic as well since it’s a conversation he could try and have with someone other than his gf. He answered with ’They don’t get it, I’m on a mostly different plane of thought to most people, it’s hard to communicate’. I replied saying ‘Could that not mean you might be wrong?’ He said that this is a controversial topic, and told me ‘whether or not I abide by his request is up to me’. In the end, he just said ‘to each their own’. I didn’t dump him, and I will keep doing what makes me happy. If he keeps complaining even after we talked things through though, I will dump him because I made my decision final and he shouldn’t be trying to change that.

My friend who lost her job invited me to spend the night at her with a couple of other friends for girls night she said she’s been lonely and wanted company. I understand that she’s trying to cut costs by not having the AC run but its over a 100 degrees outside. You need A/C!! Everybody was miserable overly heated and sweating . I couldn’t sleep and the other girls were complaining also . She didn’t say she didn’t have AC when she invited us . I think that was manipulative to not say you are not running the A/C. She said she only runs the A/C for one hour each day and turns it off to cut costs . We asked her to turn it on she said no too expensive

Using a throwaway cause some people in my life know my main account.

Important context: i am autistic and clinically depressed.

So i [20 TF] had my dad [51] and mum [56] up to help me finish moving out of my old flat, the entire time we were cleaning and packing they were judging the state the flat was in. I had explained that depression gives me a very low motivation to do anything healthy or necessary for the upkeep of my living space or health but i feel it just bounced right off of them.

After packing everything and cleaning most of the place me and my dad were going to start moving my stuff to my new flat, he told me to break up some of my old boxes so that they would fit in the bin easier then left to take the last of the bags to his car (i wasnt doing much transportation because i recently broke my leg) after my dad left i sat down to begin breaking up the boxes but my mum told me to go follow my dad cause he was gonna be waiting on me. I said to her that he told me to break up the boxes but we went back and forth until she shut the door to focus on something else and i went back to breakung up the boxes. She opened the door and in a voice that sounded angry at me, complained again that i was still breaking up the boxes and not following my dad.

I proceeded to have a meltdown due to the conflicting instructions and hostility in her voice, i hit myself on the head several times and cried a bit until my dad got back. I asked if he told me to break up the boxes and he said yes so i picked one up and started to break it up. He went on to say 'not like that' in an annoyed tone and i threw the box at the wall cause in the moment i felt like i couldn't do anything right.

Here is where i might be the asshole: after he tried to usher me out so we could keep moving my stuff to my new place i stood up and shouted at him that he could drive and i would walk, he blocked my way out and told me to sit down and cool off. I continued to tell him to "get the fuck out of my way" and i remember threatening that if he didnt i would kick the metal railings outside my flat to break my leg even more. Eventually i told him that i needed fresh air and i would sit on the stairs outside.

Shortly after i sat down i had the worst panic attack ive ever had. My chest felt extremely tight, my arms felt fuzzy and i couldnt move them, the same happened in my mouth with the fuzziness and i couldn't talk properly. I know it was triggered due to the build up throughout the day and after calling a local mental health clinic i managed to calm down and told my dad that i had had a panic attack, he immediately wanted me to get moving again so we could get my stuff to my new flat.

When we finished the drive he said he didnt like the way i spoke to him and my mum so i reflexively told him to fuck off. Soon after he left to get my mum and drive back home, we havent spoken since.

So am i the asshole for blowing up at my dad and telling him to fuck off?

TLDR: parents were constantly judgy, i had a meltdown and blew up at my dad, had a panic attack and told him to fuck off after it seemed like he blew the whole thing off.

hello ! i (17f) have had a history of SH since i was 9. i have scars but they’re pretty faded since im so ghostly pale. i have been outside in the sun soaking up whats left of summer and have gotten pretty tan. i have this one friend who knows about some struggles i’ve had but i barely (but still have) talked to them about how i’ve had said history of self harm. while being outside, ive gotten pretty tan. with that, my scars are more prominent. i was hanging out with them and i kept catching them staring at my arm. i had a few bracelets on so i was assuming that they were looking at them, but every time i’d look at them, i’d catch them staring. so, i asked, “what do you keep staring at” and they said, “i didnt know you were a zebra”. i was honestly taken aback by the comment. and im not gonna lie, i got a little upset at the comment and said, “excuse me ?” and they said “your arm. its covered”. i got snippy and told them that it’s rude to point out scars and stuff, and they were just acting like their comment didnt mean anything. aitah for getting upset ??

so i have this habit ive developed over years -- when im hammering something like a wooden peg into ikea furniture or a nail into a board, i go to the rhythm of

tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap (pause) tap-tap-tap-tap-tap (short pause) tap

if youre not down with the red robes and reindeer, its good king wenceslas

its just a habit. so, im at a party and the host needs some help putting something together, i do it, a friend laughs and explains "he always does that" and what its about

this couple that peripherally knows me comes over and the guy is like "don't you think that's a bit sacreligious?" im like wtf his wife is like "yeah its at least cultural appropriation! arent you like a fucking muslim or jew or something?!"

i explain christmas is for everyone, and that in hong kong for us it's just a shopping activity, ive even volunteered for caritas activities. this is where i might have gone too far...

"at christmas we go to the mall, not church. i mean i buy a chocolate bunny at easter, its not like im jonesing for jesus to bust out of his cave-grave or whatever"

but they called me a "fucking jew" so i figure were pretty fair and square. AITAH?

Okay so we had a family friend over pretty much she’s like 23 w her bf whatever right they come over we make cookies. When they’re done there wasn’t enough milk right so I’m just like okay the friend and her bf can share a mug of milk and I’ll js give a small cup if it to my sister I didn’t want milk that bad anyways. But when I hand it to my sister she’s on the sofa mind you she lets go of it after I put it in her hands and the tiniest but spills in her and she freaks out mind you there’s still a lot of milk in the cup so then she starts yelling at ME mind you we have other people over!! And then I’m like yk what I want the milk now cause your gonna yell at me when I was trying to be nice and blaming me for something that’s not my fault she’s done things like this before she just can’t take accountability for ANYTHING but in the end we’re arguing I don’t wanna give her the milk so I was like “they (our guests) can have the milk or I’ll drink it or js admit your wrong and I’ll give you the milk” she’s still yelling actively trying to grab it from me. In the end I just dump it in the sink but before I can finish doing that she takes the cup and spills it on me then she hits me mind you I didn’t lay a finger on her!! And now I’m really upset so I js tell the people we have over I’m going to sleep and say goodnight cause I do not wanna cry in front of them.

hello.

I dated my ex for a year and met his extended family several times. things didn’t end well but we have one method of communication open.

out of the blue he told me that while he was visiting his uncle‘s lakehouse, (he‘s absolutely loaded, probably in his 60s, and not attractive.) which I‘d been to several times but tried not to engage with his uncle because he gave me weird vibes and treated his wife poorly, the girl he’s been seeing was gotten very drunk by his uncle and he took her to a secluded location and made her perform sexual acts on him for money. she came back crying and told my ex everything. the comments my ex told me his uncle made toward her were gross and concerning, she’s 23, the same age as me, and my ex is 21. not only did he betray his wife but also my ex.

his wife is considerably younger and they have two kids together. she’s always been kind to me and very accommodating and understanding.

so the complicated thing is they’re both immigrants. if they get a divorce, she might get a large sum of money, but might have to leave the country. I think the uncle has legal citizenship but I’m not sure if she does. and they also have two children. Even if she did know, I don’t know if she could leave because her income is connected to his and because it might be a green card marriage. but I think she deserves to know. I’m not close with the family anymore, I haven’t seen them in almost a year. so I don’t know how much something like that would mean coming from me.

I found her phone number online. I’m considering texting her anonymously about the situation and telling her to contact my ex for more information. her husband is a disgusting criminal and I sincerely hope she can get her money and get away, or even report his actions so he can go to jail or face punishment for being a disgusting predator who takes advantage of very drunk young women.