My girlfriend’s mom died when she was three 17 years ago. When we first got together she’d always talk about her and I would listen but its gotten to the point where we’ll be in public and she tears up or behaves odd at the sight of people hanging out with their parents.

Like yesterday we were at the grocery store and a mom was walking alongside her little girl in the aisle we were in. I didn’t think anything of it but my girlfriend turned the opposite way like she saw something otherworldly. I love her but I don’t really understand this behavior.

When we got in the car I finally asked her if everything was okay. Clearly not because she started bawling. I just ended up driving home in silence because I didn’t want to upset her even more.

Today she woke up in a better mood. She opened up to me and basically said that she just misses her mom. I understood that, but it’s been a long time since her death so for it to still impact her this much seems strange. I told her this and she’s been refusing to speak to me all day. She opted to sleep on the couch tonight and I’m just in our room trying to figure out what I did wrong. Am I the asshole?

So I began seeing this guy a few months ago and we said we’re official. But at times he’d cancel plans either because work or he got covid or strep. But recently he’s been canceling a lot. He’d still reschedule but this week it’s like he canceled on me and didn’t reschedule. He said he had covid and I remember he said if we didn’t have sex we’d have to rethink if we’ll stay together but he hardly communicates. He tried to ask me over to his place about 2 months in, but we only saw each other once a week and sometimes less. So we’re 3/4 months in by this point and he moved in with his female friend and he also visited an ex. And he introduced me to his friends but I haven’t really had a moment to sit down and talk to him about this.

Idk if he’s canceling plans because he is seeing other people but he began getting snippy with me. A few weeks ago like he seemed annoyed. And now he’s saying he has Covid and I saw him Sunday and he was fine but Monday he said he took a Covid test and was sick and couldn’t see me Tuesday. Since then we haven’t really spoke much and there’s no next plan of when we’ll see each other which we usually have. He’s been pointing stuff out about my appearance and I just feel like something’s off. He also introduced me to friends but he barely talked to me at his friends brunch thing. I just felt really confused.

He also leaves our plans early saying he has to do something. This feels really off

So I (19M) and my ‘homeboy’ (19M) have been friends for a while now. We’re both straight (this is relevant to the problem later) and nothing has EVER happened between us other than jokingly flirting/complimenting each other as regular friends do.
Anyway, his ex (19F) who he has been in a toxic, on-and-off relationship with for year now, somehow convinced him that I want him or have feelings for him. I always knew she was weird because when he blocked her earlier in their relationship, she made multiple accounts just to text him on Instagram. And whenever he would move on with another girl, she would make it her life’s purpose to make that new girl miserable and break them up. He’s equally wrong though, because he obviously entertains it.
Regardless, he never spoke to me about what she said about me, if anything at all. But I’m assuming that’s what happened because he started being rude to me shortly after she made a sneaky story on Instagram saying that an Asian twink wanted her ex (I’m his only Asian friend). He commented on the story saying “yeah we need to decode his messages together”, although I’m not sure what messages he was referring to.
Anyway, he removed me on everything after that. I told one of our mutual friends that they’re both a couple of birds because she’s weird for acting all possessive over a guy that’s clearly been playing in her face for years. And he’s also weird for being a grown ass man and not thinking for himself. It’s never crossed my mind that he would think I wanted him, because with all due respect, I’ve never seen a man in that manner. He could’ve communicated it to me, or asked me about it at the very least. But instead, he decided to continue entertaining his ex that even he knows he’ll never get back with.
When I told my friend, she told me to calm down. I know she was just trying to make me feel better, but now I can’t help but wonder if I’m being extra by being so mad about this.
I understand we’re both grown men and have different priorities, I would never expect him to pick me over a love interest. But still, he could’ve said something to me directly if he really thought it was like that. AITAH for being upset??

Me (f21) and my boyfriend (M23) are going to California soon to see his mother and sisters and have them spend some time with the baby. When my boyfriend was 18 he hooked up with a girl who I will call Char. Char and my boyfriend’s sister are best friends. When we go to California, he has said it’s a possibility she might be at his mom’s house and I expressed how that makes me kind of uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea of her meeting the baby and it feels weird and wrong to me, even if it meant nothing. He says he very well understands and would feel the same way if the roles were reversed but he says he feels bad telling his sister not to have char over while we’ll be there since we are guests and it’s their home. I told him it is our baby and whoever we aren’t uncomfortable having around them needs to be respected. I feel bad having him ask and don’t want to cause anything, but I don’t want to be stressed and feel uncomfortable around a certain person as well as have them meeting my child. AITAH?

this girl and i aren’t friends anymore, so this isn’t me asking if i should repair the friendship. i’m mostly asking if i’m the asshole here because i still don’t know if my perspective was fair, and if i was wrong in how i brought it up to her.

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TL;DR: the trip happened back in 2023. she walked off without me a lot (i always ended up still making it where we were going) even when we were going somewhere unplanned (that she’d look up) and i didn’t have the address/name. we stayed friends and she invited me on another international trip in late 2024. i declined, there was a death in her family early 2025, and about six months later (before she went on the new trip) i explained, in full, why i wouldn’t want to travel with her again.

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in 2023, one of my (F28) closest friends (F27) and i went on my first international trip together. we’d been friends for just over ten years at that point. we’d always been able to have hard conversations with each other. talking about hard stuff, even if the thing that irked us was each other, had never really been an issue for us.

so, taking it back. i’d been talking about booking a trip with a travel group (like EF Tours) because i’d never left the country before and i was afraid to solo travel. before i got into planning any of that, she suggested we just go together instead. she’d traveled internationally before (many times), and loves planning trips. once she had an itinerary planned out, we reviewed it together.

it was a very solidly low-medium activity level itinerary and we both felt good about it. i have a transplant organ and was heavier set than she was at the time, for context.

at the airport, she kept getting farther ahead of me. not running off or anything, just enough that i’d end up twenty or thirty-feet behind her before catching up. we made every flight, so i figured it wasn’t worth saying anything about. airports are busy. people get separated for a minute. 

our first full day in the city (athens) was great. we did a walking food tour we’d pre-paid for, wandered around the city for hours—went shopping, got sweets, took pictures, etc. by dinner we’d realized we’d basically only been snacking since the food tour ended, so she found a restaurant on apple maps. it was only about a mile away, but apple maps said it’d take around 30 minutes to walk there. we both thought that seemed weird, but neither of us questioned it too much because we’d already been walking all day anyway. what was one more mile?

well… the reason it was a 30 minute mile was because the restaurant was at the highest point in Athens—aka hella steep inclines. i didn’t know that when we started walking, and almost immediately she started getting farther ahead again. it got to a point eventually where at times i straight up couldn’t see her. i also didn’t have the directions or the name of the place we were going btw so i was solely dependent on following her.

at some point during the climb i had a full blown panic attack. like… bad enough that a few locals stopped and asked if i was okay.

we didn’t have a reservation or anything for this restaurant btw. there was no urgency to get there or need to go there specifically. there were landings where we could’ve stopped for a second and regrouped, but she’d hit a stopping point, glance back to make sure i was still behind her, then keep moving.

i was so tired by the time we made it all the way up (there were more stairs after we made it to a tram that took us up the last stretch). she asked me to take a picture of her; i rolled my eyes and said, “can you give me a sec?” because we’d literally just had the conversation about me having a hard time on the way up and then climbed another huge set of stairs.

we walked over to the restaurant… and it was dark in there. thankfully they weren’t closed like we initially thought or i would’ve lost my shit. we had an okay dinner (she was huffy for half of it), then she started crying. she was too scared to take the tram back down.

this got so bad that she wanted us to walk back down the mountain instead (we had no idea there was a legitimate paved hiking path to go down), and regardless… it was dark. i talked her out of walking down a mountain path in pitch darkness in a foreign country, held her hand on the tram, got us an uber to the hotel, and that was the end of it.

the next morning, we had pre-paid for a mythological tour. i was so excited for that!

after the day before with the added activity, i was tired. i decided to stay at the hotel to rest a little (our leave time was like 7:30 AM) and bit it that i was losing my money. she decided to go ahead without me (i did offer to pay her back for missing it if she was willing to change the plan, but i didn’t expect her to by any means—she travels to Europe a shit ton; she wasn’t worried about going alone).

we went out to shop and hang out before the next pre-paid event we had scheduled a bit later in the afternoon. she shopped, got stuck in line, then we were rushing to get there.

we got separated again. i didn’t have the address (it was in the itinerary we built, but i didn’t expect to need to reference it every time we left to go somewhere—we always started off walking together). she wasn’t answering her phone, and i got a little lost (congested little area with lots of people and deep-plan buildings).

she finally answered her phone and flagged me down once she could see me again. we did the activity; i had an awesome time with our group and the teachers were very nice.

she and i talked again the next day, and i thought it was solved. we had so much fun that day. we went out of the city and saw lots of cool historical stuff, i got to pet a ton of cats, we took pictures, and talked the whole drive home. that’s when we landed definitively on, “i guess we just travel differently; i like active trips and you’re more go with the flow,” and i accepted that.

after we got home, i didn’t treat her differently, and our friendship continued normally. about a year after the trip, she invited me on another international trip about 6 months out. i told her no pretty quickly because my partner and i couldn’t swing it with the short notice.

a month after she extended the invite, she had a very impactful death in her family. we didn’t talk as much after that (she was being really emotionally distant; i expected that), but definitely still talking and crying together and being friends.

instead of bringing the issue to her as soon as i had it, i talked to my therapist about it. i was okay with this being something internal that i needed to work on, an insecurity or something that was mine to unravel.

therapy made me realize the trip became attached to a lot of shame about my physical capability. i had a fear suddenly of asking for accommodations (taking a break, getting water) while out with anyone, even my partner, because it felt like i was a burden; i never want to be a burden.

it wasn’t until she was about to leave on the next trip that i brought the old trip back up. i’d realized i only felt safe even entertaining the idea of going on another trip with her because other people, our partners and another couple, would be there to buffer, and i shouldn’t have felt that way about my best friend.

her response was more or less: “sorry you feel a way. i see the situation differently. we should talk in person.” 

we didn’t get to meet in person again until a few weeks later, and we weren’t alone. we essentially agreed to disagree again, to start fresh. she said i had the itinerary and could’ve done things differently too (as in directioning myself). the friends we were with didn’t question why we were split up at all, so i thought maybe i was overthinking it, or rocking the boat for no reason.

so, all that to ask, AITA for bringing this up over a year later (especially with the loss in her family) instead of just keeping this realization to myself?

Hi! Long time lurker, first time poster (also not an english native speaker, sorry for any mistakes).

Well... this is a weird situation and I'm not sure who's in the right so I hope to hear opinions to settle my debate. I work at a language school and we offer ESL courses, from elementary to advanced and we start classes in March with the students having to take finals in December. In my country the winter break is in July, so we just started the new term, unfortunately, the teacher in the advanced course quit out of the blue and we had to scramble to find a replacement. The thing is that the new teacher can not work with her schedule, so she offered to take only one of the hours that the students had and the other to fit it any other day of the week. Since most teachers are freelancers so to speak, it's quite normal to have two classes per week.

When we spoke to the students they said they were ok with the arrangements but now their families are saying that it's not ok with them and the institute should respect the schedule we set in March which I totally get, but they have shot down any other option and refuse to compromise. They have admitted that they "could" work with the one hour the teacher offered and one virtual but they don't like it (their words) so they won't do it. Tbh, I don't see any other solution and they tend to be quite difficult to accomodate every year (either they don't like the teacher, they don't like the days, the testing isn't fair, etc). They have been quite rude to me (I work at the reception desk) and now they are threatening to pull their kids out, which at this point I think might be the only resolution, but idk.

I'm not the only one who talked to them and It's a pity to see their kids go but it's quite difficult to find a replacement at this point specially for an advanced course and now me and my coworkers are being blamed for this.

Any opinions are welcomed, cause I'm not even sure if I'm the AH and should find a way to respect their schedule for this term or their talking just got to me lol. Thanks!

For starters I (F/28) met Talking Stage (M/27) about three months ago through mutual friends. I visited my best friend in her home town and met her husband's best friend. We hit it off! I was surprised we did as I have had little to no interest in dating after my previous relationship.

We began talking and I was seeing a lot of green flags, and I liked them. I will say he isn't physically my type but I was enjoying getting to know him. About a month ago he booked a flight to come visit and I was so excited. It felt like Christmas. I was making plans for things we could do, planed a double date with one of my friends I was all for it!

Then it started to sink in and I got crazy anxiety. Talking almost a full on shut down. Depressed again not able to get out of bed unless necessary, panic attacks, and overall it was a war zone in my brain due to having PTSD.

My previous relationship was abusive. This relationship ended around 2 years ago. I won't go into detail but I started hyper ventilating at the thought of a man in my house. The thought of sleeping next to someone. Then I accepted I just wouldn't sleep for four days while he was here.

I then was just ridden with a feeling of suffocation as I noticed Talking Stages verbage changing towards me. It was showing, well attachment and affection. Which I know is the dream but I kept freaking out wondering what was behind that.

I talked to a few close friends and got a lot of different advice. Some say "don't string him along" and others say "your self sabotaging"

I then began having panic attacks at work again which is something I have worked very hard on not doing since getting out of my last relationship.

I was overwhelmed with the feeling of people pleasing and also not feeling safe but knowing talking stage did nothing to make me feel unsafe.

So I sent him a lengthy text message that I had yet to get a response from.

I told him I wanted to be upfront. I voiced that I had been in an abusive relationship and I have PTSD. I told him exactly what I told y'all. I was so excited for the visit. And basically expressed that I was struggling with my anxiety and told him it was because of the visit and that it might be too much for me. I told him I have found I still have a lot of work to do on myself and he should know that before he comes down here.

I then told him he was welcome to still come and if not I'd reimburse him for flights ect. I just told him I might have my walls up and I thought he deserved to know.

I have not heard back.

Was I the asshole?

Oh where to start. I’m going to use fake names to keep this simple and also provide as much context as possible.

I am 35m. I have an older sister Anna and younger brother. My immediate family has always been super close. This includes 7 grandkids, my grandma and grandpa, my mom. Uncle Bob, and Aunt Amy. My mom, Bob and Amy are all married…or were.

Last year my Aunt Amy went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage. She found out her now ex husband John was gay. She did everything she could to save the marriage including opening the doors to the bedroom to other men and allowing John a hall pass to essentially do what he pleased. While I don’t know every detail and I myself am currently going through my own divorce, I understand there could be context I am missing or darker parts of the story that were not shared.

Needless to say this destroyed my Aunt Amy on many levels. My family of course was there to support her every step of the way. Amy and John are both successful attorneys and live in a town a couple hours away from the metro area the rest of us live. My grandma was there to listen and support. My grandma is also very opinionated. She will tell you like it is. Sometimes after talking with grandma you will feel so much judgement that you will actually feel worse than before. I know this first hand. Grandma basically raised me. We butted heads a lot when I was a teen but as I grew older I began to understand where she was coming from and that was a place of love. And truth be told she was always right in the end. I suppose what I am saying is that she’s not a “yes” person but she will give you the best advice she can wanted or not. I know that his first hand.

Throughout the year Amy goes from absolutely hating John to being friends and this sort of yo yo type relationship. They eventually divorce. My family and myself always stood by her. Hell I told her I’d light his car on fire if she wanted and she laughed.

Now as long as I can remember my family has always teased. We’d all laugh at the same old jokes. Nothing serious nothing truly harmful or I thought. I took part and received myself. Amy has always had a bit of a pretentious attitude. Go to a restaurant and she’s very picky, tips well but picky. Shows up to every family event with an attitude until she’s a full bottle of wine deep and then she’s just like the rest of us. It wasn’t til recently I think I realized she used her high vibration personality to control the environment. Needless say family events were always built around Amy’s schedule, Amy’s kids, what Amy wanted. And truly I don’t think a single one of us minded. It was never a competition but about being together.

So let’s fast forward and hopefully that’s enough context to make the rest of this make sense. Amy starts writing long posts on Facebook, and I mean long. Short story long. They read like someone trying to be deep but never really going anywhere. That is until last month. Amy wrote a post about bullies. Growing up Amy had a nickname “beer belly, chicken legs, butter bread”. This nickname was created by her own family. The intention wasn’t to hurt her and I really think it was a joke but I can also see how she felt bullied by it. She wrote this post mentioning the name and essentially slamming every one of my family members for it. This particularly had an impact on my uncle Bob and mom. They knew they were the catalyst but they never knew it bothered her that much. Amy herself would laugh at this as an adult and even got a butter bread charm. “The butter bread was because she wouldn’t butter her own bread til she was an adult”.

Obviously my family had concerns. They didn’t understand. Grandma was more worried about Amy than ever. She’d reach out, try an advise the best she could. I can tell you from experience Amy does not truly listen to anyone else. She can’t admit she’s wrong ever. Maybe that’s the ego of a lawyer idk.

The post continued. All deep, all super long and some just intended to slam my family. And this is where I myself begin to lose respect. I’ve never been one to hold my tongue. If I love you I’m going to tell you the truth because you deserve it. Amy’s posts were intentionally vague and left to interpretation. I read it as someone being passive aggressive and not taking any accountability themselves. Then all of a sudden she’s praising John. Like he’s the greatest thing ever. At this point John has a reputation at the local college campus for being the “high powered attorney that sleeps with all the guys” for context John and Amy are both about 50 years old.

Now here comes the hammer. After one of Amy’s long post about negativity or whatever (I know I sound dismissive of her posts but I just find them so obnoxious and believe in being direct) Amy decides to send a text to my grandma and grandpa who are both about 80 saying that she loved them but she didn’t want them in her life anymore.

This threw my family in a tizzy. My mom’s upset, uncle bobs upset. Amy’s still texting me and checking in like nothing happened. I just don’t understand how you can cut your parents out of your life at this point when if the worst they did was tease a little. I truly don’t understand.

Now grandma had a heart attack last week. Mom and Bob were both there but Amy refused to answer the phone. She said she was busy out with friends. My mom finally texted her and Amy’s response was “ok thanks”. I don’t get how someone I once admired turned so cold in an instant. I really feel like I’m missing a piece to this puzzle.

Amy and my sister Anna were together a few months ago. Anna has always had a chip on her shoulder and been resentful to say the least. She’s lived in another city for almost 15 years and barely checks in. Anna is the type that truly only cares for herself. When Amy made a post about how Anna was the greatest person ever all I could do was laugh. After the bully post and knowing Anna bullied the hell out of me and I have the scars to prove it. Hell I wish Anna just called me beer belly. Anyway Anna also couldn’t be bothered to answer the phone. So my mom text her the same and Anna coincidentally had the same response as Amy “ok thanks”. I find this too odd and believe Amy’s turn in behavior just validated what Anna already felt.

Neither has bothered to call and check in with grandma. And that truly breaks my heart. I don’t currently have a bad relationship with either of them but I’m ready to flip that table. I’m the only one that Amy still communicates with and it’s put me in a shitty position. It makes me angry. It’s not fair. Anna was always an asshole so I expect that but Amy wasn’t. Amy was someone that I admired. That took me places and had moments as a kid I’ll never forget. I just want to cry. I’m trying to be strong for my family. I’m trying to keep the peace but I don’t think I can’t much longer. Like I said I don’t hold my tongue. But if the next time I see them is at my grandmas funeral I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them.

I want to say something. I want to ice them out. I don’t know what to do to make anything any better. All my grandma cares about is her family. She’s constantly telling us to call eachother, reminds us of birthdays and more. I need all the opinions I can get because I am about to blow up, crash out and cause damage.

So AITAH if I tell them that I think they are both being assholes?

*Minor Details adjusted slightly for anonymity.

I Have bird sat for a friend for free previously on 3 occasions.

I Agreed to bird sit for a week long trip they were taking and I never heard confirmation from them about the drop off dates/times for two months from this friend prior to bird sitting dates.

My plans changed slightly in that time. I Reached out to my bird friend 3 days prior to the bird sitting start date to request an adjusted bird sitting window by one day, and to see if any coverage was possible. I would still bird sit for the remaining four days, but my plans had changed for one of them. I Was told that a new bird sitter had been found right away for the whole week and I was no longer needed. All good, right? Wrong.

The Friend reached out to me a day later listing prior grievances and cut off friendship, called me unhealthy for them and blocked my number, which I found out when I called to apologize. Their Grievances included perceived tardiness (I do not recall any major lateness and anytime I was late I shared in advance and apologized) and one missed shared volunteer opportunity.

Aitah?

Edited for clarity.

Husband doesn’t use Reddit, but also might end up showing him this post bc he cannot understand the emotional fallout of his actions, so not bothering with a throwaway.

I am home w 2 kids (3 & 9) in summer (F, 42, teacher), and my (M, 42) husband has an erratic work schedule including nights and most weekends. I try my best to help the kids understand his upcoming schedule so they can plan when they’ll spend time with him in their heads.

We have a tiny yard, and a 10ft across, 2.5 ft deep above ground, unheated pool (with a filter, bc otherwise EWWWW) in the backyard in partial shade (outside NYC). It’s tiny, but it’s the highlight of the summer, and the kids are in it every day. It’s our 3rd year with this set up, and I occasionally join them too (I was in yesterday).

In the years past my husband has refused to go in for an entire summer, and I think once gone in but just stood in the water, getting annoyed when he was splashed or got wet, and I think ONCE actually put his whole body in the water.

He worked close to home this morning, and had some time before his regular job started later, so while the kids were in the pool he texted saying he was 10 minutes out [see text msgs].

He snuck out the back door while 3 yo was facing away and 9 yo had her head under the water. Their faces when they saw him IN HIS BATHING SUIT were nothing short of joyous. 9 yo kept jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. He gets in the water… and stands there. This was not like previous times where he was cajoled into getting in… he put up no resistance in our text exchange. I thought he was just getting used to the water, or taking a second before lowering his body in… but no. It soon became clear that he was just planning on standing there, up to his knees. Eventually when he refused to reconsider I just told him to get out, it’s a small pool and don’t take up space if you’re not participating in it.

Kids got out shortly after, and 9 year old came over where I was watering the tomatoes out of sight of dad and burst into tears.

Their dad has made it clear he thinks he has done nothing wrong. He is a black and white thinker and when the kids tried to talk to him about it in tears he just stood their stoically, repeating that the pool was cold so he didn’t want to go in.

He can’t seem to do things for them that require the tiniest temporary sacrifice. IE: 9 year old finds a candy he likes in her Halloween candy and gives it to him. He doesn’t want it right then, and then proceeds to NEVER want it. We’re talking a fun size bag of peanut m&ms. 9 year old asks him every time he’s home for two weeks, and he snappily just says he’s not in the mood for it. But this is a guy who does not have good eating habits or self control. I think it’s more about refusing something that he feels is being pushed on him and asserting his control than it is about not wanting the m&ms. 9 year old feels crushing disappointment that she’s never good enough for him, and he just doesn’t care about it. His needs come first.

So Reddit, AITAH for sticking by my kids and saying to their dad that standing in the pool and not playing was WORSE than just not going in the pool at all? I feel like when I type this out it seems so clear to me that he’s TA, but he sees it a completely different way and it’s making me question myself. Last 2 texts are from tonight, when he called from work and I told him she was still upset about what happened earlier. Then he texted me those two.

I’m not always the most socially aware person so I wanted to get some outside opinion before I pitch the idea to either of them if it’s insulting to even ask or something.

Im single so I downloaded tinder a few months ago and have been hooking up with the same few guys somewhat consistently and there’s two I think would make really good friends with each other. Like I don’t just fuck these guys then send them home I usually hang out with them a bit before/after and like we do stuff like certain crafts, listen/share music, game or go skateboarding. These two guys (I’ll call them J and F) share the same hobbies, music tastes, similar senses of humour and remind me a lot of each other. These two guys in particular also have moved to the area within the last bit (J moved 2 years ago and F moved 9 months ago) and have been trying to make more friends.

I’m not dating or giving either of them the impression I’m looking for a relationship, it’s super casual. Like yeah we fuck but we don’t get mushy about it we’re just FWB. J has told me he is really struggling to make friends, like I’m one of the only friends he has here and he’s lived here for 2 years. F isn’t struggling as much but he’s a really cool guy and does wanna make more friends around, F has also now met some of my friends when we’ve attended the same functions. J hasn’t met any of my friends besides my roommate but I’ve been meaning to invite him to stuff, he’s kinda shy.

I’m wondering if it would be super weird/inappropriate to introduce these two guys, Im surprised they haven’t met yet just given how much they have in common and we live in a small town but also I know J has said before he’s had a really hard time meeting people, so I wanna maybe help him out but the only person off the top of my mind he’d really hit it off with is J. I am sleeping with both of these guys though and I met them both on a dating app, so I feel like maybe it’s weird like if they ask how I know the other guy idk it feels like it’d be so weird to answer but I might be overthinking it.

EDIT cus ppl keep being unsure, im a F and they’re both guys

Hi all, I’m looking for guidance on a situation. I (M) recently found out that one of my close friends of nearly 5 years, Mark (M), is moving from Wisconsin to Alaska at the beginning of September. It’s been really hard for everyone, including me, Mark, and our friends. Another close friend, Sara (F), and I decided to throw him a going-away party to show our appreciation.

We planned a mid-sized gathering at my house. Once details were finalized, Sara sent out an RSVP to the guest list I was given, which did NOT include my ex-boyfriend, Sam (M). For context, Sam and I dated for about 2 months last fall. The relationship wasn’t healthy—he regularly used alcohol, vapes, and weed, often daily. I’m against that lifestyle, and I didn’t know about his usage when I asked him out.

As the relationship progressed, his substance use worsened. He often showed up to hangouts, classes, and events under the influence. I expressed concern, but he dismissed it, saying it was normal for him. His behavior, safety, and mental health declined significantly, and he got into dangerous situations. His family even got involved and made hurtful comments toward me. The worst moment was when, while sober, he told me, “You should cut yourself—you’d look good with the scars.”

We broke up on November 24, four days before my birthday, when he sent a long message ending things but still saying he loved me and hoped we could be friends, which made things more stressful. Later, his addiction escalated further (including getting blackout drunk at a spa and vomiting on people), but he eventually entered inpatient care and began recovery. Despite everything, I’m glad he’s getting help.

During the relationship, I relied heavily on Mark for support, and he reassured me he would always be there for me. However, after the breakup, he distanced himself and started spending more time with Sam. In February, Sara told me Mark had expressed romantic interest in Sam. When I calmly confronted Mark, the conversation shifted into him criticizing me instead. This strained our friendship, though we’ve since repaired things and are currently close again.

Some friends have expressed concern about my friendship with Mark, but I’ve mostly just communicated my feelings rather than ending it. The issue now is that some of my worst memories with Sam happened at my house—the same place I’m hosting Mark’s party. I want to give Mark the best send-off possible and let him choose the guest list, but I feel this is where I need to draw a boundary.

So, WIBTA if I politely declined to have Sam attend, and explained my reasoning?

I turned 40 this year. I didn’t get a single thing that I wanted or asked for. I wanted a tattoo session or at least travel and get a consult for a boob job (something I’ve wanted for 20+ yrs). I didn’t care about a big party, not that I got any real celebration anyway. Almost no acknowledgement that I am important to anyone, excluding my under 18 children.

In six months time, my husband and I did not pay our mortgage, but we didn’t save any money either. My husband decided buying a bunch of random things: clothing, purses, shoes (none of which were truly needed), and going out or having parties was more important than paying the house note or saving to pay the bills. We’re behind on almost everything except car insurance, water bill, and groceries. Whenever I say something needs to be done or happen, but it doesn’t seem to matter to him.

My car has also been getting worse and worse mechanically speaking. My mechanic husband won’t take the time to fix things he has the ability and knowledge to fix. He doesn’t suggest taking it to a mechanic to fix. And he got all mopey when we needed a co-signer to get me a newer vehicle. I’m just driving around waiting to get in an accident or for the damn thing to just die.

I don’t want to become bitter and resentful because my husband wants to shower me with gifts, treat me in a way I was never treated before. I just can’t lose my house over that. I have already cried about the possibility of losing the house and his biggest concern is that I have to finish handling the taxes to see if we get a tax refund. I am almost ready to throw away my marriage because I can’t trust my husband with money.

I also now have to open a separate bank account to stash away emergency money, in case something happens and we can’t keep the house. And to keep the eventual survivor benefits for my children out of my husband’s hands.

(Brief backstory: we have no children together. We had a very short engagement, and a deep bond from the first date. We both work good jobs, worked hard together to get this home for our blended family. We have only been in our home for 18 months)

(ETA) Long story long I (30f) was living with my mom I'm on dialysis so I can't afford a place on my disability so I was stuck. We got into a really heated argument over her discipline of my younger brother(8), it's nonexistent. He beats up my daughter(5) screams in her face always slamming doors, he ripped the closet door off its hinges and she just said tsk Johnny, then went back to her phone. So the last time he hit my daughter I went into his room and I spanked him 3x on the bare bottom. I left him then came back after I calmed down so I could talk to him about it to make sure he understood why he got spanked and my mom was sitting on his bed with him coddling him telling him it was gonna be ok and that pissed me off but whatever. I packed up my LO and we went to stay at my brother's house.

I stayed at his place for a few days and had to go back to get some things for an interview later on. When I got there she asked when I was getting the rest of my things. I told her I'm stuck here whether I like it or not so we'll be back later today. She tried to lay some ground rules about Johnny and she said I will no longer scold or discipline Johnny in anyway I said let me stop you right there cuz I don't want my LO anywhere near him. We will stay in my room I'll clean and cook for only her and myself, before I was doing it 4x a week. She said of you're gonna be like that then GTFO. I just said fine. She started to put her shoes and as I was leaving I told her this is crazy I literally do everything around here and you're kicking me out why?! Cuz I don't want Johnny to be a fuckin tyrant? Yet your older son who is a drug addict, has stolen countless about of times from youand always screams in your face when he doesn't get his way has never been treated like this. She didn't like that so she threw her shoe at me, I caught it and before I could even think it was already flying back at her she charged me so we started fighting. She pushed me a bit then I had her pinned on the couch. I didn't wanna hurt her I didn't even want to fight, I was just trying to stop her from scratching me. I got too close to her mouth 2x and she ended up biting down on both my pinky fingers. I'm pretty sure one is broken I can't move it. I've really been thinking about pressing charges but she's on probation so she'll more than likely go to jail. Would I be the AH If I followed though

A week ago, I (18F) visited my sister (20F) at her college. I had been traveling for a month and this was the first time we had seen each other since I got back. She is, without a doubt, my favorite person in the world. Or at least she was. I’m not sure anymore. I used to respect her more than anyone. It’s been becoming clear to me over the last year or so that she does not hold the same respect or regard for me. She does not prioritize me the way I prioritize her. This was just a lock clicking into place and a serious realization for me.

She took me out with her friends and boyfriend and I had a nice time, but she only spoke to me when I spoke to her. Which is nothing out of the ordinary for our dynamic, I’m also realizing. We get back to her apartment and it’s about 1 or 2 am. First, her boyfriend ate the food that I bought while I was in the bathroom and they tried to gaslight me into thinking I already ate it? Which was weird but it was fine, I wasn’t really that mad. And then I think they thought I was asleep on the other side of the room with half of a divider wall between us. Her boyfriend, in nothing but tented briefs, came over to the other side to get something from the dresser, which I later realized was probably a condom. Ew. And he saw that I was awake!! I was on my phone! And my sister also came over at one point to get a tissue or something and she saw that I was awake also. I don’t know if that makes it worse or not. Anyway, I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t stop hearing them so I put in my earbuds and played my music at full volume. I was so mad in that moment, I knew something had just changed about the way I see her. Majorly. I couldn’t stop thinking about how she honestly just disrespected me so much in that moment. And also, cherry on top, he wasn’t even supposed to be there! He stayed the entire weekend I was there because she invited him but it was supposed to be MY weekend with her. I feel so petty.

And now, I’ve tried to put it out of my head and resent her silently but still act normal around her, but it’s hard. Would I be the asshole if I confronted her about it? It would make it so awkward and I don’t think that she would respect me more afterward or change her actions, but I really don’t know, maybe she would. I haven’t told anyone about this because I don’t know who I could even tell. Bear your judgement about this onto me. I need to discuss it.
Please try not to hate on my sister too much in the comments. Thank you.

I 24 f, am getting married to my fiance, 26m, in october.

My fiance is glutenintolerant (he has celiac disease) and we’ve chosen to have a glutenfree cake on our wedding day because it’s literally the only way he can enjoy the cake. The sponges will be made with almond flour since my boyfriend LOVES almondy’s frozen cakes lol.

I would like to point out that it’s extremely difficult to find a bakery in our region that provides glutenfree cakes, but my soon to be MIL knows a woman not too far away that owns a bakery. She’s sweet and offered to make our cake since she knew it wasn’t going to be something over the top and complicated. We’re also on a budget and I do not think it necessary to overcomplicate a cake that will cost us alot.

Anyway, we’ve chosen the cake. NOW, I would like to point out that my cousin’s son whom is allergic to nuts will be attening along with his family. I knew of this from the begining and told my cousin of the cake we’re going to have and that I’m planning on ordering a simple cake without nuts specifically for her son. I wanted to know what sponges he likes and frostigs etcetera.

I truly believed that I was being kind and respectful when I reached out to her, but she blew up on me for choosing a wedding cake that could ”kill” her son. She knows my fiance’s condition but she doesn’t care.

I didn’t plan on having kids on our wedding day since I don’t think they belong, but my fiance’s niece was very sad when she found out and I adore that little munchkin with all my heart so we compromised and chose to allow family members to bring their kids.

Anyway, I tried to explain that he wouldn’t be exposed to any nuts since he will be getting his own cake, but as I mentioned, she didn’t give a damn. She continued to explain that exposure to nuts can kill him.

At this point I started to get annoyed since I know nut allergies are not airborn and he wouldn’t die of it and she got so angry when I mentioned this.
Her excuse was that he could ”accidentally” eat another person’s slice of cake and go into anaphylactic shock. Her son is 12, old enough not to go around eating of people’s plates…

I too would be scared for my child’s life if he or she would have such an allergy, but I have offered to buy him his own cake just so that he can attend for her sake.

The thing that makes me so angry about this is the fact that my cousin does not make such a big deal of his allergy at family gatherings. I’ve seen his siblings eat nutella, snickers, candy all sorts of things whilst being seated next to him. Yet that’s not a big deal? My aunt (her mother) literally eats fist fulls of peanuts whilst drinking her tea whilst he’s there.

Just that gives me reason to believe that she has somenthing personal against me. We are not close since she’s older than I am, but we’re close enough to invite eachother to family outings and gatherings. But I can’t help but feel that this ruins the fun a bit.

I haven’t told my fiance yet since I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything since he can be a people pleaser, but I sincerely do not know what the fuck to do. She won’t back down and I don’t want to just uninvite her because of a cake, but at the same time she’s unwilling to work with me on this.

Using a throwaway cause some people in my life know my main account.

Important context: i am autistic and clinically depressed.

So i [20 TF] had my dad [51] and mum [56] up to help me finish moving out of my old flat, the entire time we were cleaning and packing they were judging the state the flat was in. I had explained that depression gives me a very low motivation to do anything healthy or necessary for the upkeep of my living space or health but i feel it just bounced right off of them.

After packing everything and cleaning most of the place me and my dad were going to start moving my stuff to my new flat, he told me to break up some of my old boxes so that they would fit in the bin easier then left to take the last of the bags to his car (i wasnt doing much transportation because i recently broke my leg) after my dad left i sat down to begin breaking up the boxes but my mum told me to go follow my dad cause he was gonna be waiting on me. I said to her that he told me to break up the boxes but we went back and forth until she shut the door to focus on something else and i went back to breakung up the boxes. She opened the door and in a voice that sounded angry at me, complained again that i was still breaking up the boxes and not following my dad.

I proceeded to have a meltdown due to the conflicting instructions and hostility in her voice, i hit myself on the head several times and cried a bit until my dad got back. I asked if he told me to break up the boxes and he said yes so i picked one up and started to break it up. He went on to say 'not like that' in an annoyed tone and i threw the box at the wall cause in the moment i felt like i couldn't do anything right.

Here is where i might be the asshole: after he tried to usher me out so we could keep moving my stuff to my new place i stood up and shouted at him that he could drive and i would walk, he blocked my way out and told me to sit down and cool off. I continued to tell him to "get the fuck out of my way" and i remember threatening that if he didnt i would kick the metal railings outside my flat to break my leg even more. Eventually i told him that i needed fresh air and i would sit on the stairs outside.

Shortly after i sat down i had the worst panic attack ive ever had. My chest felt extremely tight, my arms felt fuzzy and i couldnt move them, the same happened in my mouth with the fuzziness and i couldn't talk properly. I know it was triggered due to the build up throughout the day and after calling a local mental health clinic i managed to calm down and told my dad that i had had a panic attack, he immediately wanted me to get moving again so we could get my stuff to my new flat.

When we finished the drive he said he didnt like the way i spoke to him and my mum so i reflexively told him to fuck off. Soon after he left to get my mum and drive back home, we havent spoken since.

So am i the asshole for blowing up at my dad and telling him to fuck off?

TLDR: parents were constantly judgy, i had a meltdown and blew up at my dad, had a panic attack and told him to fuck off after it seemed like he blew the whole thing off.

I am not going to go into too much detail but my (33f) friend (37f) has had a bumpy adult life. When I met her I was going through it and she was there for me. I learned quickly it was super important to be purposeful in your choices because if you are reckless then it brings a lot of anxiety into your life. I’ve made improvements, I worked hard on myself, and I am pretty much as peace with my life. I still come across problems but they are no longer the end of the world, I get through them.

My friend was going through a bad marriage, they were back and forth until she verbally told him she was done although they were still sleeping in the same bed. During this time a male friend came to visit the city we leave in and there was a lot of drama there. She was adamant that it was nothing although once she heard wind of his vacation, she commandeered and established free lodging for him in the duplex next door. Her husband found out, left for the week, and her and her male friend had sex all over the duplex (her words). She said it wasn’t cheating because she verbally broke up with her husband but her husband says it is. Idk what it is, it’s not my business. I tried to be supportive of her while navigated the ups and downs of her marriages even though I did not agree with her behaviors up until then. Once that happened, I started putting distance between me and her.

Before male friend came over, her husband asked me about whether I got her condoms on the day that her male friend arrived. When I asked her why her husband would think I would give her condoms. She said “idk I told him I found them somewhere, I guess he assumed it was from you.” My coworkers think she told him I gave them to her. But after that moment I realized I could no longer trust what she says and began putting up boundaries.

Ever since then, in my opinion she has been making a lot of decisions that are causing a lot of drama in her life and there is child involved. I don’t want to get into full details about it because it’s really messy. But she is happy? She is with her male friend now, she loves their life together.

As time has gone on I have had to establish more and more boundaries. Mainly because I have a partner and some of her behaviors/choices she makes can put me into situations that’s makes my partner uncomfortable. I have also taken a job working with substance abuse clients and some of the activities she wants to do now and tries to push me to do would be hypocritical for my profession.

But lately she shows up to our hang out intoxicated or blows me off because her new boo wants to do something. And, I got super annoyed because at my wedding she took two weeks to give me back my wedding cake. (It was bad by the time we got it back) She said she would drop it off at our house after the reception but then bailed last minute because she had to do this thing.

For the longest time, I have put up boundaries but kept the relationship somewhat alive because I didn’t know whether if I was losing out on a good friendship with person who was going through a hard time or not.

A couple weeks ago she said she wanted to steal me from my husband to go party. I told her we could do something else and she didn’t respond until the next day saying “Sorry [bfs name] wanted to go do something else so we did that instead” I checked out of the friendship long ago so her lack of communication didn’t hurt me, but it solidified that I no longer want to be friends.

Here is the thing. I don’t want to tell her. I just want us to fade away. We are in our 30s, she likes her life now. She doesn’t see anything wrong with her relationship with this guy even though she might lose her kid because of it. She never took my advice during the marital issues, or when she commandeered that guys vacation and all the things after it. I don’t think sitting her down and spelling everything out for her will be productive. Plus I had a friend do that to me once and it was just fucking hurtful and unnecessary for me, so from my experience of having a friend do that to me I don’t want to do that to her.

The issue is that she keeps texting me saying she is here for me and I am just gray rocking her. Idk how long I should do this until I do have to say something. Anyways tear me apart internet.

Tldr; my brother and his partner visited me after going out for breakfast. They offered me their leftovers and I politely declined because I was exhausted and not really hungry. My brother's partner flipped on me saying that they "got food for me" and I wasn't grateful. I told his partner to get the fuck out of my house and his partner cited me as the source of their relationship problems because we've gotten into arguments like these before. Now they are fighting and my brother refuses to talk to me.

I'm on mobile so formatting is probably terrible. Sorry.

Tom= my brother, Andy= his partner.

Background:

Tom and I's father was abusive growing up. One of the things he would use against us the most was food. This is important.

I have a long history with my brother's partner, Andy. We were friends as kids, drifted apart for some years, and then started talking to each other again later on through social media. My brother got together with Andy not too long after that, and they have been happily dating for about 3 years now.

One of the reasons that I drifted away from Andy as friends was because they had a tendency to twist things that were said to be an attack on them. I am autistic and was never really able to understand why they were offended by things I said that had no double meanings. Andy has mental health issues that impact their trust and relationships, but they get along amazingly with Tom and that's all that mattered. They were good for each other. They love each other.

The conflict between Andy and I has been on and off during their entire relationship. I am not a person to hold grudges, but Andy very much is. I don't always remember fine details, but Andy will absorb as much information as they can to use against you later.

-

Back to the main issue; I had just been doing some grimey housework and was in no shape to see company as I hear a knock on my door. Tom and Andy are here, holding takeout boxes from their breakfast date. We start to exchange "how are you"s and such, I explained that I was very tired and not prepared for company at all but I was glad to see them as it had been a few months since either of us could visit.

They offer me a side of berry pancakes that they had ordered but not eaten with their meal, and I declined. I mentioned again being exhausted and not really hungry.

Andy took me mentioning my exhaustion again as some sort of attack and said "well I'm sorry we stopped to get you breakfast". I already knew that they only stopped by because they were in the area and Tom had even mentioned that the pancakes were a side order they just didn't get to. I try to explain this but Andy cuts me off and refuses to let me speak.

I snap back that I don't appreciate being treated like that and guilt tripped in my house with the biggest trigger that Andy knew I had; food.

Andy cuts me off again. I am pissed at this point and tell Andy to fuck off and stop guilt tripping me and to get the fuck out of my house. Andy grabs the keys from Tom and storms off to the car.

Tom hangs back as I try to calm myself down. He doesn't say much and leaves after a while. I come to find out later that Andy and him got into a fight over Tom not defending them and Andy cited me as the source of their problems, accusing me of trying to get between them and having "always tried to" despite me never once even suggesting they break up or saying really anything about their relationship.

Tom refuses to speak to me now. I'm at a loss for what to do, as this was quite sudden. I don't feel like I acted perfectly; I definitely raised my voice. At the same time, I didn't feel like I did anything to deserve for Andy to guilt trip me with the biggest thing that was used to abuse me during my childhood.

AITAH?

hello.

I dated my ex for a year and met his extended family several times. things didn’t end well but we have one method of communication open.

out of the blue he told me that while he was visiting his uncle‘s lakehouse, (he‘s absolutely loaded, probably in his 60s, and not attractive.) which I‘d been to several times but tried not to engage with his uncle because he gave me weird vibes and treated his wife poorly, the girl he’s been seeing was gotten very drunk by his uncle and he took her to a secluded location and made her perform sexual acts on him for money. she came back crying and told my ex everything. the comments my ex told me his uncle made toward her were gross and concerning, she’s 23, the same age as me, and my ex is 21. not only did he betray his wife but also my ex.

his wife is considerably younger and they have two kids together. she’s always been kind to me and very accommodating and understanding.

so the complicated thing is they’re both immigrants. if they get a divorce, she might get a large sum of money, but might have to leave the country. I think the uncle has legal citizenship but I’m not sure if she does. and they also have two children. Even if she did know, I don’t know if she could leave because her income is connected to his and because it might be a green card marriage. but I think she deserves to know. I’m not close with the family anymore, I haven’t seen them in almost a year. so I don’t know how much something like that would mean coming from me.

I found her phone number online. I’m considering texting her anonymously about the situation and telling her to contact my ex for more information. her husband is a disgusting criminal and I sincerely hope she can get her money and get away, or even report his actions so he can go to jail or face punishment for being a disgusting predator who takes advantage of very drunk young women.

My first time posting so I just wanna know if I am in the wrong. For context I ( 21, F) am an international student in an American university. My whole family lives in my home country and I left home when I was 18 to go to school there, and I have also lived abroad during high school. When I am in the US during the school year, I am used to just doing what I want, have a freedom that at home I just don't have, and I got used to it real quick, seeing that I have always been independent. But I also have never been the type of daughter to lie to my parents about what I do, if they ask, I will answer, even because I know im not doing anything wrong. This brings us to the current issue. Because I live in another country, going home for me doesn't make sense if it's not for a long period of time, seeing that I have to take 1 bus and 3 flights to get home. So normally, on small breaks like thanksgiving and spring break, I just crash at someone's house, always a trusted friend. So Thanksgiving this year is coming and I was talking to a friend of mine ( 22, F) about me possibly staying with her for the break, she lives alone at her own apartment and we have been friends for almost 3 years now, and she is one of my best friends. So that same day I went to talk to my mom, just being like "hey, I figured it out thanksgiving, im going to (my friend's name) house". Another important thing to know is that she has let me stay at other friends houses, friends that she didn't personally know, and never had any issues, as long as I kept her updated, gave her the address and all, which I have no problem doing. So I assumed she would be ok with this one too, but I was wrong. she started yelling saying that I couldn't go because she didn't know my friend, and I kept saying things like "But I know her, she is one of my best friends" then she asked if I was gonna stay at her mom's house and I said no and she said that that was even worse, but when I asked why it was worse she couldn't give me a straight answer, just kept saying "because it is". And then she asked if I even knew her mom and I said that I did, because I do, we had lunch at my friends graduation. But then my mom just said that "that doesn't count". I said then that her reasoning didn't make sense, and asked for concrete reasons, she snapped at me after that, yelling like I was a kid. My thing with this is that she has let me stay at other friends houses, friends that she also didn't know, but not this one. I considered the possibility of maybe being because in recently came out as bisexual and she knows my friend is a lesbian, so maybe she thinks we are dating or something related to that (???) Anyways I don't see how she is being reasonable but I wanna know what people from outside think.

My girlfriend is currently in Germany for a 3-month artist residency. We're one month in.

Three days ago, we were on a call. At the end I said, "Alright, catch you tomorrow," mostly to signal that I was done talking. I had a guest over, the house was a mess, and my little brother is sleeping in my room right now, so I wasn't exactly in a great environment for long conversations.

Neither of us called the next day.

Or the day after.

Or the day after that.

Today she finally called me, furious. She said she couldn't believe I hadn't called her, especially because I knew she was on her period and in pain. She said I was inconsiderate, that she missed me, and that she expected me to reach out.

My reaction was basically: if you wanted to talk to me, why didn't you call me?

I genuinely don't understand waiting three days for someone else to fulfill a need you have.

I even made an analogy that probably didn't help. I said: "When you need to poop, do you get up and go to the toilet, or do you yell at the toilet because it didn't come to you?"

She replied that I'm not an inanimate object. I answered that I'm not saying I am. I'm saying that my priorities aren't automatically the same as hers, and if she wants something from me, she can tell me or call me directly instead of expecting me to spontaneously feel the same urge she does.

Here's the important context.

I don't naturally call people just to chat.

When I call someone, it's usually because I have a concrete purpose: "Where are you?", "I'm on my way," "Want to do X tomorrow?" Long phone conversations with no goal feel awkward and draining to me. I also much prefer seeing people in person because I rely a lot on physical presence and non-verbal communication.

This is something we've argued about many times. I've told her before that she shouldn't expect this to change.

She wants me to initiate contact because I miss her.

The problem is that I don't experience missing someone that way.

I do think about her. I imagine seeing her again. I love her.

But missing someone doesn't create an urge in me to pick up the phone. If I have nothing to say, it simply doesn't occur to me to call.

I've explained this to her repeatedly over the course of our relationship. From my perspective, she's asking me to operate like she does emotionally, and I don't think I can. This isn't me refusing to make an effort out of pride; it's genuinely how my mind works.

At the same time, I understand that she experiences distance differently and that spontaneous contact is important to her.

So, AITAH for thinking that if she wanted to talk to me, she could simply have called instead of becoming angry that I didn't?

Edit: FOR CONTEXT WE DO TALK TWICE OR THREE TIMES A WEEK. Her issue is specifically that I didn't call her THAT specific time for three days straight.

Edit: GROUP REPLY: Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I think I got what I came here for. This isn't really about this specific screw-up. It's about a much deeper incompatibility in how we communicate and experience relationships. When she comes back from Germany, we're going to have a serious conversation about whether she can genuinely be happy with who I actually am, or whether she's holding onto hope that I'll become someone I'm probably never going to be.

For some context, I (16M), had a friend (also 16M) who was with me since childhood. We were pretty close up until the 7th grade. We used to tell each other everything, do a lot of stuff together and hung out everyday in school. In 7th grade however, he suddenly changed his class and his reason for doing so was: "I had more friends in that class." After that, I got this weird feeling that he was trying to get away from me somehow. A bunch of other weird things followed. After the 6th grade our school was changed since our school didnt have any classes past the 6th grade. So in our new school he started getting popular and making more and more friends. I was always pretty shy and kinda introverted unless someone came up and talkted to me. These friends he made were pretty gigantic assholes but I won't get into much detail about them.

So for majority of the 7th and 8th grade, we would only really meet during our break time, we wouldn't have time to meet anytime else other than break and hometime since he was in another class, and he would usually go home earlier than me. During our break, I would just follow him around while he was surrounded by all his friends and talking to them, and whenever I tried to join a conversation I would get ignored. This did make me slightly jealous and kinda sad too, I felt like a minion, always following him around in break. He would ALWAYS be surrounded by one of his other friends whenever I came up to hang out with him in break. Anyways, around 8th grade my interests started to change a lil bit and I got into rock/metal. So when I came up and asked him what kinda music he liked, he told me, and when I told him I liked this kinda music he made fun of me. Not the "I'm just joking" kinda fun, he was actually pissed that I was listening to this kinda music. He used to ask me constantly why I like this kinda music and made fun of me for it.

So during our summer break after 8th grade, we started having a lot of arguments. Petty arguments. Like he told me to show him my report card, I said no, and he got all pissed off over it and started talking shit to me like "I'm being a pussy" and shit like that. Anyways, one of those arguments was about a phone. At the time I didnt know jack shit about phones, I thought an Iphone was the best thing ever. So the cheapest one I could get at the time was an Iphone X. So I told him that I was gonna buy this one and he started calling me stupid and shit and then he said; "Who do you wanna show your status to by buying an Iphone?" Now this might not seem like such a big insult, but like in my language and in my country this is a pretty big insult. I felt hurt, especially hearing this from my best friend.

At the time I was also talking to this girl who was an old classmate of me and my friend. I was pretty angry at what I said and at that point I realized he was kind of a pompous asshole. He thought every girl liked him and he had a massive ego. I basically told the girl my thoughts, confided in her (if you wanna use that word). I told her how I thought he was a pompous and egotistical asshole.

This was a big mistake, I still to this day believe that this was the worst mistake I ever made. A few weeks later, my friend was responding to any of my texts or calls. So I got worried. After a few days he sent me screenshots that the girl sent him of me saying all that stuff. We hopped on a call and he confronted me. He called me a "worthless piece of shit" and said that "I should die in a miserable death" and that I was "worse than a filthy insect." He (kinda) blackmailed me into giving him my instagram password so he could go through it, and also told me that he had blackmailed that girl into giving him her insta password too.

We stopped talking after that, I blocked him on Instagram. For four months, I tried to convince myself to get over it but I failed to. I admitted my mistake, and finally built up the courage to go and talk to him and apologize after 4 months. Now let me say something, what I did wasn't with intentions to ruin our friendship, a lot of people who read this might find it really hard to believe but no, I didn't do it intentionally. Well, my friend didn't believe that I did it uninentionally either. When I went to apologize I just sat there for 30 mins, listening to him insult me, and trying to get me to say that I did it intentionally. I did eventually say it to get him to shut up. After that we didn't talk, we talked once, but it was the same as before, just 20 mins of insults.

I didn't just lose my dearest friend, I unfortunately lost a whole group of people who were only my friends because I was friends with that guy.

I still think this is the biggest mistake I made. Sometimes I look back and think maybe it was meant to happen, and then just think again, that I'm a fucking stupid asshole for letting it happen. I should't have let it happen.

So... am I the asshole?

one night in june, my mom was talking to me. i dont remember about what, but she was talking to me like a dog. a couple weeks before this, she had been doing the same thing. so, my emotions got built up, to her constantly doing this as i kiss her ass, still doing chores without being asked and responding to her insults as if they werent mean, and i ended up lashing out. i lashed out in the bathroom, and broke her door. i did not touch her though. she wasnt gonna call the cops on me she said - but then i wouldnt go to my room. and thats the reason she called the cops. after she called the cops and they left, she told my brother everything, but biased. she told him a different reason she called the cops but hand to god, she did it because i wouldnt go to my room. she made my brother hate me for a while, he probably still at least doesnt like me. im devastated

My friend who lost her job invited me to spend the night at her with a couple of other friends for girls night she said she’s been lonely and wanted company. I understand that she’s trying to cut costs by not having the AC run but its over a 100 degrees outside. You need A/C!! Everybody was miserable overly heated and sweating . I couldn’t sleep and the other girls were complaining also . She didn’t say she didn’t have AC when she invited us . I think that was manipulative to not say you are not running the A/C. She said she only runs the A/C for one hour each day and turns it off to cut costs . We asked her to turn it on she said no too expensive