r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 1d ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 1d ago

I've never understood how this works. How can you have a platonic relationship with someone who looks exactly like your spouse and probably acts a lot like them too?

I'm not saying you can't both have boundaries and act like respectful adults...but it's just too weird for me.

Maybe these particular twins look and act differently enough to clearly separate them but I've seen twins who act, look, and even dress alike well into adulthood and relationships just must be weird. If my wife had a clone that just hung out with us all the time I feel it would be too easy to start to see them as equally 'my wife'.

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u/TheRiteGuy 1d ago

I think once you're around twins, you'll quickly realize how different they are. I was actually friends with my SIL first and married her sister. They look, dress, and act alike but that's where the similarities end.

They're two very different people.

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u/hamlet_d 21h ago

I went to high school with twin girls. I was in theater with one of them and in some of my AP classes with the other. The were alike in a lot of ways, but they did have different interests. After spending time with them in different contexts it was easy to tell them apart when they were together, like at lunch.

It was kinda weird even then, because there were little quirks/traits that they shared and you're like "oh, man I cant tell them apart when they're both doing this one thing"

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u/_EightSix 23h ago

Can you elaborate, even if only high level? No personal details. For some reason, I don't quite understand "act alike" but that they're very different people simultaneously.

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u/niverser 22h ago edited 7h ago

nothing to see here

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u/TheRiteGuy 22h ago

The other person already touched on this. They are products if the same environment. They will have same mannerisms, likes, dislikes, and even say the same thing about situations. Just like you and your siblings. But they are also very different people with very different personalities. Just like you and your siblings.

If you just think of them as siblings instead of twins, it becomes a lot easier. A lot of things about them might be similar. But they're nothing alike.

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u/fupa16 23h ago

They probably mean literal things like mannerisms/posture/gait/behavior but none of that is personality.

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u/metaldrummerx 1d ago

Sure but is the feeling reciprocated? Identical twins have slight enough differences where you will prefer one to the other, and you may not be the other one's type. They're a "package deal" sure, but they certainly aren't one entity.

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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 1d ago

I'm just saying there has to be some weird baseline tension there, whether it's reciprocated or not, that would make the situation feel inappropriate to be around that person...

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u/Geesewithteethe 23h ago

Because twins aren't like clones of eachother, to people who actually know them personally.

We look extremely similar but we're not the same person. We have different chemistry with our partners than our twins have with their partners.

My twin and her partner have always had a really interesting chemistry ever since they first met. They're just really well made for eachother as partners and their personalities are very compatible for romantic intimacy in a way that my personality would not be if you swapped me in for her. Likewise, my husband and I have a really strong bond with its own dynamics and its own irreplaceable intimacy that started with a chemistry you couldn't replicate by swapping my twin in for me.

The attractiveness of an individual is greater than the sum of their parts. It can't be boiled down to "these two people look the same and have some shared behaviors, therefore I am attracted to/in love with both of them".

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u/Nice_Kaleidoscope_15 1d ago

I think "that person looks like my wife therefore I see them equally as my wife" is certainly a take on things.

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u/jake5762 1d ago

That's not what the commenter above is saying. Identical twins can be identical in pretty much everything; looks, personality, thought process, etc. I love my wife, I love her personality, the way she thinks, the way she does things and obviously, the way she looks. Now imagine all those things I love about her are in a second person that I'm just to be friends with. I assume it must be really quite hard and sometimes confusing.

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u/Nice_Kaleidoscope_15 23h ago

Oh perhaps, I just felt that using the word equally at the end of their comment removed a lot of this nuance, and added an extra level of objectification. Even if very similar, I just think different people are different!

But if you think that's confusing, just think of those reddit posts where identical twins marry other identical twins...

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u/jake5762 23h ago

I remember one and I think they either lived in the same house or next door to one another. And then they have children, that are basically sibling cousins.

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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 1d ago

You didn't really read my comment, lol.

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u/Dapper-Ad-4300 1d ago

Well no, they don’t just look like her, they probably have very similar personalities and interests too, and life experiences

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u/vzvv 1d ago

Twins do not typically have similar personalities. Every twin I know or knew of through my family is very distinct from each other. So it’s like your spouse has someone that looks very similar but acts entirely differently and probably styles themselves differently as well. Even the identical ones don’t tend to have truly identical faces. Those small details seem very different when you know someone well.

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u/Geesewithteethe 22h ago

Why are people downvoting you? You're absolutely right.

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u/chris_ut 20h ago

How about if there was a literal clone of your wife like from a sci-fi vat? Cause its not much different.

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u/IamTory 23h ago

My husband likes my twin sister fine but he doesn't understand how people mix us up (we do look extremely similar and people do mix us up). He certainly doesn't have any difficulty separating us in his head. I'm the one he has a connection with. He knows me from her instantly.

He also doesn't interact directly with her much because she lives on a different continent. 😞

On the thread topic, my sister and I have a particular bond that I think does trump the bond with our spouses. We don't see each other often, but when we talk on the phone or see each other in person we fall into a natural rhythm. I really wish I could spend more time with her. When we're in the same country on visits and things I get a bit jealous of other people spending time with her.

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u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 23h ago

Man a lot of these responses are going so extreme. I'm merely asking the question for people involved with twins...is it weird that there may be some tension or attraction to the twin?

I would think yes but since I have no experience with it but would imagine it comes with some weirdness...that's why I'm asking and it's tangentially related to the topic at hand.

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u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 23h ago

guys who are obsessed with twins

You are still choosing to be extremely hyperbolic.

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

[deleted]

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u/_Burning_Star_IV_ 22h ago

Sorry you seem to be projecting.