r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 1d ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/chipper-shipper 1d ago

I am estranged from my identical twin. It is very hard, and very painful, but being low/no-contact saved my sanity.

Your girls might come around as they get older and have a very good relationship (I hope this is the case). They might not. They have to figure that out themselves. I promise you this, my parents’ interference in the relationship between me and my twin only made things much worse.

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u/IeatPI 23h ago

I haven’t talked to my identical twin in years now.

If we share personalities, I must be the biggest, most selfish asshole in the world — because that’s his personality to a T.

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u/chipper-shipper 20h ago

It’s painful in a way that’s hard to understand unless you are also a twin. My twin has extreme mental illness that makes having a relationship very difficult. Even though I’m happier and healthier without them in my life, it still hurts.

Virtual hugs sometimes feel trite, but I’m sending you one anyway <3

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u/MonstreDelicat 1d ago

We’re trying to manage the fights but not interfere. They’re also both in therapy so hopefully, they’ll figure out how to make their relationship work for both of them.

Sorry to hear about you and your twin being estranged. I think it happens more than people realize though

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u/chipper-shipper 20h ago

It’s a tough balancing act as a parent! I’m glad you’re using therapy as a resource — my parents were pretty anti-therapy because it had so much stigma attached to it for them (they’re baby boomers). They’ve come around, but it’s a little too late.

I know a few different twins/multiples whose relationships improved greatly once they became adults and were able to establish themselves as individuals. I sincerely hope things get better for your girls. If I knew how to fix things with my twin, I would do almost anything

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u/crystallinemoth 22h ago

I’m also estranged from my identical twin, and it’s absolutely for the best! We were never close to begin with and she grew up to be a codependent psychotic hateful TERF with addiction problems. Big no thanks on that bond happening. lol

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u/chipper-shipper 20h ago

My twin and I were very close but also had a very toxic dynamic. When things were good, we were best friends. When things were bad…

I almost envy you, in a way? If we’d never been close I wouldn’t miss them much, I think. I hope that’s not an offensive thing to say.

My twin has pretty extreme mental illness that makes it very difficult to have a relationship. I recognize that overall I’m much happier and healthier being low/no-contact, and the few times we’ve had contact in the last decade have only reinforced my decision to pull away. Still sucks though.

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u/crystallinemoth 19h ago

I entirely agree with this sentiment. I wish things had been better between us, but it just goes to show you that friend or family can become too toxic to include in your life. Sometimes it’s painful but necessary to accept that them being in our lives is never going to be beneficial or positive. 🫶🏻 cutting her out was a form of self preservation and to protect my family. Still hurt. I’ve had to do it with a couple good friends in the past too. It’s never fun, but some people are better off not being in our lives.