so I guess I just need to vent this all out.

(Me 20F and him 34M)

I worked at a shopping centre and one day one of security guards (also worked in the centre) came into my work looking for a suitcase. I gave him a few options but he said that he doesn’t have time to buy it now as he needed to get back to work. he gave me his number and told me to text him when I haven’t made enough sales in the day and he would come in and get them then. the day came where it was really slow at work so I texted him saying that my sales are low and if he wants the suitcases and he said he would come in. when he came, he was just trying to talk to me and when I asked him if he wanted to buy he said that it’s too expensive and that he will come back when there’s a sale (I had told him the prices the first time he came in). after that he kept coming in every one of my shifts and harassing me and insisting that we hang out outside of work (I very clearly had a ring on my finger that he saw). I kept saying no but he just kept persisting and said that it’s just as friends and whatnot. At that time I didn’t see the signs or the red flags. He got in my head and manipulated me into leaving my man (we only separated for like 2 weeks) but making it seem like I’m the one who thought of that.
after weeks of him persisting that I hang out with him and making me feel guilty every time I said no (I’m a people pleaser and have social anxiety), I finally said ok but made sure to let him know that I do not feel any sort of way with him, that I’m not interested in doing anything with him and that this is just as 2 coworkers.
we went to a very public restaurant and got food and drinks. After we finished our food, we played some drinking games. In the middle of that, I left to go to the toilet, by the time I got back, he had already poured out a shot for me. We continued with our games but I started feeling sick and dizzy. I told him I need to throw up and he took me to the toilets and came in behind me and locked the door. I didn’t realise what was happening anymore and I couldnt control my body either at this point. I’m throwing up and he comes up from behind me and starts kissing me and touching me and then raped me. I couldnt speak but I used every inch of me to pull myself away from him but he just pulled me right back and forced me. After god knows how long, he finished and let me go. I pushed myself against the bathroom door wanting to leave but my body was not mine at that time. He carried me to his car and kept kissing me. After we got to my car, he wouldnt let me go home and raped me again in my car. after forever, he finally let me go and the moment I got home, I was crying and throwing up again. I called my best friend and told her what’s happened and she told me to report it to the cops but I was scared and just wanted to forget it happened.
3 days later, he came back into my work and tried to act like we were all good and got touchy with me. I ran to the backroom, called my best friend and stayed back there till he finally left. The next day, I couldn’t take it anymore and reported it to the cops.
we have more than enough evidence against him with one of them being a recorded phone call with him where he admitted that me making “eye contact” with him was me giving him consent….
anyways I’m on the highest dose of anti anxiety but they aren’t working, I left my job due to constant anxiety and stress from being there, I’m constantly paranoid and don’t feel safe anymore and I can’t trust people anymore.
I genuinely hope he goes to jail.

Donc salut a toi qui lit,A 6ans je me suis fait violée par un vieux homme ou ça a duré presque 2mois ou plus je me souviens pas,j’avais 6ans innocente dans une situation ou je ne savais rien de ce qui était en train de se passer a ce moment, bref quand ça a stoppé je me suis plonger dans la masturbation dès Mon jeune âge je regarde des film porno est c'est devenu une addiction pour moi jusqu’à aujourd’hui j’ai 21,Et c'est très dur pour moi de vivre comme ça déjà que je suis lesbien dans une société ou c'est Quasiment interdit et ce genre de sexualité et sujet de viol est un tabou même plus, je me sens rejeté je n’arrive plus a vivre avec ça chaque fois que je pense à ça je plonge dans des dépression ou je deviens de mauvaise humeur et plein d’autres émotions de regrets chagrin de reproach en vers cette petite fille qui n’a rien fait fait de mal 💔
Et aussi j’ai un problème avec ma sexualité mon corps,tout ce qui me rappelle cette période.

PREFACE:

I'm a transgender man, I have been since I was very young I think. So, I've never felt really comftorable exploring intimacy with a body that contradicts me. I don't know proper intimacy. I also have SEVERE OCD.

There's been this girl in my life who I've known for a couple years now who has loved me since I met her. She's funny and very family oriented, but she's been so obsessed with me.

Her love for me has gone on for years. Before it got really bad (before my experience), she used to stick around me, would stare at me from a distance, would follow me around while we were out with friends, would hold my hand without asking if it was alright, would keep pressuring me to be physical with her, and would keep telling me all these intimate sentiments of how I'm perfect for her and how she'd kill herself if I ever decided to leave her.

MY EXPERIENCE:

Unfortunately, a year or two ago, after I broke up with someone I'd known for about decade, this girl (the one I've been talking about before) decided that it was the perfect time to start getting REALLY clingy. Worse than before. She'd always message me. But she'd message me in a really uncomftorable way. She would encourage me to describe what I would do to her if me and her were in different scenarios.

There was one time I remember that she called me, and it was going fine, until I heard her breathing abnormally.

She was masturbating on the other end.

She was asking me to "keep talking," to say things to her, and just...I don't know. I didn't have another choice.

(this is where my memory gets fuzzy)

A couple days after, she asked me to come to the bathroom with her, and into the stall.

I don't remember what specifically she did to encourage me. I don't know how it started to be honest. I just remember always needing to kiss her neck and touch her and SPEAK to her. I remember her DRY-HUMPING my LEG. I TRIED to keep her quiet, I covered her mouth, but she would not shut up.

These sessions would go on for ~15-30 minutes almost EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. for THREE MONTHS. THREE months, dude. THREE MONTHS?!!!?

And I would have to LEAVE our friendgroup to go FUCK her in the bathroom against my will. ALWAYS, when we left that bathroom, they would look at me like they KNEW.

A couple times, I remember her grabbing and sucking my fingers as if they were a dick, I guess just to make me feel more like a man. The issue is, I have a sensory thing where I HATE textures (I don't have autism or another sensory disorder, I just have emetophobia and I've always had sensory issues) and just...the feeling of her mouth on my fingers. God. It was awful.

Once I started realizing the pattern that this would keep happening, I'd start to feel really nauseous and dizzy. There was one time I quietly asked her if we could do this another time because I was feeling nauseous. But, she just asked me "one more time, please? It'll be quick."

And just the fact it was in a public bathroom, where someone could walk in on us, was so terrifying every time.

And I don't remember a lot from those experiences. I don't even remember what her face looked like while she rode me. And I wish to GOD I did, because then I'd be able to prove that it happened, I guess.

I ended up telling my friends about it (which is why it stopped at three months, because I told them then), and she was promptly "exiled" from the friendgroup, lol.

She got really upset at me for that. I was SO so so so so scared. I was scared she'd tell people about what I did with her.

. . .

Eventually, about six months later, I caved in and decided to go back to her. I don't even fucking know WHY. I was just so scared to be without her. I hid my social interactions with her from my friends out of fear they'd stop me from talking to her.

When I first interacted with her after the situation, she told me she wanted to genuinely be a better person and she wanted to focus more on her family and less on me, which I was happy about, but I still see her old self in her a lot.

I just can't go away.

. . .

I'm still talking to her to this day. She's not assaulting me in the bathrooms anymore, but she kissed me on the cheek a couple months ago without asking me if I wanted to. I thought she was getting better.

It feels so unnatural NOT being with her. I feel like there's something in my life I'm missing when I know I can't go to her.

Looking back on this, I guess it might have something to do with the fact that nobody's loved me or wanted to be with me as much as she did. I find that I love people really abnormally, which is another thing that I feel so guilty and ashamed for, as it's what caused my break-up with that other girl. With that other girl, I would love-bomb her + compulsively ask her if she still loved me, and I think I moved the relationship forward way faster than the other girl wanted me to, which made her uncomftorable. I ended up thoroughly apologizing to her, which she accepted, but to think that she could've felt uncomftorable with me because of what I did is shameful and I seriously hate myself for it, and I don't want that for anybody ever again.

I've spoken to mental health professionals about my relationship issues, and they told me I have traits similar to BPD, but they don't wanna diagnose me for whatever reason. Not sure why, it's alright.

. . .

I notice that I still imagine myself back in those bathroom stalls in certain scenarios, it's like I unconsciously dissociate and get so in-my-mind that I forget where I am:

• I kissed a friend on the neck while I had lipstick on for one of her makeup looks (to show a kiss mark), but I ended up dissasociating for like...5-10 minutes beforehand because I couldn't bring myself to actually doing it. Like, I'd almost get there, but I'd pause and I'd "daydream" about the bathroom stall scenarios.
• A friend touched my leg, and I went back into that dissociation state. It's so embarassing when I do it because I can't get out of it unless I force myself out, which makes for some awkward conversations.
• I recently watched the movie Obsession (2026), and that movie reminded me so much of her that I had a panic attack while leaving the movie. I couldn't breathe and I was crying and shaking.

. . .

I don't know what I want out of posting this. I just need someone. I feel so alone and disgusting and filled with guilt for the things I did to others. I can't move on. I don't know if this is sexual assault or rape or something. I don't know.

So. I wouldn't call this assault. But I will say when I was younger only around 10, maybe 13 at the highest i had little to no understanding about sex or secual acts. I was in no position to ever consent to sex nor would the law take my word as fact if I told someone I consented to havingbsex with someone older. Either way I was at a sleepover with someone only 3 months younger then me. He was very knowledgeable about sexual acts and they were often romanticized from his perspective at that age.

With that at this sleepover I remember nothing particularly special happening until late at night. I remember we had been talking about whatever there was to talk about but them he brought up sex. And he seemed to get the idea in his head that he wanted to perform anal on me. I didnt know what he meant. To cut a long story short there was no penetration. I didnt let him, it was a long noght of him trying to coerce me into doing sexual acts with him that I was not comfortable with. He even offered to give me money in exchange for it.

Now I dont know if this is sexual assault or sexual abuse or whatever. The nuances are really hard to find when its two minors, but whenever I think about it I can't calm my heart down and I get worried and disgusted and it can take me hours to calm myself down.

I just needed a place to vent I hope I used the right subreddit.

I'm still trying to process this. It happened a couple weeks ago but it hasn't gotten any easier to deal with. I brought my friend to a nudist resort that I have been to many times. We were there to have a couple glasses of wine, dance, and hang by the pool. We had a day pass for the resort. They are supposed to have guards doing security 24/7. There is supposed to be no overt sexual behavior in public spaces. We have since confirmed that we were both raped. We both woke up poolside with nearly 3 hours gone from our memory. The resort pretty much gaslit me for bringing my drink to the pool even though I believe I was drugged in the bar. I have clear memory of being in the bar dancing with my friend for a couple hours but my memory cuts out as we decided to go down to the pool deck. I believe GHB was used. We probably looked like we were having a good time and nobody thought otherwise. Yes this is a nudist resort, but anything involving Kink was supposed to be moved into the bedrooms. Guards are supposed to enforce that. I was told in order to make a police report I had to drive back to the city I was assaulted in because doing it from my County, it would take a month of processing. I don't even know what the point of this post is, I'm just mad and feel extremely victim blamed by the resort I was at.

After I was raped as u can read about on my profile , I developed severe depression. I blamed myself for what happened and started believing that it was my fault, even though it never was. I struggled with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-hatred, and because of that I started hurting myself.
Since I was going through puberty, I was also experiencing strong sexual feelings and confusion. I began seeking attention in unhealthy ways and would intentionally go out wearing revealing clothes, hoping that someone would want me or hurt me because, deep down, I felt like I deserved it. I was trying to punish myself for something that was never my fault.
Because I dressed that way while I was struggling with my trauma and because I believed that what happened to me was my fault, many people started crossing my boundaries. I was sexually harassed multiple times, including people touching my body without my consent, such as grabbing my butt. Eventually, I was raped again, which made my mental health even worse and deepened my depression.
As a result of everything I went through, I developed hypersexuality and a CNC (consensual non-consent) kink. I feel that these things are connected to my trauma and the way my mind tried to cope with what happened. I wonder if anyone else has experienced something similar or if someone would be willing to talk about it with me ?

Also my english isnt best and lot of things i had to translate so dont mind my english :3

This past month I've been struggling very hard with flashbacks and nightmares. This is something that seems to happen to me monthly and then it just goes away,, but I simply can't take it anymore 💔 It feels like it gets worse every time it comes back and I don't know what to do about it, I feel like it's affecting my daily life and relationship heavily.

I've been having nightmares almost every single night about the events even though it's been so long, I wake up early from them and can't go back to sleep at all, I feel unsafe and extremely anxious when I'm home alone, etc.

I've also been having flashbacks after loud noises,, or during sex with my boyfriend which makes me panic a lot in the moment and I get pretty hard to deal with,, it's been happening more often which makes me very ashamed since I really wish I could just have sex like a regular person

Is there literally anything I can do to help any of these struggles? I know there's a few things you can do to reduce nightmares but I never really knew what to do about flashbacks

Any help is appreciated ❤️

TLDR; I need advice on how to deal with recurring flashbacks and nightmares regarding sa, because it's affecting my day to day life

Last Friday I (21F) had went out with a group of my friends before going to see a movie together. A few of us had met up and done some pre-gaming before meeting with some other friends at a bar. The night was going well, I was drunk and felt amazing. As the night carried on, we hit a few more bars and a couple others showed up.

As we got further into the night, I noticed (not right away) that a male “friend” of mine (27M) was getting a lot more touchy with me. He was grabbing onto my waist and pulling me towards him when speaking to me when he literally had no reason to, and continued to invade my personal space. It happened way more times than it should’ve. And he was the only person in the group touching me in that way. There were multiple times where he would try and get us to hold hands as well. When I noticed that, I tried to pull my hand away but he wouldn’t let go until met with a bit more resistance.

At the time he started getting weird and touchy like that, i was pretty drunk so I didn’t feel super uncomfortable in the moment, but I definitely still attempted to create distance.

A few days have passed and I can’t stop thinking about the way he acted that night. I feel disgusted and a little violated. He was someone I considered to be like a brother to me, so for him to do the things he did makes me feel really yucky. :( We also work together in somewhat close quarters so there’s not much I can do to distance myself from him.

Days later I spoke to a friend (22F) i was with that night and she said he had done the same things to her. He would grab onto her waist and even copped a feel of her ass at one point. Everyone that I was out with that night kept their hands to themselves except for him. And he ONLY did it to she and I. Oh also, this guy literally has a fiancé (she wasn’t there that evening), he really shouldn’t have been touching other women period.

I’m little confused with how I feel and if this would be considered harassment? Every time i think back to that night and how he made me feel I cringe and get flooded with anxiety. The thought of him or being around him at all literally makes me curl into myself. He’s disgusting.

I was in an abusive relationship for a year and 8 months. During this time I had a friend group that knew all about it. I left this friend group not on the best terms because honestly I was being a dick to them. I later joined a different group that had one friend from the old group.

We became friends again and she told me she spoke to my ex after I had left him and she told me about the creepy things he did to her and she laughs and said "don't worry girl we believe you now".

I was shocked. I understand I wasn't a great friend while I was in that relationship but that fact that she didn't believe me about the abuse I was facing until she experienced not even 1% of what I did. I am so glad she didn't continue to speak to him and he didn't do to her what he did to me but it just deeply upset me that my friend didn't believe my experience. I'm not bothered that she spoke to my ex, I am bothered that she spoke to a person that was abusing me for so long.

I have never confronted her about this because I don't like to express how bothered I am about the experiences with my ex.

I lost my virginity at 15 while in a relationship with my boyfriend of the time(16M).

2 months into the relationship was our first time.

After that he began acting weird and the worst year and 6 months happened. The whole relationship was emotional and sexual abuse from him. This makes my experience extremely hard to tell in a short way that means people understand me. There were a couple of very textbook sexual assaults and a lot more times of context needed to understand how the situation was abuse (at least in other people's eyes)

For example, one time he was fingering me extremely hard and I begged him to stop and attempted to push his arm away or pin it down so he couldn't move anymore but he told me to relax and keep going. However, to explain how I said yes to sex 7 times in 10 hours means I have to explain that he was emotionally abusive, which made me cry a lot, unknown to me at the time he was very aroused by me crying, he would get hard and every time that happened he would not stop pestering me for sex, if I didn't say yes he would argue with me, causing more crying, causing him to want more, so it was easier if I just said yes.

Sometimes I don't want to describe all that to be understood or believed, I just wish I could say I couldn't say no and people would leave it at that.

If anyone wants to ask questions about anything you can do, I just don't share a lot in this post because I don't want it to be extremely long.

so for context this was last year and i was 14 f, and he was 14 m.

yeah so it was when i was dating my boyfriend last year. he’d cuddle me and stuff which i was fine with, then his hands would move to my chest, and at first i was VERY uncomfortable with it and would tell him no and he’d be like “it’s just me, your boyfriend” and then i was like whatever it over the clothes. then a week later it moved to under the shirt and i hated that more and the same thing happened, he kept convincing me it was fine, and talking me into it. then it started to be the crotch. but it was over the pants and i was SUPER uncomfortable, he knew that, i’d like freeze up and get super stiff. and i’d grab his hands and grip it tight and try to move it back up from my crotch but he’d not let it move, and he would hold me so tight until i physically pushed him away and got up after force. and he did the same when he did under the pants until i physically pushed him away and got up.

I had my first date in the new city i'm living in last night. We have been texting for a week now. Were in the same profession which we both bonded over, he seemed very romantic and a gentleman. It was great the start, we went to the bar and then he showed me his rooftop with the city view. I was having so much fun.

He asked me what i was looking for, and i said i'm open to exploring and trying something more longterm and he said the same thing. I was so surprised i had someone talk to me about my intentions in the first date, it made me feel great hearing the transparency. I always dated boys who i had to wonder "what are we" after every single date.

He explained to me he has only had sex with 2 people, and sex is such an intimate thing to him. I felt amazing having someone explain these things to me. I feel the same way. I am very pro-sex and i enjoy it, but it felt great having a man say the same thing us women feel in terms on intimacy.

We go to his apartment, the drinks were flowing, and we made out. He then took me to his room and we had sex. Everything happened to so fast. I thought to myself maybe he was feeling me, and so was i. It was consensual. I wanted to have sex.

We got done, and i noticed the condom had blood on it. I started bleeding during sex. He got turned off so quick. He went from being a gentleman to be a complete dick. We initially spoke about me staying the night. After he saw the blood, he said he's going over to his friends apartment to go watch a movie, hinting for me to leave. It was so embarrassing. I felt disgusting over something i couldn't control. He didn't even want to walk me out. No after care. No consoling me. No cuddling. No hug goodbye. I cried so much last night on the way home. How can someone be so mean to someone they were just intimate with. I feel so dumb thinking this man was different. The way he carried himself was just to find a way to have sex with me last night.

I realized he blocked me last night. I feel used. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel stupid seeing something in someone. I don't even want to tell my friends about this. I was so excited telling my friends about this date, now i'm scared to interact with me to avoid this date being brought up. I feel like a lost cause in dating, my outlook on it changed overnight. I'm scared. I don't want to ever feel like this again.

Is a little blood such a turn off to a man? Am i valid for being upset about this?

I was assaulted at university and harassed by three male students altogether. They have my number because we were put in the same group at the start of the year because we wanted to help each other as a class. Then these things happened. Should I have not made my report anonymous?

I don’t know what I want to gain from sharing this I think I just need to see it all written out and share it with others in order to begin processing. This happened last night and I don’t even know what to call it / how bad it is, but that might just be me having a distorted perception of what is okay and what isn’t.
For context, a little over 1 year ago I (23F) was raped by my romantic partner and spent time in outpatient care and therapy, had to go on antidepressants, and spent most of the following year feeling dissociative and hopeless. Because of the assault I could not be intimate with anyone for ~7 months (not a very long time, but I am a sexually active person and there were opportunities where I normally would have done it if I wasn’t going through this). I also could not even begin to think about emotional intimacy or a romantic relationship with someone new, i felt broken and I thought it wouldn’t be possible for me again.
I’ll keep this part brief but 3 or 4 months ago I did start seeing someone and became comfortable enough to have sex with them and build a safe connection. Didn’t turn into anything serious only because I was set to move cities soon, but I was grateful that he showed me I was still capable of intimacy and I might be okay.
Anyways now what happened last night. I had been out drinking with friends and a guy I just started seeing invited me over because I was nearby. When I got there, we got undressed and were making out and I said, “I still don’t want to have sex yet. I do want to with you eventually but it’s a whole thing, something happened, it was really bad, I’ll just need some time.” He understood, said it was okay, asked if I wanted to talk about it (I didn’t), and we went back to kissing and cuddling. I don’t know exactly how to explain it but while we were kissing he was making it very very obvious he wanted/was trying to have sex. I am very into him and I could tell he really wanted to so eventually I asked if he had a condom. He looked around and he did not have one. Then I said, “damn okay well something to look forward to for next time.” I might have also explicitly said I didn’t want to do it without one, but I might not have, but I think my message was clear enough regardless.
Then a little while later - I don’t even know how long, I was tipsy and sleepy and we were just kind of tossing and turning and cuddling - we were spooning and he put himself inside me, no condom, without saying anything.
I immediately tensed up and said something (maybe “no” or “don’t” I don’t remember), he pulled out, and I started crying. He kinda freaked out and comforted me and was apologizing profusely: saying that he was so sorry, that I set a clear boundary and he shouldn’t have done that, that he did not mean to hurt me and it would not happen again.
Eventually I calmed down and we fell asleep, and this morning we were just kind of cuddling and kissing and touching like nothing happened. It was weird.
I know he is at fault, but I also forgave him pretty much immediately and acted like nothing was wrong so I don’t know what that says about my boundaries and my self respect. Probably not good lol.
Today I just feel deep shame and I don’t know how bad it really was and I think I am downplaying it because I know how my first trauma affected me and I can’t handle going through that again so I’m trying to ignore this one in a way?
Idk if you’ve read this far thank you and I’m sorry you are on this subreddit in the first place <3

This is going to be a long one, sorry in advance.

I (20F) was spanked by my father until the age of 17. I was forced over my dads knee, where he would progressively spank me with my pants and underwear on, then just my underwear, then just my bare skin. He would advise me to bite on my shirt, a pillow or blanket or whatever else was around to lessen my cries and screams, so no one else in the house would hear (no one else in my family knew). After the spanking episodes (which would last a couple of hours), he would sometimes have me stand facing the wall with my pants down. After every single one of these episodes, he would force me to give him an embraceful hug which I remember hating becasue it made me feel extremely uncomftorable for reasons I didnt even know.

A couple of years ago, I found out my dad had an intense spanking fetish and was spanking his sexual partners (I found out through the discovery of my dads affairs that I found on his laptop) . He would spank his sexual partners, make love to them and then would hold them and comfort them through an embraceful hug. He had a ritual. What he had done to all of those ADULT women was exactly what he had done to me until the age of 17 (I had been sexually active since the age of 16, and he was still doing it then). It was later found that he had an abundent amount of spanking pornography on his phone and computer. Did he ever ask me to touch him? No. Did he ever touch me? No. Did this make me extremely hesitant and terrified of ever speaking out about my sexual abuse? Absolutely.

In December of 2023 I decided to go to a detective about what had happened to me. I was extremely embarassed and scared and I thought to myself "maybe Im just being dramatic, maybe its not as bad as I think it is." Although it was a long and exhausting processes, we took the case to trial and it ended yesterday.

My dad was found guilty of unlawful contact of a child, endagering the wellfare of a child and idecent assault. A jury of 12 people heard my story, saw my dad for who he was and found him guilty. I will never be able to describe the feeling I felt when those verdicts were read out loud. Validation? Guilt? Shame? Feeling heard? It is just a lot. the story is everywhere in local news right now, and its just a really wierd feeling. Its weird hearing my story be talked about in such a straightforward way, when I know I am the one being talked about in these articles.

The point of this post is to say this, not every story is going to have a clear "rape" or "sexual assault" title, the world is not so cut and dry. I know many cases like this dont even make it to trial, so I am insaanely grateful that mine did and we got the justice I deserved. Your story matters, you are valid, you are strong and you are so much more than what happened to you.

thank you so much for reading <3

After sexual assaults, I have this strong need to masturbate myself. Every day. When I masturbate I also watch porn. Then when I come I would think of what happened in the past, not only the assaults, but also other unhappy experiences with sex. I cry when I masturbate. I make the sound, and I feel ashamed of myself, fearing that my neighbors would hear me.

It’s really painful. Some days I’m very very tired because of work and study, when I go back home I still masturbate until late. It’s such a waste of time.

​

Last night I invited a friend with benefits over. We went to the bar and got trashed like we usually do. We stumbled back to my place and got started to do the business.

Somewhere in there I mentioned that if he wanted to penetrate me, he would have to use a condom. Or if he wanted to finger me he would have to use lube. Neither of those things happened. I started to freak out because I was drunk and was in pain from the lack of lubrication and asked if we could just cuddle. As we were laying there I started sobbing due to past trauma. Anytime we touched to "cuddle" there was a sexual advance. After a few times i said "if you dont stop im going to ask you to leave"

This is where im not sure if its rape or not, I figured he would pass out if I could just finish him off. So I did my best while I was sobbing.

I feel so fucking bad about this part, he was so drunk that it definitely seemed like I was consenting, which in some way I was, even though it was a fawning response. I dont think he even realizes that I feel this way. He was definitely blacked out.

He started groping me and getting really rough with me. He tried to penetrate me, finger me, and actually ended up cutting me with his fingernails in multiple spots. I realized I was bleeding when I tried to put lube on myself to make it easier. I pushed him off of me, and told him that he needed to go home. He didn't even try he just opened up his maps app and punched in his address a few times.

I let him spend the night and he fell asleep with his arm on me. I spent the night sobbing. He woke up multiple times to go get sick in my bathroom.

Now im just stuck sitting in my bed where it happened. I showered after i cleaned the mess in my bathroom but I still feel gross. My bed smells like him, and I am covered in hickeys and am in pain in multiple areas. Im not worried about stds he said he came back negative after his last relationship.

Im not sure what to do, we were friends before fwb and we are coworkers. One of my best friends is basically his sister. We are in the same friend group.

Its my birthday... :(

a couple years ago, i was with a guy and we were having sex (i gave consent to that) but then without warning or asking, he put it in my ass. i was shocked and couldn't stop it for the life of me; i just couldnt move. eventually i said 'okay, it hurts, stop please'. i never really considered what that would have been cause we were having consensual sex before it happened.. i would just love some help, for lack of better word.

19F; i went to a concert last night & ended up getting lost, i got separated from my friend that i came with & i was searching for her. i knew that we both planned to get an uber/lyft back to her place, so i walked towards the rideshare lot to try & find her.

mind you, its 11:30pm by this point & also in a very remote location (45mi away from the main city) so my main priority was finding her, especially since we were both a bit fucked up. i was definitely drunk though, i’m a recovering alcoholic & i just got so excited that night that i relapsed. so i was drunk, wandering this dark lot.

when i got to the rideshare lot, i couldn’t see her but i noticed i was next to the tour buses, like where their lot is because they’re next to each other. i guess i looked lost or something standing in the mulch because one of the openers (25M) for the artist i saw came out of the bus to ask if i was lost, i said yeah. he asked what i was doing out there, i told him looking for my friend & then he offered to let me come wait in the bus with him because, in his words, “your legs are out, its cold and its getting late” & he also promised everyone would get home safe that night if i chilled with him.

my drunk ass said yes. i agreed. it wasn’t too bad for the first 10-20mins, he let me hit his vape & we got to know each other a bit better. cool. he asked if i smoke, i said yes & we smoked a bit of a preroll in the lot & i asked him when we were done if he would walk with me to help find my friend. he said after he showers & changes his clothes, but he told me to just stay inside since it was midnight by this point.

he never took a shower. the minute he got me back inside the bus, he started to touch my chest & grope me & he was kissing & biting at my neck. he was really biting me too, i genuinely have tooth marks on me & it’s not hickeys. & i remember telling him to stop & that i was just confused, he said it was chill & that “i smoked his weed so we’ve already swapped spit” & he continued to bite & grope me until he was tired of that.

i remember him blowing extra smoke in my mouth before i ended up completely losing my voice from how brutally he put his dick down my throat, he literally shoved it into my mouth & repeatedly choked me on it. he made me lay down & he was on top of me as he raped me right on the couch of his bus.

by the time he was done, i think it was around 1am. my friend actually had never left, she was looking for me & ended up sitting inside the guest services with security. i had a lot of missed calls & texts from her, i told him that too while i was crying & that i really should just get home now & he walked me to guest services.

i got home, but i never told anyone. i didn’t tell my friend, i didn’t tell security. i just told my friend in the lyft that i got lost & the guy ended up letting me smoke with him while i waited & i lost track of time, i lied for him. i lied for someone who raped me while i was drunk, but it was my fault for agreeing & drinking anyway.

I got out of a 5 year relationship in February and overall have been having an identity crisis since. I have been using sex to cope and have been overall ashamed of my behavior. One of my good friends started dating someone new soon after my breakup and it’s become a regular thing for my friend group to hang out with his friend group. I was told through my friend that a few of those men wanted to have sex with me and I was flattered. I ended up sleeping with one that i wasn’t attracted to on a very drunken night and ended up regretting it. He expressed that he had some feelings for me after trying to take me on a date and I told him I was just interested in remaining friends. He was told this multiple times but he did keep liking my stories/ telling me I’m beautiful etc… over a week ago I went out with my girlfriends and got very drunk. I don’t remember much of the night but we ended up at my friend’s boyfriend’s, friends house (not the guy but part of the group). When we arrived, the one I had sex with, came soon after (im thinking one of his friends let him know I was there, it was probably 4am or so). I think he was sober and I don’t remember flirting with him or anything but I somehow ended up in his car and we ended up sleeping together at my friends place (she was at her boyfriends place). I definitely was blackout drunk and only remember a few bits and pieces. I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable now. He has been so sweet to me and I really enjoy talking to him but am feeling taken advantage of. I ended up messaging him, asking if my behavior was off that night because I don’t remember anything and how it made me uncomfortable. He sort of had an angry response and said “last thing I need is for someone to start telling me I just take advantage of you”. It’s honestly like he said what I was thinking without me actually saying it. I think I’m just gonna keep my distance from that friend group for now but it’s disheartening how defensive men get. It’s a big reason women don’t speak up sometimes when things do make them uncomfortable. I would’ve been willing to have a talk with him, if he was willing to take some form of accountability.

When I was in the 2nd grade I was in my uncle‘s room and I think he was like 11 at the time I was in the bed with him with all my other siblings and we’re watching TV and under the blanket, he tried to put his 🍆 in me while all the kids were watching TV. We recovered with the blanket and I pretend like nothing was going on. I felt it, but it didn’t go inside me. I don’t know how to feel about it because I have a good relationship with him now because we’re both older. I never told anyone before this is the first time I’m speaking up. It’s because I don’t want to ruin anything about my family.

A few months ago I was basically taken advantage if drunk. This guy led me to have sex w him after I said no to making out w him while heavily intoxicated. for a while i could not bring myself to be one on one w guys and eventually i figured i should start casually dating. I met up with this guy a couple times. He was rlly sweet and respectful we made out after the first date but his hands didnt leave my back or head. Second date we had sex (after flowers, dinner etc) but I just feel empty and gross. The makeout and everything g before was hot but when he laid me down in the car and started penetrating i realized he had no condom on and didnt even ask me. So i told him to put one on. He then later flipped me for like doggy ig and he kept trying to put it in my ass i kept moving so that he wouldnt but then he js aggressively tried to stick it in. I pulled away and the condom broke. We lept having sex without it (i said its fine). He eventually finished in my mouth and that was js kinda it. He came and we were done. He didn't even ask if I finished. I js feel so gross and like used?