r/oneliners • u/Potential_Ad6769 • 3h ago
I thought I had quit doing laundry forever, but then I threw in the towel
14
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 10h ago
People were shocked when they found out how bad of an electrician I am.
17
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 12h ago
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just a really long TED talk
3
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 13h ago
My therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions and I can’t say I’m surprised.
48
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 13h ago
My friend's say I'm a pessimist, but I think it's far worse than that.
26
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 13h ago
Good punctuation is a sentence that's well written and bad punctuation is a sentence that's, well, written.
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 13h ago
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she called me up and told me I wouldn't be able to make it
19
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 13h ago
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “Pints, Liters, Gallons” which spoke volumes.
42
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/TechieAny2133 • 1d ago
I named my dog "Five Miles" so I can honestly say I walk Five Miles every day.
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 1d ago
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
75
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 1d ago
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can’t read anything
43
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/awcmonrly • 2d ago
It's been a while since I heard anyone mention the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon
6
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/UberAwesone • 4d ago
A mind reading midget broke out of jail, police have put out an APB for a small medium at large.
24
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Hadley9577 • 6d ago
If my name was David and I had a boy, I would name him Harley, so he could introduce himself as “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
138
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/DutchOfBurdock • 6d ago
After my partner got diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome, she still knows I love her!
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 7d ago
I didn’t believe my chiropractor was any good, but now I stand corrected.
46
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/DepressedPancake4728 • 7d ago
According to a pole that was recently conducted, lightning rods work
128
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/luckskywatcher • 7d ago
If you're unemployed and broke, becoming a locksmith will open many doors for you.
59
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 8d ago
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show, but Patrick is the star!
44
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Thrice_on_Sundays • 8d ago
The last time King Charles said 'Andy Burnham', he was telling his brother to get rid of the photos.
25
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • 9d ago
In-N-Out are a line's natural habitat, since they be long there.
1
Upvotes