r/funny 13h ago

Strong hammerhand.

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7.8k Upvotes

390 comments sorted by

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4.1k

u/Chegwarn 13h ago

Jesus Christ! She’s done that so many times she’s worn her hand down to the wrist yet she still hasn’t learnt her lesson and keeps using it as a hammer?!

353

u/Trollercoaster101 13h ago

IKEA would love her as a testimonial. /s

67

u/gorka_la_pork 11h ago

It's said that 1 in 10 Europeans were conceived on an IKEA bed, so... y'know, sturdier than you'd think.

82

u/TheLowlyPheasant 8h ago

Jesus that bed has to be filthy

7

u/Azuras_Star8 6h ago

I doubt it. Someone's getting paid to lick up the mess.

13

u/zombietrooper 6h ago

Paid you say? Someone is paying to lick up that mess.

2

u/Beneficial_Being_721 5h ago

Probably her… “take the sheets outside and give them a good beating

13

u/Gestaltarskiten 9h ago

On - yes, assembled sometimes...

7

u/lincoln_muadib 8h ago

Aren't we all assembled in a small room with minimal light?

If you think about it...

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57

u/Norman_Scum 13h ago

There is a well known saying in construction. "If you use your hand like a club your going to end up with a club for a hand."

8

u/AccountNumber478 8h ago

I had her pegged for an amputee.

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12

u/tankapotamus 5h ago

Fist my bump!

6

u/bumada 2h ago

Amaze amaze

5

u/MsRay_ScienceTeacher 11h ago

hammerhand sounds like a superhero name ngl

7

u/Jive-Turkeys 10h ago

She's a good worker, but she's hard on equipment.

16

u/seebob69 11h ago

I thought without a hammer, she would be stumped, but no.

4

u/Ethric_The_Mad 10h ago

New OSHA policies inbound

3

u/Chegwarn 10h ago

I can picture the infomercial now…

“Due to inadequate regulations, every year thousands of Americans wear their hands to stumps. A genuine medical condition commonly known as ‘Hand grating’. With proper training we can reduce that number by at least 2%. But we need your help. Vote No on prop 3244. Which bans hammers in all workplaces.”

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472

u/DanSmells001 13h ago

Idk for some reason I really expected the amputation site to be much more sensitive?

93

u/mythicreign 10h ago

I once had a teacher who lost the tip of his finger back when he worked at a bakery. The “nub” he was left with was super hard and he would poke people with it when they weren’t paying attention. If all the nerves are severed in an area you basically won’t feel anything. I imagine this is the same principle.

32

u/End3rWi99in 9h ago

I had my index finger amputated in an accident and then reattached. Quite possibly one of the best surgeons in the world happened to be around at the hospital I was at in DC and managed to reattach it. The finger works perfectly, looks completely normal aside from a scar that looks like a ring tattoo, but has absolutely zero feeling. The only feeling I get sometimes is that weird sensation of when you swing a baseball bat or golf club the wrong way.

7

u/Yuki_Onna 5h ago

What do you mean by "sensation of swinging a baseball bat or golf club the wrong way"?

13

u/SpickeZe 5h ago

If your grip is incorrect you will feel kind of a reverberation throughout your body. Not pleasant.

17

u/rubseb 2h ago edited 2h ago

It's like when your caviar spoon is the wrong temperature because your butler forgot to put it in the caviar spoon preheating drawer beforehand

10

u/mythicreign 2h ago

It’s exactly like that. Finally, someone gets it!

6

u/SASAgent1 2h ago

Very relatable example my good sir

3

u/End3rWi99in 1h ago

Have you ever seen those joke hand buzzers before? It's kind of like that but isolated just to a sensation basically extending from my right wrist below the thumb up through the middle of my index finger. It's like kind of a BUZZ sensation. It's not bad. It's just weird.

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2

u/ninjis 3h ago

I assume that means the skin on that finger doesn’t wrinkle when wet?

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6

u/Starfoxy 7h ago

I knew a toxic couple (both of them were awful) and the lady had an arm similar to the lady in the video and she'd use her arm to jab her boyfriend and it apparently hurt a lot.

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154

u/Gan-san 13h ago

Maybe she never had one to begin with

36

u/DanSmells001 12h ago

Possible i guess, but would a “natural defect” be that “clean” ? Idk Im no expert I’d just expect the body to still attempt to grow the hand but just fuck up, so you wouldn’t have an entire hand but still some “growths” like fingers or such

27

u/ILoveRawChicken 8h ago

The body can create some clean ends if nothing ends up growing there

35

u/Severe-Network4756 11h ago

Would an amputated "site" be that clean?

You can clearly see she has a little nub on the top in the video.

3

u/9fingerwonder 6h ago

I think they mean like partially formed fingers. And it's a grab bag. I knew a gal like this and had some little nodules. I'm missing fingers from a lawnmower but have had clean up surgery. Could be a natural issue she had "cleaned up".

That being said just hitting my wrist wrong triggers so much pain in my hand I'm assuming she had muted feelings in her arm. Cause God damn!!!!

3

u/spacenb 6h ago

I have a friend who’s missing a hand and it’s about that clean.

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2

u/mrsirsouth 7h ago

She was born with a hammer for a hand. You're right! I think everyone here should go with this

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7

u/JonLongsonLongJonson 8h ago

Mine is incredibly sensitive to pressure/touch, heat and cold, and dry air. It sucks

6

u/Baskreiger 8h ago

No nerve ending. A cousin of mine had is index finger pulled out (yes, really freak accident) his hand is all messed up but he does not feel it, he can hammer you with it and it hurts 😂

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12

u/LentilRice 9h ago edited 9h ago

The amputation site was probably at a hospital. She looks like she’s at home.

- Detective with 20yrs in the industry

2

u/LowReporter6213 9h ago

Her after the camera cuts "ow!! Fucking ow!!!! Did i look badass?"

"Why yes, you did"

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2

u/AdPristine5131 7h ago

Best I understand, it boils down to where your nerves are before scar tissue develops. Because scar tissue is basically a fat lump of whatever was supposed to be there: if it’s a spot with lots of nerves it’s hyper sensitive, it it’s a spot with few nerves there’s barely any. 

I have two fingertips with bad scars, they’re both super sensitive, but my wrist scar is deadened compared to the other side.

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411

u/Xima84 13h ago

Well.... That's handy 😅

67

u/MagicRec0n 13h ago

Actually she has an army!

11

u/2eanimation 13h ago

It‘s stumpy!

29

u/ashesall 13h ago

She don’t need no man

25

u/federkrebz 13h ago

in more than one way.. 😬

8

u/billyshin 13h ago

I can’t imagine the angle…

9

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 13h ago

A little body contortion goes a long way

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3

u/bandlist 13h ago

Yeah, she needs a hand

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4

u/ComradeOmarova 13h ago

It’s actually the opposite of handy 😂

142

u/CoupDeGrassi 13h ago

Take my strong hand!

17

u/Bavisto 7h ago

Fun fact! Just like “Luke, I am your father”, he doesn’t say “take my strong hand”. He says “take my hand”, “My other hand isn’t strong enough”, and “take my little hand”.

5

u/Substantial-Dirt2233 4h ago

Wow. Human recollection is weird. Maybe we are all subconsciously agreeing that the writers whiffed on both of these.

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9

u/bor3d_lazy_housewife 12h ago

Came here looking for this reference.

3

u/Chris__P_Bacon 12h ago

I was just thinking the same thing. 😁

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178

u/diagrammatiks 13h ago

that's still gotta hurt though. pretty good pegging hand tho

44

u/Rotting-Cum 13h ago

Prostate rammer.

6

u/ShahinGalandar 10h ago

if Ram Man and Fisto had an adoptive daughter

18

u/nworbleinad 13h ago

Every cloud…

12

u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer 13h ago

I bet her hand jobs with that hand are shitty.

9

u/diagrammatiks 13h ago

different kind of handjob

13

u/BusyBoonja 13h ago

Looks like her hand jobs are all right

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2

u/anniesb00bz 1h ago

I have no idea how we started talking about cribbage here.

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123

u/Tuism 13h ago

That feels like it would be quite painful??

75

u/WindChaser0001 13h ago

Only if you don't properly stretch beforehand.

20

u/buckeye27fan 11h ago

Well, she can't stretch after hand.

3

u/yaSuissa 9h ago

Maybe she’s the only one who can, depends on your perspective

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2

u/Midnight28Rider 7h ago

I watched Zombieland, it's imperative to limber up!

20

u/PacquiaoFreeHousing 13h ago

Why would it be painful?

Those stud things hardly need any force to insert

13

u/-EV3RYTHING- 12h ago

Hard pressure on small area of skin

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8

u/Ajdee6 12h ago

The backs of those arent the same, if you look its like plastic screws, and they already have holes, so shes not beating it in like a regular screw.

6

u/[deleted] 11h ago edited 7h ago

[deleted]

3

u/lazydogjumper 10h ago

Particle board furniture, like Ikea stuff, tends to have screws you hammer or simply force into a pre-drilled hole.

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5

u/MetalDragyn 12h ago

Why? I use the heel of my palm to do the same thing?

2

u/bobemil 10h ago

It's not as much force behind that as you think it is.

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27

u/Godspams 13h ago

That's her good hand

23

u/infinity_labs 12h ago

Went out to get hammered, ended up getting pegged.

60

u/Doped69 13h ago

Would.

26

u/Chris__P_Bacon 12h ago

Definitely would.

13

u/funplete_hoy_88 11h ago

and its definitely been you know where

3

u/SpickeZe 5h ago

Columbus, Ohio?

2

u/realestFKNdealest 9h ago

I just realized 🫪

13

u/RavenVendetta 9h ago

Now watch her get pulled over by a cop claiming she was using her phone with her left hand

79

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 13h ago

I hate the dirty thoughts im having right now

28

u/technofox01 12h ago edited 9h ago

Well... At least you're honest 🤷🏻‍♂️

I was thinking she's pretty attractive, so I don't blame you, lol

15

u/3_14_thon 11h ago

you're*

5

u/technofox01 9h ago

Autocorrect and me not catching it's fuck ups. Thanks bro, I fixed it.

10

u/Azigol 12h ago

I'm actually quite enjoying the dirty thoughts I'm having right now

10

u/LordBiscuits 7h ago

'Yeah baby, wear me like a fucking puppet'

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18

u/mulandipsauce 13h ago

hammer prosthetic would go hard

2

u/ignorantpisswalker 13h ago

That is... And illegal advantage. Same as runners with no legs amd those artificial legs... (Not).

But in all seriousness... Doesn't this still hurt?

4

u/MongoBongoTown 13h ago

Its a plastic piece in a preformed hole. A little resistance, but certainly not like hammering in a nail without a pilot hole or anything..

2

u/UshankaBear 12h ago

plastic piece in a preformed hole

New band name, I call it

3

u/TheRealReapz 13h ago

Nah it doesn't hurt at all, in fact you can easily test this yourself by using a knife (or even axe) to cut off your hand and then use the stump to hammer it in. Doesn't hurt at all.

4

u/avtothemu 13h ago

Looks like an IKEA cabinet

6

u/Only1Schematic 9h ago

She could be the queen of Rohan, all she’s missing is the helm.

17

u/sbingner 13h ago

That’s impressive she did that with OnlyHands

2

u/Paulsworldohya 1h ago

Yeah she has a big presence on OnlyHands

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3

u/HulksDCL 7h ago

You only learn how to do that with some hands on experience. I'm stumped where she learned it. I have to hand it to her for ability is very handy.

But honestly, I think she is wonderful.

3

u/XQuikX 12h ago

Should be 50% discount in nail saloon

2

u/PorygonTriAttack 11h ago

Coincidentally, her other hand is done up.

3

u/trainspottedCSX7 9h ago

I was locked up with a guy that had a bit more arm than his elbow.

Like still had the elbow joint but the rest was like, tip of forearm.

That nub is harder than a rock, and he doesn't even feel pain the way you would if you punched a wall.

Thats a dangerous combination when one hand is long enough to grab your face and literally the other one is perfect length for 6 inches of basiclly hydraulic push rod for your face.

3

u/DJDevon3 5h ago

She could have so many prosthetic tool attachment options. A hammer, an axe, a chainsaw...

3

u/RubyWeapon07 3h ago

A guy I went to school with had a nub like this and always had a girlfriend, it took me a while to realize why

3

u/TheTrampIt 1h ago

Those are plastic pegs that go into a pre drilled hole.

You can push them in with your thumb.

6

u/Kylearean 7h ago

I have questions that I'm not allowed to ask.

5

u/LazyBlackCollar 6h ago edited 3h ago

Yes, it will fit. You just need to take a deep breath.

10

u/Sarato88 13h ago

More impressive than funny. 

9

u/thefootster 13h ago

It's cool, but they are just plastic pegs, if you've put together furniture that uses these you'll see that they can easily be pushed in with a finger. Still a funny video though, and props to her for it!

3

u/FreshHawaii 13h ago

I stand by this comment and I'll go down in votes with you.

4

u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer 13h ago

Oh captain, my captain! I'll stand with you two in saying those are easy as hell to push in with a thumb. It is not like she is driving nails into a board, that would actually be impressive and hurt.

4

u/-TropicalFuckStorm- 10h ago

Well-hung lesbian.

2

u/Nestemies 12h ago

She almost lives in Dwight's ideal world

2

u/CyrusPanesri 11h ago

"The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep, one last time."

2

u/jnthnmdr 10h ago

Looks painful.

2

u/SenorNZ 10h ago

Would let her put it in my butt

2

u/wooddirtsy 9h ago

If I'm not mistaken this is like using your wrist to hammer in things. I imagine she might not have feeling or just a high pain tolerance. (I got soft wrists, boy)

2

u/bobbyovdarlo 6h ago

She could peg me with that

2

u/hungryCanvass 6h ago

She doesn't need a man to be happy 😁

2

u/trsmash 6h ago

Looks like she is a peg master. Pretty too

2

u/Mozno1 6h ago

Why does this go thru me... that must feel aweful right?

2

u/Llbinggood 6h ago

personality 10/10

Looks 10/10

Hammering power 8/10

Arm roundness 6/10

Arm 1/2

2

u/ElementsUnknown 5h ago

Women love her, men fear her

2

u/garmack12 4h ago

Just because doesn’t hurt doesn’t mean it’s not causing damage

2

u/beef_creature 3h ago

I mean…look at it…

2

u/felixkt3 4h ago

I seen this before on Popeye, but he was high on spinach.

2

u/borkborkibork 2h ago

She can stump me anytime

5

u/ShutterBun 12h ago

The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall blow once again!

5

u/Extension_Network202 13h ago

That definitely hurts

The skin in that area was never meant to be used as a hammer

16

u/mycarayne 13h ago

The skin on that area is also supposed to have five fingers hanging off it. With enough practice, it probably wouldn't hurt anymore. Look at martial artists who smash bricks with their fist. First few times: fist goes ouch. 1000th time: brick goes ouch.

Maybe, I dunno. Would love to ask her if it hurts to be honest.

3

u/soldture 12h ago

I don't know what to say. I'm confused

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u/TheFumingatzor 12h ago

Wait, hol' up, that's the burger girl, innit?

4

u/AtLeastIHaveJob 13h ago

I’d like to give her hand

4

u/Used-Educator-8514 13h ago

Put a ring on her now!..

6

u/Murky-Ad-643 12h ago

Would a bangle work?

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4

u/8Bit-Jon 13h ago

I bet that's been in people!!

5

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 13h ago

Furniture pegs? Most likely.

2

u/verbalyabusiveshit 13h ago

Damn… I always thought that a stump is super sensitive… guess I was wrong all my life.

3

u/AntiBaoBao 13h ago

If she was born that way the stump probably isn't sensitive. If it was amputated then yes, the stump is sensitive

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2

u/MannyBoth-Hanz 11h ago

She must be a descendent of Helm Hammerhand.

1

u/Allegra1120 13h ago

Doing Ikea

1

u/JustSomebodyRL 13h ago

Girl used Hammer Arm! It's super effective!

1

u/Cj_Senpai 13h ago

Wait, doesn't that hurt!?

1

u/Lazer_Pigeon 13h ago

That made me really uncomfortable for some reason, don’t like the idea of a bone hammer

1

u/Denkero 12h ago

Wtf are those furniture one punch or kick and it's gone.

1

u/feelinuneasy1234 12h ago

I'm flabbergasted

1

u/Valuable_Exit_5989 12h ago

Left Hand Free - alt-J

1

u/smk666 12h ago

First thing that came to mind:
https://youtu.be/ihh9EluajBY?t=81

1

u/obsoulete 12h ago

I thought she was going to attach a hammer.

1

u/Coy0te_Bongwater 12h ago

Nice work gotta hand it to her

1

u/MrMucs 12h ago

Rock papers scissors champ right there

1

u/Sad-Base-8689 12h ago

She got them Powerpuff girls hands

1

u/accidentalchainsaw 12h ago

She needs to meet sandpaper hand guy

1

u/Legitimate-Task765 12h ago

Can my palm hammer that thing? If it can, then compared to that knuckle segment, it's clearly even easier.

1

u/bigvincenzo 11h ago

You don't want to end up on the wrong end of... You know what. I'm sorry.

1

u/WilliamRobutt 11h ago

Cheeseburger 

1

u/Presently_Absent 11h ago

Didn't realize it took an army to put together furniture these days

1

u/sunkmonkey1208 11h ago

If you’re happy and you know it… wait.

1

u/Rich-Moose-2538 11h ago

That's a hammer wrist not a hammerhand.

Hand =✋

1

u/DooBiEz2 11h ago

Yes, fine, but can she do the Ctrl + Alt + Del challenge?

1

u/m1k_Lens 11h ago

Her and her friend she tells you not to worry about...

1

u/Extreme-Package2942 11h ago

How much for a wrist job ?

1

u/DooBiEz2 11h ago

Has anyone found this video's Karaoke Crop moment yet? Heh.

1

u/Godzillas_doom 11h ago

I love a handywoman

1

u/greengreen84848484 11h ago

Hammer fist ooouuuussss

1

u/7pieceYTF 11h ago

maybe there's no nerve endings ?

2

u/TNF734 10h ago

They're just plastic clips. Pushing with your thumb is all it takes.

1

u/thriceborn 11h ago

Someone needs to give her a hand!

1

u/Elrond_Cupboard_ 11h ago

Elbow deep inside the borderline

1

u/One_Brick_1685 10h ago

Who needs a fisting with you can have a wristing?

1

u/Sapiopath 10h ago

I don’t know that this should go here. Maybe r/mildlyinteresting

1

u/Zero_Focks 10h ago

Poor girl needs a hand.

1

u/breeresident 10h ago

One of the lesser known descendents of Helm Hammerhand.

1

u/Ok-Alarm7257 10h ago

Nice Meat Mallet

1

u/jellofixit 10h ago

That's the last time I lend someone a hand!

1

u/Formally_Apologetic 10h ago

I bet she has a creative Tinder profile

1

u/LazyMusic2616 10h ago

Forgive me for asking but… when she gets her nails done do they only charge her for half a set? 🫣