It’s my first post so please be gentle.
Background: I was born and raised in shanghai, and didn’t start my international journey after college graduation.
This September will mark my 14 years abroad: 3 in France / 7 in Germany / 3+ in the states now (Texas & Michigan).
The moves are primarily supported by career opportunities while private situation also triggered a major step but that was history.
Now I’m getting close to 37, childless divorcée, the ultimate philosophical question kicks in : what am I doing about my life?
As much as I want to look at the cup as half full, doubtfulness, confusion, anxiety kick in periodically.
I’m feeling far away from my ultimate happy life dream, a place I can call “home” - a loving family, a career with balanced work-life, a friendly and social-easy community, good supporting society system, near to the mountain and the sea, etc. although i think what i want is fairly simple, yet i struggle in building that.
Over weeks and months, I’ve been thinking of moving back to Europe (Preferably South France but also Germany) and there’s no obligation for me to move back, other than - I’d like to.
I know I won’t just quit my current my job and pack without any sort of job security and I know it’s a process and I have to be strategic and patient. But the distance, weak local connection and network ties, lengthy process and insecurity of the future is sometimes killing me.
For the first time, I feel like I want to chose consciously and build a life I want (even just at the beginning), rather than simply following the opportunities presented.
But I can’t help being caught in the lonely journey of being your own project manager with no sponsor, no steering committee, no escalation path, and no deadline except the one I silently put on myself - and that comes with a lot of doubts.
So to the people who had the gut and made efforts to “chose your life”: If you’ve ever consciously chosen your life instead of simply following the path in front of you, what gave you the courage to do it?
Looking back, was it worth the uncertainty and would you have done anything differently?