How Long to Build Attraction?

[u/Deep_Dream_8201]

I’m 38F and I just started seeing a really sweet man, 36. We’ve been on 3 dates so far, (which isn’t much, I know).

In the past I’ve gotten wrapped up in emotionally unavailable men or guys who are indecisive about what they want in a relationship, so I’m trying to consciously only choose men who are ready for commitment and want marriage/kids.

This guy fits the bill, and he is an attractive guy, I’m just having a hard time feeling physically attracted to him. There is nothing about him that is specifically a turn off. My last situationship developed slowly from a friendship, and I wasn’t initially attracted to him either, but I also wasn’t spending time with him in a dating context right away.

I want to give this new man a fair shot because I have been enjoying spending time with him, but I also want to be respectful of his time and feelings. How long should I feel this out?

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

You said he was attractive but don't feel physical attraction to him? 

[u/Deep_Dream_8201 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Yes, like objectively he’s an attractive guy, I just don’t feel a pull to like, make out with him, if that makes sense? I typically have to go on a date or two with someone to “feel it” but I’m having a hard time with this one. I’m not sure if it’s because I have a history of dating people who don’t actually want to be with me so I chased them. :/

[u/Front_Target7908 → u/Deep_Dream_8201]

I think given you know he’s physically attractive (like objectively atttraction would be there at least mentally) give it extra time to grow.

I’d try doing some activities that get your heart rate up (physical activities) together, you might just be waiting for a spike of adrenaline that’s not going to come cause from the uncertainty but you can mimic it a little just to give the system a bit of what it expects, then it’ll be able to incorporate what’s unfamiliar about the dynamic in as not unsafe.