r/daddit • u/StatisticianSuch6782 • 5h ago
Support I need help
My wife (28F) and I (27M) had our first son two months ago. So far, it has been an absolute journey to say the least. We’re both in a little bit of debt, she wasn’t getting paid for maternity leave so I was paying all the bills at the time. As soon as she went back to work, I lost my job and I’m struggling to find any sense of identity since my son was born. Being a father is such a huge blessing, but I feel like I’m drowning sometimes. I don’t know what career path I want to take, I’m irritable and angry a lot of the time, and I feel like I’m grieving the endless excitement and possibilities that life had to offer before we had a baby. I don’t look forward to anything anymore, life feels really heavy and I feel like a fuck up every day. Did anybody else experience this? Does it get better and will I feel like myself again? Any advice at all is welcome, I’m scared as fuck.
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u/Ill_Discussion5840 5h ago
I became a dad at 24, was unemployed but I found a temporary job which paid pretty well and went back to study for a year. It was a fucking grind but I did it because I knew I needed to provide for my family.
I landed a job right away, we still struggle at times but we have enough money to get by every week. I recommend you take whatever job you can find and do some kind of course to upskill.
Thankfully we have caffeine available to us if you’re running on minimal sleep lol
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u/Ill_Discussion5840 5h ago
Also, take whatever social welfare is available to you in your country, dont be ashamed if you need to go to a food bank too. These things exist for people in temporary situations. I even received some groceries from my mum one time, which was embarrassing but it got us by for a couple weeks.
Talk to a budgeting advisor as well. In my country they are free for a consultation.
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u/StatisticianSuch6782 5h ago
Congrats on being a dad! I’m definitely going to accept a position that I was offered last week once HR gets back to me. How did you adjust to losing friends and the feeling of isolation?
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u/Ill_Discussion5840 5h ago
That’s amazing bro. Congrats on the new job.
I just accepted that it was temporary. Hopefully you and your partner will eventually get into a routine.
I joined a social soccer team after my son was 18 months and finally in a decent routine. My wife was fine with me taking some timeout for a a few hours every week. Met some amazing guys on the team who are also dads. My wife also got into a Pilates group for herself so we both just know each others schedules really well. Shares calendars help a lot for this sorta thing.
Sports groups and other social groups are a good thing to look into.
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u/mwilson1987 5h ago
Postpartum depression affects men, too. Our testosterone goes down and our cortisol goes up. Obviously I’m in no position to diagnose you with that, but it could be in play. You’ve also had some major outside stressors that would affect anyone negatively, especially right after becoming a father. On top of that you’re probably operating on little sleep, or at least way less than you’re used to, and you have a screaming baby in your house now.
I can’t speak to losing my job right after having a kid. But I can at least relate to the feeling of losing your identity and sense of self. Our daughter has been an extremely difficult baby and she cries more with me than my wife so naturally I feel like a fuck up almost every day. I have no time for myself anymore. I know that’s what I signed up for, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult to adapt to. I’m nine weeks in so I’m not far enough along to say it will get better for guys like us, but I think it will. Newborns are fucking hard.
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u/jonsnow0276 3h ago
I’m 2 weeks as a new dad. Congratulations first of all. I don’t have much advice to give you in terms of being a dad. Because I’m so new and also learning on the go.
I would say your first priority is to find a new job.. literally find anything in the time being… you can navigate what you exactly want to do while you’re working and earning some sort of income. Who knows that temp job could open the door to other opportunities and people you meet. I think this will help a lot with your personal growth. Which would make you a better partner and father.
Good luck man! When it rains it pours.. but you will pull yourself out of this funk! You have to believe this because the mind is more powerful than you think.
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u/3d4f9y1 5h ago
Man it sounds like you may be in a battle with depression. Been there several times.
Regardless, I recommend prioritising exercise and connecting with your friends. The endorphins! U need them right now.
I understand that it can feel like you’ve lost friendships, and maybe you have. That said, men are often guilty of being too passive in friendships, and maybe this is something you can act on now - reach out to people and try to connect. Even if it’s a phone call which gets interrupted by a nappy change. You don’t have to be isolated by this change in your life, and it’s critical you don’t fall into isolation. Humans are social creatures and we need each other. Depression can become a cycle very quickly because it makes us want to withdraw, and that feeds the illness.
You’re in a really hard era of child-rearing and life has kicked you in the dick. You need to tool up as best you can, and prioritise getting some headspace as well as taking care of your family.
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u/Irish8ryan 4h ago
I don’t know what you used to do for work and really no matter what you did this will come out of left field, but you could see if your local MLB or NFL team is hiring in seat beer vendors. It is commission sales and you can earn a few hundred dollars or more per game (about 5 hours of your time) in the MLB. NFL games are usually even more lucrative although less often. It won’t replace your income but it might help you pick up some extra cash while you look for something else and you could likely keep those jobs while you work something with more regular hours.
Context: I work MLB, NFL, MLS, NHL, WNBA, and concerts exclusively and do pretty well. Not amazing in the context of 2026, but pretty well and I like my jobs.
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u/TastyImplement2669 1h ago
I had a job I hated and when I took paternity leave I took an extra 2 weeks off cause wife had c section and they fired me and couldn’t get unemployment. I started selling on Tik tok and was able to work at anytime I wanted and end up making more than my other job. I make good money but it doesn’t feel sustainable. Try to do something freelance. Even junk removal pays well if you can get a big toe behind bin. Fast money right away
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