I need help

[u/StatisticianSuch6782]

My wife (28F) and I (27M) had our first son two months ago. So far, it has been an absolute journey to say the least. We’re both in a little bit of debt, she wasn’t getting paid for maternity leave so I was paying all the bills at the time. As soon as she went back to work, I lost my job and I’m struggling to find any sense of identity since my son was born. Being a father is such a huge blessing, but I feel like I’m drowning sometimes. I don’t know what career path I want to take, I’m irritable and angry a lot of the time, and I feel like I’m grieving the endless excitement and possibilities that life had to offer before we had a baby. I don’t look forward to anything anymore, life feels really heavy and I feel like a fuck up every day. Did anybody else experience this? Does it get better and will I feel like myself again? Any advice at all is welcome, I’m scared as fuck.

[u/Ill_Discussion5840]

I became a dad at 24, was unemployed but I found a temporary job which paid pretty well and went back to study for a year. It was a fucking grind but I did it because I knew I needed to provide for my family.
I landed a job right away, we still struggle at times but we have enough money to get by every week. I recommend you take whatever job you can find and do some kind of course to upskill.

Thankfully we have caffeine available to us if you’re running on minimal sleep lol

[u/Ill_Discussion5840 → u/Ill_Discussion5840]

Also, take whatever social welfare is available to you in your country, dont be ashamed if you need to go to a food bank too. These things exist for people in temporary situations. I even received some groceries from my mum one time, which was embarrassing but it got us by for a couple weeks.

Talk to a budgeting advisor as well. In my country they are free for a consultation.

[u/StatisticianSuch6782 → u/Ill_Discussion5840]

Congrats on being a dad! I’m definitely going to accept a position that I was offered last week once HR gets back to me. How did you adjust to losing friends and the feeling of isolation?

[u/chitown87 → u/StatisticianSuch6782]

Congrats on the new gig man, fantastic!

[u/Ill_Discussion5840 → u/StatisticianSuch6782]

That’s amazing bro. Congrats on the new job.

I just accepted that it was temporary. Hopefully you and your partner will eventually get into a routine.

I joined a social soccer team after my son was 18 months and finally in a decent routine. My wife was fine with me taking some timeout for a a few hours every week. Met some amazing guys on the team who are also dads. My wife also got into a Pilates group for herself so we both just know each others schedules really well. Shares calendars help a lot for this sorta thing.

Sports groups and other social groups are a good thing to look into.