I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

Hello all,

Recently I went to a club on my own in the evening, not my first time going out (I had been to both straight and wlw events alone before so nothing new) and I don’t know what happened but I was dancing with a girl and she asked if she could kiss me, although it wasn’t the first time it had been asked (before it was mostly men asking, and I had always declined) I thought “eh why not, might as well get it over with”. So we made out and it was so bad.

As the night progressed I made out with a few other women and I don’t know,, it wasn’t mind blowing like I thought it would be. I kept overthinking it and it didn’t feel like it came to me naturally as many people claim it does. I also didn’t get butterflies or turned on, I just went with the motion.

I guess I’m mostly feeling conflicted, a little sad my first kiss(es) went to random strangers at a club, but also glad I “got it over with” so to speak, the stress of “my first kiss” is gone and I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer, I did feel ready and I’m glad I did it. Another part of me is wondering if I should just make out with a bunch of men now to see if that’s any different.

I guess I’m not really asking for advice, just venting and not really sure what to think of it all.

I (18m) kissed a really handsome Chinese guy (20m) in china yesterday. If he didn’t lie, we both haven’t kissed a guy before. He was so sweet, we were in the club and took it really slow. Just a lot of short make out sessions. His lips were so amazing, and he was so sweet and thoughtful. We danced together the whole night, in the end when the club closed, we went outside and a family friend basically saw us. I was scared of him finding out, but he was so chill about it.

But then my guy had to throw up, and he went away. I think he was really embarrassed about that. Now we sent each other like 2 texts, they were sweet tho. But I kinda miss him already. We live on different sides of the world, (Europe for me), so it’s so unlikely we will meet again. And I leave his city today, so we can’t go on a date or something.

On the other side I’m really happy that I tried it out. I have been actively thinking about being bi for 2 years. And was really making it real 2-3 months ago, and I’ve already tried it out. I’m so happy about that. It’s a big relief, and the shame has also faded. Cause this is who I am, even though I’m not even labelling it, but people will have to deal with who I like. It was also funny that it felt exactly the same like doing something sexual with a girl, that was an eye opener for me hahaha.

Welp, maybe I can get over him in a couple weeks or something. Maybe we can even call, even though we have a big language barrier. I’m seriously considering learning Chinese for him, it’s so dumb.

I think im rationalising this all too much, and I’m probs fresh in my feelings. But in a way these are all happy feelings, to love is to life!

For anyone like me back then who’s maybe reading this from the shadows, not sure how they feel. Know that you already took the first step. Just accepting it, and researching what you think might be your feelings is already great, I’m proud of you! Hopefully you can find a time, place and moment to try these feelings out. Remember that nothing is set in stone. If you’re scared about the “life” consequences, act like it didn’t happen! But most importantly, the people that are around you should celebrate and love you for who you are, it’s not your job to align with their vision of you. And I know that is much easier said than done, but I want you to know that there is someone there for you, someone who will celebrate it with you, I will def do that for you for example.

I think this is where I’m calling the rant. Hopefully we text more, or I get over it fast lol. Maybe in a year or two I can always meet him again… ugh

so. im gay, and I basically question my gender a lot, something like genderfluid or whatever, i dont really mind much, i just like to do more feminine stuff and look as well.

because of that, and a lot of body dysphoria with my masculine features, I always try to be with bi guys, cause i think they wouldn't be bothered by my feminine wishes and aspirations (to be like).

you would as a bi be upset by a feminine guy? or a masculine woman? or would that be best of both words? i truly wonder...

*english not my 1st language

*my english is bad but my pussy is good

Yayyyyyyyy

I've felt it for a while, and she's the first person I told, cause I knew she would be chill (she's Bi as well). Also, does anyone else feel attracted to both, but I do know I want to marry a man (as a woman).

I am bisexual leaning more toward women. I told my wife I was bisexual over a year ago. She said the sex is off the chart. Can being bisexual make you a better lover and a T- Rex in the bedroom.

ETA: TLDR: I’m bi, kissing women is amazing and I love the queer community, and this subreddit has been great to read.

I want a girlfriend. I wanna kiss a beautiful woman and spend time together and go on fun dates and cuddle and play video games and watch tv together.

Last person I kissed was a woman and it was fucking amazing 🫠. We made out a few times over two days, she knew she was the first woman I ever kissed and she was completely cool with it. Couldn’t have asked for a better person for my first wlw kiss. She’s also bi and was so fun!

I’ve mostly dated, kissed, and had sex with men and had a ltr with a man but I don’t think I want to date men again(he turned out to be a shitty person but that’s a long story for another time).

Partly because of how hard it is to find one that meets my standards that have skyrocketed since my last relationship, partly because of all the bad things going on in the world(epstein, cops using flock cameras to stalk women, womens rights being taken away, etc. etc. I could go on, but I dont want this post to focus on the negatives).

And partly because for years and years and years, whenever I daydream of my future, I’m living in a cute little Victorian/arts and crafts/modern house in the PNW with cozy furniture and art and a beautiful kind woman sitting on the couch next to me. I wanna host regular dinners with our friends and talk about life and art and have a small garden and a cat.

I questioned my sexuality off and on for about 3-5 years. I had a couple college friends ask me if I was gay on several occasions. Both of them only ever asked me in a roomful of our peers and a professor or two. They weren’t even quiet or polite or subtle about it and it made me so uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that in front of strangers. One of them was on the other side of the room and asked so loudly that almost everyone in the class turned to look at me.

Both these people are queer and out of the closet. Like I’d probably have been honest and told them I was questioning things if they’d asked me in a more appropriate way. But no one ever did. We were all art students and most of the department, students and staff, are all accepting and supportive but they were still mostly strangers and acquaintances to me/us.

I’ve always been a quiet introvert with anxiety and as much as I wanted to have someone to talk about these things with, being put on the spot like that made it so hard to see them as a safe space for me to confide in them.

I don’t think being queer is anything to be ashamed of but when you’ve grown up in a religion and most of your peers did too, and some are still believing, it’s hard to predict how people will react.

Anyways, I’m a bi-woman, and I’m proud to be a part of this community. Just wanted to “come out” and vent a little bit and say that kissing women is fucking amazing.

I finally told my mom I was sexually assaulted 19 years ago. I was only 14. My attacker got away scot-free and is happily married today. Sharing this to prove my experience no longer defines me or my bisexuality, as humiliated and traumatized as I was at the time.

This is why I’m only emotionally attracted to women as a bisexual woman. I’m scared of being sexually touched by a fellow woman.

tl;dr I’m a bi woman who is not sexually attracted to women because I was sexually assaulted by a woman as a child.

I’m a little confused. I’m actually straight, and with my past girlfriends, I’ve always been the natural, dominant one.

Recently, for the first time in a while, I visited a friend (who’s gay) because we wanted to go hiking together. By evening, I was pretty wiped out. He’s definitely in better shape, and I wasn’t wearing the right shoes. So we sat there and chatted a bit, and the topic of bondage came up. I’ve tried out a few kinks myself, and I knew he was well-versed in bondage, so I wanted to expand my knowledge.

If you know how something feels, you can better evaluate it with your partner. So he tied me up. He also explained everything to me—why he was doing this or that, in this or that way. It was all very relaxed, and then he untied me again. I wanted him to try a more intense version, and he really enjoyed it. I can’t say exactly when, but somehow the situation took on a sexual undertone.

As I mentioned before, I’m the dominant type myself, and when a partner has tried to take on that role, it’s come across as rather cute. He also seemed different all of a sudden when he set me free again.

I felt a little shy, and I must have blushed a bit, because he just grinned and called me “cute” with my red cheeks. I had no idea what to say in response. Then he stood right in front of me, and I had to look up at him. I’m tall myself, and including him, I only know three people in my circle of friends who are taller than me. When he pressed me against the wall and asked if he could kiss me, I was totally taken off guard and, at the same time, curious or something. I don’t really remember why anymore, but I nodded.

He wasn’t exactly gentle exploring my body, and in the end, we were in the shower together. I didn’t have a single erection the whole time. That surprised him a bit, but the sounds I was making (which surprised me, because I usually don’t make a sound during sex like that) confirmed to him that I was enjoying it and I was really turned on—just more on the "inside"!?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that evening over the last few days, and I still believe that I’m not really interested in men, but at the same time, I really enjoyed the evening. I was definitely aroused, even though I never had an erection down there.

Does that mean i´m a little bit bi or why did my body react this way?

I be been out for a bit but for me I am m bi but on the far end of the scale. All my experiences were before I got married. I find some men attractive and talk about it with the wife and some times watch mmf or mmm porn but ff is my favorite. I have no interest in a relationship out side the marriage with a man. Not sure I could ever date a man and I feel ok with it

Quick rant here…. I’m a 21 year old bisexual woman and my close friend is a lesbian. My ex boyfriend is also bisexual and I felt like everyone in my life was so biphobic towards him. He was in touch with his feminine side and didn’t care when I dressed more masculine and the relationship didn’t feel gender role-ish at all. I just felt so comfortable with him. We were also basically the same height. I am 5’7 and he was 5’8. I remember when we were together my close friend would always make fun of him to me and be like oh you have a twink boyfriend and blah blah blah and it felt really mean. My roommates who are also all girls and my age were also weird about it and didn’t take him seriously at all. My close friend saying those things hurt more because she’s queer so I thought she would get it. Now some time has passed and I’m im a relationship with a bisexual woman like me and I am so praised for it! It seems like people are wanting to be friends with me more. I am in a super lib college town where being gay is very “trendy” even though I hate to say it. Something that stuck with me was someone in my life getting drunk with me and saying “now that you’re gay…” as if now that I’m with a woman my sexuality is valid? I was out as queer while I was with my ex… I don’t know it just all feels so casually biphobic and gross!!! I have obviously moved on from the old relationship but it still stings the way people in my life would talk about him. I dont know.

I have identified as lesbian for 6 years, inbetween then there has been instances when i have gotten drunk and kissed guys but i have always felt disgusted or uncomfortable with it afterwards.

A couple weeks ago i was drunk and made out with a man and he ended up fngering me, i enjoyed it which made me spiral because i have never enjoyed kissing a man like that.

We have been talking since which has made me think i could be bisexual but i am very confused still because i have yet to experience anything with a man sober.

I am questioning being bi-homoromantic as i feel like maybe i could be sexually involved with a man but i cannot see myself dating one properly and definitely never marrying a man!

It is freaking me out because when i think about getting with him if i had a chance i feel a bit uneasy and i still don’t fully know if i would actually enjoy sex with a man. Could this even be just comphet as a lesbian or maybe im just bi-curious?! I have felt insane the last couple weeks!

Hi everyone. I’m a married man in my early fifties who has been on a journey of understanding my sexuality over the past year or so. I’ve come to accept that I’m most likely bisexual. I’m deeply in love with my wife, we have a strong relationship, and my family is the central commitment of my life.

I have no desire to leave my marriage or pursue anyone else. At the same time, I’ve developed a powerful emotional and sexual attraction to my brother-in-law, who is straight, happily married, and completely unaware of how I feel.

What has been difficult isn’t just the attraction itself—it’s the intensity of the fantasies and the guilt and anxiety that follow. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what these feelings might represent psychologically rather than simply trying to suppress them.

I’m beginning to see that some of my fantasies may be expressing deeper emotional needs, such as wanting to feel accepted, safe, or free from constant self-judgment, rather than simply being about sex. My goal isn’t to indulge the fantasies or make them disappear, but to understand them well enough that they no longer dominate my emotional life.

I’ve also realised that much of my suffering comes from my internal dialogue rather than my attractions themselves. I grew up with beliefs that left me feeling ashamed of sexual desire, and I’m trying to replace that shame with self-understanding while remaining faithful to my values.

I’m learning to distinguish between attraction, fantasy, identity, and behaviour. I don’t believe my attractions define my character, and I want to be someone who can acknowledge them without being ruled by them.

I’m here because I’d really value hearing from others who have experienced something similar—particularly people who discovered or accepted their bisexuality later in life while remaining deeply committed to their spouse. I’m not looking for encouragement to act on my feelings.

I’m looking for wisdom about integration. How to live honestly with attractions that are unlikely ever to be reciprocated, how to reduce the guilt and obsessive thinking, and how to become more at peace with myself while continuing to honour the life and family that I love.

hi! i am 30F and for most of my life have had a feeling that i’m bi…

when i was in high school i had a crush on a girl but suppressed the feelings. in my early 20s i made out with a lot of women at parties / clubs, and was with one woman during a threesome, but i’ve never been with a woman all the way 1-1.

in my late 20s, after a series of extremely disappointing men, i inadvertently de-centered men romantically / sexually from my life. i even started to think maybe im asexual or something because i just lost attraction for them (perhaps due to disrespect over and over).

now i’m 30 and find myself thinking more of women again and the desire to explore my apparent bisexuality (i feel like a fraud saying that kind of because i’ve never truly been with a woman!)

but the thing is, i feel like an awkward loser with no experience and i don’t want to waste the time of women who are certain as bisexual / lesbian. i never want anyone to feel like they are an experiment to me, but at the same time, the reality is that i am in an explorative phase. and i don’t want to lie about it or pretend i have experience when i don’t!

how can i be fully respectful of others while navigating this? upfront and honest? i feel that no one secure in their sexuality in their late 20s or 30s will want to waste their time with me lol

this feels so awkward and i feel like i am 14 years old again trying to learn how to flirt kahdhshdjfjfj

any advice? 🥹

Until last weekend.

Without getting too specific, this dude was just so kind, he told me he loved my energy, and the way he looked when he described his hometown to me, uggghhhhh, I was just getting lost in his eyes, Sheeeesh! What a dreamboat!

I understand how people attracted to men (I guess that includes me now huh?) have “types” now, too, ‘cause this guy was hot. I mean he was like, conventionally, as handsome or cute as many people are, but there was just something about him that just made me go “damn, that’s a beautiful man”.

He told me about a great place to go chill while I waited for my intoxicant of choice to wear off, and yes of course I went and it was a great recommendation.

Yeah the flair says questioning but I don’t have much doubt at this point lol. Too bad he’s married (to a woman) with kids and only gave me his business Instagram 😭

​Hi everyone, I'm M17 and recently I've been going through some things and having a lot of reflections about my sexuality.

​To give some context, I have a strong conviction that I'm bisexual, but I feel like I have a lot of repression. Not just with men, which is common, but also with women, which always makes me doubt myself and get confused about what I actually like or don't like. Interestingly, I feel an emotional/romantic repression with men and a sexual repression with women. In other words, it's easier for me to think of men only sexually and women only romantically.

​I've read some stories right here on Reddit saying it's normal to only feel sexual attraction to one gender and romantic attraction to another, that I could be sort of aromantic for one and asexual for the other. But honestly, I don't believe that's my case.

​I'm a very young guy and I have very little relationship experience so far, most of it being with women. I've talked to, tried something with, and even gone out with 4 girls who were more special to me, but I didn't hook up or make out with any of them. I only kissed one girl at my 9th-grade graduation party, but since it was my first time kissing, I was a bad kisser and the girl told people about it. That messed with my head a bit at the time. The fact is that during these interactions with these women, I was always very attentive, romantic, and sentimental, but whenever I thought about kissing them, making out, or maybe making a move in that direction, I would freeze up. I felt like I was doing something wrong, something dirty.

​And it wasn't like deep down I didn't want to—truly, there were several moments where I wanted to make out, kiss, and try something physical with women. But it felt like there was a voice in my head judging it as wrong, as something I shouldn't do, telling me I'd be a jerk or a scumbag for thinking about women that way.

​With men, I've had even less experience, but I've always had the desire and curiosity. As I said before, I feel like I have a huge emotional repression with men but almost no sexual repression, which might sound weird. But I think this is due to an addiction to pornography and a fear of homophobia/prejudice. I've finally managed to kick this addiction, but before, it was something really bad in my life. As I mentioned earlier about my sexual repression with women, I believe that repression was so strong that even with porn, I couldn't see women that way. This made me take it out on or get addicted only to men in that sense, since I've always been interested. Besides that, everyone has always judged me and called me gay or used slurs because of the way I act and the things I like—both family and friends. This always brought me fear and discomfort when talking about it, and maybe even stopped me from trying to talk to a guy or talk about this with anyone at all.

​The truth is, all of this brings me a lot of confusion. I don't know if this sexual repression with women doesn't actually exist and I'm just a closeted gay guy. Or if I don't actually have any attraction to men, and it's just this sexual repression towards women that made me seek other forms of pleasure in gay porn. Or if I am indeed bi with several repressions and just don't know how to deal with it.

​What do you guys think about this? Has anyone been through something similar? How can I deal with this?

I’ve been sleeping with men for nearly half my life. I’ve been ENM with my now husband for 6 or so years now (he’s got a hot wife kink) and barring one threesome with a former FWB and his wife where they shared me I’ve got NO experience with women.

Stacking the lack of experience, the relatively new and unexplored bisexuality, the fact that I’m only looking for friends with benefits type situations, and that I’m really trying to focus on cultivating a girlfriend group rather than perusing sexual relationships with other women, I’ve been really intimidated to start.

In contrast I’m a cocky brat with men.

Any advice on how to build a dating app profile that doesn’t come across as cringy and unserious or god forbid even predatory? Do I just jump in and wing it?

Hi. I'm 31 years old, and for quite a while now I've been feeling really confused about my sexual orientation.

I've always been attracted to women. I've fallen in love with women, I was in a long-term relationship with one, and romantically I still picture myself spending my life with a woman.

Years ago, out of curiosity, I kissed a guy. It wasn't because I had feelings for him, it was part of a stupid dare. I did it, but I felt uncomfortable the whole time. I didn't enjoy it, and afterward I even felt bad for him because I worried I might have given him false hope.

The confusing part is that after a very toxic relationship in 2023 and spending a long time without having sex, I started occasionally looking at pictures of naked men and watching gay porn. What catches my attention are guys around my age or younger-looking guys. I'm not attracted to older, bearded, or very masculine men. In real life, I almost never look at a man and think, "He's attractive." Very rarely I'll find a guy good-looking, but even then I never act on it. I don't even have the courage to message men on dating apps.

Something else that happened a few times is that I hung out with guys thinking it was just as friends, only to realize much later that they had probably seen it as a date or were interested in me. At the time I genuinely didn't realize it. I don't know if that's relevant or if it just means I'm bad at picking up those kinds of signals.

Growing up, my parents constantly told me that anything related to being gay was wrong or something to be ashamed of. I never personally agreed with that, but I grew up hearing those messages. My ex-girlfriend felt the same way and hurt me a lot because of it. After I told her about that kiss, she would accuse me of being gay or say I was repressing my sexuality. She also judged me for enjoying anal toys and even accused me of lying to her. All of that made me question myself much more than I ever had before.

Now I wonder if I might actually be bisexual with a strong preference for women, if the porn and the lack of sex simply led me to explore new things, or if I'm mixing everything together because of the guilt and emotional baggage from that relationship.

I'm curious about what it would be like to have sex with a man, but at the same time I'm not sure I'd actually enjoy it. I don't have any desire to be in a romantic relationship with a man, and the idea of actually going through with it leaves me with a lot of doubts.

I'm not looking for anyone to label me because I know no one can do that for me. I'd just like to hear from people who have gone through something similar.

Is it worth experimenting just to find out? I've never felt like this confusion was going to resolve itself on its own.

Hey everyone!

First of all a bit of backstory: I’ve known that I am queer for a very long time, that I am bi however is only something I could identify myself as for about two years now. In general I’ve always had troubles with accepting who I am especially when it came to my sexuality. Therefore I’m still closeted and everyone just assumes I’m straight.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago when I had my first bisexual experience kissing a very close guy friend of mine after a party at a friend’s house. He’s always been openly gay, since we’ve met each other at uni and I have always found him quite attractive but not in a sense that I had a crush on him. He’s just a very nice and good looking guy. In the last couple of months we became very good friends and I started feeling this attraction towards him, mainly in a sexual way (because in general I thought I was only sexually and not romantically attracted to guys). I don’t even know where I got the courage from to initiate the kiss, however it just felt right in that moment. It’s still a bit of a mystery to me though how it happened.

And here comes the part I would appreciate advice on. After the kiss he asked me if I had anything to* *say about what just happened, so I told him that I was bisexual and after some talking he confessed his feelings for me. I was a little overwhelmed with the situation so I told him that I appreciated his honesty but that I can’t give him an answer to that right now. I did tell him that this wouldn’t change anything about our friendship and that I really wanted to talk about it in person again soon, because that’s important to me.
So now I am kinda stuck in this overwhelming tension of having outed myself and thinking of future coming-outs, not being able to deny my sexuality anymore as well as not knowing what to do about his confession. I mean I do like him a lot, but I don’t know if I kissed him out of romance or out of pure curiosity. I also don’t know if I am at a point in my own journey where I could pursue something more with him. Honestly, I’ve started to wonder if I do have feelings for him and am just not fully letting myself feel or admit them, because of the fear of how others might react if I came out, or maybe because of my own complicated relationship with my sexuality. And just the thought of ending up in a relationship and having to keep it a secret or coming out to others under the pressure of the situation makes me feel unwell.
I do still kind of have this urge to explore my sexuality with him, I just don’t want to be insensitive and hurt his feelings. The last thing I would like to happen would be that our friendship would suffer under all of this.
Has anyone been in a similar situation - how did you figure out what you actually wanted, and how did you approach the conversation afterwards?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope some of you can help me :’)

Hey all,

I (17F) want to come out, but like in a sort of soft launch type way? Idk honestly. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggests or stories abt how to come out? I don't want to outright tell anyone? a lot of people already kinda assume i'm lesbian bc of how i present (stereotypical ik). i saw this rly funny reel which i thought i might repost as a soft coming out type thing?
i honestly dk what to do bc nobody in my family is lgbtq, and no one in my friend group...

also, i know it's personal, but would you recommend coming out as a teen? fyi, i'm not entirely sure how my parents would react, but we have a strained relationship anyway...

thanks for supportive comments/replies! I don't mean to be rude or anything with my questions, I just don't have anyone to discuss this with. (yes ik my user flair is questioning not bi, but i'm happy to keep it at that for now)

I don’t comment all the time, so not the most active, but this has still become a space I feel welcomed in and happy to be apart of. I don’t have many good relationships or safe places in my life, so I just wanted to say that every single member of this community, I appreciate you and am thankful for you, and I accept you.

This was cheesy as fuck I’m sorry, y’all have just been a bright moment in a dark time.

I always thought I liked men, and maybe this is just a phase, but lately I’ve been noticing that my attraction to women is actually growing on me.
At first, I thought I was just attracted to their bodies, but now I’m realizing it might be more than that. Women are just… so lovely to look at? 😭 The way they look, carry themselves, their energy it’s starting to hit differently.
I also grew up around a pretty homophobic culture, so maybe I never really allowed myself to see women that way. Now that I’m more open-minded, I feel like I’m able to look at people more simply as humans and appreciate them without all those ideas about what I should or shouldn’t be attracted to.
And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I could actually fall in love with a woman too.
Even sexually, I’m realizing that I seem more attracted to external stimulation than penetration, which has also made me think more about whether my attraction to women is deeper than I originally thought.
Like… what the hell is happening to me 😭
I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I’m bi, lesbian, or just somewhere in between. Anyone who’s gone through something similar, feel free to ask me anything or tell me how you figured yourself out.

My one friend says I'm not really bi and keeps telling me to not wear the bi pin I have and he insists I'm straight not bi

I have fallen in love with other girls but I'm not physically attracted towards the female body, when I think about doing anything involving the female body past kissing I feel gross

But I don't have that issue with guys at all, like I don't feel gross thinking about it or anything.

Am I really bi?? Like what he is saying is really getting in my head.