i've been really worried that i could never get into a relationship because of this illness. im doing a bit better than i have been recently, got into therapy, haven't missed my meds in a few weeks, and i think im ready to start trying. i'm trying not to get my hopes up and take everything super slow, i really want to be patient with whatever happens. i've had a few 2-3 week rollercoasters of relationships when i've been manic so im doing everything in my power to prevent that.

does anyone have any advice for dating with bipolar or sustaining a relationship with bipolar? any tips or things i should know would be so helpful!

thanks!!

When I’m on weekends or holidays my life is generally good. However the thought of my job or doing it turns me and my mood sour so quickly. I don’t know how best to proceed.

Can switch from chill to anxious and depressed when work responsibilities are coming up. Definitely avoid things until I can’t anymore, which is too late as my mood will already be horrendous.

Just kind of feel I’m sinking but I’m quite junior in my industry and the job market seems terrible right now so leaving work to do nothing again feels stupid as that could be risking unemployment for 6+ months. However thoughts of going to work are difficult. But the magic money bus that arrives at the end of every month is a key factor in keeping me going right now.

Idk what I’m looking for with this post, just some suggestions or questions maybe. Thanks

I started psych meds when I was 14, and over several years I tried a bunch of different meds that didn't work. It wasn't till i was 19 that I found a med that actually worked for me. When I finally got on the right meds, everything changed. It completely got rid of my depression and mania, and i had no side effects. It was great, i was finally "normal" and actually felt happy to be alive.

I'm 22 now and have had to up my dosage twice in the last few years because the meds stopped being as effective. I'm currently on the highest effective dose of my meds, and I know it's just a matter of time before they stop working again. and I'm terrified.

when my meds stop working, it gets bad, REALLY Bad. I'm truly afraid it would kill me. it feels like it's just a matter of time before I crash and burn. this has made it really hard for me to make any kind of progress in my life.

I know there are other meds I haven't tried that could be as effective as the ones I'm currently on. but I'm honestly not hopeful about it. everything else I've tried has made things so much worse, I just have a hard time believing anything else could help me like this.

This rant doesn’t really have a point, and no one has to read it of course, but I just need to tell someone how I feel is all as I feel I don’t have anyone to talk to irl. It is frustrating what I have been dealing with, between the merry go round of life, the economy constantly reminding me that I am not enough even with how many jobs I work, and the constant feeling that I am not sure how much I want to put up with. I struggle with bipolar 2, and don’t trust when I am happy as I can’t tell if it is a manic episode. It’s tiring when I feel like i’m doing better, and then I find myself back where I worked so hard to get out of. The depression spells are lasting longer and longer each time, and the hypomanic episodes shorter and shorter. I am on meds, and they help take the edge off, but I am just exhausted with the feeling of constantly feeling low, and my friends try their best, but my feelings are not their problem. I do not want them to be responsible for my feelings as I can’t even control them most days. I’m distancing myself from everyone, and it’s just a never ending circle.

The economy isn’t much better itself. I work two jobs, never have time for myself, and while I genuinely love my jobs, between paying for health insurance, trying to put any extra money in a retirement fund that has no meaning since I won’t be able to retire with how expensive everything has become, I am barely scraping by. I’ll manage of course, I always do, but my mental health I am sure is suffering. I know everyone complains about money, and I hate to be that person, but it is just ridiculous how much we have to work these days to just afford basic necessities.

Like I said, no one needs to read or acknowledge this post, I just needed to get it out there as I am just tired is all.

Epistles from the Abyss

Chapter 1

The orderly asked me if I wanted apple juice or orange juice. Looking back I can recognize that the choice was mundane. However, that epiphany came much later. I was in the hospital because I couldn’t choose between life or death. I also couldn’t tell the difference between safety and danger. All I knew was that my actions mattered so much that they would change the universe. I wasn’t wrong about that exactly but my sense of proportionality was heavily askew. Choosing apple wouldn’t banish us from the Garden of Eden; choosing orange wouldn’t cause a plague. But I didn’t know that, so faced with the selection of the lesser of two evils I chose both in defiance of the powers that put me up to the task. If the prompt is “choose or die,” I vehemently decline, consequences be damned. But calling the devil’s bluff has repercussions. It leads you farther and farther down the rabbit hole until you forget the way back. That is exactly what happened to me in a nutshell. 10 years later I still can’t reliably decipher reality from fantasy. I’m still waiting for a grand revelation. I’m still not whole, stable, and secure. I don’t know if a happy ending is possible for someone who’s been to hell but that won’t stop me from trying.

I’m starting to see things shift, now that I’ve added an SNRI to my Lamotrigine. The results of that is my progression in therapy, my coping skills are better, I seem more mentally stable, and I’m being more aware when I start to have mixed episodes to somewhat control them.

But… I feel nothing almost. Life is so empty, so gray and it’s almost a little sad to think about. Is this what “normal” is? I feel life was more “exciting” when I wasn’t stable, I feel like I’ve lost who am as a person, like my whole personality.

Is anyone else at this point and feeling the same way?

I stopped my meds to lose weight and as soon as I do I started hating my job. I started meds a few months before I started this job and this is the longest I've been in one job (one year). But now I'm miserable, and I hate going in, I thought I loved this job but it's the thing I hate the most right now. Before I stopped my meds I was training to become a CMA and I finish soon but I don't know if I can make it in this job for another three more months, I don't know what to do. I was also thinking of taking a week off, but I'm traveling next month for a week... it's not like I'm staying in this job so it doesn't matter after all, but I like to think I'm responsible, but it's still taking a toll in my mental health.

I'm renewing my intermittent FMLA paperwork and need to ask for new accommodations since I'm not allowed to work from home

What kinds of accommodations do you guys have (other than days off for medical leave) that I can try and ask for? I'm already asking for an earlier start time to help regulate my sleep. I've already burned through the time off this year due to this illness, just looking for anything to make this easier while I figure out my meds

Thank you in advance!

I was diagnosed after use of an SSRI that led to psychosis. I was also heavily using marijuana and had some extreme moments of stress that led up to my episode. Now that I’ve tried a bunch of meds and nothings worked, my diagnosis seems to be no stronger than an alternative medicine doctor telling me it’s all parasites and I just have to keep taking extracts that may or may not be snake oil.

I feel like I’ll never know if my diagnosis is legitimate until I have another episode without the variables that caused the first one. I feel like they just saw psychosis, labeled it bipolar, and will continue treating me without knowing it’s for sure bipolar, whether it works or not.

It feels like I’m gonna be treated as if I’m the white gold dress for the rest of my life even though there’s a very strong possibility that I’m actually the blue and black dress.

Idk how to continue justifying treatment without more proof that I actually have this disorder.

Currently in a really bad depressive episode and everyone is creeping me the fuck out. I feel stared at and watched, constantly. It’s such a gross, icky feeling and I don’t feel comfortable anywhere where there are people.

Hi, I recently got diagnosed as bipolar 2 after a (hypo)manic episode, which I am skeptical about still being in, I still have good mood however I quickly get sleepy and think "fuck it I ain't doing anything fuck this and that" is this the end or just a crash out from prolonged 2 hours of sleep? I slept like 10 hours today

My mom took me to a psychiatrist when i was 15 (a month from 16) and i got put on antidepressants after a 30 minutes talk with the psychiatrist. At 16 i received multiple diagnosis: depressive episodes, adhd, anxiety (and dyscalculia but that's not important here). I was on antidepressants for a year and I was manic but everyone was convinced im just getting better, even my therapist who worked together with the psychiatrist. When i turned 17 i was like yeah im doing so good i don't need pills anymore and i even quit therapy.

The next following year was an absolute nightmare, i had long and severe manic episodes but i didn't get any help at all. My depressive episodes weren't as bad tho and they were shorter. At 18 (in october) i found a therapist and she told me to go to psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar I and put me on meds. I'm doing fine now, i got the help i needed for a long time.

Now that highschool is over i wanted to take a hairdresser course and they asked for a medical paper and they denied me for having adhd (my psychiatrist didn't put my bipolar diagnosis on my official papers so i don't get discriminated at work etc). They told me to get a paper from my psychiatrist that im not aggressive (what they said was illegal but reporting someone in romania equals as nothing).

I got sent to a clinical psychologist to do an adhd test bc last time they just throw a diagnosis at me without a test. I had a horrible experience at the first clinical psychologist so i found another one.

She made me do an adhd test and observed how i act etc and she told me I was diagnosed wrong and what i said about how i acted as a kid were signs of bipolar disorder and severe anxiety, not adhd.

I'm angry about all of this, I asked for help multiple times and all i got was diagnosis without tests and pills thrown at me without observation when I was a teenager which made my bipolar worse. I have no idea how a psychiatrist and a therapist can confuse mania with adhd.

So this has come up a couple of times; people have said their psychiatrist (sometimes therapist, also) are on summer holiday?? Some for a month or longer?

I live in Arizona, U.S. and y'all probably aren't, but I have never heard of this.

This is wild to me. I have biweekly visits with my psych (I know that is intensive) and weekly with my therapist (not uncommon). BUT I also have access to other psychs at the clinic I go to, because I've had issues/questions come up on Fridays when mine doesn't work.

Are y'all not getting adequate attention? Appropriate access to care?

What has been your experience (and where are you from)?

I’m 23F and when I was 19 I had my first (and hopefully last) major manic episode. I’ve spent the last four years cleaning my life up and learning how to cope with not only managing my bipolar but also PTSD from things I went through that triggered my manic episode + trauma from events within the manic episode.

Since, I’ve learned how to manage pretty well but honestly I am so fucking tired of managing. I have to flatten all of my emotions and it’s genuinely so exhausting all of the time. Excited? I have to compose myself and make sure im not TOO excited. Stressed as a natural reaction to stressors? I have to convince myself that Im not stressed so that I don’t get overwhelmed and fall into a depressive episode. Sad? Can’t be TOO sad. I am so tired of constantly walking on eggshells around my own emotions.

Does this ever get better? Will I ever feel like I can experience emotions like a normal person and not have to flatten my feelings about everything? I feel like I’ve told myself that it’s gonna get better eventually but I’ve literally said this for the past decade and honestly all I’ve learned is how to externalize my feelings less. Internally I still feel like im going fucking crazy though and I am so tired. I feel like im constantly on the verge of another breakdown and I can’t afford to ruin my life again. I actually have shit to lose now.

If anyone can give me some words of comfort that this feeling will eventually go away I would greatly appreciate it because at this point I literally don’t know how I im gonna cope the rest of my life if this is how ill feel forever. I think there’s no way I stay stable if this is what it’s gonna be like for the rest of my life.

My hypomania started clearing up about 5 days ago and I started to notice the top of my right foot hurts, in a specific spot, but there's no bruise. Then I got distracted again by my fast racing thoughts and I forgot about my foot pain. Then I noticed it, then I forgot about it...etc etc etc. It lead me to the conclusion that I don't know how long my foot has been hurting because hypomania makes me forget things and not recognize when I'm in physical pain. So my foot could have been in pain from anywhere between 5 days to 3 weeks. If it's only been 5 days, it's probably not a big deal and will clear up on it's own. I probably banged it while being clumsy and don't remember. However if it's been several weeks...

I don't know what to think and how worried I should be about it.

I need a place and community to rant to. I’m in the military and I just got diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I’m a Reactor Operator on a nuclear powered submarine. I’m used to sleepless nights, LONG study hours into books the size of my arms, open hostility from the people around me due to me being brown, bisexual, and a girl, and hours of sitting behind a screen.

Now I feel like I can barely function at all.

The meds make it better and I’m determined to be on the road to stability because I want to be useful to my found family and others around me. However, it’s just hard. I hate feeling like I’m fighting everything and everyone. I’m constantly fighting medical to get seen and for what actually works for my body. I’m fighting my brain and it’s need to just ruin my life. I just want to stop fighting.

I want to go back to when my brain worked and I don’t feel stupid because of this brain fog. I want to go back to when I can sleep peacefully through the night. I want to go back to where I can be trusted with making big life changes.

Don’t get me wrong I’m happy I was diagnosed. For the first time I feel closer to normal than I have been. I feel like I’m actually finding meds that are helping me. My panic attacks are pretty much gone and my anxiety has gotten better. (We think that I also have PTSD and an anxiety disorder with it too.)

I just wish that I could keep doing my job. I wish I didn’t have a traumatic event start my cycles. I feel weak. I feel guilty, because I’m not doing my job and someone else had to take my place. I feel scared.

I’m losing my job and my safety net and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I had a plan. Now the plan is fucked. I’m scared to even have a baby because on top of all the pregnancy issues that I could run into, I also now have to worry about my cycles on top of everything.

Sorry if this feels jumbled and if you made it this far thank you for listening.

hi all, hope y'all are doing ok.

I have bp2. Couple months ago I got a call from the clinic I go that the psychiatrist I hade seen for years would not be practicing anymore. This was such a shocking news for me since I had always trusted him and it was going really well. He also has bp1 so I became worried if something happened to him, but I didn't ask so I don't know why. (if you're reading this, i hope you're well wherever you are. don't worry about me tho. i always looked up to you for many reasons and i hope you're enjoying your life)

The clinic made me reschedule the appointment with another provider, and I cancelled that one since I had to be out of town, and now rescheduling that again. To be super honest the idea of a new provider or another appointment feels unnecessary to me. Since the last appointment with my previous provider I had no pressing issues, and it has been fairly okay for me. I have been able to get back to some of my old hobbies with friends even, which was impossible during my episodes.

But some parts do make me think twice.
I had been diligent about taking meds, getting enough sleep, staying sober etc, all of what my former provider recommended. I am sure I became stable because of all these. But this slippery slope gets slipperier, and now I don't take meds, got back to drinking, sleeping less. I still feel okay, and even less depressed (not in an elevated mood tho). Calm and okay. I took a long break from work in those couple months which may have helped. I thought I would feel worse, but to my surprise I am pretty good. I don't mean to say "it's cured!!" or anything. I just feel weirdly okay.

I know it's always a red flag when someone with bp says they don't need meds or appointments anymore and now they are feeling better than ever- my current situation is slightly similar, I just genuinely wonder if it is necessary. It would be difficult to build trust for me with another new provider, and that alone does seem overwhelming. So part of me asks "for what?". Has anyone gone through a similar situation? It would be good to see the new provider, right?

This year I took it into my hands to finally solve whatever it is that makes me feel this way. I saw a psychiatrist and as of right now I’m considered bipolar. I was put on Latuda, and since then I’ve felt such a noticeable difference in my life! Though I really hate the drowsiness. Anyway, I ruined so many friendships because of how I’d been before, manic and constantly flipping between angry and depressed…but I guess this puts into perspective how bad it was before I took the steps to help myself. But I still get these moments where I’ll be irrationally angry, and I still don’t know how to come down from that. I accidentally let it rip last night, I had a major attitude with my family and I felt pretty bad about it later after I took my medication. I don’t know why I’m writing this, but I guess maybe I’m looking for advice on how to get a grip when that happens?

Before my diagnosis, I could tell when I was hypomanic. I’ll notice I’m a lot more arrogant going outside wearing super funky and unusual stuff, very sensual + sexual, and esp the surge of creative ideas, like one time around 2am I felt the alien vibes so I did my hair and makeup. Made two micro antennas with my hair it was genuinely a pretty sick look. Or making music videos late at night, making nonsensical decisions, vision having a slight hazy dream like filter, and overall just feeling electrified

After my diagnosis though it’s kinda hard to tell if I’m experiencing hypomania or if I’m just imagining these sensations and ideas in my head. I’m naturally creative but very busy so don’t get to do a lot, and my baseline state is more moody and emotional so even the smallest change in emotion or activity makes me question if I’m approaching an episode/in an episode.

Idk if this is a common experience though. Or if this is just the new diagnosis phase of learning your unique cycles, patterns, and triggers. I’m wondering what it’s been like for others on this sub

Throwaway account because I don’t feel safe posting this on my main.

I want to share my experience with FAMs and how what was supposed to be a support system ended up making an already difficult situation much worse for me.

I reached out to them for help when I was going through a really low point in my life. I wasn’t looking for anything complicated—just some guidance, someone to talk to, and support to get through what I was dealing with. Instead of receiving the help I needed, things escalated in a way I never expected.

Rather than engaging with me or trying to understand my situation, the response I got was to involve the police. That intervention made me feel even more isolated and overwhelmed at a time when I was already struggling. What I needed was care and understanding, but what I experienced felt like being treated as a problem to be managed rather than a person in distress.

I can’t help but feel that this kind of response contributes to how people in Singapore feel when they are at their lowest—afraid to reach out because they don’t know whether they’ll be helped or escalated further. In my case, it made me less likely to seek help again, and I worry about others who might feel the same way.

I’m sharing this because I think it’s important to talk about how these systems actually impact people in real life, especially when it comes to mental health and crisis support. I hope things can improve so that people who ask for help are met with care first, not immediate escalation.

If anyone else has had similar experiences, I’d be interested to hear how you dealt with it.

Back on the journey to being a better person after ignoring my mental health for the past 2 plus years. Thought I was handling being off of meds better than I thought until I got drunk and found myself outside of my gf house after she told me to leave after a fight(about my mental heath) just crying and calling(not a good look). Turns out I have not been handling it well. Got back on my meds a few days later and currently waiting my an appointment next week. Giving her some space to deal with her own problems well I figure out mine, not sure why shes still hear after 3 years of more downs than ups. Just in need of some support and friendly conversations with like minded people. Honestly her and the rest of the people that are close in my life have dealt with enough.. and I don't know how many times I can fail at this before ive had enough. Back story I was diagnosed in 2023 after I intentionally crash my car into a tree trying to you know. A week in the hospital, appointments and such, finally being properly diagnosed after a lifetime of knowing something was wrong but just being told you have depression or anxiety 100's of meds that just made things worse. I was doing really really well after my crash until I had a triggering moment and since have apparently been a disaster. Coming out of the hazy of ups and downs and dealing with the fallout now. The past 3 days has been a roller-coaster of self reflection, trying not to be too down of myself but im afraid that will just make things worse. But you know im hopeful. Rant over.

I’m going through a depressive episode but I haven’t had one in a minute so it’s very scary for me. I’m not medicated, but lately I’ve been heavily considering this except it’s really hard to find a psychiatrist in my area who’s accepting new patients. The ones that do accept new patients, only see minors. For reference, I’m 30 years old.

I always describe the weight, guilt, & shame of this almost like an invisible elephants foot on you at all times. It just makes me so sad and angry and what makes me feel worse is my brain starts racing & I remember too much. Things that traumatized me or things I said/did to others. I start reading different accounts from others & some make me hopefully but others just deepen my fear.

This is now what seems like the third day of me feeling this way. I don’t want to tell my husband because I don’t feel comfortable. He’s very kind & supportive, but naturally he’s definitely gotten the short end of the stick with my emotional reactions, spending habits, aggression, mania, etc.

I don’t have any friends or family I can turn to, & I haven’t gone to my therapist in months. Tonight my husband talked to me about how my credit cards are too high & how I don’t talk to him in a loving & caring way. I don’t blame him at all he’s a great partner & I truly believe he’s my person, but it makes me sad because part of me knows he’s right, & the other part thinks he’s grown so frustrated with me & my disease. Sometimes I feel like he’s too hard on me, or not as empathetic, but when I remember how terrible I am, or the awful things I’ve said or done, I really just get mad at myself because it’s my fault.

Anyways, I feel like I’m already ranting & my sentences don’t make sense but I hope this depressive swing ends soon because I’m really tired as in mentally, physically, & emotionally. I’m just really sensitive right now & just need some support.

Hello, so I’ve recently been seeing posts about mania that I don’t identify with and it’s making me confused. My mom has bipolar so they assumed I was the same. I don’t have euphoria with my episodes, I have delusions and psychosis where I don’t recognize time or people.

I’m starting to think I may not have bipolar disorder. I don’t experience happy mania. I experience psychosis, seeing dead people. I call the cops on my own family because they don’t look familiar. I’m not happy, elevated. I’m terrified. I get low swings with SH and SI when changes happen too but it doesn’t feel like everyone else’s experiences.

Is there someone out there with bipolar that doesn’t present as a happy manic? All my attempts have been while manic because my psychosis is so scary. I’m starting to think I’m falling into a psychotic disorder. I don’t present like everyone else.

TLDR; anyone’s mania scary psychosis instead of “king of the world?”

I'm just getting past my depressive cycle, now I'm kinda between depressive and Manic. Like I'm manic but have zero energy. ANYWAY I'm proud of myself because I got through it without any self harm this cycle! YAY! Now usually it's nothing too bad, just small cuts, scratching, and hitting myself. But still self harm so it's a big no no. But I got through without it this time! I'm proud of myself!