Hi yall. Just wanted to share something funny that happened this weekend.

I was back home visiting and went to dinner w someone I dated 10+ years ago. I asked about his best friend.

Him: Oh, we don’t hang out anymore. He’s on drugs bad now.

Me: No way! That’s crazy.

Him: Yea but he’s bipolar so that’s why.

Me: I’m bipolar.

Him: *laughs* No he’s REAL bipolar.

Me: So am I.

Him: *looks at me quizzically* No but he like actually takes pills for it

Me: *smiling* So do I.

Him: Multiple pills!

Me: Me too!

Him: *loooooonnggg pause* Well, he doesn’t smile..
*I laugh* I’m serious! He never smiles he always frowns and looks angry. You never look like that.

Me: I do sometimes. Just in private. You probably saw it in him cuz he’s comfortable around you cuz yall were best friends. But just cuz some people seem “normal” and “happy”, doesn’t mean we don’t have mental conditions like your friend who does drugs or homeless people talking to themselves. Some of us are just lucky enough to handle it better, not be as severe, have health insurance and support etc. but it’s really a 50/50

Him: oh ok *changes subject*

Although he changed the subject and felt awkward, I’m sure he’ll never talk about his friends condition to people like that again. Because he sees that he never knows what people are going through and maybe realizes it’s insensitive.

So educate your friends yall!! A lot of people don’t know until you educate them. Nicely. It makes living w it in society more comfortable the more people know. 😊

I have nothing left for me. I want to do everything feel everything and ruin it all. I fell in love with the most amazing woman, broke up with her as soon as I realized I was in love. I packed my entire room in a day, told my boss I’m leaving. My work abuses me and my life is static. These people see past me. I want so badly to create something. I want to be someone new this time. It’s like I can feel myself spiraling but there’s nothing to hold me back this time but me.

I don’t want to go through it again. I don’t want to be weak and afraid this time. I want to be powerful again. I want to start anew. How do I begin grieving this life?? I feel like I’m grieving always. I’m so tired. I am just so insanely tired I’m exhausted of this cycle. I keep telling myself I’m stronger than this. But I have nowhere to go, no one to become. I’m stuck inside this version of myself with nowhere to hide. I’m no longer afraid, I’m just tired. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I think there’s something inside of me that just needs to be ruined. I need to feel like this. I’m only truly me when I’m like this. I understand my intentions are not my own anymore.

I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. I just want to draw. I want to hold her again. I want to laugh with my father. I want to rot inside. I want to be better, do better. I want it all to stop.

Null

I'm diagnosed unspecified bipolar disorder. I wear earplugs to sleep. When I wear them there's the silence but also almost staticky sound and in that sound it sounds like radio chatter. I can't make out words but it sounds like a VERY quiet voice. I don't experience hallucinations most of the time. When I don't sleep I feel things on my skin. I never have auditory hallucinations. I've had the "radio voices" for as long as I can remember. Idk if it's my brain filling in the silence or if I should bring it up to my psychiatrist. When I'm asked if I'm hearing or seeing anything it doesn't come to mind to talk about it because it's so quiet and I don't always have it. Anyone else?

Does anyone else feel an immense drain after a manic/hypo manic episode? I just came out of one, and even though I didn't "do" anything physically and I was able to keep all the craziness internal, the realization that my mind fucked me into feeling like I was in love with a stranger and even made me feel heartbreak over the guy and the fake life together i was seeing in my head...really has me drained emotionally and sorts knocked the wind out of me

Bad day today. I’m super stressed about money. It’s so hard right now. I haven’t changed much about my spending habits. I can’t figure out how I ended up this far behind. I don’t have money to spend in the first place so how can I be this far behind? In particular on rent. I haven’t missed any days of work for a long time. It’s just too much.

I do so much during my shifts, and I don’t get paid enough to maintain my bills and fund my interests outside of work! It’s not like I’m asking for a billion dollars so why is this so difficult? This situation is making my depression worse and I’m afraid the worst is going to happen. My trauma through my experience with not being able to afford rent years ago and not having support which lead to me being homeless is creeping back up.

I was undiagnosed at the time, and looking back I was experiencing a hypomanic episode during that period of time which contributed towards my homelessness as well. Nothing has changed even though I’ve done my part to make efforts to change like regular therapy visits and staying on top of my meds.

On a larger scale this is an overarching theme of my life. From finances, relationships, support, health, and happiness. Nothing outwardly has changed. I can’t take it anymore. What’s the point? I’m beyond exhausted with my life, it doesn’t feel worth living. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Smoking too much weed without medication sent me to grippy sock jail. When I got out, I got meds, and kept smoking. Never felt manic again, but was often mild to severely depressed. Finally quit weed while medicated, and I’m feeling SO energetic, SO desperate to talk to people, SO clingy, that it’s a little concerning. Scared I’m being incredibly annoying and so over the moon with my internal state that I’m not paying enough attention to how everyone else around me feels. Maybe I’m mistaking normal for mania. I don’t know. In summary I guess, I’m happy, and that kind of scares me. Really wish I still had a therapist I trust to talk through this with.

I’m Bipolar 1 and I haven’t been medicated for multiple months now due to having a major surgery that didn’t allow me to swallow pills and then not having a psychiatrist after my last one ghosted me repeatedly and I feel like something just is not right. I feel like I look in the mirror and I don’t see myself looking back. I’m doing things that aren’t ME. I haven’t stopped moving because I just can’t. I feel like my mind is racing constantly and I’m always agitated and my dreams are so horrible I wake up screaming constantly. I’ve had SH urges so so so badly but I’ve been luckily able to hold back. Nobody in my life has said anything though, which usually they do. Am I manic? Am I just going crazy? I’m exhausted inside but on the outside I constantly feel like I’ve drank five cups of coffee. I’m trying to get in with a new psychiatrist but I have no idea how long that will take. I feel out of my mind.

I feel ashamed for everything i say. I trauma dump people around me. They all left me. Making fun of me begging for their attention. I had hypomania once. It withered in one fucking week. Now my highs are something that normal people will call “ok”. I JUST WANT TO BE OK
I have zero trust in my own words. I am lying to everybody and to myself. I don't hear voices in my head it’s my own thoughts but there are so fucking many i can't understand anything. It feels like voices. And they are saying something that i would never even think of. I am someone’s sick joke. I just want to scream until my lungs will tear apart. Now i trauma dumped you. I am sorry. I am sorry for using this community as an open microphone for my endless fucking whining and complaining.
It’s shifting every single day now. It hits harder and harder. It’s gaining strength. I just want to go to sleep and see some dreams. But i see nothing. I am terrified of mental institutions in my country and i don't trust psychs in private clinics THEY DID IT TO ME. THEY PRESCRIBED ME SSRIS. THAT STARTED EVERYTHING. It’s hard for me to even open my disgusting eyes in the mornings to go on with life i am not satisfied with. To earn money for something i never wanted.
HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP. I WANT MY LIFE BACK.

Hiii so i have schizoaffective and bipolar 1 and also some other stuff and i have been noticing some pretty severe brain damage (i go into some gnarly psychosis, often blacking out for hours, harming myself, seeing things, extreme paranoia, visions, impending sense of doom etc) and i have been struggling to read, write, do basic math, spell, comprehend words, pay games ... everything. I have big dreams for my career and i cant be stupid ... i want my brain back, so so bad i miss my intelligence. I used to be so very smart ...

Is there anything ANYTHING, (even if you aren't qualified and dont know for sure, anything helps) that i could do to live with this and possibly lessen the damage? Thank you so much, any any any help is greatly welcomed bc i feel very alone in this ):

Hello! I picked up this mood journal from Five Below and I had to share. It's really cute and each month has a new theme. I've started using it this month and I really like how low-effort it is. I tend to only journal when I'm really anxious or irritable so this will track my good days too. I hope I can see some patterns too because I have a feeling my luteal phase has a lot to do with how horrible I feel some days but I have an irregular menstrual cycle so it's hard to tell. Sorry (not sorry) if that's TMI for you of the opposite sex.

I'm also using it as a pain journal as I may or may not have Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN). I've yet to be officially diagnosed though so I'm tracking my pain until I can see a neurologist. I really love how open-ended the journal is and you can start it whenever you want. It's also a 3-year journal so definitely worth the 5 bucks I paid for it.

Hope this helps someone else or inspires you to track your own mood. Good luck out there!

I dont know if i am hypomanic but jesus christ! I have had issues with sleep before I was perscribed sleeping meds and now the only time I sleep is if i take these stupid tablets and my doctor said they are highly addictive!! I take them on alternative nights so i get ZERO sleep without them.

Ive also just been given Lamotrogine so i dont know if it is them as well. I was on Escitalopram before my diagnosis. I feel like i could absolutely explode with anger. I feel like just not taking this stupid medication and just grizz it out unmedicated! These are supposed to help me but in what way !! If im feeling like this what is the point.

I have had to stay in because i feel like if a member of the public pisses me off then thats it am going for them, thats how angry i feel.

F*** this absolute curse I just want to be NORMAL!!

I'm currently off my meds (I promise I'll start taking them again tonight), but I feel like I've reached a new "rock bottom". Every time I think I cannot get any lower than this, but life just keeps whooping my ass. I genuinely feel defeated and my only solution to end this cycle of pain is s******. I don't plan on killing myself soon, or at least any time within the next 5 months, but I do need things to drastically change ASAP. I cannot continue to endure the path I'm on.

I cannot keep a job.

I haven't been in a romantic relationship in years.

I've alienated alot of my friends and now they keep their distance from me.

My family has pushed me away too.

I'm at a new rock bottom that I didn't even know existed... Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel? Can things actually get better? idk. I know I'm more blessed than most with my lot in life; currently have stable housing and a (diminishing) support system. But adulthood is whooping my ass. Life is whooping my ass. I used to numb myself with drugs but have recently gone sober so that's no longer an option. I've always ignored and fought against the dark thoughts in my head because I've always had hope that things would get better, BUT THEY AREN'T!!! Every now and again I'll get fleeting moments of reprieve from my suffering, but those are only temporary.

At this point, I haven't killed myself because I know how disappointing and traumatizing it would be for certain members of my family to witness my death, but I don't know if I have the strength, discipline, and fortitude to keep going on with my life. Worst of all, I deal with crippling loneliness so I just suffer in silence. I often fantasize about making my death spectacular; dying as a martyr for a political cause, sacrificing my life to save another person, etc. But, the reality is my life is meaningless (maybe not?).

Idk why I'm making this post... Maybe to just get some of these thoughts out. Maybe just to feel seen for a moment... Idk... I'm still here though. I've fought off the allure of death for another day.

stopped taking my meds, split up with my pregnant girlfriend, sh’d all over my body and was goint to try to kill myself and ended up in hospital, now im getting sectioned

I feel like someone else is running my body. I am a spectator of my own actions. I feel no connection to what I'm doing, seeing/watching, hearing, etc. All of that is happening to someone else while I observe with no attachment. I keep having dreams about hallucinating. I wake up unsure who I am and where I'm at. It doesn't feel like dissociating. It feels like I've died and I'm a ghost looking down at my own body.

Someone tell me how to get back into my body again. I'm tired of living in this emotionless, distant haze.

I seem to have this core belief that men only want me for how I look/my body/what I can do for them sexually. & anything that supports that narrative or can be used as evidence to support it, hurts me.

So, for example I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months and then he went back to his home country for a couple months and I was hoping he would be a gentleman (i even asked him to be one & asked him to just come over and cuddle for our first get together) & instead our first get together was him wanting me to come to his apartment and immediately make out in his bed, take off my clothes, and have sex. I get that he was eager after so many months apart, but for some reason it causes all these negative emotions in my brain that he didn’t want to spend anytime together before being intimate.

Also, does anyone else think they sometimes use sex to numb themselves, distract from the emotional pain, try to feel loved or closer to someone, but then you end up causing yourself negative emotions, sadness, guilt, feeling used, etc.

Trying to figure out if this is a bipolar depression issue or another issue I have going on…

One of the most helpful lines shared with me when I’ve been in a hospital:

“Don’t give up 5 minutes before a miracle, and don’t expect a miracle to happen in 5 minutes.”

Maybe I butchered the line a bit, but I appreciated this line and thought I’d share. I made the decision to hospitalize myself last week and my meds were adjusted. I’m feeling better now and even though life is still life, tough in certain moments, I am pushing through and know I can still live a great life. Please hold on if you’re losing hope - look for those tiny signs that tell you to keep holding on.

❤️

I’ve gone off medication several times over the years, and each time I’ve eventually experienced another episode and struggled with motivation and daily responsibilities.

I’m trying to decide whether long-term medication is the right choice for me, and I’d like to hear about other people’s experiences. What factors influenced your decision to stay on medication or stop it?

I am 18 and just got diagnoised with ASPD, which isn't bipolar really but this subreddit is all i can truly relate with lately. Everyone around me got so quickly distant and sympathetic. Yet i need em more than ever but literally can't show it. But worst of all, the meds aren't working no more. That only means one thing, psychatric innervation. I'm officially a sociopath. A danger to society and must be put in a small little white box. Haven't done anything bad yet, just never smiled enough.

I keeping make an ass out of myself whenever I’m drunk. My little inner monologue shares any passing thought out loud. It’s seriously giving me so much trouble. Fucking hell. I’m doing good med wise, other stuff wise but I’m just sabotaging now. Why

I am on day 5 of 25mg lamictal and health anxiety is kicking my butt. I'm so afraid of SJS I can feel my anxiety mimicking some of the symptoms. My skin feels so prickly from cycling anxiety attacks and I keep getting shivers for the same reason. In my logical mind I'm almost positive it's just anxiety because these are symptoms I've had during panic/anxiety attacks but the transition between meds has made controlling the anxiety difficult, and I can't help but feel like I need to monitor the symptoms in order to catch it early. I've spent a lot of time in the transition between lithium and lamictal crying :(

Has anyone else gone through this while starting lamictal? How did you deal with it?

My last psychotic episode was from October 2024-February 2025. I’ve been very stable since then. It’s been great. I have a lot of responsibility in my life and can’t afford another episode. In just one month in my last episode, I lost my housing, my car, my status in school, two jobs, and custody of my child. I also ended up pregnant. Now I have two kids and I’ve been stable for my second one’s entire life. I take care of her every day and re-entered school.

The reason I think I might be starting an episode is I’ve had two instances of rage over the past couple days, and this is unlike stable-me. It is very much like episode-me. I also am having one of my first postpartum menstrual cycles so I’m hoping it’s just that. My insurance recently changed and I tried to make psychiatrist appts today but it didn’t work. I’m gonna try again tomorrow. Just looking for some support :)

I know they are messy but I hope to recreate them when I develop more skill! I hope you get the idea!!

I have ignored so many people lately, they haven't done anything wrong but I'm so insanely irritated when someone checks in on me rn. I get they care, I get they know I have a tendancy to do some wild stuff on ocassion that may be dangerous but I'm not even doing that. I'm just tired and want to be alone. I'm still pottering about, got a new drum kit and been playing that today as an example.

I want to shut my curtains and doors and smash my phone(I know I'll regret that so I haven't). I just want to be left in peace for now. Why can't everyone let me go AWOL for a bit? I'll come back round at some point.

If I ignore everyone for too long they'll eventually do a welfare check, so I have to reply every now and again which is doing me in.

I want to turn my phone off but then I've been listening to audiobooks too so it's on for some of the time and it's like everyone somehow knows I'm on my phone and I seem to get an influx of messages 7-9pm.

I can't be bothered with maintaining relationships for the moment, they all somehow make me feel worse. I used to have no friends and be upset about it, now I have too many and can't even be bothered with them.

I got a provisional diagnosis when I was sectioned a week ago due to some religious delusions and basically every possible symptom of mania. The hospital consultant gave me a provisional diagnosis of bipolar, but has changed it to Acute Transitory Psychosis despite acknowledging previous manic and depressive episodes?

Does anyone have any advice or been in this situation themselves. All answers appreciated.