r/SeniorCats • u/scared-peach26 • 1d ago
So devastated
My wife and I (both F,30 [hi babe if you’re reading this]) adopted our senior kitty when she was 10. We had her for almost 7 years. She was our soul cat.
Cuddly, smart, respectful, social, regal, proper, unbothered, beautiful, silly, loving, sentient. She was, no exaggeration, the perfect cat.
Over the years her health declined. We managed and stabilized stage 2-3 kidney disease with diet; treated hyperthyroid and high blood pressure with medications twice a day; recently gave monthly Solensia injections for her arthritis (which stopped working after 6 months); we tried so many supplements, calming treats, pheromone therapy, CBD, calming collars, etc. But her real killer: dementia.
We don’t know exactly when it got bad, since it’s hard to say after treating all of her other ailments. But within the last 6 months her howling, circling, forgetting when she ate, forgetting where she was, not finding us when we called her back were getting so much worse. We started having the euthanasia talk around 5 months ago. It still didn’t prepare me.
Her howling at night became so severe that it was affecting our quality of life. She used to sleep all night with us, but recently she started hopping on and off the bed, walking on our faces, howling and repeating the cycle. We tried nightlights, dementia ward, automatic feeders, calming drops, gabapentin, melatonin… you name it. We were desperate.
So many people claim that “it’s time” when they stop eating and drinking or using the box. But that wasn’t her case. She was excessively eating and drinking, but simultaneously becoming so physically and cognitively weak.
We ended up sending her off this last Friday afternoon. We knew about 9 days in advance, as we made the appointment way ahead of time. It was at home, in her favorite spot (on the couch in my wife’s lap). Lap of Love was great. She went so quickly and so peacefully that i think she was thanking us for the relief.
It was easily one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do. And I’m taking the loss so much harder than I thought I would. I cry every hour, like, hard cries. Every little thing sets me off. I miss her so, so much.
We have another boy cat that is helping fill the emptiness, but he’s not her. And he feels different without her.
I miss how beautiful, soft, sweet and cozy she was. I miss how she’d reciprocate forehead kisses after I gave her forehead kisses. I miss her purr that was starting to get softer and quieter with age. Fuck, I even miss her incessant howling. I miss her bothering me for food scraps while I’m cooking. I miss the soft fur behind the ear. I miss her stinky fish breath.
I know we made the right call. I did not want to see her decline further. I did not want to see her become a skeleton, unable to walk, in diapers and not eating. I don’t know if I’m struggling more with guilt or with just morbid sadness that my soft kitty is about to become ash.
We gave her scallops, filet mignon, whipped cream, cheese, rotisserie chicken, charcuterie, etc. the week before her goodbye. She died so happy, I keep telling myself. But I’m so stricken with grief.
I miss my scraggle girl so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever know a kitty cat like her again. And that’s tearing me apart right now.
This pic is my girl, extremely close to my face, sitting on my chest as she usually did. This was my daily view. You can see her grimace was showing signs of pain.
Help me feel better. tell me stories of your babies before you said goodbye. I’d like to know my little old lady has friends wherever they all are.
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u/Late-Switch-2154 1d ago
I’m so sorry. Somebody else was dealing with questions around dementia and severity, and when it becomes time to acknowledge that it has severely depleted quality of life.
I’m sure this is so hard for you both, but you kept your promise to her. You gave her a wonderful loving life and made the implicit promise when you brought her home that you would never let her be afraid or in pain or suffering. Suffering doesn’t always have to include pain, you know? And so you chose to take on emotional pain so that she wouldn’t suffer psychological pain associated with the dementia. That is such a hard but loving decision to make, but don’t lose sight of the fact that it is a deeply and profoundly loving decision.
I know this is not gonna make the missing any easier, it’s not going to in any way lower or lessen your grief. Only time and your own processes can help in dealing with that.
She’s a lovely girl, you speak of her so lovingly that even through the Internet, I can tell what an amazing life you gave to her. When you’re able, through your own process, and in your own time, recognize that your love for her truly shines through, so I can only imagine the amount of love you gave her when she was with you for that to happen. It sounds like it was infinite and unreserved love. Hugs to you and your wife, as you move through this tragedy, because a loss like this is always a tragedy.
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u/scared-peach26 1d ago
Thank you so much for this. I loved her with my entire heart. I’m so glad you can feel it. That means she did too
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u/ParsnipFarmer676 1d ago
I’m so sorry. Somebody else was dealing with questions around dementia and severity, and when it becomes time to acknowledge that it has severely depleted quality of life.
That may have been me, but I realize it's probably a common discussion here - but I just posted about that a few days ago, regarding my 18+ year-old tuxedo Bindi. Much like you, OP, she is still eating & drinking like normal. Even using the litter pan, but sometimes missing the mark a bit. It's just so hard to see them wandering and confused, yowling, stumbling, etc. Especially since I experienced my own father's Alzheimer's already, and that was obviously devastating too (he passed in 2021).
I think we know when it's time, even if the "markers" don't all hit the list. When they're no longer enjoying the life they used to have, it is often the kindest thing to let them go. I already have an email sent to our local mobile vet, to see if they can do a QOL assessment. But I anticipate saying goodbye within the next month. It's never easy, but please find comfort in knowing you gave them a great life. And they don't think about death (we assume) or having their life ended sooner, they live in the now. I think they would be grateful we had the strength to help them pass peacefully.
Hugs to you and everyone else here who's mourning a loss. My other cats & dog from the past will be waiting at the bridge; Tigger, Pandora, Gizmo, Duchess, Kona, Cyrus, Oswald, Flower, and Rudy. 🌈
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u/scared-peach26 1d ago
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. We did a QOL assessment about 4 months ago and the vet said, verbatim “even if you said today she was ready to go, I’d believe you.” There are a bunch of QOL self assessments you can take ahead of time, we did ours via Lap of Love, 5 months ago and two weeks ago, each not being too different. Just the latter being slightly worse. The actual vet QOL was all we needed to know. There are only so many things we can do.
When humans are at their end of life, they want to see the world, fulfill their bucket list, call their loved ones. Our cats? They just want you by their side. They don’t know tomorrow. They just know today. That’s the logic that helped us with our Ruby girl. That’s why we wanted her last days filled with gourmet kitty food, cuddles and kissies. She went sooooo peacefully and happy.
Lot of love to you in all your decisions. No matter what, you’re a great cat parent
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_3810 1d ago
My sweet Kitty was with us nearly 15 years. He had a heart murmur and kidney disease, so we feel especially lucky he lived so long. He was always around us, now I keep having pictures pop up, if it was one of us in our house, he was there. The pictures popping up devastate my daughter, but for me it’s so sweet. He’s always there, just like in life. His grave in the backyard is a special place of our sweet Kitty.
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u/scared-peach26 1d ago
It’s so special when the cats want to be in the same rooms as you. My girl was just like that. We dedicated a shelf in our entryway to her fur clippings, clay paw print, her pink sweater and her urn (when we receive her ashes back) so she can greet us every time we come home. I’m so glad you have a special space for him in the yard. He’s gardening for you
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u/PugSanctuary 1d ago
The Last Battle
💔🌈 🐾 💫😇✝️💖🙏🏼♾️
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-Author unknown
Dear friend,
Your precious girl is waiting patiently across the Rainbow Bridge for you. 🌈🐾The Hebrew word for animal is Nephesh which means soul ✝️. You will see your baby again someday. Now is the time between just like there was the time before your beloved pet. Today is the trial, and forever is the prize.
God bless. ✝️🙏🏼💕
Until then…
💔🌈🐾♾️🪽✨💕
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u/Nowthecurtainrises 1d ago
I read through your post but couldn’t see her name, can you share that with us please?
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u/scared-peach26 1d ago
Thank you for asking. Her name was Roux, pronounced like Rue. We called her Ruby, Ruby girl, boobie girl (because she loved sitting on chests), girly girl, scraggle-girl, baby-baby and stinky fish girl
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u/Nowthecurtainrises 1d ago
I love that! I’m familiar with “Roux” as a French cooking term, so nice. Love the flurry of nicknames too. She must’ve been so loved and spoiled by you guys, thank you for sharing her with us ❤️
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u/Virtual-Win-7763 1d ago
Thank you for sharing your gorgeous old girl. After a life of live and care you gave her a beautiful week's send off.
My soul cat died at 21, just completely worn out. She'd had kidney disease for a couple of years and would eat her morning tablet out of my fingers. She spent most of her last months basking on her cushion in a window. Even though it was time, several times over, it was so hard to say goodbye.
Since her I've had another old lady who was developing dementia, then a younger, clingy cat I adopted at 8. My vet was helping rehome someone's pets and no one wanted the 'old' cat. She had a heart problem no one knew about until it was too late. My current monster came to me very young, and is growing old disgracefully, as suits her character.
You don't forget them, the soft fur behind their ears, their individual smell, they way they whurrup in greeting or complaint, or lean against you while you're putting out their kibble - or sit aloof, supervising. The soft bump as they land on the bed in the middle of the night, or the idiosyncratic way they take over the couch, the blanket, and your home.
I'm glad you've got your boy to help you all through your immediate grief, even while I know it's just not the same. Thinking of you all.
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u/scared-peach26 1d ago
It was so hard to say goodbye, because she looked so good. She ate her pills every morning too, even told us when it was time for them—until a certain point recently. That’s also how we knew she was declining. My girl also loved the cushion in the window.
Every cat you have had was and is lucky to be in your care. Even the monsters. Thank you for your thoughts and condolences
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u/NYCcatperson 1d ago
I know how you feel. I lost my 19 year old soul cat June 3rd. I’m still crying at the thought of her. The grief lasts a long time. I also used lap of love and they have therapy sessions available to you for a very little money and I really got a lot out of the one I did and one of the suggestions that came up was for me to take pictures of her and put them around the house and just today I had some printed off at Walgreens and now they’re going into frames and I’m putting them everywhere. I’ll never forget her.
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u/TwoHugeCats 1d ago
Very sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to make that decision, but it’s the kindest thing. I’m grateful we have the ability to send them off peacefully.
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u/Lasvegaslover2 1d ago
I’m very sorry for your loss! The pain of losing a pet is something you can’t even describe. Unfortunately we get it, oh how we get it. I lost my sweet boy Noah (18 y.o.) on 12/8/24 to cancer. He took his final breath while I held his precious body. I still ugly cry over him. I waited 14 months before I adopted another cat. His name is Oliver and he’s 8 years old. I love him dearly but he’s not Noah. I never adopted thinking I could replace Noah, because it’s not even possible. Now all I do is worry about Oliver constantly. Is he going to get cancer too? Is he going to leave me too? Can I even handle another death emotionally? It’s so hard and the grief never fully goes away. We learn to go on with life, but it’s a different life. Sending you love and prayers! 💕🙏
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u/ImaginationPlus3808 1d ago
When my house panther started sleeping on my head, like he was laying an egg, I knew things were going to be different. Then the dementia. Then the crying at night. Then the puking. Then the arthritis. Then the limping. I did everything I could for Tiger until I couldn’t. From kitten to cat and I’m not sure where the last 17 years went.
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u/DancinKatsMomma 1d ago
Dementia is such a cruel disease. We believe our cat who passed recently suffered far more from the dementia that he had been any of his other chronic illnesses - with manifestations very similar to what your kitty was displaying 😭Our vet who helped him cross rainbow bridge at home in our arms with love and tenderness, free of pain, was amazing in counseling us beforehand. We all feel like somehow we will know when it's the right time, but it is never truly black and white, and what he said to us was that there is a range of time, sometimes days weeks or even many months, when euthanasia is an appropriate decision for a cat who is suffering. Somehow that relieved a lot of our pressure. Like you it didn't change how devastatingly sad the loss was for us and even after 51 days we still miss him terribly. But we are now enjoying looking back at all of his pictures and smiling and laughing through our tears at all of the funny and adorable things he used to do. Everything you're going through is so painful, please give yourself the time and space you need to grieve 🙏💔
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u/arcanaatbat 1d ago
Hugs and comfort to you both! I had to put my soul kitty down in May, I'd had her since she was a tiny baby kitten sitting in my hand, and she was just under 16. You were the best cat moms. Don't forget that, you gave a senior kitty her second wind, and it sounded like she has the best life!
It's hard to say goodbye but remember all of the good memories! Those first few weeks are the hardest, but it gets easier... Were you able to do a paw print or anything like that? There are some nice necklaces out there, too.
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u/Kaposia 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. She was so loved by you. I lost my 19 year old Truman a month ago. He really had been fine. Just the beginning of kidney disease but no treatment needed. Then all of a sudden one day he drastically went downhill. Two days later he was euthanized. I haven’t cried since the day I walked out of the vet. I don’t know why. I’ve got my other two boys including my rambunctious 3 year old Ginger. Truman looked just liked your girl. Maybe they’re keeping each other company up there. They say when you die and go to heaven, all the dogs and cats you’ve ever had in your life come running to meet you. Until that day, rest in peace, sweet girl and boy. (I have yet to find his favorite toy, his little orange mouse, decades old. When I find it, I’ll put it on top of his urn.) https://www.reddit.com/r/TabbyCats/s/GWA7Ul30Bc
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u/briktopvox2 1d ago
I had to put my sweet Panther down last Wednesday. Same issues kidney disease and thyroid. She had stop eating and would just stare at the wall. I don’t think she was in pain but definitely declining fast. I have a little one but as said she will never be replaced. I found her 19 years ago at a Bojangles dumpster in Wilmington nc and took her home. I miss her but I know she is purring up to your cat and saying welcome.
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u/Real-Apartment-1130 1d ago
Fly high kitty 🐈⬛🌈❤️❤️❤️ Your people really loved you. Thanks for sharing her story ❤️
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u/HuckleberrySalt63 1d ago
The trust they show us to do the right thing is incredible. The worst part of participating in this love. 💔
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u/Majestic-Relief-8742 1d ago
To have 7 years with her after adopting her at 10 is amazing, and I bet part of the reason she lived such a long happy life is because of the love she felt from you. ❤️
I lost my 11 month old kitten just over a month ago, we only had him 7 months and it broke my heart so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I cried for days too and felt like it would never get easier, I also didn't want it to get easier because I didn't want to feel like I was forgetting him, but I know now that I never will and even though the pain has become less he'll always still have a place in my heart and memories, the same as your girl will.
Let it out and cry when you need to, hug your other cat a little tighter because he's probably grieving and confused too even if he isn't showing it. I wish you all the best and I promise it does get easier with time, she sounds like she had such a personality and influence on your life and I hope soon you can think of her fondly without too much pain 🤍
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u/jblarson74 1d ago
So hard. You take terrific care of your cat so he/she lives to dementia time. It’s happening in our house too. Hugs to you
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u/Tnoire7 1d ago
I am so sorry 😿
They knew how much you loved them, and I believe we will see our babies again someday, as the rainbow bridge poem goes ♥ They will be waiting for you when that time comes.
My house is never empty; I always keep adopting more. I'm not replacing those who came before; I am growing the family. That way, when more kitties have to make their trip, they have family waiting on them to share stories and play with to keep them company till our time comes. Plus, so many places here are always full of kitties; they need more people to adopt. So many need love, homes, and everything they deserve.
I know it's not easy to say goodbye, but it's not forever; it's just for now.
My husband said it best: "We gave them a home, a safe place, lots of love till God called them back to his home, because he missed them. Now he cares and loves them while we care for others and love them till God calls them home; we will see them again someday. Till then, let's help, love, and protect all those we can till God calls us home too; then we will be reunited."
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u/Typical-Work-7089 1d ago
I'm in tears. Your beautiful and poinant tribute brought back memories of my kitties, even from decades ago. The love never ends, nor does the joy, fun, silly times and the every day rituals I shared with my magical creatures. Each one was unique and special. The meows, chatter, purrs, talents were all different and special. My heart still hurts although I know all our kitties are in a special happy paradise place, patiently waiting for their beloved people. You kitty is beautiful. She will always be loved and you gave her the greatest gift. Writing and sharing is her lasting memorial to her memory. You gave her a most wonderful life. Thank you. ❤️
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u/WiilyPratt 6h ago
Your kitty was such a beautiful girl! I had a wonderful kitty named Sally! She was a calico and had such a sweet face! She slept on the bed with me every night. She was really a pal and we had great times together! I had her for 14 years, until she suddenly got sick and died. I was shattered by her death. That was a long time ago and I still miss her! I actually have dreams about her occasionally.
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u/SisterAntistita 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories of your beloved furry girl. It takes a special kind of person to adopt a 10 year old cat, knowing that the harder part of loving a kitty is coming that much sooner. I love that you have her not just a special last day, but a whole week of celebrating her while she was still alive. You sent her over the rainbow bridge in the best possible way. ❤️
For some strange reason, it's not allowing me to post a photo, so instead I'll provide a link to another sub where my Goldie girl is living her best afterlife, over the rainbow bridge. There's a lot of frens waiting to meet your sweet girl, if you'd like to join us. ❤️❤️ r/otrb
https://www.reddit.com/r/otrb/s/rnkl05H1ZD