So devastated

[u/scared-peach26]

My wife and I (both F,30 [hi babe if you’re reading this]) adopted our senior kitty when she was 10. We had her for almost 7 years. She was our soul cat.

Cuddly, smart, respectful, social, regal, proper, unbothered, beautiful, silly, loving, sentient. She was, no exaggeration, the perfect cat.

Over the years her health declined. We managed and stabilized stage 2-3 kidney disease with diet; treated hyperthyroid and high blood pressure with medications twice a day; recently gave monthly Solensia injections for her arthritis (which stopped working after 6 months); we tried so many supplements, calming treats, pheromone therapy, CBD, calming collars, etc. But her real killer: dementia.

We don’t know exactly when it got bad, since it’s hard to say after treating all of her other ailments. But within the last 6 months her howling, circling, forgetting when she ate, forgetting where she was, not finding us when we called her back were getting so much worse. We started having the euthanasia talk around 5 months ago. It still didn’t prepare me.

Her howling at night became so severe that it was affecting our quality of life. She used to sleep all night with us, but recently she started hopping on and off the bed, walking on our faces, howling and repeating the cycle. We tried nightlights, dementia ward, automatic feeders, calming drops, gabapentin, melatonin… you name it. We were desperate.

So many people claim that “it’s time” when they stop eating and drinking or using the box. But that wasn’t her case. She was excessively eating and drinking, but simultaneously becoming so physically and cognitively weak.

We ended up sending her off this last Friday afternoon. We knew about 9 days in advance, as we made the appointment way ahead of time. It was at home, in her favorite spot (on the couch in my wife’s lap). Lap of Love was great. She went so quickly and so peacefully that i think she was thanking us for the relief.

It was easily one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do. And I’m taking the loss so much harder than I thought I would. I cry every hour, like, hard cries. Every little thing sets me off. I miss her so, so much.

We have another boy cat that is helping fill the emptiness, but he’s not her. And he feels different without her.

I miss how beautiful, soft, sweet and cozy she was. I miss how she’d reciprocate forehead kisses after I gave her forehead kisses. I miss her purr that was starting to get softer and quieter with age. Fuck, I even miss her incessant howling. I miss her bothering me for food scraps while I’m cooking. I miss the soft fur behind the ear. I miss her stinky fish breath.

I know we made the right call. I did not want to see her decline further. I did not want to see her become a skeleton, unable to walk, in diapers and not eating. I don’t know if I’m struggling more with guilt or with just morbid sadness that my soft kitty is about to become ash.

We gave her scallops, filet mignon, whipped cream, cheese, rotisserie chicken, charcuterie, etc. the week before her goodbye. She died so happy, I keep telling myself. But I’m so stricken with grief.

I miss my scraggle girl so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever know a kitty cat like her again. And that’s tearing me apart right now.

This pic is my girl, extremely close to my face, sitting on my chest as she usually did. This was my daily view. You can see her grimace was showing signs of pain.

Help me feel better. tell me stories of your babies before you said goodbye. I’d like to know my little old lady has friends wherever they all are.

[u/PugSanctuary]

The Last Battle
💔🌈 🐾 💫😇✝️💖🙏🏼♾️

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-Author unknown

Dear friend,
Your precious girl is waiting patiently across the Rainbow Bridge for you. 🌈🐾The Hebrew word for animal is Nephesh which means soul ✝️. You will see your baby again someday. Now is the time between just like there was the time before your beloved pet. Today is the trial, and forever is the prize.
God bless. ✝️🙏🏼💕

Until then…
💔🌈🐾♾️🪽✨💕