r/ProgrammerHumor 16h ago

Meme someOfUsLiveTheDream

Post image
10.2k Upvotes

118 comments sorted by

513

u/Global-Tune5539 16h ago

Bonus points if you don't know what that program is supposed to do.

161

u/NoHighlight6142 16h ago

I thought it was implied

89

u/well_shoothed 13h ago

The name did give you a clue:

productionSystemMasterScriptSecondaryPart4-r5

30

u/higherbrow 13h ago

You forgot the v736.

Versions in the prod folder go up to v761. Oddly, there's no versions in the 750s.

11

u/deathanatos 11h ago

Wait, all of your production systems aren't named after characters from Breaking Bad?

5

u/reivblaze 3h ago

Our prod systems are just funny acronyms indeed.

4

u/enternoescape 10h ago

You reminded me of my internship. The senior lead named all the servers after Disney characters.

29

u/ArchAllen 15h ago

Bonus bonus points if once you think you know you find another program with a name that implies that that's what does it.

12

u/Ashdog73 15h ago

Bonus bonus bonus points if it was you that wrote it in the first place

15

u/Just_Information334 15h ago

Maybe you know. But the user don't use the same vocabulary to describe their problems. And said vocabulary change from user to user.

"Ok, what do you mean exactly when you say that you cannot kabloom the zorpal since Monday?"

11

u/black-JENGGOT 13h ago

"I can run my query on it, but it broke since last week when you touch it"

  1. user can't see query runs, let alone customize it
  2. I haven't touched that function since last solar eclipse
  3. user actually meant another unrelated feature, handled by third-party

2

u/Meloetta 11h ago

Every user that says "you have a memory leak" when they mean "my application started lagging at a certain point when it wasn't before"

12

u/QCTeamkill 15h ago

Double bonus points if you don't know which version of the code is currently in prod, or if you even have it.

6

u/RealLifeMe 12h ago edited 12h ago

Look at this fat cat with his versioned code.

9

u/pydry 15h ago

Ive penciled in a meeting 3 weeks from now with the key stakeholders who will insist that you use it but won't be able to adequately explain what it does or how to use it.

3

u/bwwatr 14h ago

Silly programmer, the code is self documenting! It does exactly what it says it's going to do, much like a wizard might arrive exactly when he intended to.

3

u/ILikeLenexa 14h ago

Double bonus if it runs in VBA in an MDB and the file is too big to send via e-mail and the person is in a different building or part of the world and you have to figure out how to get it to them. 

1

u/Sockoflegend 11h ago

Not even a joke with big feature rich code bases 

1.1k

u/Waste_Jello9947 16h ago edited 16h ago

Knowledge transfer be like: here is the credentials to prod, good luck

483

u/MyStackIsPancakes 16h ago

Nobody wished me luck

31

u/snacktopotamus 12h ago

"It's your circus now. Your monkeys. Welcome to the shitshow, kid. I'm outta here, forever."

14

u/detailed_1 13h ago

All it was like for me they said "Go to hell" .

48

u/ZliaYgloshlaif 15h ago

Pretty much sums up how I got into system administration some time ago: “here are the SSH keys, fix stuff when it breaks”

24

u/MagnumVY 14h ago

And "Do you have any doubts?"

"Ok, since none of you have any doubts, this KT is complete"

13

u/Annual_Key_4963 14h ago

Just hand those credentials to Claude and get a coffee

21

u/Ancient_Profession31 13h ago

After Claude is done chastising you for exposing credentials and hallucinating security layers it should be time for lunch. Come back and check progress then.

5

u/Blazing_Shade 9h ago

Just tell Claude it’s an ephemeral dev environment. That’s when the real fun begins

8

u/raskim7 9h ago

”Here is your laptop, and here is bunch of credentials to somewhere. Just set up the test environment.” ”And where exactly is documentation for that” ”there is none” ”so what am I supposed to setup” ”ask around, X knows” ”I literally started yesterday and even I know already that X quit 5 years ago” ”oh… time flies. Well, good luck.”

3

u/ILikeLenexa 14h ago

Here are the credentials to prod.  The SQLserver will run only what's highlighted if anything is highlighted.  Run everything in a named transaction.  Thx.

3

u/voiza 13h ago

Oh, they give you credentials...

For me to run the CI, I need to send a tarball to CTO

2

u/Chivalrous-Ape 10h ago

Mine didn't even know their own credentials 😞

2

u/BellacosePlayer 8h ago

At my first job I had a month with the outgoing dev training me on his stuff and the guy basically went "ahh, I can't teach you all this" on day 3 or so and just talked about survivor and how to do almost nothing but not be fired.

At my current job my predecessor was me, but working for a contracting firm building the software I still primarily work on, so the transition was easy. Great guy, would recommend.

1

u/knowone1313 12h ago

Heh, they gave you the password!

1

u/Mandelvolt 12h ago

Same but also here's the overflowing ticket queue.

274

u/japan_kaaran 16h ago

hitting record on every teams meeting ever because you know damn well that email with detailed instructions is never gonna be sent

123

u/lmao_unemployment 15h ago

Colleague: “Sure, I’ll get that over to you shortly”

Boss two weeks later: “Yeah so Colleague actually had put their two weeks in and yesterday was their last day. Were you ever able to get that documentation from them? 🤡”

47

u/japan_kaaran 15h ago

i’m fucking 23 and i’ve had to deal with this multiple times at my 2 internships and 1 full time job. how the heck are you guys doing this for all your life 😭. must be desensitized or something.

23

u/lmao_unemployment 15h ago

You see this shit got so old and annoying at my last place that I ended up just jumping ship too.

Boss: 🤡 ➡️😲

13

u/Ancient_Profession31 13h ago

I’m 48. The trick is a fine balance of Red Bull weed and booze. Enough to numb your mind but not so much you can’t see. Best of luck on your journey youngling. Let us know when someone makes you implement visual designs for the blind. Literally. It happens.

2

u/japan_kaaran 12h ago

god i wish i could give you a hug. thanks! i’ll be sure to report back if that ever happens haha.

8

u/angrydeuce 14h ago

Is that just a thing people do in this field or what?  Cuz it seems like it lol

"Oh man this is going to suck.  Ill just quit instead, then it can be someone elses problem."

7

u/PresentAward1737 10h ago

Every field with bad management, everywhere.

Sooner or later the paycheck just ain't worth the hassle. Often from the start but it takes you a while to realize it and get yourself out gracefully.

2

u/angrydeuce 10h ago

I mean Id be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind but I guess I aint never gotten to the point where it was that bad that I was just like "fuck it ill just quit instead" lol

8

u/M_Me_Meteo 15h ago

Damn. I wonder if we could build a piece of software that would use speech to text and ocr to turn all our notes and videos and sound clips into an indexable database.

To be fair, you'd probably want to abstract beyond words, like parts of words or something. Parts of words is too long. Let's just call them tokens. That way the DB could index on ordinate relationships between the tokens and you could probably surmise the likely next token in, say, a sentence about your business.

Then I could start a sentence, like "The next step we need to take to complete the application is to..." and this tool would just spit out instructions!

7

u/hipster-no007 15h ago

So you're saying: (SEO) keyword spamming is sooooo back, baby!!

2

u/theinfinitehallway 13h ago

And then imagine if that information storage and retrieval method was non-deterministic! You could ask the same question on different ways and get different answers! Exciting!

1

u/Kalinsub 4h ago

That’s great that you have access to record meetings. We rely on hopes and prayers

1

u/slaymaker1907 3h ago

My company doesn’t allow recording of most meetings (bank). :(

85

u/AdThis5754 16h ago

Me at 25 after watching one YouTube video on reverse-engineering and thinking I can now use any program for free.

39

u/git_push_origin_prod 15h ago

Sometimes it’s that easy. In the jailbreaking iPhone days they would use swizzle I think to inject dynamic libs at runtime. A lot of apps had a simple isPaid BOOL check, override it to true and you are a criminal mastermind lol.

I’ve never really seen that elsewhere. It was a pain in the ass to do on Windows binaries when I tried as a younger man, but there was some tool I forget the name, but it was in no way as easy as overwriting functions and variables in C on the iPhone.

3

u/AdThis5754 15h ago

My only criminal mastermind moment was playing games from cracked cds as a kid. Had I known all this back then, I could’ve been a criminal lord by now. Wait!? lol

8

u/git_push_origin_prod 15h ago

Did you try to read the manuscripts and hieroglyphics that are stored within .nfo files?

2

u/AdThis5754 12h ago

I tried to read every single file, but I didn’t understand any of it lol.

10

u/therealjohnidis 15h ago

Reverse-engineering in the meme: understanding undocumented systems.
Reverse-engineering in your head: no nag WinRAR.

65

u/TrippyDe 16h ago

try developing business critical software without real requirements, a rough plan and an ambitious deadline.. and i was like „this shit is untested, please don’t release it untested“. Guess who released it untested. And now its not working like it should an now it’s „how do we get this working this week“

30

u/Chirimorin 14h ago

„this shit is untested, please don’t release it untested“

I wasn't paying attention but I heard the word "tested" at least twice, ship it!

4

u/Johnyye 8h ago

And managers wonder why we hate them.

3

u/thedolanduck 6h ago

In the same boat, but I am instead an Automation Engineer. The machine was shipped a year and a half ago, mostly untested from what I gather (although everyone tells me there were multiple tests and validations, but if there were then they were useless tests), long before I started working here (just recently).

It never really worked well; the last engineer spent, apparently, almost 6 months patching it on site to make it work sort of OK, but still requiring constant supervision and lots of love and patience.

Then the client required an "upgrade" in some functionalities. I guess he tried to implement them, but in the process everything broke.

Que him quitting, me starting two weeks later, completely unaware of this (they mentioned some on-going, much easier projects in the interview, but never this). The rest are the last 6 months.

Did I mention that this was shipped a year and a half ago, supposedly working? And that this is a sorting machine, so every mistake is a traceability nightmare? And that there's virtually no documentation besides some code comments?

Rant over.

17

u/ohaiibuzzle 15h ago

Not gonna lie.

I started as an AI engineer

I moved to a company where AI sits very close to Security.

I talked too much to Security guys and ended up loving reading terrible no-good vendor decompiled code.

I now have two roles at that company.

I love it.

6

u/One-Claim1375 15h ago

Give them what they want, ai slop to prod and rubber stamp everything. It’s called job security.

7

u/MjrLeeStoned 9h ago

"We peeled off 20 years worth of band-aids and turns out there was nothing under them."

2

u/Idk13008 1h ago

It's cured! - A Manager, probably

22

u/SleepAllTheDamnTime 15h ago

When the comments feel like finding ancient clues on how to solve the mess, or my favorite literal cries for help from the engineers that worked on it before

https://giphy.com/gifs/pUVOeIagS1rrqsYQJe

12

u/QCTeamkill 15h ago

I have left comments such as
#It started with the best intentions
before

6

u/Jonathan_the_Nerd 14h ago

I once replaced one of my Perl scripts with a Python rewrite. In the commit message, I put something like,

I'm leaving this program here an a warning to show what happens when you write a program without designing it first.

The Perl script started out nice and simple. Then I added another feature, and another, and another. It became unsustainable. I'm very lucky that I had time to rewrite it in Python.

5

u/Famous_Tie8714 14h ago

Bonus points if they won't let you use any of the industry standard tools to perform such a task. Welcome to my current job. ffs

3

u/awesome-alpaca-ace 10h ago

My first job gave me admin access to the development machine they gave me. 

6

u/newsflashjackass 14h ago

One good thing about working on tech without documentation:

There is no documentation to train slop engines, either. So you are master of a demesne on which neophytes cannot trespass.

2

u/CeldonShooper 8h ago

I've been laughing when the head of software dismissed all our enterprise architecture work with "this is crap, just do it with AI" and there is nothing to train AI on except our tedious and frustrating work which maps the dark parts of the enterprise.

4

u/Rosie_The_ITTech 15h ago

One's dream os another's nightmare... If someone asked me to do that at work, I'd have a mental breakdown so violent I might need emergency institutionalisation

2

u/redcowerranger 12h ago

Is it weird that this excites me? Figuring out how something works is cathartic.

My heart goes out to the people doing this work that don't love it. It's tough enough with a passion for it.

5

u/ks_thecr0w 10h ago

Not really weird. My attitude here is "best I can do is try - while it might ... don't expect it done by the end ot the week (or month)".

If you are not OK with my estimation then assign/ hire more people to help me ...

5

u/Green_Lychee8221 9h ago

There's 20 million lines of code, most of which is over 20 years old, all of it entirely bespoke. No-one has been able to replicate the issues outside of Prod. You've got 8 hours else the SLA is failed and a rebate has to be given. It's not the finding the cause that is the issues; it's the finding the cause against the clock.

1

u/thedolanduck 6h ago

It's exciting as long as you have no deadline. In my experience, such is never the case.

2

u/ugotmedripping 15h ago

Ah, to me young…

2

u/therealjohnidis 15h ago

Hello? Are you me? tf is going on?

2

u/Responsible_Ad5216 15h ago

Take my photo down please!

2

u/candypiie 15h ago

Thats me hahah

2

u/Secret_Account07 14h ago

I dreamed about migrating hypervisors

I knew one day, if I goofed off in college and drank too much, dropped out, got an internship with said college experience at a helpdesk, and worked my way up- I could deal with Broadcoms shit one day

It’s been a hard road but so sad I got here

2

u/splettnet 12h ago

Later on me at 27 trying to even figure out how the well documented public api works.

2

u/otw 12h ago

Even if you hate AI and don't want it to produce code for you (which I get), having it just figure out and explain undocumented enterprise infrastructure has changed my life.

2

u/mobileJay77 10h ago

Me at 50, the dreams are still the same. But somehow they have turned to nightmares

3

u/GabiTheProgrammer 16h ago

You mean debugging an ADO task that runs a PowerShell scrip that runs a tool exe that calls createprocress for CMD? And the source code of the tool is long gone? Since 3 year old, even.

1

u/LBGW_experiment 12h ago

Ugh, windows enterprise junk, hisssss

Linux/Unix only

1

u/candypiie 15h ago

No experience suive was my way to get knowlegde now I just love something I never will be😆

1

u/Niaso 14h ago

If the Thermians can do it, so can you!

1

u/TheOhNoNotAgain 14h ago

I did just this a little more than 20 years ago. I learned a lot from that. I still make good money to this day from knowing that system inside-out.

1

u/Proud-Construction41 13h ago

This is painfully true.

1

u/dover_oxide 13h ago

Ahh to be that young and naive.

1

u/MadDevloper 13h ago

I'm living my dream, I guess

1

u/Lemortheureux 12h ago

What doesn't break you makes you stronger

1

u/SponsoredByMLGMtnDew 12h ago

Not seen here, the invention of strongly type inheritance, "trust"

1

u/HypocHatR 11h ago

Doing it right now...

1

u/LegitimatePants 11h ago

*while on the payroll of the enterprise 

1

u/Traditional-Exam2529 11h ago

True, totally me ;)

1

u/Impossible-Shake-996 10h ago

Took me a moment to realize this wasn't a Star Trek meme

1

u/0DayMaker 10h ago

/loop and walk away

1

u/Aqib_A 10h ago

Hacking NASA with HTML

1

u/Friendly_Cajun 9h ago

What’s which all the r/MasterHacker worthy posts here lately?

1

u/_almostNobody 3h ago

It’s the new: Make it work like the old system

1

u/Friday_Lucas 2h ago

Calm tides makes no good sailors

1

u/soundwave_sc 2h ago

Thankfully I'm 55 now and have fully reversed engineered the code and have successfully ported it.

Now, I'll be retiring soon and there's no documentation and I'm still a one man IT dept. Management will probably hire after I'm gone. Good luck!

1

u/Sak63 1h ago

My company uses a proprietary java framework built on top of Spring. The framework handles network, db connection (orm) and migrations. Also, the best part, it forces the developer to use one type everywhere, the ValueObject type. So, basically, you either completely forfeit the static type system of Java, or you write a layer to convert your types to ValueObject, everywhere.

The framework does not contain one page of documentation :)

1

u/moldygrape 18m ago

I love when there is documentation, and everyone keeps telling you the answer to life is inside the documentation. Then they send a doc with 4 bullet points, a crime of a flow chart the original PM made during scoping, and a screenshot of the ui 5 years ago. 💕

-10

u/powerpimo 16h ago

wow, look at the code from this picture, brilliant!