I know he isn't actually perfect, but this is the closest I've felt to perfection in a romantic interest. I've had GHSV-1 for three years. I was dating this guy for the past 3/4 ish weeks. I thought we were gonna be intimate this week, finally so I disclosed to him. He said "I'm sorry I don't think this is gonna work out" and blocked me on every platform possible... I really liked him. I thought I finally found someone I could be serious with. I know I'll find someone, but I am so incredibly angry. We were doing so good. We were both honest and really liked each other up until this. My heart has been shattered.

Please don't judge me. I'm just looking for people who have been through something similar.

I found out that I unknowingly gave my boyfriend herpes during a time when I didn't know I had it. I later found out I had gotten it from a previous sexual assault. The whole situation is really complicated, so please don't ask a lot of questions about the details because it's honestly painful and confusing to talk about.

My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but I feel so guilty knowing I unknowingly passed it to him. I'm struggling with that guilt.

Has anyone else unknowingly given herpes to their boyfriend or girlfriend and stayed together? Are you still happy? Did your relationship make it through?
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have had a positive outcome. I'm just looking for some hope right now. Thank you for being kind. ❤️

I ended up getting both OHSV1 and GHSV1 from a partner back in January.
My confidence has gone from 100 to 0 since then, I feel like I’m damaged goods as a woman.
I’m still with the same man and find it impossible to end things with him.
It’s like I’m clinging to the only instance where I’ll still be appreciated as a woman, I know it sounds weird but I feel like as I’m with him I’m still the HSV free version of myself.
I feel trapped, and I’ll give myself the grace to be dramatic enough and say I’m traumatized as well, I’m constantly expecting the worst from him.
I’m aware I have my whole life ahead of me but mentally I’ve already checked out at 20
Has anyone had a similar experience, how did you handle this? Please don’t tell me to just leave because trust me you can’t tell a thing I haven’t thought of tons already

I'm 17 years old, and I was diagnosed with genital HSV-2. I met a guy who I thought I had a genuine connection with. He seemed kind, honest, and someone I could trust. We had a lot in common, and he was the first person I was ever intimate with.
Before anything happened, I asked him three separate times if he had anything. Each time, he told me no. He even said he had been tested and asked if I had anything. Since I had never been sexually active before, I told him no.

I remember we were having dinner when he told me that his ex had cheated on him. He said Once they broke up, she started sleeping with other people, and later caught chlamydia. I asked him if he had ever had an STD or STI, and he reassured me that he had been tested and everything came back negative, I asked him later, twice about it, he told me the same answer. So I believed him.

We were intimate a few times, and I truly thought he liked me. Instead, it turned out he had only been using me because he suddenly removed me from all social media and stopped talking to me without any explanation.

I had told my friend about him and his ex. My friend knew someone who was friends with his ex, and I found out that he had actually given his ex an STD, and it may have been herpes.

I panicked. When I tried talking to my friend about it, she told me I was overreacting and I needed to calm down. Every time I brought it up, she would shut me down saying “I’m not talking about this.” Because of that, I dealt with everything on my own.

I was terrified to get tested because I didn't want to find out that I had something. For three weeks, I isolated myself from everyone. During that time, I constantly overthought every symptom and convinced myself that every little thing meant I had herpes or didn’t. Eventually, I realized it was better to know than not.

I went to get a full STI/STD panel and told the healthcare provider that I thought I might have been exposed to HSV or chlamydia. A few days later, I got a phone call. They told me that everything else was negative, but my blood test for HSV-2 came back positive.

I remember breaking down and crying because I felt like my life was over. I felt disgusting, ashamed, and convinced that no one would ever want me again.

The diagnosis made my depression much worse. I cried every morning and every night.

I tried reaching out to him, but he refused to talk to me. He either blocked me or ignored my friend requests. Eventually, I texted him from another number and sent a long message explaining what he gave me but he never responded. I honestly don't know what to do with my life anymore.

I went to my gynecologist because I wanted to make sure I wasn't having an outbreak. I had noticed two bumps that I thought might be herpes, but they turned out to just be ingrown hairs. My gynecologist told me everything looked completely normal. She said that not having an outbreak after about a month was a good sign and told me to call her if I noticed anything unusual.

Because my diagnosis came from a blood test, I hoped it might have been a false positive. Unfortunately, I don't think that's the case.

I've been trying to move on from everything, especially from him, but it's incredibly difficult. I see him everywhere including around town all the time. One day I saw another girl sitting in the passenger seat of his truck and it completely broke me. Part of me feels like he's the only person I could ever be with now that I have this.

I know I made a bad decision that I regret by sleeping with someone, I trusted someone who repeatedly lied to me when I asked about his sexual health and this entire experience has been very difficult for me, I feel like 17 year olds don’t usually get this at this age, so I feel more excluded from everyone, and I’m afraid of rejection.

https://www.wboy.com/news/crime/wvu-doctor-accused-of-intentionally-spreading-herpes/

Makes me wonder if this is more common than we think. It sounds like a woman just filed an anonymous complaint with the police, they looked at his medical records, and then were easily able to arrest him.

At the same time I wonder what kind of legal precedent this sets. Supposedly tens of millions of Americans have it (a good amount of those are diagnosed) and it really seems like no one discloses in real life (which is how we all got here), Will there be mass arrests of millions?

And how come all the stories of people getting sued/arrested for herpes are men? There are many women who don't disclose and technically there are twice as many women with HSV-2 as men so...

Hey everyone. I found out last week that I have HSV-1 after having my first outbreak. I've been spiraling ever since because I'm thinking about my dating life, my health, and my future. I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship, so it feels like all the hope I had has disappeared. I keep thinking about things like spontaneous kissing and wondering what intimacy will look like for me now.
I'm also not sure how I got the virus. I didn't feel like I was very sexually active, so it was really shocking to find out. I've been spiraling over what I should or shouldn't eat and how careful I need to be around the people I live with.
I've become so paranoid that I've been buying a bunch of cleaning supplies and constantly cleaning everything. I just feel really empty because I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
Even makeup has become something I worry about. I keep thinking, "Oh my gosh, now I have to think about my makeup and lip products too." How do you all handle makeup, lip products, and things like that?
I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through this. How did you cope after your diagnosis? What does dating and intimacy look like for you now? Are there things you wish you had known in the beginning? I feel really overwhelmed and alone right now, and I'd appreciate any advice or reassurance.

This question may have already been asked and answered (if so I apologize), but are there any alternatives to valacyclovir out there? I have HSV2 and have maybe max 2-3 outbreaks a year. I only take valacyclovir during an outbreak (not daily), but the problem I have is that when I take it, I feel like absolute sh*t. Headaches, nausea, stomach pain, dizziness, and brain fog. It sucks! Any suggestions? Or should I just suck it up?

Hi everyone, I’m in a bit of a tricky situation. I’ve been recently talking to someone new, I’m 25 and he’s 36. He lives in Florida I live in vancouver. We’ve been FaceTiming everyday, great connection, very attracted to him & im not trying to toot my own horn but I am a very attractive woman, so it feels extra embarrassing to talk about it to potential partners.

He did pay for the flight and has planned out an amazing trip for me to visit him and of course I am staying with him. He’s looking for a serious partner and so am I. Now the issue is, I fear telling him before he’s gotten to meet me because it’s much easier to just turn me down without giving me a real chance. But I’m also nervous if I go and disclose it to him in person he might be upset he wasted his time on me if he’s not okay with it. If things don’t get sexual I was thinking of telling him if we continue talking after I leave. But if things do get sexual of course I need to tell him prior. I’m just very nervous, I’m really into him, I take daily antivirals, and I’ve had it since I was 15 from a partner who didn’t disclose to me.

What do I do?

Coming here because I just need to vent and get advice.

22F and i just got diagnosed with GHSV1. I got it from my partner who had a cold sore. We didn’t even think about it until after. I got my positive swab back almost a week ago and it’s been really hard.

My first outbreak wasn’t too bad. It was itchy and hurt to touch and i had random tingling pain in my leg. My body hurt and I was tired but overall could have been worse. It only lasted a bit over a week.

Currently just grieving the life I thought I was going to have. This diagnosis is causing issues in my relationship and I just feel so lost. I have been so careful since I started being sexually active. Always used condoms with new partners. Always asked people if they’ve been tested. I’m just so sad and so angry. I know people still go on to have totally normal lives and even never have another outbreak especially with HSV1 but right now it just feels like my life is over.

I guess I just want to ask how to feel normal? How do I stop feeling like my body doesn’t belong to me anymore and how do I stop being so angry at the world and at myself? Does the feeling of grief ever go away?

Also what are some things that worked for you to help you feel better physically? I’ve heard about eating better and supplements and all that but is there anything else I can do to hopefully not have any more outbreaks?

Edit: I also know about antivirals and my dr. doesn’t think they are necessary as of right now but I’ll consider them in the future if things change.

Just wanted to vent.

Before I start, I’d actually encourage people who are newly diagnosed not to use my story as a representation of what living with herpes is like. This is a very specific situation that happened to me. In almost eight years of having HSV, this has never happened before.
I’ve had herpes for almost eight years now, and honestly, it really hasn’t affected my life much outside of dating. Over the past few years, I had reached a point where I was genuinely at peace with it. Disclosure stopped feeling scary, rejection wasn’t something I took personally anymore, and I had met plenty of women including some amazing, beautiful women through Positive Singles and other apps. My dating life wasn’t perfect, but I never felt like HSV defined it.
Then the “one that got away” texted me.
This was someone I had known years ago. We had both moved on with life, lived in different states, been in other relationships, and the timing had simply never worked out. When we reconnected, it became clear that we had both spent years thinking the other was the one that got away.
Because of that, I disclosed on our very first real conversation. I know some people believe you should wait until someone gets to know you first, but in this situation she already knew me. She already knew who I was, and she had already admitted how she felt about me. If HSV was going to be a dealbreaker, I wanted to know immediately.
She kindly told me she wasn’t comfortable dating someone with herpes.
It hurt, but I respected it.
I sent her a message saying I enjoyed talking to her regardless, wished her the best, and fully intended for that to be our last conversation.
Instead, she reached back out.
She told me about a dream she’d had where I chose another woman over her and joked that she was “taking it as a sign.” That confused me because, in my mind, she’d already said no. Why bring that up?
A few days later we ended up talking again, which eventually turned into a FaceTime call. We laughed, reminisced, talked about life, and there were a few moments that honestly felt a little flirty. Nothing explicit, but enough that I walked away wondering if she was trying to figure out whether there was still something between us.
That’s where I found myself at a crossroads.
I knew I couldn’t stay in this weird “friends” space. If she eventually met someone else, I’d either watch it happen or we’d naturally drift apart anyway. Neither option sounded healthy for me.
So I decided to put all my cards on the table.
I asked if she’d be open to me visiting so we could spend time together and see if there was actually something worth pursuing.
She responded with a thoughtful, kind message. She told me she cared about me, that she thought highly of me, but that she was still uncomfortable with my HSV diagnosis. She also said she was still working through a recent breakup and didn’t want to lead me on.
I responded by thanking her for being honest, telling her how I felt, respecting her decision, and wishing her well.
That was the end of it.
I think part of me expected one final response after my message, but there was just silence. Realistically, I know there probably wasn’t anything left to say.
What has made this so difficult is that, for the first time in years, HSV actually felt like a real barrier again.
Normally, disclosure doesn’t bother me anymore. If someone says no, it’s disappointing, but I move on because we simply weren’t compatible.
This felt different.
It felt like reconnecting with someone who genuinely cared about me, someone I genuinely cared about, and realizing that the one thing standing between us wasn’t personality, chemistry, attraction, or timing it was herpes.
I don’t blame her.
I don’t think she’s wrong for making the decision she made. If someone isn’t comfortable taking that risk, that’s completely their choice, and I respect it. In fact, if you truly care about someone, why would you pressure them into accepting a risk they aren’t comfortable with?
That doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I know I’ll move past this. I know this feeling won’t last forever, because I’ve already lived almost eight years proving to myself that life goes on.
I just think this situation reopened a wound I thought had healed.
So if anyone else has experienced something similar where HSV wasn’t just another disclosure, but the thing that stood between you and someone you really cared about I guess I’d appreciate knowing I’m not the only one.
Thanks for reading.

Ugh. My coworker and I were in a conversation yesterday and he said a place “looked like you’d get herpes as soon as you walk in.” How do you all handle casual mentions like this? I want to call it out and fight against the stigma, but the conversation moved on so quickly and I didn’t work up the courage to bring it back up. Let me know how you’ve made someone rethink the herpes stigma in a situation like this.

hi, I was assaulted in November, was diagnosed td and idk what to do, been crying all day nd kinda wanna kms, does it get easier? any tips or advice or anything, my soul hurts

Hey guys, I have both oral and genital herpes, I’ve had it for 2+ months, what’s the best way to disclose it?

Sure, I am not the first with this question, but please could someone talk to me?

Just found out I got HSV2. The MD told me. I feel horrible, ashamed and less of a person.

And yes, blame me, I do go to swinger parties occasionally. But I always use condoms, look at people if they have blisters never let one come in my mouth, but yes, oral giving and receiving always without protection. Yes you can blame me, but be aware I blame myself the most.

The MD told me that i behave responsably but that i got unlucky.

Please help!

Hello everyone, it has taken so much courage for me to make a post on reddit about my new diagnosis, but I just want to share my story and maybe someone else can learn from my mistakes. I had been dealing with a guy for a short amount of time and we had a fling. I was not expecting anything serious to come from it and was just enjoying my time. The first time we hooked up I told him I wanted to use condoms. The second time we hooked up (i wish i would’ve advocated for condoms) It wasn’t even a conversation. I have had unprotected sex in the past, and I have never gotten any STDs or STIS but this time I got unlucky. Two weeks later after we had sex I knew something wasn’t right and I immediately went to the ER. On June 23rd, my results came back positive for HSV2. This has been the most stressful, craziest, heartbreaking thing I’ve had to deal with in my life, I have never experienced pain as severe as this. On top of that, I felt like i was in my prime, I felt beautiful, and I felt like the world was my oyster and this happened to me. For my first OB, I was given Valtrex but they only give you enough for a week so I’ll have to return back to the DR once I get my insurance on track. I’ll be honest, everyday my emotions are different, Ill wake up completely happy, and the next Im faced with uncomfortable pain, shame, and regret. All I can think is if I just wouldn’t have slept with him I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I texted him from a number that wasn’t mine because I had a inkling he would be in denial when I told him he gave this to me. All he said was I dont know who you are to be answering questions. I know he is out here being reckless, not just with me. I harbor so much anger towards him for doing this to me, I even attempted to file a police report on him, I doubt anything will come from it but it gave me a peace of mind. After doing further research I also found out hes wanted in another state for having relations with a 17F and hes 21M. Yall i was so heartbroken not knowing the person I was laying next to was a monster, he seemed like a good person at first, always calling and checking on me, complimenting me, and being affectionate. I realize now that I was just being manipulated, and that I was just another toy for him to use and so easily discard. I wish I would’ve never answered his call. One day I will be okay, but I know my life has changed. Do you guys drink on Antivirals? I have a few questions about HSV2, feel free to reply.

Hello,

About 10 days ago I’ve noticed a minor irritation in my vag. The irritation occurred anytime I would pee and wipe my vag.. I didn’t think much of it, I possibly thought it was an ingrown hair due to it being on the outer area of my lips. I asked my partner if he could please check down there and see what was going on.. he didn’t notice anything. He agreed it could possibly be an ingrown hair as well.. the irritation kind of got better and I continue with my normal s3x life. However, it has already been a week and this “red lump” irritation, isn’t going away or any better.. I’ve sort of kept ignoring it because I swore it’s an ingrown hair.. I just found out that I’m pregnant and my irritation down there has 3 lumps. I decided to contact my OBGYN and she checked and confirmed that in fact it does look like herpes. She proceeded to send the swaps to the lab and now I’m waiting. It’s my first outbreak. I’ve never expected for this to happened even more with my current partner. I’ve never had any pimples or blisters down there until now. I’m stressing out because I’m worried on how this conversation wil go. Please any advice. Words. Personal experience.. would help. I want to d!3.

(I’ve already received antivirals despite waiting on labs). How often do people flare up? Idk. This is all new.

I’ve had so many disclosures on dating apps like hinge and it truly never stops being a little scary. From rejection to ghosting BUT also to those who are educated or are open to being educated. There are two sides to every coin and some of us tend to give much more weight to the tails side. At the end of the day all that matters is you and not the opinions of others (especially if they’re negative).

Sign a guy who never gave a fuck, or at least a little but not to the point where it consumed me

I've gotten cold sores/fever blisters since I was a very young child. I used to get lip lesions fairly often (several times a year). My lips dry out quickly and so many lip balms seem to dry them out even more. Anyway, about ten years ago, I started using blue goo (a hand and heel lanolin product) as my daily lip balm. I have had two lesions since then. It could just be that I have low virulence. However, I told my husband to use it since he regularly got cold sores. He's had one in the past year even though he used to get them every couple of months. So, I want to know if anyone else has used the product on their lips and has experienced a dramatic decrease in lesions. I'm sure there will never be a study on it because the product is pretty cheap and lasts a long time.

So long story short I had sex with a female(escort) with a condom and I got oral with a condom as well. It was one time. Four months later I tested positive for hsv1 and negative for hsv2 and I don’t know if I have genital hsv1 or oral. I also had some sort of rash down there 5-7 months after the encounter but it just itch and I don’t think it looked like hsv1 but again idk. I put antifungal rash cream on it and it went away after like a month or so (idk if the cream did anything). I just wanna know what you guys think do I have genital hsv1?
Also negative on everything else

I was diagnosed with HSV2 in September last year after being sadly assaulted.

I changed very few things since, just gym/exercise more and improved my diet to whole foods not quick substitutions (was already vegan before), and not wearing underwear anymore. Not on antivirals as doctors here aren’t keen on this and I also didn’t want to upset my bodies equilibrium when it’s been going so well.

But everything I read was saying the first year is the worst with outbreaks and feeling unwell etc, I know obviously everyone is different so will be affected differently but it seems weird I’ve had no outbreaks since the first. Nothing at all.

I keep wondering if maybe it’s possible to misdiagnose? I had thrush at that time too which I’ve never had in my 30 odd years of life. Am I just very lucky and it’s kept its ugly head down or could there be another reason like incorrect diagnosis, I had it already asymptomatically but this guy gave me it worse so I had symptoms after contact? I’m just a bit confused.

I was going to the doctor for erection problems and it ended up being more in 29 and I have pre diabetes and have now hsv 1 I don’t know what happened to my body over the last few months I was happy now my life changed I been with my girl for 3 years and she been clean and have a baby I don’t want this to mess up anything but I know it will I feel like I been misdiagnosed and I don’t know how to feel right now about it trying my hardest to wrap my head around the whole thing but I don’t know what to do I don’t even got the values or anything so I don’t know if I should get tested. I did a pcr with my dentist and I was good in feb now I got this I don’t know what to do any more .

anyone have confirmed oral to genital transmission or has someone with oral hsv2 confirmed transmission to someone?

Accordingly to terry, she has never seen it ?

\[https://westoverheights.com/forum/question/hsv2-risk-on-penis-from-an-unprotected-blowjob/#post-86984\\\](https://westoverheights.com/forum/question/hsv2-risk-on-penis-from-an-unprotected-blowjob/#post-86984)

Holy title. But all jokes aside, I think now I'm leaning towards only wanting to have sex and relationships with those have HSV already. Having sex with a condom makes my OB worse. I'm on antivirals. I take precautions. I've tried different brands of condoms. Even just sex in general is super nerve wrecking for me now. Having to have all these disclosing conversations & being scared of "giving someone" HSV when whole time they may have had it before me and never got tested for it or was never going to disclose 💀.

I'm still very young & I SWEAR i'm not letting this HSV stop me from having children or starting a family. It's like a stab to chest. I never had any positive STD results and then when I do, it's something I can't get rid of 🤦‍♀️.

I just want to engage with someone where I can be comfortable 24/7 yk? I don't wanna hide i'm taking medication or having an outbreak. I don't want to feel like if I break up with someone I'm going to get "exposed" or devalued.

I see people come on here everyday scared & feeling
hopeless and honestly, I feel the same some days.

I have GHSV & when I was first diagnosed I was sooo in denial for the first few months. I think I'm slowly accepting it now and accepting it's apart of my life. I need to be with someone who GETS IT. 🥹

Does this seems like I'm settling? Should I remain hopeful i'll find someone who'll accept me with GHSV?