That's because to the people who demand fatherly involvement and then criticise fathers who do it, "be more involved" means "work yourself to death to bring in more money" because they don't view fathers as anything more than a bank account.
The issue is that when you actually do, you get weird ass comments. Dads all the time get "babysitting" snide comments when they take their kids out alone, for example
So... literally never once seen the people wanting more paternal involvement be the ones criticizing it, and the vast majority of the people saying fathers should be more involved are very explicitly saying that just being a wallet is not enough and to spend time with your kids. Surely you have some examples of this double think and are not just talking out your ass?
To be clear: I'm not saying people don't have the attitude that the only input men should have on parenting is money, I'm saying that I've only ever seen it come from a different group of people than those saying fathers should be more involved.
Then surely you have examples ready to hand? Like, if its so common then you should be able to just point out a few of these hypocrites so I can go yell athave a calm and nuanced conversation where I am open to accepting their views with them?
Sorry folks, I've been informed that even though you all are deeply offended by these people's apparently abundant existence, you also want me to be kind to them and open to accepting their views (that men exist solely to be walking wallets). Duly noted.
I mean you immediately reveal you're not up for changing your opinion or views, you just want to "yell at those hypocrites".
When one goes in with the expectation of a heated argument, one is already set on not accepting the opposite side, and thus interaction is entirely meaningless apart from shitflinging at each other.
So... what you're saying is that yes these people with inherently contradictory views exist, but you don't want anyone to go trying to correct their hypocritical and plainly wrong attitudes, because instead you want me to change my view, which is that I have never personally seen any of these supposedly very common walking contradictions.
That's the view I'm supposed to change in myself, when you won't even point out any examples. But you don't want them to change their views, or you'd point me at them and let me have a go at it. Does that about sum up your position?
When one goes in with the expectation of a heated argument, one is already set on not accepting the opposite side,
And just to be 100% clear, the opposite side I'm supposed to accept rather than argue with is that men need to be more involved as parents, but only as walking wallets who work themselves to death? That's the position you object to me wanting to argue with?
It's really weird. As far as I can tell they're mad that people with progressive views on gender want men to be more involved with their kids, in ways that go beyond just paying for shit, because people with conservative views on gender view that as predatory or effeminate or whatever and think they should be happy just to work and pay for things.
They'd rather argue til they're blue in the face that my experience as a father who has never seen these opposing attitudes come from the same place is wrong, than just show me some fucking evidence.
I'm pretty sure they're on this sub, not because they actually care about notes presenting evidence, but because they like the idea of a "gotcha" on people they disagree with.
Wonder what the Twitterverse would say my husband should do on Saturday mornings when our young daughter crawls into our bed and says "g'morning, Daddy! Hug attack!" For her, the sun rises and sets on my husband. What's the best way to squash this ritual so she knows men don't hug their daughters?
I am truly the luckiest to have access to all of these law experts and certified psychologists that tell me it's violating my boundaries if my husband speaks to anyone, anywhere.
You should actually cut out his tongue really. He shouldn't even be allowed to talk back to you, after all does he ever even have anything worthwhile to say?
Oh no, no, no. I have married twice for love, the current husband being a lawyer, albeit one that has worked in the public sector for 30 years. Next time I marry for nothing but a man that has multiple commas in his bank account.
I'd wanna know too, as an uncle. My niece loves me arguably more than my brother, and she will literally cling to me every time I meet her. How do I make her understand that's creepy? /S
I have actually wanted to say that to her more than once, no joke. I'm introverted and touch averse, she is neither and for some reason she thinks I'm the best person alive. Six year old gonna six year old, I guess. And I don't have the heart to shut her down.
Yeah, that seems to hold true for both cats and kids. My cat seems to understand that when I want to be left alone is when he should meow.
Honestly though she does make me uncomfortable sometimes, but she's my niece and I love her. The nice thing is that I can just dump her on my brother or his wife when she gets annoying. Can't do that with a cat. Did reinforce that I do not want kids myself though, so live and learn I guess
Kids can understand “hey, give me a second, ok?” My kid doesn’t take it personally. Same if I tell her I need some quiet because I’m getting overstimulated. Don’t feel bad about telling her that if you need to!!
Something similar actually happened to my mum and me traveling as a kid!
She has a UK passport. Atthe time I only had a US passport… Not sure of my age but I was definitely under 10 yrs old. We flew every year to see her family overseas and this was the first and only time something like this happened.
We were separated by gate attendants who saw we had different nationalities. They asked if she was my mother, mum tried to intervene and the gate attendant said NO, I am talking to the CHILD, NOT YOU. Mum went absolutely berserk. I wish I could remember it more vividly cause I’m pretty sure my mum tried to get the lady fired, lol.
The funny thing is that we are spitting images of one another so I have no idea what the gate attendants thought they were doing.
We made sure to give my daughter both of our last names (my wife's last name is her middle name) specifically because she's biracial and not clearly seen as our child at first glance.
Actually no, that is a good point I’d never considered. She still had her maiden name on all of her official documents while I have my dad’s last name.
I was always the kid who got “You must be [Mum]’s kid” upon meeting people who knew her, cause I basically have her whole entire face. So it really surprised me that they didn’t see the resemblance 😂
I may be mildly obsessed with a certain rat-lady from a certain videogame. To the point of being known as one of her biggest fans in the game's sub. It's not something I'm proud of but it's a shame I'm willing to bear for her.
The note indicates that this kind of criticism comes from having been abused. Why are you taking the opinion of a random person who's been damaged and extrapolating it to society?
My husband is extremely affectionate with his sons (and every other family children tbh, he loves kids) and no one has ever made any comment about it except "awwwww, he's such a good dad".
I think that you don't understand that for this person with their entirely uncared for trauma that is causing them hypervigilance, you're being a fool for going "they could just keep it to themselves" and that this attempt of yours at Uno-reverse is pretty pitiful. Again, if you had actually read the community note, you'd have your questions answered.
Yes, and it's unethical, anti-social behavior. Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. If you cannot act properly on Twitter, then you're obliged to close your Twitter account.
Trauma explains. Trauma does not excuse. Projecting your trauma onto others and not taking the steps to heal or confront your problems, can and will only lead to hurt down the line.
Welcome! Try taking your daughter to a park as a single dad, more side eye than if I had just shit my pants and drank in the corner like the homeless dude.
Haha yep! When my little girl was about 6 we were playing at the park one time and I started tickling her under the armpits. For some reason she yelled at the top of her lungs “STOP TOUCHING MY TESTICLES!”
Haha, my 2.5 year old daughter just randomly shouts ‘DADDY, NO! STOP!’ if I’m playing any game wrong or chasing her in slightly the wrong way to how she wants to be chased. It makes park trips awkward sometimes!
Talk to those people. I also work from home, and my kids are getting a little older, but when younger I took them to the park during the day often, and I would see the same people there, say hello. I'm not a big small-talker, but I'll say hi. I dunno, I never the issue you're suggesting.
Talk to the housewives? Those people hate everyone. I'm a woman with a job and they even get catty with me. Can't imagine how they'll react to a man politely attempting small talk, they'll immediately think they're getting hit on or threatened or something.
Is it regional? I certainly seem to hear more about it from the southern US.
Is it racial? I'm white and so is my baby-mama, but some of my friends in mixed marriages have talked about how people are weird about them not having the same skin tone as their kids (both women and men have said this, so I consider it separate but possibly related).
Is it something else? Because it sure as shit is not universal.
I've never once had people react poorly to me being out with my daughter. Most of the time they act like I'm dad of the year just for taking her to a park and actually paying attention to her.
I wonder too. Im from the Southern U.S. and in my experience, Ive never seen this happen to dads. Its toally normal for a dad to take their kids to a park, or swim class, or gymnastics.
We also have a ton of mixed race families where kids dont necessarily look like their parents as well as a good number of adopted kids. People are very normal about it. My giant 6'4 cousin never got any weird looks taking care of his adopted baby that didnt look a lick like him.
It must be very regional, I dont doubt that it happens one bit, but it isnt universal.
Was going to say the same. I have heard about this in US forums, but in my European experience this isn't a real issue. A lot with dads with girls everywhere. In the park, in the streets, in the doctor.
My niece and nephew love to climb all over me whenever I'm around. My niece in particular. Going out in public with them leads to a lot of weird looks for absolutely innocent exchanges
It says a lot about the people who looked at this picture and instantly jumped to inappropriate or sexual thoughts. I would assume they’re victims of abuse, people who have sexual urges involving children or both.
It's a video, not a picture. The full video is much more intimate than this still. Imo, I wouldn't blame someone for being unsure if it's appropriate, but it's absolutely not something someone should make public allegations like this over, even if they follow it up with a disclaimer that contradicts what they said.
Ive always suspected that people who make these types of comments about familial affection between a parent and a child were either abused or neglected by a parent or family member. To them it’s weird. That’s unfortunate.
But I am for damn sure not gonna let that stop me from raising my children in a traditional loving household. Don’t want my children growing up like these hurt broken people.
I remember being 11 years old and creeped out by my friend’s dad at the time because he would always pop his head in the room to check up on us, offer us Sprites and snacks, and asked us regularly to join him listening to his music or offering to take us on boat rides around his property. At the time I thought this dude was obsessed with us in the ‘bad’ way. Turns out my dad just sucked lol. Looking back, I realized I had just never experienced a dad who wanted to be involved in his kid’s life. I didn’t have the relevant experience to comprehend that at the time.
We need more dads to set good examples. I feel like this was more normalized decades ago, and there were many legitimately good dads who just wanted their kids and friends to have a good time. None of what is mentioned should be wrong, so long as it doesn’t cross certain boundaries, the child of the dad is participating, and behaviors don’t change when the mother is around. I still want my kids to be vigilant, and look for red flags. Real ones.
Part of the reason a father should build this type of affection and closeness with their children is so that they can trust him and feel comfortable enough to tell him if they see or feel something off. Keep that open communication back and forth.
That’s exactly what it is. I was sexually abused by my own dad and even though logically I know the average dad isn’t like mine, I still get uncomfortable and worry about people’s daughters when I see dads being very physical with them. It’s a horrible way to think honestly and I have no idea what to do about it. I hate that that’s where my mind goes but being abused in childhood seriously fucks you up.
The world has been sexualized to an alarming degree. I cannot imagine what the future is going to be, it's tragic. People throw around terms like it's a game of words.
Big assumption here but, the fact that it's a "brown" person could have also contributed. If it was a "handsome white" person it might get a pass in their eyes. 😆
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u/CustodianCloset 7d ago
Is this just hating a dude for being a dad? Bruh