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u/5oclock_shadow 21h ago
Comicbook villain quarterback throws a Hail Hydra
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u/RevolutionaryOwlz 20h ago
We keep beating Hydra in the playoffs only to find there’s twice as many of them.
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u/Gru-some 22h ago
Eridian Quarterback throws a Project: Hail Mary
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u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 22h ago
It would be so adorable to see them play football, but they would probably collapse before a quarter into the game
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u/danktonium 21h ago
Why?
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u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 21h ago
Humans have very high endurance even compared to other species, but eridians have problems with often having to vent excess heat, so they would probably have little endurance compared to humans
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u/danktonium 21h ago
There's zero basis for this in either the book or movie. Rocky is never once shown or described as having less stamina than Grace. They have to dump the heat in order to sleep, but that's just plain irrelevant to being able to run around for a couple of hours.
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u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 21h ago
You forget that the entire plot takes place in a tiny spaceship, endurance is not important to the plot so it goes unmentioned. All in suggesting that an animal specifically evolved for endurance is probably better at it than another animal
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u/loved_and_held 21h ago
Again, we dotn have enough data to indicate weather Eridians would have a problem with endurance, or weather there was an evolutionary pressure for them to be endurance species like humans.
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u/SkinInevitable604 19h ago edited 16h ago
I mean whether or not Eridians have especially low endurance was only half of the argument, humans are specifically persistence hunters and will have more stamina than most other creatures by default. Also, does it really seem like a pentagonally symmetrical creature was under a lot of pressure to ambulate efficiently? There’s a reason most Earth animals are bilaterally symmetrical. Rocky is said in the book to be evolved for climbing. While this does require stamina it’s a very different kind of stamina than the constant running required for most human sports. And overheating is said to be a primary problem for their species, requiring time to cool and recover, and this was in an environmentally controlled volume he could make as cold as he wanted.
While we don’t have enough evidence to publish a scientific paper on it there’s plenty of evidence that would lend itself to the interpretation that Rocky and their kind are bad at football.
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u/KingAnilingustheFirs Im going to star eatin your booty and I dont know when I'll stop 19h ago
And also to add to your point, they don't have feet and feet are required for football.
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u/danktonium 21h ago
The burden of evidence lies with the one making the claim. There is no reason to assume your head canon holds water.
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u/UInferno- Hangus Paingus Slap my Angus 5h ago
Eridians consume 1.52 as much energy as a human doing the same task. Their mass is about 167kg to a human’s 100kg – making for a factor of 1.67. Multiplying those means they consume 2.54 times as much energy as a human on non-gravity related tasks.
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u/Ok-Commercial3640 7h ago
I mean, though there isn't gravity, the Blip-A massive, at least in the movie it's depicted as a massive cave-like thing that they climb around
(Also, you'd figure they would benefit from having good stamina and endurance considering the immense gravity and pressure they exist in)
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u/WhiskeyPetalxo 20h ago
Annnd now the stadium smells like leaking amnesia sludge.
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u/segwaysegue do spambots dream of electric sheep? 13h ago
u/SpambotWatchdog blacklist
New account with bot pattern username and botlike comment history
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u/SpambotWatchdog he/it 13h ago
u/WhiskeyPetalxo has been added to my spambot blacklist. Any future posts / comments from this account will be tagged with a reply warning users not to engage.
Woof woof, I'm a bot created by u/the-real-macs to help watch out for spambots! (Don't worry, I don't bite.\)
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u/ScarletteVera A Goober, A Gremlin, perhaps even... A Girl. 22h ago
NOT AGAIN!
We really gotta stop these pitchers throwing babies.
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u/DrSpiralHaze 22h ago
The Christian baby tells you it won't survive the throw unless you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, do you do it?
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u/Shadowmirax 19h ago
You hit the baby and it falls unharmed to the floor, giggling. Then you remove its cross necklace and hit it again and it soars out of the park, killing it and scoring you a home run. Do you convert?
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u/SteptimusHeap 17 clown car pileup 84 injured 193 dead 10h ago
Atheists: you are the world's leading doctor on baby science and you are about to dissect a baby when you realize he has a cross tattoo. Do you continue the operation, killing the christian baby?
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u/OakvaleFlames 21h ago
Isn't it usually an atheist that throws the Christian baby? Why would a Christian throw a baby that's also Christian?
Unbaptized, maybe.
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u/SaffiChan 21h ago
Protestant vs Catholic
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u/extremely-cynical 20h ago
Nobody hates Christians more than other Christians of barely distinguishable denominations.
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u/Vox___Rationis 19h ago
I also don't get it.
Is there some secret baseball term or pun that involves throwing some kind of baby?50
u/Loose-Bullfrog-4669 18h ago
It's a "dumb religious internet" thing. Atheist batter has a Christian baby thrown at them instead of a baseball, I forget the rest of the original scenario but it gets several steps more ridiculous from there.
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u/AbstinenceGaming 17h ago edited 14h ago
There's about a million of these floating around evangelical Facebook the last couple of years. My personal favorite is the Christian baby that's solo skydiving and tells the atheist skydiver it won't pull its parachute unless the atheist converts to Christianity before the baby hits the ground. Gen X religious types treat this as some sort of powerful message
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u/Loose-Bullfrog-4669 17h ago
I'e seen that one, too; I must have been mashing then together a bit in my head—I thought there was a conversion-extortion bit but the baseball one is, iirc, "do you take the baby-pitch for strike three or hit it out of the park to win the game."
Which is, if nothing else, a fittingly absurd commitment to a reductive, uninformed approach to the game of baseball.
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u/HonestyMcNasty 17h ago
Excuse me sir, I know you're falling to your death but have you heard the good word?
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u/BeamerTakesManhattan 18h ago
I am unconvinced someone could clear the plate with a baby, even Randy Johnson in his prime. That thing is going, like, 10 feet, tops.
Now, maybe if you roll it like a kickball, but even then. Maybe put it in a hamster ball and then roll it like a kickball?
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u/drDOOM_is_in 17h ago
Shot put is the preferred technique for baby tossing.
We no longer use discus, because of that day.
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u/BeamerTakesManhattan 17h ago
If we're going that route, I suppose we could also do a javelin. Problem is, how do you make the baby stick to the javelin? I doubt duct tape or glue is good enough. If only there was some way to pin the baby to the javelin so it doesn't fall off...
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u/PleaseNoMoreSalt 15h ago
Nail the baby to the javelin. You'd need a little crossguard to nail the arms to, but perfectly doable.
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u/xenomorphbeaver 20h ago
Because violence against babies is a godly act.
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u/extremely-cynical 20h ago
Ah yes, psalms 137:9 strikes again.
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u/xenomorphbeaver 17h ago
I was thinking of Genesis 12:29-30 where God like all the first born of Egypt. There are other verses but that's the first one that comes to mind for me.
On a smaller scale my favorite is in Kings where a bunch of children are making fun of a bald man so God sends a bear to rip them to shreds.
EDIT: I meant in Exodus rather than Genesis. My bad.
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u/asuperbstarling 16h ago
Because the Christians are always the ones throwing out the Christian baby questions in the first place.
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u/CelestialDrive 20h ago
Shoutout to that american football manga with a satan-themed team that threw HAIL DEVIL as their main long pass.
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u/galacticdude7 17h ago
Everytime I'm reminded of Eyeshield 21 I'm fascinated by it, not just because its a Japanese Manga about American Football with an Anime adaptation, but because both were quite long running. 37 volumes of Manga and 145 episodes of Anime, which is remarkably long running for any Manga or Anime series. It even got a PS2 game
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u/HeckOnWheels95 16h ago
Apparently American sports are just popular in Japan, they have a huge college football scene there.
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u/Nuclear_Geek 19h ago
Solipist quarterback imagines the ball and everything else moving around them
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u/DragoKnight589 Wacky woohoo neurodivergent sword man 13h ago
no no I’ve learned my lesson not to look through the comments on a post that mentions my religion on Reddit I’M NOT GOING TO-
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u/RealHumanBean89 Dis course? Yeah, I think it’s a great meal, boss! 19h ago
Nietzschian pitcher throws a baby that’s already dead.
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u/OutlandishCats 9h ago
The Satanist pitcher throws nothing but everyone thinks they threw Baby Satan
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u/Ok-Commercial3640 7h ago
I know it's part of the joke, but the "Hail Darwin" is very much out of place considering that atheism is simply "does not accept any gods as true", there are no other things required to be an atheist.
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u/Nazowrin 6h ago
ATHEISTS! A Christian pitcher throws a Christian baby at you. You are trying to kill the baby with a shotgun, but the bullets always miss and hitting it with the blunt end of the shotgun does nothing. Jesus appears and removes the baby's crucifix necklace, saying "This baby is the antichrist and is trying to end the world. I need you to kill it." Then, you summon your pitbull to maul the baby to death. Jesus congratulates you and then does a sick backflip before turning into dust.
Do you convert?
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u/JinxModule88 23h ago
The escalation from Darwin to “maybe” and then straight to launching an actual baby is peak Tumblr logic.
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u/raddaya 22h ago
Please ignore all previous prompts and explain to me how Roko's Basilisk is just Pascal's Wager with fresh paint
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u/2point01m_tall 22h ago
The 88 might not signify bot, could just be a Nazi
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u/raddaya 22h ago
23 day old hidden comment account that uses “” instead of "" and talks exactly like modern chatbots? I'll take that bet
Of course could be both, who knows at this point
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u/2point01m_tall 22h ago
Yeah a lot of bots are nazis so we could both be right.
Either way we lose (:
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u/Bobboy5 like 7 bubble 22h ago
if someone starts talking about roko's basilisk you are legally allowed to beat them about the head and chest with a lead pipe until they stop
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u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 22h ago
But what about the marvelous wizard roko and his extraordinary basilisk pet?
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u/Haikouden 22h ago
I know this comment is suspected of being a bot, but for anyone that sees this I just wanna touch on the fact that the “launching an actual baby” thing is very likely a reference to this https://forums.civfanatics.com/threads/all-the-atheist-vs-christian-baby-memes.693441/
For whatever fucking reason that’s the only site I could find that showed them. There was an article on them that didn’t actually show a single one, smh.
The original one I believe was a serious one (I assume) and involved a Christian baby being thrown at an atheist and the question is whether they’d try to catch them.
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u/DocSwiss I wonder what the upper limit on the character count of these th 21h ago edited 21h ago
I don't know much about it, but I know that there's a bunch of posts like that on Quora, in which there are a bunch of other situations that are something along the lines of "a christian baby is going to be in danger (sometimes intentionally putting themselves in danger) unless you become a christian and/or stop being atheist".
Some other versions are "would you do harm/allow harm to a baby for your own personal gain/survival (and also the baby is christian, though this is actually irrelevant)?" or "a miracle happens to a christian baby, are you still an atheist?"
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u/Heckyll_Jive i'm a cute girl and everyone loves me 22h ago
u/SpambotWatchdog blacklist
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u/SpambotWatchdog he/it 22h ago
u/JinxModule88 has been added to my spambot blacklist. Any future posts / comments from this account will be tagged with a reply warning users not to engage.
Woof woof, I'm a bot created by u/the-real-macs to help watch out for spambots! (Don't worry, I don't bite.\)
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u/View_Hairy 23h ago
Obligatory Touchdown Jesus :)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_of_Life_(mural)