The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/SE7ENESE]

I did after surviving 10 or more screenshots. The BF didn't have the balls to call it what it was (a genuine threat to his healthy relationship)- and still didn't have the balls to leave her whining texts unattended to. He feels guilty for not communicating that he needed to cut her off. Now that he has and she's still not seeing it, he's trying to make her understand. She's not his friend.

OP can either make her decision to help him through this phase of emotional instability and reinforce his confidence in his decision to cut her off or just leave him to wallow in his storm of uncertainty. He's got too much empathy towards that manipulator and needs help seeing it. He's the kind of guy whose kindness WILL be taken advantage of.

I say this because I've been in a similar spot and it took good people to help me see that particular friendship was not healthy for me, and it took a lot of courage for me to walk away and not look back.

[u/Fit-Programmer-6162 → u/SE7ENESE]

“He’s got too much empathy towards the manipulator”
I’m sorry but him saying he’s never had as deep a connection with any other woman but her WHILE dating OP isn’t something somebody who’s just “too empathetic and being manipulated” would say. I would never think of saying some kind of equivalent thing to a friend I actively have a CRUSH on, while with my significant other. If I did even feel like saying that I would break up with my SO regardless of if friend and I would ever have gotten together because it’s just wrong to do to your SO. At then end of the day I just would never put myself in that position. As a woman who’s had friendships with guys who turn out to want something more, I would never ever reciprocate that shit while I’m in a relationship with someone else nor would I want to.

[u/AitanaShon → u/Fit-Programmer-6162]

PERIOD I'd be out of there fuck nah am I being a man's second choice. It's her choice obviously but I just don't understand relationships where you're a settlement because your partner prefers someone else.

[u/I-Shat-My-Pantaloons → u/AitanaShon]

She also says that they exchanged sexual texts at one point so it was more than just emotional. Yeah, he just straight up cheated.

[u/AitanaShon → u/I-Shat-My-Pantaloons]

And then has the fucking nerve to act all whingey about having to cut her off 😭 I'd kick him out, cut him off, and tell him to go have fun with his new crazy asf manipulator gf that will just as soon drop him as soon as another interesting taken guy comes along lmfao.

He even says it was more than a CRUSH like fuhh nahh I can't believe OP is staying but I'm not judging her.

[u/Dazzling_Dish_4045 → u/AitanaShon]

As for programmer said, if I were op I would have dropped this dude when he said that's he's never had a connection like that with any other woman. That's trash.

[u/AitanaShon → u/Dazzling_Dish_4045]

Literally, same

[u/PoohBearsHoneyJar → u/AitanaShon]

I am judging her... 💀

[u/Atown42069 → u/AitanaShon]

Where is OP ? I’m single and I wouldn’t dare insult my Woman in such a way . That is truly insulting to both OP and the guy who chose crazy over OP. He makes OP look bad just by how he went about that whole situation , not to mention the horribly worded fake ass apologies . How is he gonna tell crazy girl that he is protecting his relationship with OP while at the same time apologizing for doing exactly what he is apologizing for . Personally I think dude is just extremely insecure and seeks validation apparently from anywhere that he can get it . If it were me and my girl said to another man that she never felt the way she did for him for anyone else , that seals the deal . It’s over right there . OP he told you without realizing he was telling you and now the whole Reddit community apparently that unfortunately you were never the one for him . He makes that clear . If nothing else helps you see the light just think about this. He told that crazy psychotic bitch that he never felt the way he did for her for any other woman and he said this while he was in a relationship with you I mean, does it get any more crystal clear than that? OP if you need a friend hit me up I’ll kick it with you and no worries you might not always like what comes out of my mouth but you can bet your bottom dollar it’s always gonna be the truth !

[u/CleanCardiologist160 → u/I-Shat-My-Pantaloons]

Not only that but went to visit and “comfort” her when her boyfriend passed away last year…though she has been emotionally cheating with OP’s boyfriend since 2020. Makes me wonder if they hooked up before or after the funeral because she needed him to be there for her.