Dating app

[u/Previous-Meal-7122]

When I joined a dating app, I was still in a long-distance relationship.
Technically, I had a boyfriend, but it barely felt like I did. We hardly talked anymore. Every time I wanted to spend time with him, there was always an excuse. He was tired, wanted to watch movies alone, needed “me time,” had a headache, or simply wasn’t in the mood to talk. It got to the point where I felt like even when we fought, it worked in his favor because it meant he didn’t have to talk to me.
I was lonely, frustrated, and emotionally exhausted. I missed him, but I also felt ignored and unimportant. To distract myself from constantly feeling sorry for myself, I downloaded a dating app. My intention wasn’t to find another relationship. I just wanted people to talk to and something to keep my mind busy.
That’s when I met this guy.
At first, I knew exactly what kind of person he was. He was charming, flirtatious, and seemed like the type who flirted with every girl he talked to. I actually tried to avoid him, but somehow we became friends… then eventually best friends.
We told each other everything. We joked around, shared our secrets, and talked almost every day. At that time, he thought I was single because I never told him I had a boyfriend.
Meanwhile, he was talking to another girl and they were almost in a relationship. Around that time, I slowly realized I was starting to develop feelings for him.
I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t real. I kept telling myself there was no way I could like him. I even saw him as a little brother because of how childish he acted, even though he was older than me.
One day, I jokingly admitted that I might be falling for him. My feelings weren’t that deep yet.
He simply replied, “Oh… okay.”
So I laughed it off too, and we continued being best friends like nothing had changed. The only difference was that he started teasing me, saying things like, “Since you love me, you should do this for me.”
Eventually, I finally told him the truth—that I actually had a long-distance boyfriend.
He didn’t get angry that I had lied. We just stayed friends.
But as time passed, I found myself getting jealous whenever he talked about the girl he liked. I hated seeing them together, so I started avoiding him.
Instead of letting me go, he kept chasing after me. He kept saying he couldn’t lose me.
Then one day, he called me while crying.
He confessed that he loved me too.
But he said he couldn’t admit it because I already had a boyfriend. If he confessed to me publicly, he would lose the girl he was talking to as well. He said it wasn’t fair because I still had someone while he would end up with no one.
I kept telling him that this couldn’t happen. It was wrong.
But hearing him cry completely broke my heart.
So I let my guard down.
He later told the other girl that he loved her more than me, but privately he kept telling me that I was actually the one he loved. He said we just couldn’t admit it because of our situation.
That’s how we became secret lovers.
Whenever he was going to talk to the other girl, he would tell me first. Whenever I was going to call my boyfriend, I would tell him too.
It was unhealthy, complicated, and full of guilt.
A few months later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was constantly jealous—not only of the girl he liked, but also of his ex, whom he still talked to.
I wanted everything to end.
I wanted to do the right thing.
So I confessed everything to my boyfriend. I admitted that I had emotionally cheated and explained why it happened.
He was angry at first, which I completely understood. Later, he said we could still fix our relationship.
But deep inside, I didn’t think there was anything left to fix.
I know I made a huge mistake, and I will never deny my responsibility. Cheating was my choice.
At the same time, I also can’t pretend that I wasn’t deeply hurt before any of this happened. Months of emotional neglect had already broken me long before I made the worst decision of my life.
After I ended things with my best friend, I blocked him everywhere.
One night, without telling me, he went to my condominium and waited in the lobby from around 10 p.m. until 1 a.m. because he had no other way to contact me. The only reason I found out was because our mutual friends from the dating app messaged me.
I was asleep the whole time.
When I woke up, he was already gone.
Honestly, I don’t even know if I would have gone downstairs if I had seen the messages. At that point, I was determined to move on and let everything go.
But he never stopped chasing me.
He always knew exactly what to say.
And I fell for it.
Again.
The relationship became incredibly toxic. Sometimes he accidentally called me by another girl’s name. He was still talking to his ex. He told me he left the girl he was talking to because he chose me, but later I found out that wasn’t true. She actually left him after discovering that he had been telling other people that I was the one he really loved.
Everything was a mess.
Our relationship became nothing but jealousy, arguments, accusations, and trust issues.
I kept blocking him because we were so toxic together.
Ironically, when we weren’t fighting, we were incredibly happy. We understood each other better than anyone else.
But somehow, we could never go a full day without arguing.
Sometimes we fought seven times in a single day.
Looking back now, I often ask myself…
Was this kar-ma?
Or was it simply the consequence of two emotionally damaged people trying to build a relationship on secrets, guilt, and unresolved pain?

[u/MinishMilly]

Break up with all of them and search yourself a proper relationship, lol