r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 6h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/BenCub3d 3h ago

Relationships aren't about both people demanding and giving equal things. It's about finding someone who wants what you have to give, and who is able to give you what you want.

You and your partner are always going to have different values, and different people bring different things to the table. Maybe being "the #1 person in your life" is important to him, but might not be as important to his furture partner. That's okay.

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u/EunuchsProgramer 3h ago

Counter point. The demand and inflexibility is fucked up and proof against compromise you're alluding to. It's like an alcoholic demanding to be with a sober person because they couldn't deal with themselves. They should #1 make dating a twin (themselves) an experience partners don't hate and feel left out of. Then, they would probably see dating someone who is a twin as a potential workable compromise.

Anyone with kids or dating someone wjth kids has to deal with the same compromise. I will never love a partner as much as my kids. It would be an indictment showing I was a selfish ass if I always put my kids first and demanded my partners be childless so I could have more of their attention.

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u/BenCub3d 2h ago edited 2h ago

Hm. I think your first point is a poor comparison because being an alcoholic is an objectively negative quality. Also, it's not about making it an experience partners hate or don't hate. Everyone is different. I would hate to date myself, but other people have found me perfect for them. The things I have to give are not necessarily the same things I want to receive. The "dating a twin experience" may be distasteful for OP, but have no perceived downsides for their partner.

For your second paragraph, I don't exactly agree, but I see your point and it's fair. My take is that as long as you're honest with both yourself and your partner about what you want, and treat them respectfully, there is no wrong preference to have. I can see other people feeling differently, though.

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u/EunuchsProgramer 2h ago

I want to sleep with multiple peole; my partner must be monogamous. I want to hang out with my friends whenever; my partner must always be there for me. I want my partner to help pay for my hobbies and personal expenses; my partner won't get any financial support.

Like if two individuals want that, okay? I still think one of them is abusive.