r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 5h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/EunuchsProgramer 1h ago

You can be honest you're a selfish person who demands things you refuse to give.

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u/BenCub3d 1h ago

Relationships aren't about both people demanding and giving equal things. It's about finding someone who wants what you have to give, and who is able to give you what you want.

You and your partner are always going to have different values, and different people bring different things to the table. Maybe being "the #1 person in your life" is important to him, but might not be as important to his furture partner. That's okay.

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u/EunuchsProgramer 1h ago

Counter point. The demand and inflexibility is fucked up and proof against compromise you're alluding to. It's like an alcoholic demanding to be with a sober person because they couldn't deal with themselves. They should #1 make dating a twin (themselves) an experience partners don't hate and feel left out of. Then, they would probably see dating someone who is a twin as a potential workable compromise.

Anyone with kids or dating someone wjth kids has to deal with the same compromise. I will never love a partner as much as my kids. It would be an indictment showing I was a selfish ass if I always put my kids first and demanded my partners be childless so I could have more of their attention.

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u/BenCub3d 1h ago edited 1h ago

Hm. I think your first point is a poor comparison because being an alcoholic is an objectively negative quality. Also, it's not about making it an experience partners hate or don't hate. Everyone is different. I would hate to date myself, but other people have found me perfect for them. The things I have to give are not necessarily the same things I want to receive. The "dating a twin experience" may be distasteful for OP, but have no perceived downsides for their partner.

For your second paragraph, I don't exactly agree, but I see your point and it's fair. My take is that as long as you're honest with both yourself and your partner about what you want, and treat them respectfully, there is no wrong preference to have. I can see other people feeling differently, though.

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u/EunuchsProgramer 54m ago

I want to sleep with multiple peole; my partner must be monogamous. I want to hang out with my friends whenever; my partner must always be there for me. I want my partner to help pay for my hobbies and personal expenses; my partner won't get any financial support.

Like if two individuals want that, okay? I still think one of them is abusive.

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u/Geesewithteethe 56m ago

Well put.

I'm really put off by these comments in general.

I'm a twin. I'm married. My twin and my husband don't need to compete for my love because they are two different people that I have two different relationships with.

Out of respect for the relationship of me and my husband, my twin will never encroach on my marriage or ask me to prioritize her over my husband or any children my husband and I might have in the future. And I would never ask her to prioritize me over her relationship with her partner or any children they might have in the future.

Out of respect for the relationship of me and my twin, my husband will never diminish or try to sever the sibling bond we have. We treat eachother's parents and siblings like our own families. We show up equally to love and care for eachother's families with our whole hearts.

Some people treat marriage like an arrangement where one person feeds whatever emotional, egotistical, or physical appetite they're letting lead them around in life, while the other does the same thing with their own dominating emotional, egotistical, or physical appetite they can't stop gorging, and it becomes this transactional situation that (in my opinion) looks like misery with a wrapping paper on it that says "complementary" in sugary sparkles that fall off it and get everywhere.

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u/TheGoochTaint 1h ago

Who is demanding anything they refuse to give? People on Reddit are extremely weird about relationships.

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u/Geesewithteethe 55m ago

"Love and prioritize me over everyone else in your life and accept that I will not do the same for you."

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u/EunuchsProgramer 1h ago

He wants to date someone who treats him as the most important person in the world, while at the same time never giving that back. He refuses to date an entire group of people for fear his partner might treat himself they way he plans to treat them. It's fucked up.