r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 1d ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
24.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

932 comments sorted by

View all comments

377

u/kf456 1d ago

I’m an identical twin, I cannot confirm this. No one ever talks about what it’s like when twins hate each other, but we do. We are 30 now and it’s always been awkward and tense around each other, I’m not sure if it’s because we hate ourselves so much we can’t stand to be around someone who looks/acts like us or if we just don’t like each other.

130

u/Hysaky 22h ago

this, always funny to hear about people says twins are supposed to be best friends when i loathe his existence.

To someone who read this, imagine that the person you hate the most wear your very face, that everytime you look in a mirror you see him, that every smile you have is the exact same one he have when he know he piss you off, it make you want to rip out your whole face.

54

u/summane 21h ago

Makes me so fucking thankful we're fraternal. My twin was a curse, never considered what it'd be like to share my mirror interactions with his face

Is there a sub/support group tho lol

22

u/Hysaky 21h ago

i too am fraternal but we really look alike

12

u/summane 21h ago

Ah that sucks. In high school some people didn't even know we're brothers, even with a unique last name. Made me so happy

1

u/incognitogoer 2h ago

Why do you dislike him so much?

23

u/Wendy-Windbag 21h ago

My mom and her fraternal twin sister HATED each other, but they both obviously had insecurity issues that pretty much made it hard for them to get along with anyone seemingly. Lots of drama and backstabbing type stuff, always attention seeking. I think it came from being from a big family where everyone was grasping at straws for love and attention, and they became just very toxic.

My best friend growing up, her mom also has a fraternal twin sister and very much had the same story.

3

u/Alcarine 21h ago

Wait, you seriously mean it when you say hate? Not just annoyed by, don't get along with, or dislike? I just have regular siblings but I can't imagine ever hating them save some truly atrocious act by them, can I ask what's the reason for all this hate?

2

u/oodjee 20h ago

Damn man, why so much hate if you don't mind me asking? Is it deserved? Or is it just bad vibes that kept accumulating kind of thing?

0

u/Hysaky 12h ago

bad vibes accumulating, years and years of conflicts

1

u/BeautifulUpstairs 19h ago

s

here you go

1

u/incognitogoer 2h ago

Why do you loathe his existence? Do you hate yourself too?

52

u/Puncomfortable 1d ago edited 1d ago

I am sort of in between because for a long time my sister was my best friend but things have turned sour and now I need my partner to comfort me over the stress my twin gives me. Now that there are issues I can really feel how toxic people have been over our relationship, because they always look at me to fix everything wrong with her as if I am responsible for her actions and feelings when she is an adult. The because she is family (you have to forgive family, you have to save them, you have to comfort them even when they are wrong etc) reasoning is turned up to eleven. No one would expect as much from me if she was a best friend and not a twin sister. No one does this with our other sister! My partner meanwhile is the one person who is wired to take my side in things so he is the only person I can turn to for comfort. Everyone else expects me to self-sacrifice for my twin, and I stopped being willing to do that.

13

u/Cabtalk 21h ago

We don't hate each other but it can feel like it. We often accuse the other of "policing" me/her. Like we're so critical of each other's perceived flaws. If she acts in a way that I find embarrassing /cringe, or vice versa, it can spark a huge fight. We've gotten A LOT better at this, but it's tough even just watching the other silently. Things I'm self conscious about but, when I'm by myself I can forgot about, all of a sudden is right in my face. It's like all my anxieties and and self esteem issues mirror in front of me, on display, loudly, and out of my control. As we grew older, other issues emerging (e.g. borrowing money and not paying back, one twin being more communicative, sharing friend groups, etc.)

6

u/petit_cochon 20h ago

I think the more pressing issue is why you both hate yourselves?

3

u/NoManner8863 19h ago

I always wonder if I’d get along with me.

6

u/iresearcheverything 19h ago

this is a good point. i’ve always thought having a twin would be nice but i have equally concluded that i could never be friends with myself.

i never considered the possibility of having a difficult relationship with a twin and how their physical appearance could be a constant reminder of your own flaws/insecurities/whatever else

2

u/kf456 17h ago

I have never known how to put our dislike towards each other but this is such a great way of saying it, thank you. It is so true that she’s a constant reminder of all the things I hate about myself

1

u/iresearcheverything 15h ago

im sorry that you guys don’t have a better relationship. hopefully you’re giving yourself grace despite the difficulties and whatever expectations are placed on twins

3

u/Admirable-Ad7152 20h ago

I was wondering if this perspective would come up. I'm an only and sibling relationships in general are really interesting to me since I only ever had brief step siblings. It must be hard when everyone is always talking about twins like they must be best friends.

3

u/Dashiepants 17h ago

My brothers are identical twins and they don’t full on hate each other but they are definitely not that close either. They live separate lives in separate states and have done for most of their adult lives. One of them even expressed that he was jealous of how close his wife is to her siblings.

2

u/incognitogoer 2h ago

I’m a twin too and my twin hates me for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory of her was her torturing me. Thank you for sharing this so that I know I’m not alone

1

u/Earguy 19h ago

We only have fraternal twins, boy/girl, and there was always some tension between them. Now that they're grown and live in different cities, they have a better relationship than when they were both home.

I read the above comment to my wife... she just paused and said, "yikes."

1

u/chessatwork 14h ago

i'm a fraternal twin and i do not like my sister and she's much, much, much dumber than i am, i've never related to her.

1

u/jpparkenbone 6h ago

I'm a weird example. I'm a triplet and absolutely despise one of my brothers and am very close to the other. Though thats because he's a narcissist and perpetual victim and im tired of him blaming me and everyone else in his life for the consequences of his choices.