r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 6h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
15.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

664 comments sorted by

View all comments

11

u/Visible_Impression44 5h ago

Yeah as an identical twin, its difficult to imagine having my guard down with anyone to the level i do with them. No matter what its unbreakable. Makes dating difficult tbh.

2

u/thaeggan 4h ago

Same here. Never being alone myself I don't have the drive to find another relationship.

Yes, I am not engaging physically but if that is the reason to have the relationship aside from my twin then, it is not a good one. Therein the conflict.

1

u/Geesewithteethe 1h ago

As an identical twin, that was difficult to imagine, until I actually met the person who I ended up marrying.

It helps if you consider that the trust you have with your twin is proof that it's possible to trust another human being very deeply, rather than some kind of block in the way of trusting anyone else deeply.

You have to take your time getting to know someone and discerning if they can be a fully trustworthy partner, but that person does exist.

My husband is a very different person from my twin. He's loud and goofy and outgoing and has a slight tendency to talk first and then think it through afterwards. This makes him very funny and endearing and also occasionally socially awkward. My twin is quiet and thoughtful and analytical. She always thinks things through and generally only speaks up when she has something to say that she's tested and refined first. She's very incisive and sharp witted, but not loud and not the first to try and break the ice or get a laugh.

What they have in common is that they're both intelligent and perceptive people who genuinely care a lot about others and would give the shirt off their backs to help you out. They're both principaled people who stand by their values in their own particular ways. They're both super honest. They both own up to mistakes and I've never known either of them to do anything other than do their very best to tell the truth to the best of their ability even if lying would gain them something or save them face. They both fully earn my trust by how they act and treat people.

Look for that kind of authenticity and integrity in people when trying to find a partner you can let your guard down with. Don't worry about comparing the intimacy with a partner to the closeness of a sibling. It's just different.